Do you have something that you can’t stop doing in your life? Gambling? Online shopping? Screen addiction? Are you a control freak? Are you addicted to emotionally unavailable people? Have you tried self-help methods to stop doing these things and failed? Are you tired of reading fluffy, empty, and wordy books that offer no real change? Me too.

I tried every self-help approach out there. I spent thousands of dollars and countless hours creating vision boards, repeating affirmations, and just trying to exert plain old willpower. Every time, I'd find myself in the same hole, one more time—and that's when I realized self-help sucks! It’s BS! It doesn’t work. It never did, and it never will.

We all want to go out and exert our power of will and get stuff done. Make things happen. Change ourselves, our habits, and our behaviors. What I am telling you is that self-help sucks. I mean that on our own power, without the help of a Higher Power and the support of others, we will not be able to change ourselves.

If you are a person who wants to change something in your life or are in a twelve-step program and wants to deepen your program, this book is for you. Filled with exercises and meditation and prayer, it lays out a foundation for daily living that is beneficial for everyone.

In this no-nonsense twelve-step-based guide, I have laid out a path based on my own experience. I offer the same practices that helped (and continue to help) me achieve a sense of inner peace and contentment and freedom from these habits and behaviors.

After several years in a twelve-step program, I came face-to-face with my inability to change what I was doing. I was making myself miserable and hurting people in my life and knew I needed to find a solution. I picked up several self-help books and, even though the writing was excellent, none of them provided the change I so surely wanted in my life. Having worked the twelve steps in the program I was in, I decided to apply those steps around the behavior I was struggling to change. What happened was amazing! It not only freed me from this destructive behavior, but it also provided me with a sense of contentment and inner peace I had yet to achieve, even after twenty-two years in a twelve-step program. I continue to apply this process to the things that pop up in my life. It has never failed for me, and that's why I feel called to share it.

There are upwards of forty twelve-step fellowships globally that have helped millions of people overcome their addictions and destructive behaviors. The steps work. Period. It is by no means an easy system, and most people must get beat up badly to fully submit themselves to it, but I have personally never seen anyone who is being honest and has done everything it asks them to do ever not get better.

In the chapters to come, I'll share my experience with the process of the twelve steps in the original six-step format that was followed at the beginning of its history. Included are a few other people's experiences doing the same thing. All of us have one thing in common: we came face-to-face with behaviors that we could not stop doing on our own. We all worked the steps, and came out on the other side free from the behavior and with inner peace and contentment. It is by no means meant to be a replacement for a twelve-step program or your spiritual practice. It is only my experience with what I did.

Before we begin, there are a few things I'd like you to know:

When you start to do this work, begin each day with a prayer (or your own version of a prayer), asking the power to set or lay aside all that you think you know.

Start with five minutes of meditation every morning! Later in the book, I will cover an approach to meditation, but for now, imagine a beam of light in the middle of your forehead and put your focus there. Thoughts come and go, and that is a natural thing, so do not worry yourself about it. The important thing is that you carve out the time to do this first thing in the morning. Do the same thing consistently, every day, no matter what.

Get a notebook that is only for this work. Keep everything together in an organized space. There will be exercises and meditations that will require you to write down your experiences as you go along.

Finally, I will talk a lot about God in this book. It is not meant to convey any specific religion or viewpoint—the truth is I consider myself a spiritual agnostic. What I mean by that is I have no idea what God is. I just know that it works. Use whatever is the most accessible to you and what makes sense in your heart. Words are wholly inadequate and cannot convey what that Power really is, so do not worry about semantics. Give it a chance and do everything suggested here, and you cannot fail to get results.

Dear Divine Spirit, (use whatever description you like), please set aside everything I think I know about myself, about my story, about my problem (insert problem: money, sex, etc.), and especially about you, Spirit (use whatever you like), so that I may have an open mind and a new experience with myself, with my story, with (my problem) and with you, Spirit. Please help me to see the truth. Amen.

Say this prayer every day when you get up in the morning. After which, move into five minutes of meditation or quiet time. Use the method of picturing a beam of light in the middle of your forehead. Thoughts will come and go. Let them. When you begin to get distracted by a particular idea or story, focus back on the light. You can also focus on the diaphragmatic breath in the same way you focus on the beam of light. If you already have a meditation practice, add the prayer above to begin or to finish your time, whichever feels right.