Donald
It was a Wednesday night in 1957, at the First Baptist Church on Main Street, in the small town of Fresno, California. Linda Hall was sitting in the last row, having no idea what the message had been about because she daydreamed through most of it.
It was only the sound of the church’s pianist playing “How Great Thou Art” that drew her attention back to the present. Instinctively, she rose to sing the closing hymn with all the other parishioners, then she bowed her head as the Pastor led the closing prayer. When his prayer concluded, Pastor Ron asked, “Okay, with every head bowed and with every eye closed, I want a show of hands. Who here has accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior?”
Since she’d accepted Jesus into her heart at Bible camp last summer, her hand shot up proudly. Curious to see who else had raised their hand, keeping her head bowed, Linda opened her eyes and looked to her left.
The blood rushing to her head drowned out the rest of Pastor Ron’s altar call because there sat the most handsome boy she’d ever seen. His hand was up, his head bowed slightly, both of his eyes were wide open, and he was staring straight at her. Mortified he’d caught her peeking, Linda quickly closed her eyes and prayed silently, Dear God, please forgive me.
After the meeting, Linda was at the refreshment table when the same young man walked up to her. Putting out his hand, he said, “Hi, my name’s Donald Holloway. What’s your name, beautiful?” he asked.
He smiled and Linda’s heart raced, her face flushed, and her knees wobbled a bit.
Accepting his hand, she answered, “My name’s Linda Hall.”
“Well, Linda Hall,” Donald said, “I think we should go for a soda on Sunday.”
It was more of a statement than a question and, not knowing what else to say, Linda responded, “I don’t think my daddy would allow it. Besides, we go to church on Sundays,” she added.
“Then I’ll ask your daddy if I can take you for a soda after church on Sunday,” he said.
“Well, Donald Holloway,” Linda said, “I’ll tell you what. If I decide I wanna go for a soda with you, I’ll ask my daddy and let you know.”
Later, lying in bed, Linda blushed deeply, remembering Donald calling her beautiful. No one had ever called her beautiful before. In fact, being on the tomboyish side, none of the boys at church or anywhere else for that matter had given Linda so much as a second look. And, while she may have sounded disinterested, the thought of going for a soda with Donald excited her in a terrifying kind of way.
Unaware this night was going to be the one that changed Linda’s life forever, she drifted off to sleep, smiling.
***
The next day Linda was upstairs in her bedroom, lying on her bed doing homework, when she heard a knock on the front door. Too lazy to get up and walk to the door, her brother William yelled from the couch, “Yeah, what’d you want?”
Hearing the familiar voice say, “I’m here to ask Mr. Hall if I can take Linda out for a soda after church this Sunday,” Linda sat up in shock. “Hey, Daddy,” William yelled again, “There’s a boy at the door asking if he can take Linda for a soda on Sunday!”
Sitting on the edge of her bed, Linda heard her daddy get up from the table and walk to the front door. She held her breath, hoping to hear what they said but she couldn’t hear a thing because her daddy had closed the door behind him.
***
In the Hall house, dinner was always eaten in silence, However, that night her daddy broke his own rule, saying, “Linda, a boy came a callin’ here today askin’ if he could take you for a soda on Sunday.”
Sitting between her parents, Linda looked first at her momma, then her daddy, but said nothing.
“How do you know this boy?” her daddy asked.
“I met him at church last night,” Linda answered. “Do you wanna go for a soda with him?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I ain’t given it much thought,” Linda answered. Which was a lie, because she thought of nothing else all day.
“Linda, what do you know about this boy?” her momma asked.
“I know his name is Donald, but that’s all I know.”
Looking at her daddy, her momma said, “I don’t think she should go.” Somewhat relieved, Linda said, “I never said I wanted to go.” “Well, I think she should go,” her daddy said. “He seems like a nice enough young man, and she is the next in line to marry off.” Indignant, and forgetting the original subject all together, Linda asked, “What do you mean I’m the next one to be married off?” Getting up from the table, her daddy said,
“I’ve said my piece, I’m goin’ to the bar,” and walked away.
