Feel/Vice City
Lionel Eugene Dunn
The night Mami delivered Amani, I was tripping after Hakim bailed on me. He told me that I was a part of THE PACT to help save Mandisa, but he didn’t need my help other than just trusting him. I was terrified when Dr. King surfaced. When I saw Mandisa’s change in behavior around her father, it made me want to swing on his ass. His blue eyes had this callous stare locked on her the moment we walked into the room. If it was not for Cyrus getting Amani to wake up, that motherfucker probably would have flipped out. He didn’t want us there, and he didn’t fancy Cyrus touching Amani. I saw that shit. But Mami kept him listening to her.
She softened him up until he realized other motherfuckers could take better care of her. I think he understood Mami was serious about the divorce shit when she insisted Mandisa go to school. Dr. King really didn’t want her to leave at all. He had a lock on her hand in the seat. Mandisa looked like she had been beaten by the man. Her eyes were down or on her mother and sister the entire time. She acknowledged us walking in after Cyrus woke up Amani. But she would not look at me! I think that if Mandisa said a word to either of us before he said it was okay, he would have gone off right there.
When I’m terrified like that, I shut the fuck up, wanna fight, or else…I’ll start to cry. Nobody knew what to do but Hakim and Mami. That became obvious from the moment we learned Dr. King was here in Longview. Hakim suddenly snapped into his Master Manipulator Mode. That shit makes me nervous after the shit that happened when they made The Contract. When Hakim is stressed like this, he turns into a mean, crazy, and evil nigga. The last few months that he’s been around more, I’ve started to see the shit Cyrus and Kaliah were talking about.
I fell back with the insults because the more I went for him, the sadder he became. He wasn’t furious at me. He was so depressed that he attacked me, striving to get angry, but it wouldn’t work, so he’d leave. He was pissed at me the time I called Mandisa a bitch. If Cyrus hadn’t held my brother until I apologized, Hakim would have treated me like an op, straight traitor. I could see it in his eyes. They were enormous and bloodshot the moment he locked his sight on me.
You’re gonna think I’m fucking with your heads when I say this shit…But I started to hear a motherfucker screaming at me. Not Hakim, another voice I’ve never heard before…it was so loud it scared the shit out of me!
When Hakim tried to run into the highway and kill himself…I had an asthma attack! I couldn’t breathe. I fell to the floor, trying to get to my inhaler in his bag. I gave up when I saw Mandisa attempting to stop him. Cyrus saw it happening and tried to help before he made a run to stop Hakim. I was more worried about my brother!
He was gonna do that shit if Mandisa broke up with him. I know that Hakim is crazy now...well…he’s always been weird. But I kept pushing him until he was so sad he wanted to die again. Cyrus told me that Hakim tried to kill himself many times after we fought, and I never knew. It fucked me up.
But being nice to Hakim still feels off because he talks like he doesn’t respect anyone when he is SCARED. He said some shit that made me start to think back. A lot of niggas are afraid of my brother, and they will not fuck with any of us because of that shit. I know that ‘Pretty Tony’ Guccione, the owner of Gucci’s, can’t stand Cyrus, but he’s terrified to turn him away because of Hakim. Cyrus knows better than to press his luck, and that’s why he’s always moving around. We club everywhere we can get in, and when you have money…You know that nigga Tony isn’t going to turn down Cyrus spending his paper as long as Hakim is around him. We went to Gucci’s with Mandisa once, we all had to fight when Tony tried to come at her, and Hakim said that was the last time for them.
***
I’m with my boy, so I’m not trippin’ on these niggas. Lester Woods will pop a nigga if he doesn’t want to catch hands. Best believe if any of these niggas test Les, Lionel is gonna fuck them up. He’s really like my big brother. Lester always seems to know when I’m alone and afraid. He comes and finds me no matter where I may be and tries to cheer me up. It never fails. The moment Hakim bails on me when I’m scared, Lester Woods calls or comes by.
Lester was my best friend, Jamire’s big brother, who was always around the hood. Les was a pimp. Yeah, really, but not the kind that Sweets and Ace were back in the gap. See, Lester is a bit different. Yeah, he runs hos, okay? But Lester takes outstanding care of all the girls that have ever worked for him. He never hit a bitch as far as I know, but he will fuck up any nigga that gives him the wrong vibe when he’s mad. Lester was crazy, and we all knew it, but he was always looking out for the kids and girls in the hood.
He didn’t like going to Gucci’s, and we didn’t either because of Tony Guccione. He was the asshole that opened up shop here back when Sweets was running shit. He worked with Miles, the same nigga that sold crack to Maya’s mom. Tony thought he was a pimp, opened this place, aiming to run hos out of the back. But Tony was snatching up pretty little girls when they got to look a certain age, he offered them work as a waitress, but they wound up getting raped, turned out, or dancing in the back.
Pretty Tony is a piece of shit, but his club is the only place around that doesn’t ask questions when you got paper. If you go in back, people know you’re there for the Strip Club/Brothel. But the dance club was where you go if you just want to party like a rock star and spend your money. I see a lot of rich kids there that know they can do whatever at Gucci’s. It’s the closest thing to Magic City out here in the country, open every night. Nobody fucks with Tony because it’s on his private property, outside the city limits, and he pays enough people to cover shit he and homies do up.
Lester has been beefing with Pretty Tony for years over fucking up the young girls before they are old enough to make up their minds, hitting and raping women, and fucking with Cyrus. Yeah, Lester is white, but he’s an ally. Kaliah told me that white people are messed up like us. Looking at peoples’ skin without knowing their heads is the same as looking at us as a threat. I agree with that... All I know is Lester is not about fucking up the community with the bullshit that Pretty Tony Guccione has been on for years. Lester shows up looking for his ass to test him cause Tony is scared of him.
“What the fuck do you want?!” As we pulled into Gucci’s parking lot, Lester screamed out the heavily tinted driver’s window to a group of people eyeing his new ride. When Les pulled up on the block in that bitch I had to ride! I had never seen a car worthy of so much MONEY! That pretty 2019 white and gold custom Bentley Continental was the real deal! The chrome on those wheels was shining at night with barely any light! He had a burnt caramel and black interior with “Les is Extra” stitched into the headrests that were so sick I got nauseous.”You niggas acting like you never seen a white man drive his brother around in a Bentley before, shit! Lionel, you wanna really fuck ’em up? Here, nigga, you push my shit!”
“For real, Les?!” I demanded, stunned as shit. Lester just bought this bitch, and it is clean! I had never seen a real Bentley before, and this nigga went and bought one just to flex! Niggas in THE VIEW don’t drive Bentleys. Everybody and they Mama have those cheaper look-alikes. I know my big brother Lester dropped some paper cause he loves to aggravate fake niggas, to see who wants to fight, and Lester talks way more shit than me. I didn’t have my license, and Hakim and Cyrus never let me drive. “You really gonna let me roll this shit?!”
