Introduction
Hi, mama! If you’re not a mama, but reading this to support a mama, then hello, friend! I am so glad you found your way here; it is an honor and a privilege.
I have been an avid reader my entire life. I love how stories can transport us to another world and how some stories or books can validate and support us in ways we didn’t know we needed. I’ve learned that there is a term for that: bibliotherapy, basically the way books can help support our mental wellness.
I have wanted to write a book for as long as I can remember and support readers the way literature has supported me. As a kid, I wrote countless stories on a desktop computer in my grandparents’ basement. As I got older, I found comfort in journaling my emotions and personal experiences.
When I was twelve, my maternal grandfather was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and Dementia. He declined quickly and died when I was 13. That’s when my writing took a turn. I didn’t know it then, but writing about this experience was my form of therapy. Since then, writing has become one of the best forms of personal healing I like to share with others.
When I began writing this book in the summer of 2022, I was on maternity leave from my full-time job as a grief counselor. I absolutely love my work and the amount I have learned from others’ grief journeys. Because of my role and education, I imagined my first book would be about grief and loss. I will get to writing that book, but my inspiration for writing this book for mamas was sparked during a trip to Target.
Being a mom is hard enough as it is, but I was definitely in the thick of it with a toddler who started partying every day at 6:00 am and a newborn who required my constant attention. At the time, my littlest was eight weeks, and my oldest was 19 months. Needless to say, I was feeling overwhelmed and touched out. I wanted to get my eyebrows waxed for an upcoming vacation, but honestly, I just wanted to get out of the house. My husband always supports my self-care, so he told me to leave the house and take as long as needed. I decided to do the typical millennial therapy technique of a Target shopping trip, where I tend to browse the book aisle and stock up on some new literature (I have a huge stack of books in my “to be read” pile).
At that moment, in that book aisle, I was looking for validation and reassurance. Since my mind was filled with thoughts of motherhood, surviving postpartum, and trying to care for myself, I searched the aisles for books specifically for moms. I searched for a title to pop out at my sleep-deprived mom brain. Something just for mamas to read when we need some inspiration or affirmation or stories from other mamas in similar situations.
To my disappointment, there were no books at that Target specifically for mamas; I was undeniably let down during this shopping trip. Since then, I have done a deep dive searching for supportive books for new moms. I found a few, but they weren’t the type of validation I sought. All of this reinforced that I wanted to be the author whose book could end up on a Target shelf for a mama who might need some of the validation I was searching for.
Thus came the inspiration to write a book for mamas of all kinds, especially those in the early years of motherhood. This book could also be used by others who wish to understand some of the things we go through as new mamas. My intention in writing this book is to validate as many of the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that we go through during the early years.
The title, Mama, Let’s Talk About… All of It comes from a few different places. The biggest reason I settled on this title is that we still live in a society and culture that is afraid to talk about things that make us uncomfortable. As shown in the movies and many television shows, and especially on most social media platforms, motherhood is often portrayed as a perfect experience where we can only discuss how amazing it is, leaving no room to talk about the hard stuff.
I’m trying to change the narrative that we actually can and should talk about the hard stuff. In fact, it’s healthier to talk about all of our emotions instead of keeping them bottled up, pretending everything is perfect. We need to be able to sit in discomfort because that’s where healing and growth happen.
As moms, most of us often think the same things. I’ve found that many of us are too afraid to admit something or talk about the hard stuff because we feel like failures or don’t have a safe space to talk about it. We don’t need to put ourselves or each other down; we need to share our stories. Motherhood is a magical, unexplainable, life-changing experience. My babies are the best things that have ever happened to me. But that doesn’t mean that it’s not hard. I hope that in sharing some of my stories, I give you validation and support while reminding you that you’re not alone.
This book includes personal stories I have experienced on my motherhood journey thus far, with insight from some of my mama friends who have experienced things I haven’t. This book also includes some of the things that I wish someone had told me as I prepared for motherhood, such as how pregnancy could go or how traumatic birth can be, or what the fourth trimester might look like (I didn’t know I was going to be wearing diapers too).
This book won’t tell you what to do or what you should do regarding your babies or motherhood journey. You get to decide that yourself; try to trust yourself and your mama instincts. My goal is to validate you sensitively, respectfully, and compassionately. What works for you may not work for another mama, and that’s okay! What works for you may be the only thing that works for another mama, and that’s okay too! Please also know that I recognize and celebrate every type of mom in this world.
There is no perfect mold of what a mom looks like; I acknowledge and honor all mamas. I see all of you; you are amazing and beautiful.
This book touches on just a few of the thousands of things we go through. When I wrote this book, I was just beginning my journey of motherhood, so these chapters do not go beyond the first two years. I would need to write ten books to touch on all the motherhood topics, which may not be enough. Maybe I can get to that one day. This book does not need to be read in a particular order; instead, I want you to be able to jump to whichever chapter you need most on a specific day. You can bookmark that chapter and flip to the next one when you get to that part of your journey.
Mama, thank you for taking the time to read this book. I really hope you like it, and if you do, I hope you share it with another mama or friend who might need the support or validation, too. I understand and hold no hard feelings if this book isn’t a good fit for you. I wrote this book hoping to fill a gap I saw in the literature for mamas. In a way, this book has been one of my babies. I wanted to write this book because I believe that when we talk about the hard stuff, we begin to heal and make this world a better place for ourselves and our babies.
Let’s talk about the hard stuff. The messy stuff. The cringe-worthy stuff. The disastrous stuff. The fun stuff. The beautiful stuff. The stuff that fills our hearts and brings us joy. If you get any sense of comfort, validation, or support from this book, this venture has been entirely worth it. I wish you all the best wherever you are on your journey.
Okay, mama, now let’s talk about… all of it.
All my love, Nikki
