The lack of morality, particularly sexual morality, in our country, has reached a new low in modern American society. The explosive sexual revolution of the 1960s, although likely a necessary step in human evolution, has now gone as far in the opposite direction from traditional mores as is humanly possible.

Today, sex is looked upon as nothing more than another bodily function; no more important or special than eating a sandwich. The trivialization of physical intimacy and the loss of basic decency has become destructive and harmful, especially to our children and teenagers.

Sometimes it seems like we are living in a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah where we have very few moral boundaries. What would have been considered outrageous and immoral a few years ago, is now trending on social media. Movie stars like the Kardashians become rich and famous because of a sex tape. Drag Queen story hour is popular for preschool-age children in libraries all across the country.

In his August 26th, 2021 column for TownHall.com, Armstrong Williams opines that “The great American experiment is failing right before our eyes, and the worst part is that we are doing it to ourselves. I have no objection to what someone wishes to do themselves, but why involve children in it?”

Does it ever bother you that we live in such a vulgar society? Have you ever been disgusted and offended by the constant barrage of sexual images everywhere you look?

Did you ever think that sex should be more private and meaningful than it is in American culture today? Have you ever yearned for the innocence of days gone by when modesty, honor, and respect were the norms?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this book describes a breakthrough approach to sexual morality, one based on self-respect, mindfulness, and relationship intelligence.

Besides abstaining from sex for practical reasons (pregnancy, disease), there is a much more far-reaching reason to wait for marriage -- physical intimacy too soon in a relationship becomes a substitute for emotional intimacy and actually thwarts the development of holistic intimacy (mind, soul, and body).

Now, I’m not saying that if you jumped levels and had sex before establishing emotional intimacy, all is lost. What I am saying is that delaying physical intimacy until you get to know your partner on other levels, makes it easier and helps you avoid a myriad of troublesome and painful outcomes

For more information on how to achieve holistic intimacy “after the act,” see the section: “What if we’ve already had sex?” in Chapter 6.

Moral Relativism:

Several generations of young people are being taught that morality is nothing more than a personal opinion or preference. Professor Justin McBrayer penned an Op-Ed in the New York Times in 2015 entitled “Why Our Children Don’t Think There Are Moral Facts,” in which he opines that our children are not being taught basic right and wrong values in school anymore.

Instead, they are taught that every value claim, even the most heinous of evils, is labeled as an opinion. An example of moral relativism is the killing of Jews in Nazi Germany. The Nazis thought killing Jews was the right thing to do. Therefore, there is no way to know for sure whether it was wrong; it’s the Nazis’ opinion against that of the Jewish people and anyone else who might object.

Instead of being guided by a moral code higher than themselves like our Founding Fathers were, children today are taught to rely on their feelings to determine how to behave. Instead of being given moral guidance, children are asked, “How do you feel about it?”1

This is “moral relativism,” the idea that there are no absolute rules to determine whether something is right or wrong. The opposite of moral relativism is moral absolutism or universal morality. This is the belief that certain actions are either right or wrong regardless of the context or act. Many religions refer to moral absolutism as “natural law” and believe that it is inherent in human nature, can be understood through simple reasoning, and applies to all humans in the same way.

Our Founding Fathers separated church from state, but they wisely did not separate God from the state. They acknowledged God as the source of our rights, and, in fact, they were careful to place Biblical morality directly into our founding documents and laws, and into our values and culture precisely to help prevent a future of totalitarian or tyrannical rule in America.

The combination of keeping Judeo-Christian religious morality in the state, as opposed to the church itself; and, additionally, setting up our laws based on reason and common sense has contributed to the American character, and to what is known as "American Exceptionalism.”2 This great American experiment in forming a decent and moral society has been the most successful in human history, and yet today this experiment is in danger of falling into decay.

Delaying the sexual experience until emotional intimacy has developed prevents devastating heartbreak and loss, reduces divorce rates, and increases your chances for a successful, life-long relationship. Stop! In the Name of Love presents evidence that getting to know your partner prior to physical intimacy also protects children and increases the odds they will grow up healthy and happy.

Moreover, Stop! in the Name of Love demonstrates why making sure every child has a mother and a father in his or her life prevents a myriad of societal and family problems including crime, school dropouts, drug addiction, and self-destruction.

Establishing a mind, heart, and soul connection first actually raises the sexual experience to a higher level. Physical intimacy then becomes the culmination of a holistic love (mind, body, and soul) that has developed over time.

