This is a combination of a slightly short novel for kids over 8 and a self-help guide for the people who care about them. There are subtle jokes for adults and deeper meanings to explore as well.
This story is about Edwin. He is an odd-looking fish. At least thatâs what everybody tells him. Well, they tell him heâs a fish, anyway. Not much of a tail for a fish. The scales are wrong, too. The fins are a bit, well, grabby.
It's about a crab adopted by fish growing up in an isolated tidepool with no other crabs. So, he grows up thinking he is merely an incompetent fish.
There is a section in the back of the book with discussion questions for many of the themes in this book. The questions are designed for classrooms, for mental health professionals, and for caregivers in general. In these pages, is an adventure of aquatic proportions. Itâs about finding out who you are and figuring out what to do about that.
This highly unusual, but hopefully not too unusual, book is by Briton Kolber, a licensed therapist who specializes in helping geeks accept and find the best in themselves.
This is a combination of a slightly short novel for kids over 8 and a self-help guide for the people who care about them. There are subtle jokes for adults and deeper meanings to explore as well.
This story is about Edwin. He is an odd-looking fish. At least thatâs what everybody tells him. Well, they tell him heâs a fish, anyway. Not much of a tail for a fish. The scales are wrong, too. The fins are a bit, well, grabby.
It's about a crab adopted by fish growing up in an isolated tidepool with no other crabs. So, he grows up thinking he is merely an incompetent fish.
There is a section in the back of the book with discussion questions for many of the themes in this book. The questions are designed for classrooms, for mental health professionals, and for caregivers in general. In these pages, is an adventure of aquatic proportions. Itâs about finding out who you are and figuring out what to do about that.
This highly unusual, but hopefully not too unusual, book is by Briton Kolber, a licensed therapist who specializes in helping geeks accept and find the best in themselves.
This is a combination of a slightly short novel for kids over 8 and a self-help guide for the people who care about them. There is a section in the back of the book with discussion questions for many of the themes in this book. Please feel free to read it in whatever order makes sense to you. Ok, maybe not in whatever order. If you read it from right to left or back to front, it wonât make any sense at all. In these pages is an adventure of aquatic proportions. Itâs about finding out who you are and figuring out what to do about that.
Prologue
This is Edwin. He is an odd-looking fish. At least thatâs what everybody tells him. Well, they tell him heâs a fish, anyway. Not much of a tail for a fish. The scales are wrong, too. The fins are a bit, well, grabby. More on that later.
Edwin swam somewhat awkwardly. He tried eating some algae of a nearby coral with his mouth. Unsuccessfully. Then he took off some seaweed covering his grabby fins, grabbed the food, and slipped the seaweed back on. He looked around to make sure nobody saw it. Then he chewed the algae thoughtfully.
Edwinâs life is about to get very interesting. As far as he knows and everyone around him knows, this small tide pool is the whole world. But donât tell him that. Youâll spoil the adventure. Then he wonât get to meet the octopus. Or the eel. Keep an eye out for a puffer fish named Daedalus. Heâs almost figured out that heâs in a childrenâs book. Try not to let him see you looking at him. He might just figure it out.Â
Will anyone believe him, though?
Chapter 1
In an ocean far away, a group of sea creatures lived in a world surrounded by rock. Filled and refreshed with seawater and with plenty of light trickling in, a whole underwater world lived undisturbed. Purple, spiked, sea urchins nestled next to brightly colored corals of pink and green. Bright, yellow angel fish swam and nibbled coral. Sparkly, silvery fish dashed around in groups. Brown, speckled sculpins wiggled in place and camouflaged themselves in the sand so that all you could see was their eyes. They were pretty content in their home with the skywater above and anemones and snails and other animals around. It was beautiful and peaceful.
Nobody even thought about leaving this place because they believed that was all there was. Great currents of water sometimes dropped things from the skywater. Some said there was something beyond the wall, but they were dismissed because, well, it just did not make sense. Nobodyâwell, nobody who matteredâhad seen anything from outside the walls, so it must not be true.
