CONTENT GUIDANCE: This book explores aspects of mental health challenges and contains depictions of self-harm, physical and sexual abuse. These aspects may be difficult for some readers. Please read with care.
From the author of the poetry journey, The Shaping of a Diamond, comes a new compilation which covers the different realms of every day life. This compilation picks up where her last book left off in some ways, but is on its own a standalone book, so you do not have to know the story of one to appreciate the other. Desiree Batiste has created both a reality and an escape from reality within the pages of Shimmering Brilliance. Even people who do not find poetry to usually be to their liking can find these raw and down-to-earth poems to be relatable. From adult/mental health themes, to self-esteem building, laughter, spirituality and more, Shimmering Brilliance is another journey through the realms of thought by Desiree Batiste, which is a pleasure to take with her. You won't regret time spent pouring over the pages, and find in the end that your shimmer has been with you all along. This is the inspiration anyone needs to stand proud and shine on!
CONTENT GUIDANCE: This book explores aspects of mental health challenges and contains depictions of self-harm, physical and sexual abuse. These aspects may be difficult for some readers. Please read with care.
From the author of the poetry journey, The Shaping of a Diamond, comes a new compilation which covers the different realms of every day life. This compilation picks up where her last book left off in some ways, but is on its own a standalone book, so you do not have to know the story of one to appreciate the other. Desiree Batiste has created both a reality and an escape from reality within the pages of Shimmering Brilliance. Even people who do not find poetry to usually be to their liking can find these raw and down-to-earth poems to be relatable. From adult/mental health themes, to self-esteem building, laughter, spirituality and more, Shimmering Brilliance is another journey through the realms of thought by Desiree Batiste, which is a pleasure to take with her. You won't regret time spent pouring over the pages, and find in the end that your shimmer has been with you all along. This is the inspiration anyone needs to stand proud and shine on!
Realm 1: Shadows of the Past
Itās true anyone who is healing from a traumatic past will still see the shadows of it looming in the distance somewhere. That is the perverse magic of PTSD ā like a time machine, it carries you back to these awful moments in time and it feels just like the first time. If you have read my first book, āThe Shaping of a Diamondā, then you will understand exactly what I am talking about. These poems cover some of those very shadows which have crossed my path from time to time. I know forgetting is never going to be an option, so now I just channel my feelings to this creative venue and at least try to make something beautiful or profound come out of my horrid experiences and memories. These seven realms I am about to take you on a journey through are the ones in which I spend most of my time every day. At the end of this first realm, if you find yourself relating to my words, then high-five time! We truly are in this together and you are not alone!
Closed Doors*
Ā
I grew up with apprehension
once I wasnāt someone sheād adore
Iād brace myself for the tension
each time she closed the door
Ā
Then the pastorās son
out looking to score
said the āgameā weād play would be fun
as he quickly closed the door
Ā
Being abused by my sonās father
until I could take no more
Worse always went farther
every time he closed the door
Ā
My first husband was evil
He almost killed me, as I lay on the floor
He moved out after his belongingās retrieval
while I was relieved that behind him, he closed the door
Ā
My third husband went to jail
his humanity, extremely poor
Every time he approached, I paled
praying he wasnāt about to close the door
Ā
After he left, he played mind games
trying to rekindle what I had felt before
but I knew things could never be the same
and had the courage to close the door
Ā
When I met my soulmate, I knew
Iād never felt this way before
and that I could start life anew
All I had to doā¦was close the door
Ā
*This poem was first printed in August of 2023 in āImspiredā magazine. It was featured in Issue 24 and the Volume 12 Print Edition which was released at the end of September 2023. Big thanks to Steve Cawte for helping me share it with the world!
Darkest Before the Dawn
Ā
The sunset of my childhood
marked the birth of adulthood
but as I held his hand
the shadows began to form
More and more of them
until I knew this was the sunset
of my own happiness
I lived in the darkness
with the beatings
the insults
the fornication
No matter whose
hand I held
the darkness only grew
A sentence of
20 years to life
was my punishment
for trying to love
the wrong men
Those who are
so damned that
they are undeserving
of anyoneās love
Then 2020 rolled around
and in the fall
hints of light
began to appear
His aura was so different
He was genuine with
his thoughts, feelings
and actions
As my love for him grew
the lock on my
self-made prison
sprung open
and the brightest
sunrise ever seen
filled my vision
My life since
has been filled
with mostly light
Shadows did try to
creep back in
like they always do
but it was just the sun
passing behind some
clouds, then bursting
back out, shining its
brilliance for all
to see
It is true
what they say
It is always darkest
before the dawn
Just never give up
and know that
your own
shimmering brilliance
is going to find you
and burn all
the darkness away
Evergreen
Ā
Such a basic tree
Ordinary but beautiful
A real-life reflection of myself
This tree of evergreen
Ā
Once upon a time, my only source of comfort
Itās been there my whole life
How many times I sought shade
Under the evergreen
Ā
When the days passed so fast
But the nights were so long
Iād miss the time Iād stolen away
Under the evergreen
Ā
Away from her piercing glare
Out of reach of her grasp
I knew that I was safe
Under the evergreen
Ā
Finally came the day
I got to leave that life behind
But I knew Iād never forget the solace found
Under the evergreen
Ā
So many years gone by
and I often catch myself asking
Is there now another broken girl sitting
Under the evergreen?