Following her daddy out of the room, her momma said, “Linda,
William’s having dinner at the Russell’s tonight. I’m gonna need you to sit with Arnie.”
Under her breath, Linda said, “Don’t I always?”
After her parents left, Linda washed the dinner dishes, pouting. Ever since her older sister got married, Linda had to watch her much younger brother on the nights her momma and daddy went to the bar, which seemed to be more often these days.
It was laughable because having to watch Arnie was why she started going to church on Wednesday nights. What started out as a weekly reprieve now felt like a curse.
It was confusing, because if Linda had money to bet, she would’ve put it all on her daddy saying she couldn’t go on a date with Donald, while her momma argued she may as well go because she’d have to date eventually if she was going to find a husband. Could it be her daddy really wanted her gone? Married off, as he put it?
And what about her momma? Why wouldn’t she want me to go on a date? She always said it was a woman’s duty to marry. Wasn’t this the next obvious step to fulfilling her duty?
Linda sighed heavily, wondering what in the world she was going to do about Donald as the anger welled up inside her, realizing her momma just wanted a babysitter so she could go to the bar with her daddy.
***
When Linda walked out of church the following Sunday, Donald was standing across the street, next to his car, waiting for her. Since the subject of going for a soda with Donald hadn’t come up again, Linda looked around for her parents for some direction.
She saw her daddy first. He was standing on the far side of the church in a group of men passing around what looked like a whiskey bottle.
Waving her arms frantically until she got his attention, Linda looked back at Donald, then at her daddy and shrugged her shoulders.
With a quirky smile, her daddy shrugged his shoulders leaving the decision to her.
Linda had to admit the idea seemed exciting, but as she walked toward Donald, her legs felt heavy. Her head screamed STOP. Her legs didn’t listen.
Like a cow to slaughter, she thought. Dear God, Linda, what made you think of something like that? With no time to ponder the question, she approached the car just as Donald opened the driver’s door, and mechanically Linda climbed in, sliding across to the passenger side.
Riding in a car alone with a boy who wasn’t her brother with no momma and no daddy anywhere in sight, suddenly Linda felt so grown up.
After parking the car, Donald got out, ran around to the other side, and opened the door for her. Looking up at Donald, Linda smiled nervously and said, “Thank you.”
Inside, Donald ordered two root beers and a basket of fries. In a nearby booth they sat across from each other in silence.
Finding her voice first, Linda asked, “How’d you find out where I live?”
Throwing his head back laughing, Donald asked, “Does it matter?” “It does to me,” she answered, upset he was laughing at her.
“I hope you won’t be mad at me. I followed you home after church,”
Donald said.
Sounding angrier than she felt, Linda said. “You should’ve let me
ask my daddy.”
“If you asked, he would’ve said no, for sure,” Donald said.
“I never said I wanted to have a soda with you, and I distinctly remember saying if I decided I did, I’d ask my daddy myself. Did you forget about that?” Linda asked.
Donald’s eyes changed, hardening a bit. It was just for a second, but it was long enough for Linda to notice, and it made her feel uncomfortable.
“Well, we’re here now, and that’s what matters,” Donald said.
She remembered the moment she opened her eyes during prayer and saw the way he was looking at her. There was just something that made her feel uncomfortable. Try as she might though, Linda couldn’t put her finger on what.
Hoping to change the subject, Linda said, “Thank you for the soda.”
Appearing fully recovered, Donald smiled, saying, “You’re welcome,” then asked, “Would you like to go for a ride in my car?” which nearly caused Linda to choke on her soda. Her daddy never said she could go riding around in a car, but then again, her daddy had left it up to her. So, giving the question one second’s thought, she answered, “Sure, why not?” Linda answered. “Can I listen to the country radio station?”
Back in the car, excited, she asked again, “Can I listen to the radio?” Without waiting for an answer, she flipped it on, turned the dial to the station her daddy listened to at home, and proceeded to sing her heart out as Donald drove out of town toward the lake.