“It’s just a fuckin car, Nigga! Here swap out,” Les snickered, putting that bitch in park.
He hopped out in the middle of the club entrance, blocking motherfuckers way. Les had a blunt in his mouth, a gun in his jacket, and dusted the ashes off his Versace shirt. His green eyes were red ass hell in the headlights, grinning at me. He reminded me of Kaliah with the same short red curly hair and green eyes. Les’s tall, swoll frame was also similar to Kaliah's.
You know I’m gonna drive this bitch, right? I walked past Les, getting in the driver’s seat. I put that bitch in drive, we cruised the parking lot, and niggas were watching like they saw Lil Wayne when they looked at me. I got chills everywhere…Ewww…!
It was ugly the way niggas recognized me, then their jaws would drop. I love that shit. Yeah, Nigga, I’m that nigga to give you those waves. You hate your life right now, don’t you? I can see it all over your ratchet faces.
Kill yo self! This is the shit I live for! Oooh!
“Nobody is gonna believe me when I tell them this shit at school tomorrow, Bro,” I chuckled, struggling to contain my excitement.
My knee was twitching; I was so damn happy. Les glanced over at me, passing the blunt. His eyes glossed over as he let a giant cloud in my face. His eyebrows drew together, smiling. Lester was the man in the hood that we all knew got the bag and the hos. He had every pretty girl around the way chasing after his cars when he drove by. But Lester is a player. He’s always on the move across Texas, so he can’t be tied down. I got brothers that are all about the grind and taking care of family. Lester is the breadwinner, and he is happy being the man taking care of his little brother now that his parents are as old as G.D. and Granny Sophie. I think that’s why Lester kicks it strong with me. He treats me like Jamire. But Les pops up to hang out because he’s rarely in town. That’s why it’s hard to turn down Les when he pulls up. My nigga is making actual moves. I try to hang and absorb as much as I can. I’ve learned how to treat these niggas and not trust these hos fucking around in the streets with Les. Hakim doesn’t teach a class like Lester Woods.
“Lionel, you still in school? I thought you dropped out or graduated… How old are you, Nigga?” Les laughed as I took the blunt.
“Bro! You know Hakim would kick my ass if I quit school. That’s Jamire that dropped out! I’m just 15. I got plans, and I need my degree to get my paper. I’m pretty sure I’m going to college. I don’t know what the fuck for, though,” I snickered, blowing the blunt while I parked.
“15? Nigga, I could have sworn you were at least 17! You look 20 with all that hair on your chin! I can’t even grow a fucking beard, and here your bony-ass is looking like a damn billy goat! But bitches love smooth niggas. So, I’ll shave all my body hair off, even my balls! I grow hair everywhere but my damn face! What…the…fuck, Lionel?
‘I feel Hakim’s struggle. But he pulls way more bitches than my broke ass!” Lester chuckled red as hell in the face. He was high as hell and running off at the mouth. His eyes kept scanning the parking lot, looking for any reason to pop off. I know, Lester; he never lets his guard down. That nigga sat forward, eyeing a bunch of dudes in a black car that slowed down staring at us. Lester opened his door and leaned over, staring them down with his gun, smirking. Those niggas got the fuck gone! Les dove back in his seat, laughing. “You still single, Nigga? I know you not checking for anything since May-May up and got taken. These hos ain’t loyal, and the women don’t know the real, so you better off fucking and moving around until they know you are serious. Fuck, you mean?”
“I don’t care about no bitches, Les,” I groaned, nodding. “Hos started begging too much since Hakim raised my spending cap. I’m not spending my paper on these hos. I get the pussy and goes about my way!”
“Man, Lionel, I love all bitches. I wish all of them could be my wife, really. I’d give them all the shit they want too. I don’t mind providing for a woman that gives me what the fuck I need! I don’t care I’ll take white bitches, black bitches are beautiful, shit I’ve fucked a bitch from Greenland that lived in Iceland,” Les thought toward me, watching the parking lot a moment more. “That was some cold-ass pussy! Her pussy was so cold when it got wet, my balls stuck to her ass. It was like that kid’s tongue in A Christmas Story. I told that bitch next time we fuck, we gonna be in a hot tub or something! I can’t lose my shit fucking the White Witch from Narnia!”
I loved fucking with Lester when he was high. He would go on and on about his business. Hakim never told me shit about what he was doing. Lester Woods didn’t have any shame, and he loved talking shit like me. So I was gassing him up to keep sharing. He loved it…I know it boosted his ego. When he got a good vibe, Les would talk, laugh, wanna party, and start making it rain! I loved that shit, so I was down to boost my homie’s ego. He did that shit for me all the time, and he was down to show me the best time anytime I rode with him. Yea, sometimes I had to fight, but fuck it…Better than sitting at home alone, worried about what my brother was out doing.
“You not fucking that much, Bro…But it’s cool. I know how you operate,” I chuckled, teasing him. “I’ve always seen you pull some fine dimes. But the sisters don’t peep for you like that, though, do they?”
“Hell yes! The SISTERS be playing hard to get and shit. But I’m not mad at them. I understand, baby. You’re infuriated at all the fucked up shit in your life that you can’t control. I can put some milk in yo coffee, take a drank, and cover you in this cream. Then I’ll get you whatever makes you smile until the next time I hear you crying in my ear. I don’t chase the ones that don’t want me, Bro.
‘The ones that know what I got come to me, and they learn that I’m a cool dude. I let them know I’m not looking for a real thang, and I like to play around. If they down to play, I’ll pay, and if they want more money, I tell them how they can come up. Some are down, and some ain’t…but in the end, it’s her choice,” Les told me seriously but joking.
Then he scowled, watching the club thinking again. “The shit that Tony is doing has been going on too long. Every time I leave to work and come back…It’s worse for the girls around East Texas. It’s not the big cities…these little tiny towns…He’s preying on girls nobody’s gonna miss. Pretty Tony is asking for it, man!
‘I don’t get these fake niggas, Bro.
‘Riddle me this, Lionel? Why the fuck all these niggas out here aiming to pull a bitch they know Tony and his boys probably ran through? They know what goes on here, talk all that shit, but won’t bust one cap in his ass? These bitches don’t have not one REAL NIGGA protecting them from that trash. Pumping up the rural area with Miles’s poison, raping teenage girls, doping niggas up, set ‘em up to get cleaned out by them scared hos he made, and the motherfucker got the nerve to talk shit about me behind my back. But act buddy-buddy in a nigga’s face? I get one bad vibe tonight, Lionel…Bro…I may catch another charge, but you just get my ride home. I trust you, Lionel.”
“You know Tony shits his pants when he sees either you or Hakim. He ain’t gonna pull shit, Les,” I laughed, pumping him up. He needed to come up a bit more. He was gonna pop that nigga if Tony said a word to him. Whatever Les heard had him pissed off enough to come to get me, so I know he meant that shit. Jamire was probably waiting for the call. He knew what was up. Lester and Jamire were tight and told each other everything. I wish Hakim and I had that kind of relationship. “Why you didn’t bring, ‘Jamie’’?”