Ā
If its branches shielded me, they can protect you
It has a quiet wisdom
a way of helping you find answers
Under the evergreen
Ā
So daydream, in that park
Bask in the warmth of the sun
and treasure every moment spent
Under the evergreen
Invisible
Ā
Am I here?
Keep trying to grasp
onto something real
so I can tell that
Iām still alive
You just look
right through me
as if I were invisible
Perhaps I am
You donāt seem
to see the real me
smell my fear
feel my sadness
or taste my tears
Now Iām left wondering
whether Iāve disappeared
completely or
just from your care
your sight
your heart
How am I supposed
to know whatās real anymore
when your love
was the only constant
that Iāve believed in
all these years?
Please tell me
nothing has changed
and that you still
know my heart
belongs with yours
Nothing can separate us
unless something becomes
more important than
our love and comes
between us
As long as I
draw breath
nothing will take
the place of you
as my other half
Iāll always see
your beautiful eyes
and hope the next
time I check
theyāre looking at me,
not through me
It Should Have Been Her
Ā
Time passes
but with a vast difference
Sometimes you wish
a certain time could
last forever
and other times
wish for salvation
from the horrible moments
Yet, time is perverse
it speeds up happy moments
creating just a blur
and slows time
for that which we donāt
wish to experience
My hate-filled mother
for example
Why couldnāt she have
been the one that
passed away?
I carry sixteen years
of silent screams
Then, five years later
my father left this world
casting me into a sea
of morose nightmares
re-living how she killed him
with wet diamonds trailing
down my cheeks
He has now been gone
longer than he was here
with me
It should have been her
Twenty-three years was the cost
robbed of time that belonged to us
Twenty-three years of sorrow
nailed me down to the ground
Years she didnāt deserve
Death, how could you
make such an egregious error?
This irreversible painā¦
it should have been her
It should have been her
Never Home
Ā
It never felt like home
as an awkward child
so out of place
Ā
I used to dream about where Iād go
My imagination running wild
As tears streamed down my face
Ā
Bullies who taunted me
A house full of secrets
Darkness loomed in every corner
Ā
I can hear her hateful voice ā it still haunts me
but I left that behind with no regrets
Her funeral wonāt have a single mourner
Ā
The memories will always remain
They taint every inch of it well
I wish theyād vanish without a trace
Ā
Nearly drove me insane
The core of my own personal hell
My birthplace, Mesa
Ā
I will never go back
It holds now power over me
Surviving its worst made me strong
Ā
My life now on track
I can clearly see
now I am right where I belong
Satellite Eye
Ā
The satellite eye
captures an overview
of a house which looks
foreboding from the outside
But inside, it was a house
of horrors
hoarded to the ceiling now
A childhood and teenage existence
lost and buried under years
of pure pain
My old clothes a moldering pile
by the hot water heater
Thereās that corner I was beaten in
and a room where I was choked
The walls storing so much sorrow
and anguish that I wish
it would burn to the ground
and release the prisoner
trapped there in time
How did she get away with it?
Abuse, murder, years of lies
but all anyone sees is
a frail, smiling old woman
No one knows how dangerous
this snake is
A rattlesnake, not a boa
Appearance deceptive
You get too close
and realize too late
as fangs puncture your jugular
Release me, witch!
I left you in the dust long ago
the memories I have been forced to carry
Take them!
You can lie in misery
with the memories of
what you did
so they remind you
why youāll always be
afraid and alone
and why you have
no power over me
I am free
and Iāll never be anything
more than the āmeā I am
Spiderwebs*
Ā
She tried to steal the spotlight
sitting so high above us all
Not caring about wrong or right
as she plotted our familyās downfall
Ā
Cagey like a spider
Her presence, unsettling
Nothing was off limits to her
Everyone fair game for her meddling
Ā
āYour aunt said this about youā
āYour grandma thinks youāre the worstā
It didnāt matter whether it was true
she made me believe I was cursed
Ā
Spanning out in all directions
Ripples like flows and ebbs
The light caught the invisible reflection
of all her spiderwebs
Ā
She knew her only hope
was to keep us all apart
I thought she might change, but nope
She reveled in breaking my heart
Ā
Once my aunt and I
were able to see through her lies
I couldnāt fathom just why
she never stopped cutting me down to size
Ā
I guess doing my father in wasnāt enough
sending him six feet below
just to prove she was tough
My mother, the Black Widow
Ā
She enjoyed the misery she caused
Thinking no one could see through her charade
Each time sheād spin another web, I paused
Realizing what an impenetrable wall sheād made
Ā
After learning the truth, I tried to reach out
I wrote to my dadās mom, who I had never gotten to meet
I was filled with doubt
Would she be mean or sweet?
