The morning sun was finally peeking over the edge of the city’s buildings; its rays crawling through the various windows, pushing past light curtains, to spill into all sorts of places. Jade blinked her eyes sharply, against the bright light, releasing a yawn, as she slowly sat up in bed. She peered to the right, toward the window, as dawn was making its fiery entrance. Her eyes shifted down to the sleeping body next to her; her boyfriend, Eli, nestled under white sheets, as he snored softly. She always felt incredibly loving, in the morning, when no dark thoughts had touched her mind just yet.
Jade smiled down at him, wanting to reach out and run her hand over the short, dark curls on his head. They had been togetherfor a little more than a year, now, as they ventured into their mid-twenties. The last year had been incredible; full of fun dates deep moments and passion. It had bordered on perfect, starting from the moment they had met at her job.
Jade worked at an office, in the city, as a desk assistant, answering phone calls and booking appointments all day. She also signed for any packages, which was where Eli came in. He was the building’s delivery man and she nearly swooned over him the moment she saw him. He was so tall and so handsome, with his dark eyes and flawless looking skin. He had a boyish smile that was adorable, pairing well with the tight curls adorning his head. Even the grey delivery outfit –a short-sleeved, button-downshirt and pants – looked great on his fit and young body. They had flirted up a storm, right there at the desk, ignoring the world around them, as it went on without them. They didn’t care All they were focused on was each other. She was on the cusp of heartbreak, at that time; having just gotten out of a toxic relationship that ended with her ex, Jordan, cheating on her and leavingher broken. When she first saw Eli, she felt like she was being healed, on the spot, as warmth caressed her heart and soul.
They ended up quietly exchanging numbers, with the promise to talk again soon. Eli left after throwing a charming wink at her, over his shoulder, and Jade was hooked. They talked for a month, before finally making things official, at a beautiful park in town, where they stood on the edge of a lake, with the stars above them. From then on, things had been wonderful They remained strong, but things weren’t exactly perfect There were remnants of the darkness of her past, that threatened their relationship, from time to time. Her insecurities drawing themselves in and out of her life always happened as quickly as breaths. She wanted them to go away, but they were somehow attached to her, refusing to let go.
Eli’s phone suddenly buzzing pulled her from her thoughts. Her eyes immediately shot to it, as it rested on the surface of the nightstand She found herself leaning over Eli’s snoozing body, trying to read the screen, to see what had made his phone go off.
She knew what she was doing was wrong, and invasive, but she
just couldn’t help it. It had been engrained in her nature to check
and see what was going on. She had done it, lightly, and almost
playfully, in her last relationship and it had unveiled a whole dark
world of trouble and pain for her.
Jordan had been sending flirty texts, and explicit photos,
back and forth, to some girl that she didn’t know. She even knew that some of the messages had been sent while they were
cuddling on the couch or taking walks together. He was able to
look in her eyes and tell her that he loved her, one second, then
tell another girl that he wanted to rip her clothes off, the next
second. Even the thought of that made her terribly nauseous and
she just couldn’t believe that he had betrayed her like that. Her
trust was shattered and it just hadn’t been fixed yet.
“Good morning,” a slurred voice sounded beneath her.
Jade immediately threw herself back, in her spot, in the bed,
acting like she hadn’t been a second away from grabbing his
phone and seeing what notifications were on it. She could feel
the insecurity eating away at her, slowly disintegrating the good
mood that she had woken up in. The light of dawn never lasted,
too long, before her own darkness ate away at it. It made her feel
down, a lot, because she wanted to be happy, but she just
couldn’t shake the feeling that something had to be wrong with
their relationship. If her ex, who she had loved, once, could
betray her, who said that Eli couldn’t do the same exact thing to
her? Was his love genuine?
“Hey, what’s wrong, baby?” Eli mumbled, as his big, dark eyes
finally opened fully, gazing up at her, confusion tainting his
Jade shook her head, and forced a smile onto her face, as she
looked away from him. He knew her very well, so, hiding things
from him was hard. However, it just wasn’t a conversation that
she felt like having, right now. She knew that she was insecure,
and had trust issues, but there wasn’t a direct fix for that.