“Jamire in his feelings over that bitch being pregnant and don’t want to do shit. He keeps saying that bitch is a liar, now…I don’t know…It sounds like a classic setup to me. But you know ‘Jamie,’ he’s smarter than he plays, kind of like you, Lionel. But Jamire swears that bitch is up to something. I SAY, just hit the bitch with a DNA test, but ‘Jamie’ worried about what Mama will say. You know he hates making Mama mad. She’s pregnant and wants ‘Jamie’ to do the right shit, and I agree with Mama IF that’s your baby. FUCK that ho if it ain’t, shit, bounce!” Les laughed, shaking his head.
“Right!” I agreed with Les. “She can lie all damn day with that mouth, but DNA gonna snitch on that bitch!”
“I don’t blame the bitch for attempting to get a payday. That kind of shit comes with the fucking territory when you got something bitches want. She doesn’t want to get it for herself, so she expects a nigga to just hand it to her for a kid. She could have been a ho selling it safely, making bread, and no kids to raise if she was a down bitch. But naw…She’s just a lazy ho. Big difference there, Lionel.
‘You’ll live longer and be gravy if you learn the difference between bitches and hos. Any woman can be a bitch. A bitch is gonna be in her feelings and not know why or how to get out of them. I just see all women as bitches cause that’s how they gonna act when you do shit they don’t like. But these hos are getting dumber as technology takes over. They think that a motherfuckers gonna blow their whole wad on their asses for a cute body and some makeup?!
‘Then the ho doesn’t want to take care of themselves, start popping out kids and turning them against niggas because they’re bitter and can’t accept they needed LOVE and lied saying it was just a FUCK. That lie is what is fucking everybody up. Say what the fuck you really want once you know…if you don’t…then you shouldn’t be fucking anyway. I know what the fuck I want! I want the pussy, and I want to help you if I like you, but I want you to leave me the fuck alone unless I call you. Simple, but bitches lie, become hos, and then bitter because I don’t change.
‘You got me all the way fucked up, bitch. I’ve seen many fine bitches all over the world. Only one ever made me want to spend it all, and you don’t come close to the bitch. I like all my pieces on the side, like my pistols, so I can dump them if I have to run, and LOVE ain’t an option fuckin wit nigga like me.
‘You can’t have it all, Bro. You have to pick and choose your priorities. It ain’t fair to lie to a bitch when you know you can’t be the man she needs, but who am I to turn down a bitch with a made-up mind about what she wants, Bro? That’s all I’m saying. That’s real motherfucking talk!
‘I see shit totally different than most motherfuckers because I know I’m crazy, Lionel. I don’t give too many fucks, nor do I expect one back but from a few. You, Jamire, Mama, Hakim, Cyrus, and all the kids that grew up on my block are the only people I trust. That’s why I roll deep with you, Bro. We all struggling to get the fuck out of here for good, but it seems that bullshit keeps pulling me back,” Les laughed, hitting the blunt. He glanced at me, then the club, frowning deeply. “You want to know something I learned from fucking with Hakim?”
“I never saw you kicking it with my brother, Les. He says that you’re a bad influence on me. Since when did you roll with Hakim?” I died laughing as Lester shook his head. “He acts like he hates all white people. I can’t see you talking to Hakim like you talk to me. You know he hates that nigga-shit you do.”
“Hakim is a fucking savage, Lionel. But, he’s smart as hell and taught me some shit,” Les arrogantly said with a serious look on his face. He offered me the blunt and placed his gun inside the holster under his jacket. “Hakim doesn’t like me, and I’ve always known it since you moved here. But we respect one another for the hustle and each other’s twisted ways of seeing shit. We have words from time to time, it makes me admire him more, and he knows that shit.
‘Your brother is the only nigga that could pull all the bitches away from me when he comes around. They want him because he makes them respect HIM and THEMSELVES enough to get out of here.
‘I can fuck the shit out of a bitch, Lionel. But the bitches that won’t love themselves that fuck Hakim…they never want to be away from him. They will throw everything away for a shot to be his girl! They want to be loved by Hakim so much that they will say fuck any other nigga. They all say that the shit that Hakim tells them when he fucks them makes them so happy they don’t want another nigga! I don’t get it, but it must be straight facts if all the bitches I used to run quit!
‘Back when Sweets was on the streets, he used to tell me to watch your brother because Hakim was just 11, and he had all the women on the block watching him like he was made out of gold. It didn’t matter how old a bitch was either…Hakim was hypnotizing ’em all with words and swag from the ages 10 to 50, and they were listening.”
“Hakim got a hell of a past he doesn’t like to talk about, Les. But it’s not good,” I groaned, not saying anything else.
“Shit, you think I don’t know? I’ve fought that NIGGA, and Cyrus saved me from his ass, Bro! We all squashed things when Hakim explained shit once Cyrus was gone. It fucked me up, but I saw that shit and knew…He’s worse than anything that I think about.
‘That NIGGA scared the fuck out of me, and I couldn’t clap that motherfucker...He didn’t give me a second to think about hitting him. You know I always got my shit on me? Hakim knows that shit too. We had words cuz I called him Nigga. I call everyone that shit, Bro. Hakim and Cyrus know that shit too, but I guess Hakim wasn’t hearing me that night. Cyrus tried to calm him down, and Hakim turned on him. He talked pure shit to his best friend. Cyrus took that shit and still tried to stop him from getting at me. That’s when I knew Hakim was for real. I blinked, thinking about if I wanted to fight him, and he knocked my ass smooth out.”
“Damn, Les! I didn’t know you and Hakim were beefing!” I groaned, shaking my head.
Lester Woods rolled his eyes and looked at me, saying, “I’m not beefing with your brother, Lionel. Shit, Hakim is my fucking hero! I wanna be like him when I grow up, and I’m 32! Shiiiiit... He’s making bank, smart as shit, got the finest bitch on the planet now, a cool homie that’s got his back, and you for a brother. Hakim is gravy, Lionel. You don’t have shit to worry about as long your brother is looking out.
‘He’s gonna take care of his family. That’s all he gives a fuck about. We get along on that shit all the time, but we bump heads on my ignorant shit. He’s a little brother to me, but we’ve always had a black-love/white-hate relationship. I get it.
‘I’m an enemy to him because of my skin, but that doesn’t make me a monster. We compromise until we disagree, but we respect one another’s tastes. I fuck with you because you respect me more than Hakim, and he’s the one with all the keys you need. But he doesn’t like to get down like us...that’s why we vibe, Lionel.
‘We alike, and I dig your waves, Man. I always want to chill when you kick it, but so be it if we do some ratchet.