In this lovely place lived a fish named Edwin who never felt at home anywhere because nobody else was like him. He couldnât swim like the others. He sort of hopped around which was very awkward. His scales were all wrong, he didnât have much of a tail, and he was so embarrassed when eating that he often ate by himself. He didnât want anyone to notice that he had to eat with his fins.
Edwinâs family had found him as a little one. They were ever so slightly embarrassed about Edwinâs appearance. They were kind fish, and even though he was odd, they did their best to love him anyway. They encouraged him to keep practicing his swimming, and they just knew he was going to get it right someday. He just needed to keep trying.
This day was gray with little glints of light poking in through the skywater, above.
In the yellow and green coral nook where they ate breakfast, Edwin talked with his mom and dad.
âEdwinâ, his mom, said, âLook, I found you some more rocks for your scales. Hereâs some more glue for your shells. And, you will look so great today. Your friends at school will be so impressed. And remember not to show those grabby fins, dear.â
Edwin examined the rocks and shells happily and then paused.
âMom?â asked Edwin.
âYes?â she said as she brought a package over that was wrapped in some seagrass. She looked at him curiously.
âDo you ever wonder why other kids donât cover themselves in shells and rocks? I mean the sculpins hide in the sandâŠand thatâs different. And Riley blends into the background when she wants to. Why do we do this?â Edwin asked.
His mom considered this. She looked startled.
âWell, I donât know what Iâd be if I werenât a fish. Not very popular at all,â she said and she smiled. Her smile had cracks around the edges like she was trying too hard. She changed the subject.
âWell, what else would you be? Are you a clam?â she asked. She giggled and poked at Edwin.
âNo,â said Edwin.
âAre you a coral?â
âNo,â said Edwin with a giggle.
âAre you a snail?!â she asked incredulously.
Edwin giggled uncontrollably. âNo Mom.â
âThatâs settled then. Try these new ones. I got them from your Aunt Nora.â His mom opened the package.
Edwin eyed the package with admiration and said, âThanks, Mom. These rocks are very glittery.â
While eating his morning kelp flakes, his dad said, âEver since we found you as a little fish, Iâve been a little worried about how you will fit in. But I believe your tail will grow in just fine. The Great Hand provides. I think youâve almost got it right. Have fun on the school trip.â
His dad eyed him meaningfully and said, âOh, and praying to the Great Hand wouldnât hurt.â
âPraise its Pinkness,â Edwin said automatically. âThanks, Dad. Iâll get it right one of these days.â
Chapter 2
A short distance away, a puffer fish swam around and investigated the algae on a rock with interest.Â
âThatâs strange,â said the puffer fish.
He managed a curious look on his face--which was difficult for a puffer fish to do. He swam over to the other side of the rock. He looked around and then appeared to look at us and then shook his head.
âYes, itâs happening over here, too,â he said.
The puffer fish, whose name was Daedalus, swam over to a different rock and then looked behind him.
âI feel like Iâm being watchedâŠ. itâs as if someone is talking about me,â said the puffer fish. âHere we go again.â
He swam off behind some fan coral.
Meanwhile, at the playground before school that morning, Edwin was talking to his friend Riley. She was a goby fish whose body seemed to change colors as you looked at her.
âYou know, I think youâve almost got the scales right. They are looking very glittery with those oyster shells. Letâs see how you do at school.â She shimmered slightly and seemed to fade into the background slightly and then came back into view.
Edwin smiled, âI canât wait to see what they think.â
âWeâre gonna have a great day at the field trip today. Weâre going to explore the wall!â said Riley excitedly.
Edwin, instead of swimming, wobbled sideways excitedly.
Riley stared at him even more open-mouthed than usual. â--What was that?â gasped Riley. Rileyâs scales changed a bit to match the background.
âWhat was what?â said Edwin.
âYou scuttled. I saw you scuttling. Nobody scuttles,â said Riley. Riley slowly uncamouflaged herself.
âOh darn. Iâll be more careful.â Edwin seemed embarrassed. âYouâre pretty good at camouflage, you know.â
âIâm great at blending in,â Riley agreed. âYou can do it, too. Itâs better than sticking out, right?â
They swam on for a bit. And took in the scenery. The skywater brought in lots of light that shimmered all around the school play area. Brightly colored anemones clustered around a deeper area of rock. Clams and other mollusks did clam things.