A few minutes later, Donald pulled over, turned off the ignition and said, “Wow, you have a beautiful voice. Where did you learn to sing like that?”
“No one taught me,” Linda said. “I just always loved to sing. So, whenever I get the chance, I sing.”
Linda was tempted to tell Donald the secret she had told no one, not even Mabel—that she had always dreamed of singing on the big stage one day. Singing, all dolled up in a pretty dress, just like those lady singers she saw on her daddy’s TV. Afraid he’d laugh at her again, she didn’t tell him.
As a child, Linda loved to wander off and find a secluded spot where, with a stick in hand, she’d sing any song that came to mind. School songs, church songs, songs she heard on the country station. It didn’t matter; she sang them all. Even if she didn’t know all the words, she’d make some up. She remembered hiding behind a barn or a building, singing her heart out. With her eyes closed, she pretended she was singing on a stage in front of lots of people. With each note she sang, Linda flew higher and higher.
Moved by the passion of the lyrics, her body would sway to the emotion her voice conveyed, singing from the depths of her soul.
Abruptly, Donald asked, “Have you ever been kissed?”
Surprised, Linda nodded her head yes, admitting she had been kissed before. Okay, maybe it was a quick peck on the mouth by a first cousin, but it was a kiss.
Then, before she knew what was happening, Donald’s mouth was on hers, forcing her lips apart as he pushed his tongue into her mouth. Pulling away, she shouted, “DEAR GOD, NO! I ain’t ever been kissed like that before!”
Donald threw his head back, laughing at her again. Linda couldn’t see the humor in any of it, still she laughed nervously with him. She truly hadn’t meant to yell, but his kiss both frightened and fascinated her all at the same time.
Opening the glove compartment, Donald pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering her one. Still reeling from the kiss, Linda looked at the cigarette and said, “No, thank you.”
“What, you haven’t ever smoked, either?” Donald asked, with the emphasis on the word either.
Linda shook her head as she watched Donald light two cigarettes at once. Handing her one, he asked, “Want to try it?”
Not wishing to hear Donald laugh at her again, Linda took the cigarette. Holding it nervously between her first two fingers, raising it to her lips, she took a drag, inhaled deeply, and immediately began coughing.
Again, Donald laughed, making Linda madder.
“If you’re such an expert, why don’t you show me how it’s done.” Linda snapped.
“Technically, you’re supposed to do it exactly like you did. Here, watch me,” Donald said.
Linda watched as Donald showed her how to smoke a cigarette. She tried again, inhaling slowly, then exhaling a huge plume of smoke, thankful this time she didn’t choke.
For the next hour, Linda listened as Donald talked, mostly about himself. Knowing it was getting late, Linda said, “I better be getting home. Daddy’ll be worried.”
“Okay,” Donald said, kissing her sweetly on the cheek. “We better get you home then. We wouldn’t want to upset your daddy.”
When Donald pulled up to the curb, Linda jumped out of the car and ran to the front porch. Turning back, she waved goodbye, forget- ting she was ever mad.
Opening the front door as quietly as she could, praying her momma wouldn’t hear her, Linda headed straight for the stairs.
Following her, her momma yelled, “Linda, wait a minute. How was the soda?”
“It was fine, Momma,” Linda answered, yelling back over her shoulder. Racing to her bedroom, Linda grabbed the doorknob and tried to close the door quickly, but her momma was quicker.
Pushing back on the door, her momma asked, “Where did ya’ll go?”
“Oh my gosh, Momma,” Linda said, “we went to the Frosties. Why?”
“I’m just curious, that’s all,” her momma answered.
“Okay, like I said, we went to Frosties. We drank root beer and talked, that’s all.”
“What do you mean, ‘that’s all’?” her momma asked.
“It means there’s nothing else to tell,” Linda answered, closing the door.
Alone in her room, she sat on the edge of her bed, remembering the feel of Donald’s lips against hers, her body tingling from head to toe with an odd sense of longing.
***
By the time Donald and Linda had been dating for six months, she was proficient at both kissing and smoking.
