In Search of Answers
“Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise.” (James 5:13)
I struggled with prayer most of my life. I wanted to build a relationship and be nearer to God. I would hear others talk about their prayer lives and how they heard God’s voice and their walk with Him. But when it was time for me to pray, there was an awkwardness. I never knew what to say. What words to use. How to express my thoughts.
The fact is that God was a stranger to me. I had heard about Him from birth. I had accepted Jesus in my life at twelve, but I had never formed a personal relationship with Him yet. I’ve come to realize there are many individuals like me. They also want to have an intimate relationship with God, but they struggle with prayer.
It is helpful to think of your early attempts at prayer as a conversation you would have with someone you just met. Naturally, you will feel awkward—you don’t know God yet. Not yet in a deep and personal way.
You must take the time to push through the initial awkwardness and meet with God regularly. Only time and practice allow you to develop a more intimate relationship. An enduring relationship that is deep and will maintain you through life’s storms. A relationship that comforts you during life’s darkest moments and reminds you are not alone and that you have a friend who will never leave you. Getting to this point in your relationship with God will take time and intentional effort.
Here are some fundamental points you should reflect on as you develop and strengthen your prayer life.
What Prayer Is
Prayer is a conversation between you and God.
This statement sounds straightforward on the surface. But when you first start praying, it can feel like a monologue. After all, you are the one doing all the talking while still waiting for responses. Or are you?
It’s easy to overlook God’s voice (reply) because He doesn’t always respond instantly or in the way we expected. You might pray about money worries only to find twenty dollars a day or two later when you are out walking. At that moment, you may have forgotten about your prayer.
Perhaps you pray about a family member’s impending surgery and fail to consider her speedy recovery. These are answered prayers. You simply aren’t aware of them.
Start your talks, your prayer time, with God by asking Him to open your eyes to see how He works in your life and the lives of those around you. Ask that the Holy Spirit remind you and make you aware of all the answered prayers around you.
I find it helpful to use a prayer list, recording who and what I am praying for. Create a list for yourself; make sure to add the date to your prayers. Later, you’ll be able to look back and see how God has answered every request you’ve made.
Every Prayer Is Answered
You can’t presume your prayer is unanswered if God does not give you what you have prayed about. God answers His children’s prayers. Every prayer is answered. Your prayers may be answered differently than you want or in your timeline.
You may pray that a child’s illness is cured. God may answer your prayer only after your child has been ill for five, ten, or even twenty years.
This is where struggling with prayer comes in. Doubts will distract you. You may ask, “What is the point of prayer if I don’t get what I want when I want it?”
God Is Not a Vending Machine
It is disheartening, but some Christians believe that praying to God is like using a vending machine. You put in the correct amount, select the item you want, and, voila, the vending machine spits out the thing you paid for. Christians believe that if you say the correct words at the right time, then poof, God will grant your desire!
The problem with this way of thinking is that prayer is about forming a relationship with the great Creator of Heaven and Earth. The One who knit every one of your cells together and knows you more deeply than you know yourself (Psalm 139:13–14).
In a healthy relationship, you have the freedom to say “yes” or “no” to someone’s request. You can say “yes” if you want to cook dinner this evening or “no” if you want to go out for dinner.
You have the gift of free choice. Yet many Christians can’t understand how this same freedom should be applied within their relationship with God. They believe God’s every answer to their prayers should be an instant and automatic “yes.”
When you are always expecting God to do what you want, when you want, and how you want, you’re not seeking a relationship with Him. You’re seeking a transaction. This way of thinking is treacherous and creates space for disappointment and disillusionment.
God’s Will Prevails
Accepting God’s will can be challenging, especially when praying for something you believe heeds His will and is based on Scripture. You know you are not coming to God with your request as you would approach a vending machine. You understand the reality that God maintains the free will to say “no” to your request.
You may ask God to mend your relationship with your spouse or deliver your child from addiction. Maybe you are begging Him to heal your sister from a devasting illness.
Years or even decades may pass without God replying “yes” to your prayer request. God may have many reasons for denying you what you are asking for.
It could be to grow your faith, as He did with Joseph. At the end of more than a decade of hardship, Joseph was able to proclaim confidently, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (Genesis 50:20).
It could also be that God has already said “yes,” but His timing is different than yours. Elizabeth, John the Baptist’s mother, longed to have a child. But it wasn’t until she was much older that God blessed her with her wish.
