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Online Dating @ 40: The Nobheads, Nutjobs and Nice Guys


Worth reading 😎

A sympathetic and effectively voyeuristic memoir of online dating.

After twenty years and umpteen connections, including my own marriage, online dating is mainstream. What once carried the stigma of shadiness and desperation is now a normal part of single (and sometimes not so single) dating life.


What hasn’t changed, however, is the fascination people find in the process. It’s intriguing: Meeting dates like shopping for online goods. Calling up companionship with the swipe of a finger. Fabricating potential intimacy out of bits and bytes, and then finding human realities await in person. Meeting a variety of dates, each differently flawed and appealing. Tasting from a smorgasbord of options, yet remaining hungry.


Like many, Shalini Bhalla-Lucas was inspired to write about her online dating experiences. Her memoir describes the parade of men she dated following the death of her husband. She gives each man a nickname and describes their personalities, the dates they shared, and how she felt with them. It’s a kiss and tell, to be sure, but like most dating memoirs, the story here is really Bhalla-Lucas herself as she explores different romantic experiences and documents her own feelings and reactions.


Authors face a tendency when writing about dates to mock or vilify the other party for their shortcomings. I struggled with this in my own award-winning dating memoir: Heartbeats: A poetic memoir of 87 blind dates and one future husband. How do we write about people we don’t like and don’t choose without character assassination? Often and regrettably, the humor or distinction of a dating story is at the other person’s expense. Bhalla-Lucas rides close to this denigrating edge at times, but she manages by writing how she felt about a man she disliked, rather than just stating his flaws as an absolute. In all, her candor and interest in telling her story make for a sympathetic and voyeuristic read.


Reviewed by

I’m Jordana Landsman, a working mom of three, wife of the one, award-winning author, poet, and book lover. I read and review a gazillion books so you know what's worth reading.

Finding the Nobheads, Nutjobs & Nice Guys

About the author

I'm an award-winning entrepreneur and Director of Just Jhoom! a Bollywood-inspired, dance-fitness programme. I've suffered with depression throughout my life, and worked to raise awareness of mental health issues. I am now the author of 2 books and a motivational speaker and performer. view profile

Published on February 10, 2019

Published by

20000 words

Genre: Sex & Relationships

Reviewed by