She and Donald were together before and after school, at the Friday night football games, and even Sundays at church.
They were together so much Linda couldn’t remember her life before Donald. And maybe because he complimented momma on her cooking, something daddy never did, Donald had even grown on her momma. Sometimes, her parents allowed Donald to stay after dinner while they went to the bar. Donald and Linda would sit in the living room watching TV with Arnie unless her brother William was home. If William was home, they would pawn Arnie off on him and sit in front of the house in Donald’s car, kissing until they steamed up the windows.
Skipping school was something else Linda hadn’t done before either, but when Donald said he had something important to tell her that couldn’t wait, curious, she agreed to skip class with him. They drove to the lake, found a very secluded place and because the day was warm, they stripped down to their underwear and jumped into the water to cool off. Linda swam as hard as she could, trying to put distance between them. Donald out-swam her easily.
Swimming back to shore laughing at their antics, Linda was about to get out of the water when Donald grabbed her arm and pulled her back in. Spinning her around, he kissed her long and hard. Unable to breathe, Linda pulled away. Climbing out of the water, she picked up her dress and quickly put it on.
Walking over to the car, she sat down in the front seat rubbing her bruised arms, wishing Donald would get on with telling her his important news.
Donald followed a few minutes later, and as Linda watched Donald pull on his pants, she noted his eyes were fixed intently on her. His stare annoyed her.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Linda asked.
Not taking his eyes off her, Donald said, “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Brushing her hair out with her fingers. Linda said, “I’m listenin’.”
When Donald still didn’t speak, Linda said, “For heaven’s sake, Donald, what is it? Your makin’ me nervous.”
Then, shocked, she stopped brushing in mid-stroke when Donald said, “I’ve quit school.”
“What? Why would you do that?” she asked.
“Because I’m going into the Army,” he answered. “You know the United States is going to get into the war in Vietnam eventually and I want to be ready.”
Sternly, Linda said, “Just because there’s a war goin’ on doesn’t mean you gotta quit school and join up now. You’ll probably get drafted after you graduate, anyway.”
Grabbing her again by the arms, this time more gently, Donald said, “Linda, this is something I’ve got to do. Please try to understand.”
Linda sat silently absorbing the news, not knowing how she felt about it or even how his decision to quit school and join the Army affected her.
“Are you ever coming back to Fresno?” she asked.
“Of course,” he said, “boot camp’s only for six weeks, then I’ll be back.”
She was staring out the window, trying to sort out her feelings, when Donald produced a little diamond ring.
“Linda, will you marry me?” Donald asked.
“For cryin’ out loud, Donald,” Linda said, “I’m only fifteen years old. I ain’t old enough to be marryin’ no one.”
Laughing, Donald said, “People get married young all the time, Linda.”
That’s true, Linda said.
Her sister was only seventeen when she got married. And even her momma and daddy got married young. Still, she thought, just because people do, don’t mean I gotta.
Holding the ring up, Donald asked, “Linda, will you marry me?” “Donald, you know my daddy ain’t gonna allow it,” she said.
“You thought he wouldn’t let us date either.” Donald said. “I will
ask him,”
It wasn’t that Linda didn’t enjoy being with Donald; she did. Most
of the time.
With sad eyes, Donald asked, “You love me, don’t you?”
She certainly loved riding around in his car and kissing, she really liked that! The thought of him going away made her feel sad, but was that love? Did she love Donald? Linda wasn’t sure.
Then Donald asked again, this time louder, “Linda, do you love me?”
Linda knew she needed time to consider her feelings, but not wanting to hurt Donald’s feelings, she whispered, “I don’t know Donald, maybe I do.”
Grabbing the blanket Donald kept on the back seat, Linda got out of the car and walked over to a nearby tree and spread it out. She sat down and lit a cigarette.
A few minutes later, Donald sat down next to her and gently pulled her over to him, kissing her face, her neck, her ears, and her mouth.
“Please stop, Donald.” Linda said, trying to get up. His kisses were heady, and she felt like she was drowning. “Donald, stop. You’re driving me crazy, I need to think,” she said, pushing him away.