‘Let me call this bitch back real quick, then we gonna meet up with Carla inside. She brought her model friends tonight.”
“Ask if she got a fine friend for me, Les?” I laughed watching niggas gawking from the sidelines.
“Nigga, I’m calling to check on my kids!” Les laughed, pushing my arm.
“You got kids, Les? Where they at?” I demanded curiously.
“They’re with their Mama, Nigga!” Les snorted, slumping down in the seat, clutching his phone. “My wife…Why the fuck do you think I don’t love these hos? I married my baby mama back when I was 21, Lionel. I’ve been making all this bank for my kids since I had my son at 17, Nigga!”
“Les, you’re fucking married, too? What the fuck?!! You always in the streets and gone!” I thought, confused as shit.
“We got an arrangement, see, I give her what she wants with her gold-digging ass, and she raises the kids. She doesn’t run shit, but her mouth. I put up with her crazy ass because she’s always been a down-ass bitch to me since I was a kid. She knew I didn’t want her or anyone, but we were going hard. When Tariq popped up, shit, I had to do what a nigga gotta do.
‘My Mama was trying to throw me out, so I hit the streets getting paper for my son. I married the bitch because Mama told me that I owed her that much for getting her pregnant so young. She was just 14, so yeah…it was terrible. I did what I had to do. She never complained as long as I bought home the bread and took care of the kids. But she tries to come out of her neck talking crazy when I don’t call her back.
‘I told her crazy ass to leave. I wasn’t stupid. She didn’t have shit, and my folks weren’t giving up the paper to her. I made her sign shit before I said I do or I wasn’t gonna give her shit. I was gonna take my son and raise his ass with my Mama if she didn’t. I knew her people were a fucked up mess. But she was a good girl, and I made her go wrong, so I took that loss. She knows I don’t love her, and I’m just looking out. I love my three kids with her. She’s the only bitch I’ve ever fucked raw. I don’t love her, but I guess I trust her.
‘It’s more women out there than there are men on this planet, so I say play on playas if you ain’t in love. I love all women, and I loves me a big bitch, Lionel! Fat bitches be so soft and sweet as hell. After you bust a nut, they want to feed you. I fuck better when I smell food cooking in the kitchen! My wife doesn’t do shit, and she is skinny as hell, now! She used to be so fucking fine, but all her rich girlfriends got in her head.
‘She’s trying to be like bitches on Love and Hip-Hop, looking like bony-ass NEW YORK from Flavor of Love. All that fake shit, surgery, and she ain’t happy with how she looks. It doesn’t make no damn sense to me. I tell the bitch she was sexier fat! I was all over her chocolate ass when she wasn’t worried about what the fuck people thought about her.
‘Now, whatever her friends on, she tries to ride the wave. Botox and shit got her looking crazy and going off on me cuz I don’t want to hear how unhappy she is for how she fucked herself up! Trust me! All bitches are crazy, no matter what you do to make them happy.
‘She strutting around in Prada looking like a well-dressed ruler with no ass-at-all. Begging me to cuddle, and I’m scared to touch your ignorant ass because you don’t want to fuck up your hair, fingernails, and wearing makeup in bed, taking selfies. Trying to fake it for likes on the internet because you don’t think you’re beautiful. I told her she was fine and needed to stop the bullshit. She goes and does more shit changing the outside.
‘I thought she was trying to go through one of those phases like Hakim or Cyrus. Black Power and shit…? Yo…I would be glad if she taught the kids some of that shit! Naw…She cut off all her damn hair to a fade, then started wearing colored wigs. The internet has these hos lost, and niggas gassing them up believing the hype. All these bitches posting for likes looking for love…they need to love themselves. We gonna like what we see cuz we men, but who wants that for an old lady when she doesn’t shut up about how ugly she feels?
‘She ain’t gonna answer! Bitch! It’s cool. Let me call Carla to see what it looks like inside. I’ll see if she got a friend that wants to fuck, Lionel. Just watch the man work!”
“Les! Nigga, you a fool,” I died laughing as he sat up, ready to roll.
“Sup, you filthy nasty, Bitch?” Les asked, answering his phone. “You know you love that shit, Carla. Yeah, I’m coming, Baby. Me and Lionel on the way in now. You got a fine friend for him?
‘...Naw! I don’t mean that monkey-mouthed heffa, Shelia! She looks like she’s been shooting dice with her teeth. If that bitch smiles at a cookout, niggas gonna call Big Six! Then she got the nerve to have a funky little attitude when you tell her to back the fuck off? I can’t stand that Domino Dentist having-ass bitch!
‘Oh, yeah…?
‘Fredericka can get it…Tell her to text me a picture so I can show it to him. Alight, Baby, I’ll see your slippery mouth in a minute, girl. I hope that you’re thirsty? The Alcohol Hero is here to deliver, and I want satisfaction like the Rolling Stones. You let me know if that bastard Tony and the boys pop up tonight? I don’t see his flashy shit anywhere. What he out kidnapping bitches, again...oh…Mia…?
‘Alight, well we gonna kick until he bring that ass back or I gotta roll out. Take your panties off! I ain’t got time to undress you, Bitch!”
“What’s up, Les? Carla got a homegirl I can hit?” I asked, watching him hang up his phone.
“Oh yeah, Fredericka, she is fine! She’s mixed with black and Chinese or something, has crazy eyes, and a big ole butt, too! Ricka is cute for her tiny frame, long hair, big ole titties, lean, and she’s sweet too, Bro! Here, I’m gonna give you some bread to buy some drinks and get nice. Then you can tear it up,” Les laughed, handing me three blue-faced bills.
“You the shit, Bro!” I thanked him, smiling.
“I got you, Lionel. Just lay low and watch my back. I’m gonna get a lap dance and smell some pussy. If Carla ain’t acting right, I’ll find the finest bitch in the spot and fuck her in the lounge. Fuck Pretty Tony!” Les died laughing but was still looking for him in the flashing lights to show up.
“Why don’t you open your own spot? You got paper, Les,” I wondered.
“I got too many jobs as is, Lionel. I can’t keep up with all the bitches I have now. If I got a spot and sat still, I’d catch a case. My temper ain’t made to be friendly to strangers. I tolerate ignorant motherfuckers cuz I look at most of them as kids out here. But if you want to grow up quick, come fuck around in Les’s neck of the woods. I got extra bullets and enough guns to light up Chiraq if you want to test me.
‘But they won’t pop a punk-ass piece of shit that’s fucking up the vibe around here, so I know they ain’t shit, Lionel. You won’t protect your women, then you ain’t shit! I don’t give a fuck what they do with their bodies to make bank. You don’t fuck with a woman’s capability to make a goddamn choice about what she wants. She can make up her own damn mind when she’s ready.
‘You don’t force a girl to be a bitch! Little girls are innocent until we make them bitches, and I take full responsibility for every bitch that tells me her troubles. If she trusts me enough to tell me some shit…I’m going in to fix it! It’s the least I can do for some pussy. What do I look like fucking for free? I better help if I touch it! That’s why I’m fucking offended by a nigga that rapes a bitch!