Ā
I got a phone call back from an aunt Iād never met
She told me Iād missed my grandma by 8 months
She had diedā¦and Iād never get
to even hug her once
Ā
I did make it out there in time
to meet my Grandpa Herb
Got to drink margaritas with fresh lime
while we sat out on the curb
Ā
My aunt told me that Grandma Lola had been looking for me
She had wanted me in her life
but I was the one person she didnāt get to see
All because of my fatherās wicked wife!
Ā
One day, justice will be done
Sheāll be judged by the highest power
God, who sees everyone
who can see every day, minute, or hour
Ā
Once sheās answered for her sins
those plagued by her will have a brand-new day
and weāll all be wearing our biggest grins
as we brush those spiderwebs away
Ā
*This poem was first published in Volume 32 Issue 2 of āFine Linesā magazine in July 2023. Big thanks to David Martin for selecting this poem to include with so many other talented poetsā works!
The Revelation
Ā
I believed you when you said I was beautiful
and when you told me you would love me forever
I soon felt like the biggest fool
when our connection you did sever
Ā
All your lies melted away
in the clear light of honesty
The moment I heard you say
that I needed you more than you needed me
Ā
Your words installed doubt in me
I never wanted to trust again
I cried out to God on bended knees
to stop allowing me to fall for dishonest men
Ā
Doubting I could ever make it without you
kept me stuck over a decade and a half
But once I saw I could make it through
I couldnāt help but laugh!
Ā
Youāre the one who said I needed you moreā¦
but in fact, the truth is hilarious to tell
Your life without me became a burdensome chore
and my rise to freedom was your descent into hell
Ā
You stole my house from me
then couldnāt qualify to refinance it
I wondered how stupid you could possibly be
while noting everything you touched after the divorce turned to shit
Ā
You sold it a year too early
barely made enough to cover buying your new place
60 more pounds that donāt make you burly
but that do make you look like a disgrace
Ā
Picked a crook for a home builder
They stole your down payment
You lost any filter
and just whined about your torment
Ā
You lived for 2 years in a camping trailer
on an obscure plot of land
You stood proudly as your own lifeās derailer
pretending everything was still going as planned
Ā
while you fought to get your down payment back
and find a new contractor
You never kept track
of your wild spending with a calculator
Ā
You owed 10 grand to the IRS
Trailer and truck took turns breaking down
By that point, it was anyone's guess
if your face could do anything besides frown
Ā
Although I believed you at first
that I might not make it on my own
I began to feel like someone freed from a curse
knowing any seed of mine sewn
Ā
would yield wonderous fruit
Graduated from college with a 4.0
Shed 30 pounds from my birthday suit
Got a job with almost double the pay working from home
Ā
Found the love of my life
and a bigger house to rent
I became the lucky wife
of that wonderful gent
Ā
Checked off some of my bucket list things
Dream vacation and a million pics
Self-publishing my book, which made my heart sing
Knowing because my husband exists, not all men are dicks
Ā
So, looking back, who needed who?
Clearly you needed me
but now youāre screwed
and Iām free!
Ā
Youāll keep weaving your tale for pity
which I donāt care to hear
Iāve moved to a new city
where my future is bright and clear
Ā
Shimmering Brilliance, the new poetry collection penned by Desiree Batiste, does more than simply provide a nod to mental health, she puts it front and centre of each stanza. Based in the American state of Arizona, Batiste's writing is heavily influenced by her diagnosed conditions of PTSD and anxiety, alongside the impact of challenge and life-changing events.
Split into seven different chapters, or "realms", the collection is a balance of light and dark, with some poems focusing on upbeat, sometimes humorous, topics and others reflecting on particular events of significant importance. Two striking examples of the contrast are, for me, "Little Tuxedo", where after a chance encounter Batiste decides to adopt a stray cat, and "Fragments of My Mind", which showcases the hidden struggles of those fighting mental health battles. Each of the seven chapters are introduced with a short section of prose to give context to the tone of voice and rhythmic style of the poems that succeed.
This is collection is an okay read, however for me the writing is a bit too factual to become fully immersed. For example, in the poem "Bipolar Gemini", Batiste opens with a segment which comes across as so prescriptive that it does little to encourage the reader to imagine anything else than beyond the factual:
He broke sobriety
and fell out of bed
and he laid there in his entirety
with a bump on his forehead
This writing style is common throughout and something hard to look beyond. The age old authorship wisdom "show, don't tell" springs to mind.
There are also minor details that feel like a distraction, such as the varying font sizes throughout the collection and the nice, but unnecessary inclusion of photographic imagery for each poem. Aside from the difficulty it creates in producing a black-and-white publication (for those who prefer physical copies to eBooks), poetry collections do not tend to be illustrated. Instead, each poem should be strong enough to conjure up a visual stimulus on its own merit, without needing to resort to a royalty free image library.
When it comes to giving the grey matter a quick run around, nothing beats poetry, but with Shimmering Brilliance the sparks are not there, at least not enough for me to say I will be returning to it in a hurry.
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