The worst part of my life was pretending to be something I wasn’t.
I sighed, nudging Loon deeper through the ferns and farther into the forest. She neighed softly, brushing her nose against the foliage in search of something to nibble on. As we moved beneath webs of branches, I lifted my eyes to search for what I needed to go home.
If I was who everyone thought I was, we would already be gone. But we had been wandering now for hours, and were much deeper into the woods than I’d intended.
I was just glad no one could see me.
Because no one, not even my instructor Mr. Everett, knew how little I understood the trade I was working to inherit. As the daughter of the town’s leading Arborist, I should know the differences between species and possess the instinct to help plants grow, but I couldn’t and I didn’t. And Adeline Rose was the only reason no one knew.
Adeline should have been my father’s daughter. His protégé.
When we were first partnered in class, she assumed, like everybody else did, that my father had already taught me everything. Adeline spent the entire class blurting out answers before I could and asking me if she was right. I nodded, gratefully hiding my ignorance while agreeing with all her solutions. Because of her, our wilted plants bloomed and our pruned trees grew stronger than anyone else’s. We fell into a pattern of Adeline suggesting and me approving. To this day, I couldn’t believe she didn’t realize how little I contributed.
But today I was on my own. For part of our final test, we each had to forage for a truly rare plant. In a few days, everyone would present their specimen to the class. If I didn’t find something spectacular, everyone would finally see I had been faking it all along. I would fail the test.
I would be eliminated from my father’s trade.
I would lose everything he left me.
His shop Forest and Fern, his research, our home. It would all be given to another Arborist.
And I would have nothing.
My stomach dropped at the thought.
As the afternoon light softened between the leaves, I imagined myself continuing down this path and never returning to the small town behind me. The town I had been born in, but never truly fit into.
I had Loon with me; I could leave the pressure of walking in my father’s footsteps behind. Footsteps that could never be filled, especially not by me. I could find a place where I could be myself. Discover if there were people like me, who hoped for something to happen that would disrupt their mundane days. Something extraordinary.
I stamped that dangerous thinking out immediately. I wasn’t a person who left others. I wasn’t like her. Besides, York would never forgive me if I left him behind. Even if I felt discontent with my life, I was grateful to my best friend, who made it better. I could live this life. I just needed to find one rare plant in this endless forest. If I couldn’t do that, then I truly didn’t deserve to become an Arborist.
I slipped off Loon and walked down the path a little further, hoping nature would be kind and reveal something to me. Then, that same prickle rose on my neck and the feeling that I wasn’t alone stole over me.
My heartbeat quickened as I glanced around. Loon continued nibbling at the grass, unconcerned. I didn’t see anything besides birds fluttering above, or hear anything more than the scampering of small feet, so I tried to brush the feeling away. I wasn’t usually nervous in the forest, but this was the second time I’d sensed an unseen presence. It was why I’d brought Loon with me today.
We reached a place where the branches overhead curled away, leaving a sunny patch of grass beneath a stretch of sky. It was so unexpected that I forgot my nerves and stared around me. A tall leafy plant with tiny yellow flowers was growing in the sunlight. The flowers burst apart in a wide bouquet that was unlike any flower pattern I’d seen. Hope fluttered through me as I walked up to it. Surely this plant was something special. I reached forward to pluck a yellow flower—
“Don’t touch that!”
I gasped, my heart slamming into my chest. Loon whirled around with me and reared at the man standing behind us.
“Don’t let your horse touch it either,” he warned. “Unless you both want a rash that eats away at your skin and blisters and scars. That sap can blind you too.”
“What is it?” My voice shook.
“It’s wild parsnip. Did you touch it?”
I looked down at my trembling hands. “Almost, but no.”
“Good,” he said, after a long pause.
I studied him as my ragged breathing slowed and tried to assess the situation. He stared back with serious blue eyes. His silver hair was pulled back at the base of his neck. Not exactly threatening, but definitely different from anyone in town. He seemed part of the woods in a way I had only felt about my father. My chest constricted at the thought, but I brushed the feeling away.
“You’re sure that’s what it was?” I risked looking away from him to ensure Loon hadn’t stepped into the plant either. Maybe Mr. Everett would be impressed with something like this.
“Yes.” He studied me for a moment before a look passed over his face. “But you should have known that, I think.”
I bristled. His words felt accusatory even though I knew he couldn’t have meant it like that. He didn’t know me, after all. “Why? Is it common?” I asked.
“Common enough.” There was another long pause, like he wasn’t used to the filling silence with words. “But you look like someone I know.”
“Oh?”
“An old friend. Philip Rune.”
I startled. “He was my father.”
He nodded as if he had already come to that conclusion. “Your eyes are the same.”
I frowned. That wasn’t true. My eyes were green; my father’s were dark brown. In fact, the only time anyone mentioned my mother was to say I looked like her, not my father.
“I meant their intensity is the same,” he said, seeing my reaction. “His were brown.”
I nodded, relaxing slightly. “Yes.”
“Then, you are . . . Ivy?” he said as if he were reaching very far back into his memory.
Goosebumps prickled my skin. “Did my father tell you that?”
He inclined his head in response. The only sound was the leaves shimmering gently as the wind blew through them. I shifted uncomfortably. Why would he remember my name after all these years? We had never met.