‘You got some nerve moving here fucking up the girls and making crazy bitches that hate themselves! All the good work I did after Sweets got locked up was undone in a year, thanks to Tony gaining momentum. I should have popped his ass back when he snatched up Angela. If I had caught him back then, James wouldn’t have fucked up going after Miles. But I understand that shit why he did that shit, Bro! The what-ifs fuck with me a lot in these streets.
‘Let’s go see what the scene looks like? Ain’t none of these bitches REAL NIGGAS, and if they touch my shit, they know I’ll light it up out here and make them scatter like roaches,” Lester mumbled, stepping out of the car.
I was never worried about shit when I rode with Les. He was not going to let shit happen to me. He was prepared to pop niggas lastly. Nobody wanted to fight Lester Woods because he was known for knocking niggas unconscious when he snapped. Lester had a short fuse, and he yelled at niggas that got in his way. He didn’t like to be disrespected by anyone, but he didn’t mistreat people unless they came for him or one of us. He was always strictly business unless he was on the prowl to fuck shit up. That’s why I loved hanging out with Les. He was cool, calm, and ready when he made a move. He always had a plan, and he was looking out for anyone close to him. Sometimes I wished Hakim was more like Les, but Hakim would knock me out if I ever said that shit.
Anytime I bring up Lester Woods around Hakim, he gets pissed off and starts hating. Hakim doesn’t fuck with Jamire too hard either because of Les. I don’t know what ‘Jamie’ did to Hakim, but Jamire always talks about my brother like he’s Donnie Yen. He even calls my brother ‘Hakim Donnie Dunn.’
But that’s why I can’t see eye to eye with my brother. He doesn’t realize when he’s won a motherfucker’s respect because he can’t turn the hate off. He thinks he’s better than anyone not doing shit his way. Les and Jamire are the coolest brothers I’ve met in the view. At least, Les says that he and Hakim are cool. I didn’t know that shit. I usually get pissed when I learn more shit Hakim is hiding, but this time…I got happy.
Les and Hakim not beefing meant Hakim wasn’t a complete bitch under all that mean shit he wearing. I was ready to have fun when I learned that Hakim connected with niggas I actually liked.
“Yo, listen, Lionel, I gotta warn you to stay away from here alone from now on. Pretty Tony will try to fuck you off if he catches you slipping in his place. Tony is eyeing Cyrus for fucking Ms. Mia! He better be careful too. As long as he’s running with Hakim, he’s safe. Tony’s scared of Hakim since your brother nearly gutted his ass with a blade in the parking lot two years ago. That shit was epic!
‘Hakim was like Jett Lee! He took out four niggas and cut the fuck out of Tony with a short ninja blade. I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself! He’s terrified of Hakim, so he’ll put up with Cyrus fucking his old lady back in the gap, but he ain’t forgot that shit, Bro. He’s mad! Mia was trying to leave his ass, but Cyrus kept running off on her.
‘I heard from a girl we both know that works here that Cyrus had Ms. Mia about to file for divorce, but she got scared because of his age and ran back to Tony. He was too young to be fucking with her fine-ass anyway. So, Cyrus cut her off, and Tony is still mad! When Cyrus comes to town, Ms. Mia doesn’t want to work, and Tony knows she’s in love with Cyrus’s black ass. If she sees him and Tony is around, just get the fuck gone. Or you better hope me or Hakim is with you.
‘These FAKE NIGGAS will watch these beasts fuck y’all off rather than stop Tony’s bitch ass. I hate it here! That’s why I move the fuck around!” Les told me over the top of his sparkling white freshly waxed top. The frown on Les’s face reminded me of Hakim when he was ready to fight.
I didn’t know that Cyrus and Hakim were doing it like that back when they were my age! What the hell? Lester was there and saw it all, too? Damn, shit just keeps getting deeper and deeper the more I learn about all the people I consider family.
“Niggas, stop hating and get some paper! You got a problem with my brother driving my shit? Let me know right now!” Les shouted, gazing at a few of my fans eyeing us as we started for the door. Les slowed down his stroll and glanced around, and those niggas all made themselves busy. Niggas knew Les wasn’t bluffing. They called him ‘Les the Pest’ or ‘Hot-Mess Les,’ and he would pull the trigger just to see who wanted to fight. The niggas that don’t run are who he wants. “Holla at me if you need a job, but if you gonna just hate and wait...try me! Tell Tony that I’m here to holla at him real quick when he brings his bitch-ass home! I know he lives on the hill!”
“Les, you a nut, Nigga!” I taunted Les, being messy as those niggas faded like jeans in bleach!
“Li-Li!” Billy-B., the watchdog at the door, yelled as we came up. Billy was in charge of making sure shit was cool out front, and only people with bank got in the door. He always let us in with no issues. “Hot-Mess! Nigga, don’t clap nobody! We don’t need the police here, Man!”
“Fuck the police!” Les laughed, shaking his head looking around critically. “You know I’m no old head, Billy-B. I’m a youngblood. If you don’t give a damn, I don’t give a fuck!”
Gucci’s was packed wall to wall with people inside. The flashing lights, smoke, loud music vibrating the walls and floors, and people dancing everywhere were the vibes that set the mood. The dancefloor was out in the open when you got downstairs. But all up above, Tony had VIP booths and sections for his ‘BIG SPENDERS.’ Those spots were usually packed on the weekends. It was Thursday…actually Friday morning, and niggas were partying like it was a Saturday!
Les went straight to the bar behind the dancefloor to get in the zone. Once Les started drinking, he’d either relax, or he would be paranoid and trip all night long.
“Les, get me a bottle, Nigga?!” I hollered from the end of the bar, viewing the floor for a moment.
“Bitch, Lionel needs a bottle! Take him some Belvidere and put it on my shit. Naw, he doesn’t sip dark like me. I ordered the Crown Royal! Only old heads like me appreciate the sophistication of dark liquor, such as yourself, Baby! You need some of this white chocolate in your life to eat your pussy, right?” Les laughed, firing up another blunt, eyeing a cute brown bartender. The girls that worked at Gucci’s wore sexy shit to show off their bodies. It was always beautiful to see the girls up in front; they loved their jobs and danced like girls in the back! Les held up a hundred-dollar bill waving it to the bartender. She wiggled over and put her black bikini top close, reaching for the bills. I smiled as Les pointed at me.
“Anything he wants you can put on my shit, hear me, Bitch?”
“Whatever you say, Hot-Mess…Don’t start no shit tonight? I’m making good folding paper tonight, Lester Woods,” She replied, with an attitude, snatching his bills. “If you’re looking for Mia, she ain’t here…so Tony is out looking for her.”