Over a dozen glittering fish moved together and darted around as one. They were beautiful and graceful and fast. Unfortunately, they were very un-Edwin.
âWow. I wish I could do that!â exclaimed Edwin. âThe swim team is so fast.â
âBeautiful and annoying,â complained Riley.
As they swam around some yellow coral, two sculpins jumped out from their hiding place in the sand and took the seaweed right off of one of Edwinâs fins. Doing so revealed Edwinâs fin which looked like it could pick things and even grab them. The Sculpins yelled out, âNice fins rock boy!â And laughed.
âIâve got this Edwin,â she said.
To the sculpins
, she yelled out, âKeep swimming gill-brain! Eric, you jerk.â
âWhatever Riley Smiley!â mocked one of the sculpins, named Eric.
The sculpins swam off. Edwin sulked and then tried to cheer up.
âItâs ok.â Edwin said, âIâm just not fitting in well enough. Sculpins are experts at fitting in by camouflage. Maybe theyâre showing me how to put on my scales better. I just need to get better at this.â
He started putting on some more seaweed.
Riley helped and said, âLetâs get you covered up and youâll fit right in again. There. No one can tell.â They hurried toward the school.
A small, spiny fish sat on the old statue. It was made of clear rock of some forgotten material. One could see the letters that spelled out âanta.â It was covered in algae and largely ignored. The small, spiny fish interrupted them.
âDoom!â it said.
âWhat?â said Riley, startled.
âThe Great Hand is coming!â said the little fish.
âPraise its Pinkness.â Riley and Edwin said automatically. âYes. Yes. Itâs always coming though, right, Jed?â
âIt brings the taco!â the fish said emphatically.
âWait. Jed. Whatâs a taco?â asked Edwin.
Jed the spiny fish stopped. Its eyes twitched a little. Edwin waited.
âI donât knowâŠâ it said dejectedly.
âUm. Ok. Bye, sir,â said Riley. She grabbed Edwin as if to leave.
Jed the spiny fish, renewed with vigor, began again.
âThe HandâŠ!â said Jed.
And Edwin and Riley had left.
(end of free sample of story portion)
         Commentary, Self-Help, & Discussion:
The Story Behind the Story and Discussion Questions
 Introduction:
Stories are great ways to make ideas stick. When I tell short stories to illustrate a point, my clients remember them better than when I just tell them about a cool idea. Thatâs what this book is about.
When I was five years old, I was frustrated with not understanding people. I often felt alone and weird. Getting along with people didnât come easily, so I studied people and observed them. I didnât feel like I was a part of anything. I frequently said or did the wrong thing. Why did the adults apologize when they put me on the girlâs tee ball team, but let a girl stay on the boyâs team without incident? Why does it hurt someoneâs feelings when you are honest sometimes and not at other times? What are the rules and how do I learn them? Well, I had no idea and it was like going into a dark forest. So, I decided to create a map and leave a trail for others to follow. I declared my desire to figure out the problem to my mom one day (allegedly around 5 years old) and since then and I havenât stopped.
Another awkward and intelligent person was Richard Feynman. I am inspired by one of his quotes:
   âIf you canât explain something in simple terms, you donât understand it.â
      Richard P. Feynman
I have a passion for learning how to explain complex ideas as simply and usefully as possible. I find the process rewarding and many of the people in my life appreciate it, too.
Over the course of years, I noticed that many of my clients had this recurring problem of feeling worthless. Simply telling them that they had worth rarely worked. I couldnât reassure them that they were great or showing them they had value according to their peers did not help. They didnât believe it when anybody told them. I took several workshops on the work of BrenĂ© Brown on shame and belonging and kept observing similar problems within my clients. There was a belief that was somehow built into who they thought they were. It was very frustrating until one day someone responded well when I shared this popular quote.
âEverybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.â
(Ambiguous source) Itâs often attributed to Albert Einstein, but thereâs intense disagreement about that. See the sources section, below, if you want to find out more.