Donald didn’t stop. He became forceful, pushing her down, forcing his way on top of her. Then, placing his knee between hers, she felt him push as if trying to spread her legs apart. Scared, Linda pushed back hard.
“Donald!” Linda yelled, “I said stop!”
She watched uncomfortably as Donald’s eyes went from hard to near tears in a flash.
“Oh, Linda,” Donald said, “I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I got carried away when you said you love me. I didn’t mean to hurt to you.” When she did not respond, Donald begged, “Linda, please don’t be mad at me. I love you and I want to marry you.”
“I didn’t say I love you. I said maybe I do,” Linda whispered.
Gently kissing her cheek, Donald buried his face in her neck. Feeling the warmth of his breath upon her skin, Linda’s head spun.
“That’s good enough for me,” Donald whispered. “Please say you’ll marry me.”
So, with his kisses exciting her young tender body and his words wooing her tender heart, Linda whispered, “Okay, if my daddy says yes, I will marry you.”
When they pulled up in front of her parents’ house, Donald jumped out of the car and ran around to the passenger side. Opening the door, he pushed the little diamond ring into her hand and whispered in her ear, “Don’t tell anyone about our plans yet.”
Thankful no one was home, Linda ran up the stairs, threw herself on her bed, and cried. She felt so confused. Was it love she felt when Donald kissed her?
Finally, all cried out, she lay staring at the ceiling, remembering the feel of Donald’s body on top of hers. She could still feel the warmth of his hands where he’d touched her bare skin. The memory caused a warm sensation that started at her feet, running up her legs, over her knees and exploding between her thighs, causing a pulsating sensation Linda knew nothing of.
All of her life, her momma told her one day she’d get married and have babies because that’s what women do. What her momma hadn’t done was take the time to explain how you went from getting married to having babies. Somehow, Linda felt sure it had something to do with the pulsating sensation she felt down there.
***
One week later, Linda was sitting on the front porch swing waiting for Donald when her daddy walked outside and sat down next to her.
“So, what are you and Donald up to tonight?” he asked.
Not sure if it was true, Linda answered, “Going to a movie.” When Donald pulled up, Linda jumped up intending to run out to
meet him, but her daddy grabbed her by the arm saying, “Sit yourself down, missy. You wait for your young man to come and get you.”
Just then, her momma walked out onto the porch and Linda jumped up again, this time to give momma her place on the porch swing, next to her daddy.
Running down the front steps, Linda yelled, “We better get goin’. We don’t wanna to be late for the movie.”
As Donald got closer, Linda could see his face was pale, and he didn’t look so good. She felt her own dinner rise from her stomach into her throat because the look on Donald’s face said it all.
He never looked at her, just her parents. First, he looked at her momma, “Good evening, ma’am,” Donald said. Then he turned to her daddy and, without taking a pause, Donald said, “Mr. Hall, I’d like your permission to marry Linda.”
Linda held her breath, silently praying her daddy’d say no.
Clearing his throat, her daddy looked at her momma and said, “You two are awfully young to marry. Ya’ll haven’t even finished your school- ing yet. How about you tell us your plans, son?”
“That’s all true sir,” Donald said. “However, I’ve joined the Army. I leave for boot camp in a week, and with your permission, I’d like for us to get married before I leave.”
Linda’s head snapped up in surprise and she blurted out, “Wait, what’s the rush? I wanna finish school,” Linda said, but nobody was listening to her.
Without even looking Linda’s way, Donald continued, saying, “And of course, Linda can finish the school year and I’ll come for her when I get stationed somewhere permanent.”
“Donald, we ain’t talked about any of this. We need to talk,” Linda begged, tugging on his arm. Donald stood ramrod stiff, looking at her daddy, waiting for his answer.
“Daddy, me and Donald need to talk,” Linda said, pulling on Donald’s shirt sleeve. Donald shook her off, not taking his eyes off her daddy. What she heard next was the biggest shock of all. Without even asking if she wanted to marry Donald, her daddy said, “Congratulations son, I hope ya’ll get stationed somewhere close by.” then getting up, he walked into the house, closing the door behind him.