“Mhm, and yet here I sit in yo face not giving a fuck. Get our drinks, Bitch! I didn’t ask for Mia’s location, Cocoa. Best mind yo fucking business and keep it moving, or I’ll burn this bitch to the ground, and you’ll be back on the corner tomorrow,” Les sarcastically laughed, shooing her away.
“I’ll tell her you said hello, Les...Be right back,” Cocoa informed him, rolling her eyes and moving to get his order.
“See what the fuck I mean about girls turning to bitches, Lionel? Cocoa’s trying to protect the motherfucker that ran a damn train on her ass and is mad at me cuz this is where she chooses to work? Bitches don’t know what the fuck they want,” Les grumbled, spinning his eyes.
“You remind me of Hakim saying that shit,” I sniggered over the music, squinting, catching sight of Carla. She had a gang of fine girls with her dancing on the floor looking like America’s Next Top Fantasy…Lionel Edition! Les bumped my arm, showing me his phone. My eyes nearly burst out of my head seeing the female on the screen! “That’s Carla’s friend? Damn!”
I was floored by how beautiful she actually was. Usually, when Les said a girl was fine, she was just cute. Les would fuck any woman that gave him a shot. But when he said sexy, that meant she was gorgeous. Ricka was too sexy for words! This girl had long hair down to her ass, long silky straight, mocha skin like chocolate kisses, chinky brown eyes, a sweet face like a black barbie! Oooh, she had a body like she was raised to dance with the roundest ass and tight legs. I could see all her body in that black leather suit she wore. She had to be a model by how she looked so natural posing like a pro with that ass out. There was no way this girl was really here to talk to me. I was getting catfished!
“Les doesn’t lie! She’s sexy, young, sweet, and has been modeling with Carla on the side since she started school in Houston a few months ago. They send me all kinds of neat pictures. Ricka likes girls too,” Les chuckled, shaking his head at my response. He pointed to Carla and her girls again. That was when I saw her! At first, I didn’t see Fredericka because she was so short and cute that the others surrounded her. She might be 5’2, but so fine to be petite and well put together. “Ricka has been trying to reel a nigga in with her sweet bait, but I think she’s too cute for me. She looks like my daughter, Kayla. I can’t see a woman when I look at her.”
I poured myself a drink looking at that fine-ass girl! She had that cute face and high cheek with those eyes...looking like a short, brown Jhene Aiko! I was struck!
Maya had that vibe like Ashanti that I loved. With her sweet smile and high voice, I would give anything for her. But it was innocent, and nothing ever happened. One look at Ricka was like my dream girl walked right up on me with Carla, and I couldn’t look away. Fredericka was a woman that had a body! It was so fucking crazy the way her eyesight seemed to spot me when I discovered her. She gazed over at me, and I witnessed the prettiest look in her sexy bedroom eyes. Oh, yeah, girl…? I see you, and I am on it. It was on!
They strolled up to Les at the bar. I watched from a few seats away as they approached, enjoying my drink and the view. I lit a cigarette and waited to see what was doing down.
“What’s up, Les, Baby?” Carla’s fine ass giggled as she winked at me down the bar. She waved her purple fingernails at me, and I raised my eyebrows and glinted back. Carla was a fine red-bone with long curly red hair and looked like she danced for Beyoncé in her black and purple bodycon dress. She looked fly! She rubbed her nails across Les’s belly through his shirt. “What you doing, Li-Li? You’re looking out for your big brother, again?”
“You know me, Carla-Cakes! I’m always looking out for the fam,” I chuckled as Les nodded, grinning up at her trying to climb into his lap.
“Damn, Girl, careful, you know I pack that hot fire!” Les flirted with Carla smiling as she showed him her panties. “I got my gun, too…Don’t make me pull both out tonight, Bitch! I’m so tempted!”
I died laughing as Carla shook her cute ass against his gun. Les shook his head and moved it out of the way, pulling her into his lap.
“Ladies, you look delicious! What’s the business?” I requested, smiling at Carla’s friends, but you know my eyes went right where my mind drifted. I locked eyes with Ricka and leered. “Have a seat so I can holla? You want to grab a table, or we can chill here at the bar?”
Oh, God is good! Fredericka moved closer to me, staring up curiously. Her sweet smile was so adorable I couldn’t help but smile at her as she studied my braids. Her hair was as long as mine, and I love a woman that loves my hair. Carla’s friends were suddenly interested when Ricka handled it.
“Can I buy you ladies a round of drinks?” I asked, taking out my credit card Hakim ordered me after school started.
“Oh, shit!” Les giggled, trying to fight Carla off of him. “Kill 'em, Li-Li!”
Les was getting tipsy, so he was relaxing. I turned to Cocoa and said, “Get the ladies at the bar what they want…Especially the beauty queen in the black dress that looks like my future baby mama!”
“Got you, Li-Li,” Cocoa giggled at me, walking away with my card.
She went down the bar, taking orders while I watched Ricka enjoy herself. Les bumped into my elbow and pulled me to the side a second. I started watching around for Tony when I saw the heartless look on his face. He beamed over at Ricka as he glanced around the club, saying, “It’s nothing to freak about, Nigga! Stop exploring, Dora! I’ll move when I’m ready to jump. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you something else about Ricka, Lionel.”
“What? Les, you got me trippin’ with your faces, Bro. Chill,” I whispered, raising my eyebrows staring over at Ricka now. “It ain’t nothing crazy like she’s really a dude or some Springer shit, is it?”
Les choked and rubbed his face cutting his head, “Fuck, naw, Lionel! Ricka’s got big bank! Her family got their own shit. She pays her nigga’s way!”
“Say what?!” I asked, my voice going up way too high. Cocoa came over to us, talking at the edge of the bar handing me a fancy bottle of vodka. It had glitter, diamonds, and stones inside the glass and pretty colors in the diamond dust in a tube through the center. I held it up…Diva Vodka? What…the…fuck? (It’s REAL…look it up!)
“That’s the cheaper version. I don’t know a bar in Texas that carries the real deal. It costs 3000 dollars for the less expensive I keep with me in the car. The real deal is worth over a million… home in Singapore. Keep the bottle. It’s worth something,” Fredericka told me as she touched my hair, pushing Les out of the way. “You want to know Ricka Han, you talk to Ricka...Lion…Your hair is sexy, and your face is adorable…Lionel. Les talks about you. He says you’re the real thing. I’m looking...”
I took her tiny hand in mine, admired her pink fingernails with diamond tips, and kissed them.
“Lionel Dunn, beautiful, Han,” I flirted, picking up all kinds of vibes from that woman. She was so superb and kept smiling up at me like she wanted to marry a nigga!
“Ah, you have jokes, I like, I like,” She giggled with her eyes sparkling in the club lights.
“You’re a long way from Singapore, Beautiful. What are you doing in the Dirty-Dirty besides making my night so special?” I asked, trying to get in her head. Fredericka Han was exactly my type, perfect in every way, so I had to try. The music got really loud as she was about to answer. Les handed me the keys to his car on the cool while she was distracted by the noise. “You want to go somewhere a little quieter to talk?”