Instead of returning to the cultural mores of yesteryear when sex was considered sinful and a corrupting force, Stop! in the Name of Love, proposes that the appropriate premise we need to embrace is the polar opposite of the age-old “sex is sinful” dogma. Instead, we need to understand that sex is sacred when we give it the magnitude it deserves, and thus keep it private and meaningful between married couples, who have developed holistic intimacy over time.

Sex Education in our country has historically been inappropriate for younger children and ineffective for teens and young adults. In Chapter 5 on Sexual Education, I describe the inadequacies of abstinence-based sex ed and suggest a different approach to helping our children understand the importance of reserving sex for a caring relationship and a committed marriage.

Once the reader of Stop! in the Name of Love understands the advantages of saving sex for marriage and decides to adopt that philosophy as their own, the book provides practical advice about dating with that intent and even offers tips for the effective language to use when explaining one’s goals to a potential romantic partner.

There is a whole section in the book on “Dating with a Plan.” There are helpful suggestions for couples who did not save sex for marriage and who want to develop a more holistic intimacy. Although challenging, this is not insurmountable; and can preserve a marriage -- even one that is already on the rocks (See Chapter 6).

Given the depraved state of our current society, all of this may sound lofty and unrealistic. However, I believe we humans are ready (and overdue) for such a quantum evolutionary leap. Instead of just another bodily function, sex can be a wondrous experience, the coming together of emotional and physical intimacy, and the union of two human beings. This is real or holistic intimacy and the ascension of humanity on a spiritual level.

Stop! in the Name of Love also contains several chapters on parenting, including one on practical and specific advice on how to protect our children from the hyper-sexualized society in which we currently live. As we teach our teenagers how to elevate the sexual experience from the mundane to the sacred, I believe we will find ourselves living in a gentler and more peaceful society -- one that raises its children to believe that true love joyfully waits.

Update:

When I wrote the first edition of this book back in 2013, I considered myself a spiritual person, but not a religious one. I had been raised in the Catholic Church where I was schooled by a very strict order of Felician nuns, who had arrived in America from Poland in the mid-1950s. They did not believe in “sparing the rod or spoiling the child” to put it mildly.

This was before the addition of teacher aides or parents volunteering in the classroom. One Sister had to educate and discipline a crowded classroom of 50+ children. Most were experts in exercising stern control and swift punishment for any disobedience. A wrap on the knuckles with that wooden stick with the rubber point she carried around not only made a painful impression on the recipient but served as a warning for the rest of our classmates watching in dread.

After our mother died when I was 16, our Dad grew more lenient in insisting we attend Mass, and I had already started drifting away from the Church and most of its teachings. As a young adult of the hippie persuasion, I wasn’t even sure I believed in a God who had taken our Mom away when her 3 kids were confused teenagers and needed her most.

I had read George Orwell’s 1984 in my sophomore year in high school, and that book left a strong impression that would only increase as I matured and went on to college. I began to question everything and everyone, especially those in authority including our government. I started to suspect that we might have been lied to, not only about social issues, but also about geopolitical events such as the assassination of President Kennedy, which happened when I was only 14.

I became a blank slate as far as religion was concerned. In my early 20s, I raised my firstborn child to be kind and responsible, but with no formal religious instruction, believing it was better to let her decide for herself when she was old enough. However, I was drawn to spirituality, studied philosophy and humanities in college, and I loved the idea that we each have a higher power, but I had left my Catholic upbringing far behind.

As time passed, and my second husband and I were raising our five adopted children, I began to understand that our kids needed some basic education about God, the Bible, and especially learning right from wrong.

I chose a non-denominational church in the Bay Area of Northern California where we were living at the time, and we started attending The Unity Center as much for me as for them. Their Dad attended on holidays and special occasions, but every Sunday, it was me attending the service and our children in Sunday school.

That was over 15 years ago now, and our six children are all adults. Yes, all six have had many obstacles to overcome, and our adopted five continue to experience life-changing challenges. However, I am proud to say that today, all six children are loving, kind, and responsible adults, living on their own and functioning well.

2020 - 2023 have been tumultuous and difficult years for all of us, and I am no exception. My sister and I lost our beloved older brother in December of 2020, and I myself had a brush with death later that month. I was very fortunate that my son and daughters, my younger sister, and their husbands and wives came to my rescue and literally saved my life.

