The Navy brought me to the Naval Station Norfolk, in Norfolk, VA. I was dealing with the burden of leaving my son, yet again, in Georgia. I entered the Navy two years prior for him, as he deserved a better life and a better chance. I refused to let him walk down the same road as his bio.
Oh, I forgot to introduce myself; I am so sorry. My name is Dee Jacks, and my son’s name is Tony Tom. Yeah, I know both of our names sound corny, but it is what it is (laughing out loud). I was born in Hampton, Virginia, and raised in Valdosta, Georgia, a small town where everyone knew everyone. I had a ton of relatives and friends there, creating a sense of belonging and safety within.
Outside of family and friends, I met my now, ex-husband in Valdosta. During our relationship, we had a son together, Tony. I went through a lot with my ex, as he did terrible things, and I made some bad choices too. With everyone insinuating that Tony would end up just like him, it was time for me to end the marriage and shield my son from the darkness of his father. Reclaiming our lives, I decided to enlist in the Navy, and I wasn’t going to look back.
The Navy didn’t function around nor accommodate the needs of single parents, so it was difficult to find childcare, as my first duty station was a Marine base. My family and best friends extended their help during that time, and I was so grateful for them. Eventually, I left my first duty station in California, settling on the East Coast with easier access to my child. Additionally, I was able to take a leave of absence for a couple months, and it was so much fun.
Sadly, the fun ended, and I reported to my ship. I was not looking forward to this life, but when I enlisted, I felt like I was out of options. As a mother, I did what was necessary for the best interest of my son. I was on the ship, not even five days, and the men were already hitting on me. I’m not going to lie and say I didn’t like it, but it was entirely different from the real world. I decided I wanted to meet guys another way, so I stepped into online dating. I didn’t know what I was going to get, but it was worth a shot.
I was extremely up front in my bio, emphasizing my status as a single parent, highlighting my son and I as a packaged deal. A man could not have one without the other. I encountered a couple of failed dates which reminded me why I should have steered away from online connections. I was looking for a man who would give me comfort; a man I could trust with my heart, showing real love which was the opposite of what my ex and other men exhibited in my past.
I gave my life to Christ when I was six years old, and I took that relationship seriously for an exceptionally long time. Then, when I was around twelve years of age, my mom had a total breakdown. She would hit me, put me outside, and do other hurtful things she couldn’t remember. At that point, I lost my faith in God because I couldn’t believe He would allow one of his servants to become so aggressive and abusive. Consequently, I ran away from home at age seventeen and always welcomed men as the center of my life. I chose the flesh instead of making sure God was the center and keeping it that way. In the end, it stripped away my peace of mind.
When I love, I love deeply, blinding myself to misdeeds so I can encourage and support the best in a man, even if he is the worst. I expect what I give in return, despising a man when he takes advantage of me and throws my kindness back in my face. Like I said, I was searching for what I should have been waiting for. Then, I met him.
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