“Okay!” She yelled over the bass.
I grabbed the bottle, a glass, and her hand. We went and sat out in the Bentley and smoked, talking. The longer I stared at her, the harder it was to look away. She was so beautiful and sweet. We were smoking, vibing, laughing, and yo…Ricka was dope as fuck.
“So, why are you in THE VIEW?” I questioned her, grinning as she took a sip, seeming tipsy like me.
“I’m a Business major at Rice University in Houston with Carla. She’s from here, you know her, Lionel. Carla talks about you and your brother Hakim. She comes here to see Les. I have no classes until Monday, so I came for fun. Why not?” Ricka replied, passing me the blunt.
She was sitting next to me in the backseat, and I tripped on her hair and joked about it. She was giggling, pushing my hand. Ricka was soft and smelled like she was worth a bag. I had been with plenty of older women, but none had goals or swag like Ricka. She was 19, had a modeling contract, her family had paper, she went to school, and had fun with her friends between working and studying.
“No cap, Ricka, you’re sweet, soft, fly, and fine as hell! I bet niggas at Rice going crazy over your cute ass,” I laughed, pouring some of her bomb ass vodka in my glass and taking a sip. “This shit is smooth and goes down like water. It’s nice!”
“I got a dude back home. It’s an arranged marriage thing by my family. But it is good. He does his things. I can do mine before we marry. There is no love…we have not dated. It is all about Dinero,” Ricka told me honestly.
“Damn, my brother got a girl in the same situation!” I thought, moping, as Mandisa exploded into my head.
“Yes? So, she is dipping with your brother, Hakim, until she gets married?” Ricka asked me with a tipsy smile and lowered eyes.
“No, my brother is in love with her! He is going to try to talk her father out of her marriage,” I told Ricka smiling.
“Damn, lucky girl…most men hear about women like us and get a score and move on,” Ricka confessed sadly with a shocked look. “I have been dating outside since I was 16. My mother’s idea was to meet other men before having kids and settling down for the trust fund. She’s a legacy too.
‘My older sister... ran off because she’s a lesbian ... and wouldn’t marry a man. I’m the only child left to pass the family business.
‘He’s divorced, starting over, and adds value to the business reputation. Love is a fairy tale for women like us that have traditions to uphold.”
“I didn’t believe that shit still went down in the world,” I frowned, hearing how calm she was with things. Or maybe she was just lying to herself?
“So, you have a girl here? I know you could not. A woman would never let a man as fine as you out of her sights for long,” Ricka flirted with me with cute cheeks blushing. She pulled my braids and made me feel embarrassed. That shit was the wrong move.
“Naw, no girl, but I can’t say I’ve been looking. You think I’m fine? I think you’re gorgeous, so why don’t we get together and make a fine-ass mess?” I laughed as she smiled at me and wedged out her tongue, taunting me. Cute ass! Ooh, Ricka was giving me wifey vibes now. I smiled and tilted my head, looking at her thighs.
“How old are you, Lionel? I don’t like to see men too old. My future husband is much older, so I want to meet someone close to my age to be with when I fool around,” Ricka told me.
“I guess that puts me out of the game, damn!” I sighed as Ricka kept yanking my hair. I was fucked up, and that shit felt so good. I know I was rock hard and didn’t care.
“You’re not that old, Lionel. I can see that,” She giggled, twisting my hair around her pink fingernail pulling me closer.
“I’m 16, Fredericka,” I confessed, grinning, drunk as fuck.
“No way!” She giggled, taking another sip, letting me go. “You’re not 16, Lionel!”
“Alright, you got me! I’m 15, but my birthday is next month,” I told her, looking for a cigarette. There was no need to lie to her about something that clearly didn’t matter. She wouldn’t be here with me alone if she didn’t have a made-up mind about what she wanted.
Ricka leaned back in the seat laughing, then she paused, looking up at me, saying, “You’re serious?”
“Scorpio, October 26th,” I replied, taking a long drink, nervously a moment. She was a bit too astonished. I leaned back in the seat and glanced down at my shit growing against my thigh. Ricka’s face went from a smile to confusion eyeing it. Her hand grabbed my shit through my pants, and she was trying to get a good feel. “Damn, Girl…You want me to help you see it?”
Ricka started giggling and sat back in the seat, “You’re so sweet, sexy, and funny...it’s so cute! Then you have something nice for me? I don’t see why we can’t have fun if you can keep a secret?”
“Hell, yeah, girl! My lips are sealed tight unless you need them for something,” I answered, sticking out my tongue. She smiled at me and ran her nails up my knee, touching the head.
“So. Lionel, will you give me your number?” Ricka asked, blushing sweetly, making it hard to sit still.
“I can do that all day, every day, no problem, but I’m right here now. So what’s up?” I asked her, watching her hand nibbling my bottom lip, grinning at her. “Careful, Ricka, that’s the sleeping monster. He’s gonna fuck shit up if you wake him all the way up.”
“You ever fuck a rich girl in the backseat of a Bentley, Lionel?” Ricka questioned me as she pulled off her dress and climbed into my lap.
I reached forward and hit the locks on the door, and smiled laughing, “Naw, but I’m about to make it happen right now!”
I kissed her while I unbuttoned my shirt and grabbed her close. She giggled, taking off my A-Shirt but stopped staring at all my tattoos.
“Lionel, you are a bad boy, yes?” She asked, gaping at my chest and guns. Damn! Ricka seemed to go crazy the minute she realized I wasn’t some punk!
“I’ma bad motherfucker, Ricka! You about to see how bad!” I laughed as she pushed me down and started unbuckling my belt. She unzipped my jeans, but I was trying to see her body up close in the darkness. I grabbed her close and tried to kiss her stomach. Ricka was trying to run from me as I buried my face between her soft breasts and kissed them. “You give it to me, and you gonna fall in love with this dick!”
“Mmmmhmmm…” She moaned and giggled, running her fingers through my braids as I sucked and licked my new favorite chocolate friends. Ricka’s titties were so big and soft I wanted to die. I sucked them until she shivered and got mean. She slammed my head down to the seat and got my jeans open, and pulled them down my legs. “Niggas that talk the most shit can’t back it up…It’s not- Oh, God! It’s bigger than...”
“I can back it up…Can you?” I asked, watching her staring at my shit as it lept up and slapped her in the face. “You know what they say about us loud-mouthed skinny niggas?”
“It’s so big, Lionel,” Ricks sighed as she grabbed it and slammed it in her mouth! Yeah, Nigga!
“Oh, shit!” I screamed as she sucked the hell out of my dick. “You a freak!”
“Mhm! I love it!” She moaned, putting it back and swallowing it down.