Then, in April of 2021, I had an experience that changed the entire trajectory of my life. I was staying with my eldest daughter, her husband, and their four children, a very nurturing and healing environment for me – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It was early April, and Easter was approaching.

I started reflecting on all the Easters of my childhood, and how we were introduced to Jesus Christ’s crucifixion: The interior of our church in the small New Jersey town I grew up in, was surrounded by realistic, detailed, full-color paintings of Jesus’ torture and death on the Cross.

The Catholic Stations of the Cross are a series of 14 pictures or carvings which depict Jesus of Nazareth on the day of his crucifixion. The first station is the condemning to death of Jesus by Roman Governor Pontius Pilate. Then, the next 13 Stations portray the events that led up to him being nailed to the cross -- the three times he fell under the weight of the heavy wooden cross they made him bear, his death on the cross, and His following entombment.3

In our little church, the life-like images and their accompanying prayers were mounted on the inside walls encircling the church pews. I have vivid memories of “Praying the Stations of the Cross” on every Good Friday from the age of about 7 through 8th Grade – age 13 when I graduated from Catholic school.

Even as a small child, I was a sensitive soul, and I remember being horrified by the scenes in the pictures. At first, those pictures of torture and death were traumatic. Over the years though, having to say a prayer at each bloody station every Easter, became routine, and I became de-sensitized to the tragedy of it all.

Then, during Holy Week 2021 (the Monday through Saturday before Easter Sunday), my daughter asked me if I had ever watched Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ starring Jim Caviezel, a movie first released in 2004. No, I hadn’t watched many movies these past few years, especially not “religious” movies. So, I downloaded the movie to my Kindle device and watched it. I was immediately drawn in.

Here was the Jesus of my childhood! I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Jim Caviezel played the role with such sincerity – it was so real the way he got completely immersed in portraying the terrible suffering of Jesus’ tortuous “passion” and crucifixion.

I experienced a total transformation while watching that film. I saw the man, Jesus, as a living, suffering human like the rest of us, but I also saw his divinity as a leader and a healer. He was the Jesus I had prayed to as a little girl. 

All the positive teachings I had experienced as a Catholic child came rushing back to me. The precise Moment that was the epiphany I experienced, was the scene in the movie where Simon of Cyrene (brilliantly played by Jarrett J. Merz) is ordered by the Roman soldiers to help Jesus carry his cross because Jesus was so badly injured, weak from the loss of blood, and constantly falling under the cross’ tremendous weight.

At first, Simon is angry at being singled out to take the burden from this condemned man, but then he looks into Jesus’ eyes and sees the incredible suffering and pain of this brutally injured human being.

 Simon, with tears in his eyes, begins to talk softly and compassionately to Jesus, gently asking him to shift the cross over to him so he can carry it the rest of the way up the hill to Calvary with Jesus stumbling along in front of him. (Matthew 27:32; Mark 15:21; Luke 23:26.) That scene so melted my heart and filled me with such sadness for man’s inhumanity to man, that I collapsed in tears and knew I would never be the same again.

I re-kindled the personal relationship I had had with Jesus as a young child on that Good Friday, 2021. On the following day, Holy Saturday, I decided to accept Jesus as my Savior and to dedicate the rest of my life to God’s Will. I prayed that night with more fervor than ever before, as I asked God and his Son, Jesus, to show me what to do.

As Resurrection Sunday dawned, I arose too. I rose and asked Jesus to show me my true purpose and to direct my life for the good of mankind and God’s holy plan. Since that day, everything in my life has transformed. I feel the Lord’s presence and light in me every day. I talk with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit daily, and I read and understand the Bible like never before.

As I re-launch this book, I am revising and expanding it a little to include my newfound faith and my belief in Judeo-Christian values. I now know the meaning of “I came to Jesus,” and I understand that we are God’s chosen people if we want to be. We the people are truly the “Body of Christ.” 

I wanted to update my readers on this important event in my life and let you know that I have embraced Christian values. However, this is not a religious book by any means. I am reaching out to those of all faiths and creeds including those of you who may be questioning, lapsed in faith, or even atheist. My intention is to convince you that saving sex for marriage -- no matter what your belief system may be -- is so much more rewarding, satisfying, and healthy for all couples and the children they bring into our world.

“There’s a place in your heart where nobody’s been…

               Take me there.”

                                                             ~ Rascal Flatts