“How did you know him?” I finally asked.
His expression sharpened. “You said did . . . Something happened to him after all, then?”
My breath caught. No one had asked me about my father in years, but it was the way he asked . . . Like he had expected something to happen.
I gripped Loon’s reins tighter. “He died.”
He shook his head. “You mean disappeared?”
I shook my head right back. “No, he died.”
“Was his body found?”
My mouth dropped open. “No.”
“Did they look?”
“Of course. For weeks.”
“If you didn’t find his remains, how do you know he died?”
“There was a bad storm. They told me there was no possibility of anyone surviving . . .” I hadn’t spoken those words out loud in years. The blood seemed to drain from my body, leaving me cold all over as I imagined my father dying in the woods he loved.
The man studied the forest around us before he said, “Except Rune wasn’t anyone. He knew the woods better than even I do.”
I stared, stunned and unsure of what to say. Part of me doubted that this man really didn’t know my father had died. Things like this traveled easily in Windermere. But he also didn’t look like someone who came to town often. Before I could respond, his next question shocked me again.
“So you believed them?”
“I was seven.” My voice was cold as I drew out the word, warning him that he was going too far. “A child. So yes, I believed them.”
“Seven.” He rubbed his chin as if this was the worst news of all. “I didn’t realize how much time had passed. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Rune.” He squinted back at me. “Then you are . . . what? Sixteen?”
“Seventeen.” My voice shook slightly. He didn’t seem upset to know my father had died. If anything, he seemed more worried about the ten years that had passed.
York would tell me to leave if he were here, but part of me wanted to know everything this man knew about my father. Something about how he spoke my father's name felt like he did know him. And there was so much about my father that I still didn’t know.
“Sometimes, a year would go by and your father was the only one I had talked to,” he said in his slow way.
That was not what I expected him to say. A sliver of sympathy thawed me. “What’s your name?” I asked.
He hesitated before answering. “Nicholas.”
“I’ve never heard of you. Do you live in Windermere?”
He shook his head. “I live out here. Alone.”
My brow rose. “In the forest?”
He nodded.
“Don’t you get lonely?” I asked, curiosity overtaking my fear.
His blue eyes bore into me. “You live in town, among people at all times. Don’t you ever get lonely?”
I froze, wondering if he saw the truth in my face. Except for my friendship with York, I had always felt lonely.
He nodded, lifting his eyes to the trees around us. “I did too. But being out here changed that. There is no should do, should be. Out here, I just am.”
I absorbed his words, thinking they sounded like something my father would have said.
As if he read my mind again, he said, “I met your father out here. He researched so often he practically lived out here too.”
I nodded. That was true enough. “What did you talk about?”
“First, the forest. The trees, of course. Then, slowly, our lives. Our families. We’d each lost people along the way. It leaves a mark.”
I swallowed. “It does.”
Nicholas’s eyes looked haunted by memories. He didn’t speak for a long time.
“Did he ever talk about me?” I finally asked, breaking the silence.
Nicholas rubbed his neck. He looked unsure of how to phrase what he wanted to say. After another long pause, he said, “Yes. And of this moment.”
A feeling of alarm slid down my back. “Which moment?”
He hesitated, before saying, “You’re old enough now, I suppose.”
“Old enough for what?” I inched closer to Loon.
“For something your father gave me. To keep safe.”
I frowned, unable to believe my father had anything he needed to keep safe. And if he did, why would he give it to someone I had never heard of?
“He made me promise to keep it. And make sure you got it if he ever went missing.”
“He thought he might go missing?” My voice was just above a whisper. This was becoming too strange. “What is it?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner. But maybe it’s best this way. You would have been too young before now.”
“What is it?” I repeated through clenched teeth.
Nicholas looked down at his hands, rubbing a spot of dirt off his palm with his thumb. “He also said you need to bring me something.”
“Right. I’m leaving now.” I turned and hoisted myself up into the saddle before he could blink. “Goodbye, Nicholas.”
“A knobby owl? Your mother's owl? I think that’s what he said. Seemed so odd to me at the time. Still is, I guess.”
The breath knocked out of me as I steadied Loon’s restless stamping. She could feel my fear and wanted to leave too. “What did you say?”
Nicholas peered up at me. “Rune said, have Ivy bring the owl and then give her what I left. The owl doesn’t mean a thing to me, but maybe you’ll understand.”
“You couldn’t know about that owl unless my father really told you.”
Nicholas held my gaze before his eyes shifted back to the trees. Was he lying or was he just uncomfortable talking this long?
“I’ll go get what he gave me. Meet me back here tomorrow and it’s yours. Same time.”
My mother’s owl. There was no one else who knew about it. No one.
“I’ll think about it.” My voice didn’t sound as strong as I hoped.
Nicholas nodded. “I’ll be here regardless.” Without waiting for me to respond, he turned back into the forest. I watched him silently as he vanished within the trees.
Shaking, I turned Loon around and we flew back through the woods. I didn’t want to think about anything until I was safe at home.
But if there was one part of being an Arborist I did understand, it was seeds.
Seeds wanted to grow.
So by the time I reached the edge of town, Nicholas’s words had planted a seed in my mind that had burrowed and grown roots.
Now I couldn’t think of anything else except what my father had needed to keep secret.
From everyone.
Including me.