This fish climbing a tree idea really stuck in their head. It felt right. It was a story. Itâs a popular internet meme. Einstein apparently didnât say it, but few people care. Maybe not everyone is a genius, but they all have something special and cool about them if you try to look. So, maybe a fish can learn to climb a tree if it tries harder. Maybe it can be more successful if it just swims. I hope to help you think about the possibility of figuring out what you can accept as fact and what you can change. So, I kept using it in varying ways and started the seed of a story. This is that story.
What follows is an adventure in exploring yourself and what you believe a little more deeply. It can be for parents, educators, psychotherapists of all types, and even some kids who really want to figure this stuff out. I wish Iâd known this stuff when I was younger.
I will explore more questions on:
âŠÂ   Feeling worthless
âŠÂ   Social Pressure and Expectations
âŠÂ   Shame and Feeling Unworthy
âŠÂ   Self-Criticism and Critical Thinking
âŠÂ   Doing the Same Thing Harder or Doing Something Differently
âŠÂ   Friendship
âŠÂ   Accepting Your Body
âŠÂ   Accepting Hidden Talents
âŠÂ   Who We Think We Are and How it Affects Us
âŠÂ   Growing Up in a Small Town (or Tidepool)
âŠÂ   Belief and Religion
âŠÂ   Otto and the Journey into the Unknown
1: The Repeating Problem: Feeling Worthless
This book was written to solve a problem. Iâm a psychotherapist. That means lots of people come to me to help them figure out how to feel better and do better in their relationships. Lots of people have been having the same kind of problem. They donât really like themselves for a variety of reasons. Many of those reasons have to do with how they donât fit into their society or culture. Since I was a child, good people have tried to convince others to be nicer. It works to an extent. But it turns out if we donât believe we are worth it, those nice words kind of bounce off. Itâs like we have a little filter that keeps nice words out if we donât believe them.
This problem goes deeply into strong beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of. Our world as we experience it is shaped by our beliefs. Those kinds of beliefs about worth come from our culture and childhood experiences. As I was taking a class about a book called âThe Gifts of Imperfectionâ by BrenĂ© Brown. She is a researcher about many things including shame and feeling like you have worth. She wrote that accepting your imperfections is one of the keys to feeling like you are worth love and belonging.
Little by little, pieces of a story started coming together. And then this pandemic started happening and I had some free time on my hands. But why a story? Stories are great ways to make ideas stick. When I tell short stories to illustrate a point, my clients remember them better than when I just tell them about a cool idea. My kids are the same way. Ok, lots of kids are the same way.Â
You might be asking yourself, âwhy is this book organized like this?â It's about story. Stories help us encode things into memory because they have a "why" built right in. Itâs the same reason why you might remember the basic story of âThe Three Little Pigsâ more than what you had for breakfast 334 days ago.
A lot of books for helping people (self-help books) have some stories sprinkled in to make a point. I wanted to tell a story that made a bigger point about accepting yourself by showing how absurd it was that a crab could think he's a fish. Personally, and as a therapist, I've seen so many examples of this thing happen that I wanted to show it rather than tell it.
Tools For Learning:
In asking questions like the ones below, sometimes the answers can feel really sensitive. Take your time. Notice when your body gets tense or feels tingly or suddenly warm. Thatâs completely normal and a sign that something important might come to the surface. That means something you didnât even know about might feel suddenly very important. A very smart client of mine suggested that it was like bringing up sunken cargo from ships. You might not even know there is anything there until you look.
Also, thoughts can make emotions come up. If you spend time noticing what your thoughts are doing, youâll find out that emotions last only 90 seconds. But if you think another thought, you might have another emotion you like or donât like. I used to get lost in my emotions and was worried they would take hours and hours. Jill Bolte Taylor calls this âThe 90 Second Rule.â Donât take my word for it (or hers). You can test it yourself with a stopwatch. Most smartphones have one or you can just count it out to yourself.
Strong emotions will pass. Find an adult who has earned your trust. Most parents are great. Sometimes they are not. Most of the time, everybody is doing the best that they can. Talking about things with someone who is kind and listens well can help. Some people will tell you that you are bad or worthless. What if you get to decide to agree or disagree with them?