“Nothing. How did you sleep?” Jade asked, as she leaned back
against the wooden headboard, with her hand reaching up into
her shoulder-length hair, to brush her fingers through the wavy
strands. She wanted to hide from his wondering eyes, but she
didn’t want to push herself away from him. He had been the best
thing that had ever happened to her. He made her so happy, by
pushing her to be better, in all aspects of her life and she had
gotten better being with him. There were just some parts of her that still needed work and he understood that. He had promised
to be patient with her, knowing how badly she had been hurt
“Good. I always sleep good with you,” Eli murmured
happily, a glowing smile crossing his lips, as he wrapped his
arms around her, tugging her down to lay her head against his
bare chest. He kissed the top of her head, holding her close
Jade took a moment to revel in the warmth of his skin
against hers, her fingertips tracing the flat plane of his stomach,
all the way up to his broad chest. She enjoyed moments, like
these, when she tried to forget the rest of the world. They had
gotten an apartment together, a few months ago, and it was like
their own safe haven, away from the world. She could hide from
the craziness of the world, there with him, but she just couldn’t
hide from the demons lurking inside of her mind, which was
terribly ironic to her.
“What do you want to do, today?” Jade asked him, wondering
what his plans were for the day. It was Saturday, so they would
either go out, for the day, or he would spend time with his
friends, Lucas and Aidan. Deep down, she would rather hang out
with him because she wasn’t all that fond of Aidan, who
catcalled every female that passed by him and made it a point to
show Eli and Lucas every girl he managed to seduce into bed.
She didn’t like the thought of Aidan talking about other girls to
Eli. It could coax Eli to cheat on her, with someone who was
younger and prettier than her, which had become one of her
“How about I take you out for lunch, today?” Eli suggested,
tilting his head to gaze down at her, with a bright smile.
Jade felt her heart ache, at the look, knowing that he really
did love her. He did everything in his power to make her happy,
whether that was cuddling her, when she was down, or taking
her out on fun dates, to help her decompress, when she wasn’t at
work. He was the sweetest person that she had ever met and she was beyond grateful for everything that he did for her. She just
wished that she fully trusted him.
“Sounds good,” Jade told him, with a small smile, feeling
relieved that he had chosen to stay with her, for the day, instead
of going out with his friends. She knew how selfish that sounded,
because she didn’t mind him and Lucas hanging out. Lucas had
no interest in gawking over other females, like Aidan. It was just
Aidan that she didn’t like Eli being around. He was a bad influ-
ence, always trying to get Eli to go out and drink and go to clubs.
Those types of settings weren’t even places of interest to Eli. She
knew that he would rather take a morning walk, in the park, or
curl up and watch a movie, with her.
“Great. I’m going to take a shower and get ready,” Eli told
her, as he slowly leaned up, his arms wrapping around her to coax
her to sit up with him. He gently brushed a strand of her dark
hair behind her ear, his lips finding her forehead in a sweet
touch, before he got out of bed and headed to their small
Once the door shut, Jade’s eyes immediately went to his
phone, which he had left sitting on the nightstand, without even
checking it. It made her feel even more guilty, because of how
open he was with his phone. He never tried to hide his messages
from her. He even asked her to text people back, for him,
without any hesitation. He acted like he had nothing to hide, but it also could’ve been a sly tactic to discourage Jade from even bothering to look.
Jade buried her face in her hands, wishing those intrusive thoughts would go away. She felt like she was being an awful girlfriend, with her lack of trust and her obsessive desire to snoop around She also knew that, if she looked, it could hurt her. It would be easy to just ignore it, like a lot of other girls did, but she just couldn’t do that, after what happened with her last relationship. There were always secrets and she would always get hurt
“Babe, could you bring me a washcloth?” Eli’s voice sounded from the bathroom, interrupting her chaotic cycle of thoughts, once again.
Jade figured that she could look, another time, if she really felt like she needed to. She got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom to grab a washcloth, as a nagging feeling persisted, in the back of her head. She needed to know his secrets, the things that could hurt her. She didn’t chase pain; she just knew that it waited around the corner for her.
As she walked into the closet, her eyes trailed down to see a crumbled-upshirt on the ground, one that she remembered him wearing a few days ago. Curious, she bent down and picked it up, wondering why he had tossed it into the corner of the closet, when he usually threw his clothes in the hamper. She brought the fabric up to her nose, subtly smelling it, to see if she could pick up any traces of perfume. When she didn’t smell anything,
she shook her head at herself. She was going crazy, but disloyalty had made her that way. She could only hope that Eli could stay loyal and fix her.