Introduction
No one person or book can tell you what’s right for you,
and magically all problems are solved. You are the one
who lives your life each day and feels the way you feel. Oth-
ers can’t know what you feel inside, and even if you express
it completely, it’s still up to you to decide what you will do.
Self-help books that tell you ‘how’ – including this one –
are general for everyone. Basic principles of mental health
counseling are effective, but it’s up to you to choose what’s
important and apply it to your life.
I wrote this book to give you information and skills you
can use on your own and tell you when you should see
a counselor. If you make an appointment with a counsel-
or, these kernels will help you gain the most, including
ways to determine if a particular counselor is right for you.
(Counselor, as used in this book include the degrees and
licenses as listed in the Appendix).
Along with my experience as a counselor, I was inspired
by my Midwest farmer relatives who raised corn. I use them
as examples of mental health principles by the way they
lived and are a part of how I view mental health counseling.
These kernels may be all you need to help anxiety, de-
pression, or other worries. They might prompt you to want
more information from the sources listed in the bibliogra-
phy, or to make an appointment with a counselor.
Counseling is like that. There is no one path in counsel-
ing that fits everyone. One session may be all you need, or
it might take two years. You can read one chapter in this
book, then skip to another in any order. In a counseling
session, and in this book, there may be one thing you learn
that helps you in your life. I’m glad you’re giving it a try.
I focused on the most common discomforts for people who seek counseling, anxiety, depression symptoms, anger, scary or negative thoughts, guilt, worry, direction in life, and motivation.
I do not include complex trauma,
gender identity issues, addictions, or any type of abuse
with the inherent trauma these events cause. All of these
issues will need professional help.
It is my intent to provide information, skills and tech-
niques you can use, and to advise you when it’s important
to make an appointment with a licensed therapist.
You can consume the whole book, or just take a few ker-
nels, but if you are reading this far, you’ve got a taste!
Chapter 1
Control
Ask the Question:
Is this (situation, person, job) under my control, or not?
If so, what part of it IS under my control, and what IS NOT.
The following list of rules provides a framework to guide
you as you apply the principle of control in your life. The
list is simple to apply to any situation and encourages
your next action.
(Stuart & Liebernem – Bibliography)
Rule 1 - Do not take responsibility for things
you cannot control.
(Epictetus A Manual for Living. – Bibliography)
Examples: I can’t control the weather. I can’t control the
traffic. I can’t control procedures at work if I’m not the
owner. If I let these concerns take over, I’m experiencing
extra stress over something that’s out of my control.
Rule 2 - Take care of yourself, or you can’t take
care of anyone else.
This does not mean you are selfish. It means you have the...