“Donald, Linda said, I think I’ll pass on goin’ out tonight. I don’t feel so good,” then she turned and followed her daddy into the house. In her room, standing in front of her dresser staring at herself in the mirror, she wondered what in the world just happened? In the past twenty minutes, she’d gone from a schoolgirl about to go on a date to being engaged to a boy she barely knew.
She’d been so sure her daddy’d say no. And why hadn’t her momma
spoken up? It was just a few months ago her momma was against her and Donald even dating.
Nothing made any sense. For God’s sake, she was only 15 years old. Was she the only one who realized they were just kids? Or maybe it had been her daddy’s intention all along, to marry her off like he said.
Jumping off her bed angrily, Linda threw open her bedroom door, intending to confront her parents, when she heard them yelling downstairs.
Their fighting was another thing occurring more and more lately. Tiptoeing down the stairs, Linda sat at the bottom, listening.
And although she didn’t find out why her daddy gave his permis- sion for them to get married, she did find out her daddy had lost his job weeks ago. Linda quit listening when her momma asked where her daddy had been spending his days and her daddy didn’t answer. She didn’t care to know the answer to that question.
***
Linda was barely awake the next morning when her momma walked in and sat down on the edge of her the bed, saying, “So, as of last night you’re officially a woman.”
Linda burst out laughing, “Seriously, Momma? I’m fifteen years old and I ain’t no more a woman today than I was yesterday.”
Putting up her hand to silence Linda, her momma said, “You are almost sixteen years old and you’re engaged now. Which means you’re about to be Donald’s wife and soon you’ll be havin’ his babies.”
“Momma, please listen,” Linda pleaded. “I don’t wanna be no one’s wife.”
“No Linda, you to listen to me,” her momma scolded. “You need to marry Donald and get the hell out of here. Your Daddy told me last night he lost his job, again. If he doesn’t find work soon, we’ll be back to living in the damned car.”
Raising her voice, Linda said, “I don’t understand why that’s a problem. Daddy’s lost his job lots of times and we’ve moved more times than I can count, but we ain’t never had to get rid of a kid before.”
“Linda, we’ve always struggled, you know that. The truth is both Howard and Mabel left home knowin’ it was the best thing for the family.”
“Howard left because he didn’t like daddy’s drinkin’, Momma. And Mabel left when she got married,” Linda argued.
Linda knew things had always been hard for her parents. There never was enough money, but she didn’t see how her getting married was going to help much.
“I am sorry you feel like we’re gettin’ rid of you. Please try to understand. Your daddy feels Donald can take better care of you than he can, and he thinks this is the best thing for you.”
“What do you think, Momma?” Linda asked.
“I think Donald goin’ into the Army is a good thing. There will be a steady income. You’ll always have a home and there will be money to buy nice things. Don’t you want nice things?” her momma asked.
Linda hadn’t ever given it much thought, but answered, “I guess so.” Wiping the tears from her eyes, she asked, “Still, I wanna know if you think marryin’ Donald is the best thing for me, Momma?”
With tears in her eyes, her Momma answered, “I ain’t gonna sugar coat things, Linda, marriage ain’t always easy but, yes, I think your marryin’ Donald is for the best,”
Getting married and having babies wasn’t what Linda wanted. She just wanted to sing.
Wondering if maybe there was still a way she could sing on the big
stage and be a wife too, for the next half hour, Linda listened as her momma told her, in some detail, what she could expect on her wedding night.
When her momma finished speaking, she asked, “Do you have any questions?”
With the tears now streaming down her face, Linda asked, “Is it gonna hurt?”
“Yes, but only for a minute,” her momma answered.
When her momma left the room, Linda laid on her bed, thinking about everything she’d said. Linda still wasn’t sure marrying Donald was the best thing for her, however she could read between the lines and understood her marrying Donald was the best thing for her family. And she was very curious about what her momma called, “the coming together of a husband and a wife.”