Emotions are sneaky. They can come up without warning and be great or uncomfortable. If you try to feel them on purpose, you are ready and you can practice some skills. Try feeling something slightly uncomfortable and then trying not to think about it. Imagine you are leaning into the feeling and then leaning away. Try to feel it a tiny bit and then try to put it away.
If it is still too much, a psychotherapist (or family therapist, rabbi, pastor, psychiatrist, psychologist, or coach might be some other choices.) Remember, not everyone is perfect and they might judge you for being a bad person and hurt your feelings even when they are trying to help you. Sometimes we do bad things or hurt others. It all gets complicated. It really helps to try to be responsible for what you do and how you help or hurt others.
If you are a kid reading this by yourself: feel free to read and ask yourself these questions. You might find it rewarding to write down your answers. If you feel you are not in a community where it is safe to explore controversial topics, know that you are not alone.
If you are a teacher, parent, or discussion group leader: pick a topic that is relevant to your group and ask some of these questions. Be sure to listen before you make yourself understood. The key skill is listening to understand instead of listening to reply. Modeling this behavior teaches this to the kids.
Discussion Questions:
âŠÂ   What stories do you like?
âŠÂ   Which ones have made you think about things differently?
âŠÂ   Finding Nemo and Finding Dory were inspirations for this story. If you have seen either or both of those movies, what things are similar?
âŠÂ   âThe Ugly Ducklingâ is a classic story about a duck discovering that it is a swan. How is this story similar or different?
âŠÂ   What ideas do you like or dislike about this story about Edwin?
(end of free sample of discussion section)
Buy the full book at: https://tinyurl.com/NotFishyEnough
Do you feel like an outsider? Do you wonder if you were meant to be someone different? Edwin did. Edwin didn't look or act like a fish. His parents made him "dress" like one every day anyways. He'd glue rocks on his scales to fit in, but the camouflage couldn't cover up his feelings. Edwin was teased for not swimming like a fish and for his appearance. That teasing took a toll on his psyche.
One day, the Great Hand plucked him from the tide pool and relocated him to a bigger, watery world filled with creatures he'd never seen before. There, he met others like himself. They helped Edwin see his true self and made him realize nothing was wrong with him. He is what he was born to be. (No spoilers)
When Edwin returned to his tiny tide pool, his father didn't accept his true identity. Unfortunately, that is the way in the human world too. Some strangers, friends, and family will accept you for who you are, and others won't. Edwin's father had difficulty accepting Edwin's new identity, but eventually, he did come around. Fiction resembles reality once again.Â
Not Fishy Enough: A Ridiculous Parable About Finding Worth Through Self-Acceptance teaches readers to be true to themselves. Don't pretend to be someone or someone else to gain acceptance. But, also be prepared that there will be those who can't or won't accept anyone not like them.Â
After the story's conclusion, the author explores over a dozen topics and includes thought-provoking discussion questions at the end of each one. For instance, a question you'd find under "Accepting Your Body: Part 1" is, "Some people are born into body shapes that are attractive or unattractive to different groups of people. Edwin looks very different from the fish around him. There were some things he could control about his appearance and some things he couldn't. What can you not change about yourself that makes you feel uncomfortable?" And in "Accepting Your Body: Part 2," the writer asks, "What is allowed in your home? Does everybody have things they are supposed to wear and not supposed to wear?" The dozens upon dozens of questions can reach a broad range of ages.Â
Not Fishy Enough: A Ridiculous Parable About Finding Worth Through Self-Acceptance is a playful and thoughtful exploration of self-acceptance and many factors leading into it. Briton Kolber's storyline was inventive, and Nicoleta Dabija's drawings were outstanding. The book did have several editing mistakes, but those didn't dampen the story's overall flow.Â
I recommend Not Fishy Enough: A Ridiculous Parable About Finding Worth Through Self-Acceptance to anyone who is struggling with fitting in, getting others to accept them, or anyone who is debating sharing who they are meant to be, who they always have been.Â
Review submitted on June 22nd.