The delay had nothing to do with Elizabeth or her wish and everything to do with the timing of her request. God intended to use John the Baptist to go before the Messiah (Luke 1:17).
Regardless of how God answers your prayers, you can rest confident in one thing. God will always do what’s best for you, as in Romans 8:28.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Why Pray?
At this point, you may be thinking, why should you pray when God will do what He knows is best and work everything out for your good? There’s no real point in the conversation.
In Isaiah 38:1–8, Hezekiah had become deathly sick when the prophet Isaiah came to him and told him that the Lord was telling him it was time to set his affairs in order.
“Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, and said ‘Please, O Lord, remember how I have walked before you in faithfulness and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in your sight.’ And Hezekiah wept bitterly.” (Isaiah 38:2–3)
Then the Lord sends another message to Hezekiah. This time he is told God has heard his weeping, and fifteen years have been added to his life.
The story of Hezekiah and his prayer proves that prayers can sway God. God may have a specific plan, but your prayers may persuade Him to choose a different one.
No one can know the mind of God. It’s simply too vast to contemplate. But repeatedly, the Scripture shows that God can and does adjust His plan based on the requests of His beloved children (that means you!)
Prayer Is a Conversation
A conversation is a way to share. Perhaps you share with your spouse how your day went. Or share with a friend an argument you had with a co-worker or an amusing anecdote that took place at school.
Prayer is a conversation. Start your prayer with sharing. Share with God about your day. Share with Him the good and bad. Ask Him for your needs. Ask for wisdom to deal with a situation. Or perhaps you need strength to continue to deal with a family member who is ill.
When you start to pray, it may feel as though God is not listening to you. There may be a great silence that you are tempted to believe God has turned a deaf ear or forgotten you.
Are you not silent when listening to someone speaking to you? Do you not wait until the person has finished what they have to say?
Your silence does not mean that you are ignoring the other person or have forgotten them. Your silence is only a show of your respect while listening to them speak.
It is the same with God. What you think as His silence is God patiently leaning in to hear your words. He is delighted to hear your voice and loves to listen to you speak.
God Is Not a Passive Listener
As your prayer life develops and matures, you will witness how God responds to your requests. David writes about God’s answers to his cries in Psalm 18.
“In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.” (Psalm 18:6)
David writes about how his prayers and cries reached God’s ears. And then goes on to talk about God’s response, “...he was angry. Smoke went up from his nostrils, and devouring fire from his mouth; glowing coals flamed forth from him” (Psalm 18:7b–8). God was furious on David’s behalf.
It’s easy to think that God is passively listening to your prayers and not doing anything about your requests. Yet Psalm 18 is a fantastic reminder that God is anything but passive. He is a God of action.
Be rest assured that when you pray, your prayers are not dismissed. God listens to every word you speak, and He will act on your behalf.
When Prayer Becomes Difficult
There will be days when your heart is too broken to pray. When life has knocked you down, you think you will never rise again. What do you do on those days? When words escape you.
During these times, it is good to remember Romans 8:26, which says, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
When the pain is deep, and the waves of anguish continue to batter your heart, know this: the Holy Spirit that lives within you as a child of God is interceding on your behalf. The Holy Spirit is praying for you.
The Holy Spirit, at this moment, is communing with the Father, sharing your sharpest pain and deepest longings. He knows exactly what you need even when you are silent and pleads on your behalf.
I have found that during those dark times when words escape me, I repeat the name of God. Like a child who cries for their Father, repeating His name repeatedly.
In scripture, we read about the beggar or sick who called out to Jesus from the side of the road. Each time the needy and weak called out, Jesus stopped.
He stopped whatever He was doing and listened to those who needed Him the most. He was never too busy to hear and heal.
Pray Boldly
When you pray to God, do so boldly. Come into His presence with confidence. Enter His throne room, knowing that you are His beloved child—approach God as an heir.
Paul instructed the children of God in Hebrews 4:16, “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Not only must you approach confidently, but your prayers should be filled with confidence. Phillip Brooks said, “Pray the largest prayers. You cannot think a prayer so large that God, in answering it, will not wish you had made it larger. Pray not for crutches but for wings.”
Prayer is a conversation. A deep and intimate conversation with God has the power to change you, change the situation you are in, and even change the world. But more importantly—more than the results or changes you see—it’s the beginning of a deep and lasting relationship with the God who created you. That is worth everything.