Ugh…I got chills all over, and my eyes rolled back. I needed to calm down, or I was gonna bust one right then! I had never had a woman that just dove on it like that. She was trying to swallow all of it, and it felt so damn good; if I didn't have my Jordans on, my toes would have curled up! No cap!
“Oh my God!” I groaned, seeing stars. “You, Nasty Bitch! Ooh, Shit!”
That shit made Ricka go harder. She tried her best to make me cum, but I have never lost it from a girl giving me head. It wasn’t the same as pussy. My shit knew the difference because it was a much more intense feeling for me to fuck. I used more energy and felt much more relaxed afterward. But I was on fire from the crown of my head to the back of my hips. Ooh, Ricka knew how to work her mouth! She was so sloppy, licking and slurping that shit up. I lost my fucking mind, yo!
I grabbed her hair and pushed my hips up, and tried to ram that throat. She enjoyed that shit. My fingers ran along her thigh up to her skirt and found the Motherland! No panties! I rubbed her clit with my thumb and slid a finger into that pussy, and she started humming on my shit!
Oh, Jesus, marry me, girl?! She appreciated that shit so much she was soaking wet. My kind of woman, Ricka, give me that shit right now! I reached down and grabbed a condom out of my wallet and tossed her ass on her knees. I put that shit on so fast it made her head spin. Really, she looked back at me like she broke her neck.
“You like it Doggy-style, yes?” She giggled, eyeing me.
“Naw, what I got in mind for you is a little different,” I chuckled as I yanked her sexy ass back into my lap, facing the back window. I pulled her legs around my waist and pushed my hips toward the edge of the seat, grabbing her shoulders. I went deep!
“Oh, my, God!” Fredericka screamed as I dug her out. I started pounding the hell out of Ricka’s walls, and she loved that shit. Even wearing a condom, I could feel the grip on my shit. I love that feeling. It sets me on fire and revs up my motor more than a fight! I was rocking Les’s Continental like a 64 Chevy with switches at a lowrider convention. “Fuck me, Yes! Oh God, Fuck me, Lionel!”
Oh, no, Girl, Lionel doesn’t play with it when you give it to him. I like to stake my claim on a girl that lets me have it, so she knows it’s here when she’s ready for another go! I got plenty of dick and energy to give to the needy. She gonna catch this hook and spray a nigga with thanks. Ricka had already come twice, and I was not mad at all. She screamed and threw her head back. I grabbed her hips and pushed her down as I slammed my hips up. She gasped for air, fell forward, and started kissing my neck!
“Fuck no! Not yet!” I screamed as I came and fell back. My neck is my weak spot. I can go for a long time unless a girl does that shit. All that liquor had my head swimming, and it felt like I lost all my fluids when I came. My heart was beating my chest up, I broke into a cold sweat, and it was freezing. Ricka tried to kiss me. “Naw…don’t touch me! I’m fucked up…wait…hold …oooh...stop!”
She was giggling as I shivered, trying to stop her. She ran her lips across my face and kissed my chin. I closed my legs, and she climbed down and started getting dressed. I started putting on my A-shirt and rolled down the window, tossing out the condom. She smiled at me, holding her phone, asking, “Now can I have your number?”
“Yeah,” I replied, smiling. I put my phone number in. Ricka grabbed me, hugged my neck, and threw her hair to the side as she took a picture of us together. “What happened to zipped lips and keeping secrets?”
“No, we are going to do this again and soon, Lionel. You’re mine, now!” Ricka giggled as I zipped my jeans and put my shirt back on. She climbed back into the front seat and made herself another drink.
“What you going to do with that picture?” I asked worriedly. I didn’t have anything to worry about, but I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.
“It’s for my memory only. I’m getting married next June in Hong Kong. So I need something that I can keep, for when I go home and say I do…I’ll always remember you, Lionel,” She told me with a horribly upset smile. “You’re sincere, sweet, handsome, and an excellent lover.”
“Yeah?” I chuckled, lighting a cigarette thinking. Ricka would be a cool girlfriend, but she has a situation that I couldn’t think of getting in the middle of. I liked her. I thought she was so cute, and I was considering seeing what she really thought of me. But I don’t have the kind of bank Hakim has. I can’t compete with some dude that was about to get a lot of cash marrying her. “Your old man is gonna get a hell of a wife.”
“Yeah?” She giggled playfully, then sulked, putting her heels on. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”
I exhaled deeply suddenly in my feelings, thinking about Maya, “Cuz, I don’t want one…I mean, I used to have a girlfriend when I was younger. We grew up together. But she moved away when I was 12, and I can’t find her. You kind of remind me of her, Ricka. She was cute, had long hair, brown skin, and was always happy...like you...through all the bullshit…I still love her.”
“What’s was her name?” Ricka asked me sweetly. I rolled my eyes, looking away. “Come on now, you can tell me. Who am I going to spill it to?”
“Her name is Shamaya,” I replied, glaring at the floor. My eyes felt heavy as I exhaled. “We were just kids but did everything together…I never told her how I felt.”
“You’ll find her, Lionel, and when you do...You hold on to her and never let go. If you do what you did to me, to her...she’ll love you, too.… Women don’t fall out of love easily. Those that say they can are lying. Maybe they don’t know what love feels like, but some don’t trip over feelings because it’s not an option. But I’m glad I came to Longview tonight. I’m happy I met you, Lionel.
‘Next year, when the madness begins, and I have to put on my ‘good wife hat,’ I’ll have the memory of a sad little boy that showed me love and rocked my messed up tiny world. That’s something I believe is worth remembering. Now, give us another picture and smile this time!? It’s not so bad! Okay?” Ricka said, pressing my shoulder. She took another picture with me, and I smiled.
“Can you send me those? I want to remember this night, too,” I asked her as I gave Ricka a kiss on the cheek.
“I will, so are you going to call me soon?” Fredericka inquired.
“You really want to see me again?” I worried, offering her a smile.
“Yes, I really do…I’ll come every weekend if it’s to see you and get that! I don’t have much else to look forward to but a degree, a meaningless relationship with a rich old man almost three times my age, and my trust fund. It’s enormous!
‘But cash can’t make you completely happy. You just have to find value in the memories or be a rich and miserable person, Lionel,” She told me as she played with my goatee.
“If you don’t love him, then why are you marrying him, Ricka?” I asked, eyeing her, confused by her happiness.
“It’s just business, Lionel, and I love my family. They have me so spoiled that I hate to admit I don’t even buy my own clothes. I don’t know how to live without financial security, Lionel. Like my sister, if I say no, they cut me off and lose more cash than you can imagine. No college, car, credit accounts, and I wouldn’t know what to do. The family could go under because of a selfish choice that could be a mistake. America is awesome! Freedom is priceless…Love is…a dream. I love my family enough to let go of a dream,” Ricka explained, rubbing my hand. “So, when you feel lonely, you call me, Lionel. I will come...we will have fun and forget all the pain together, yes?”
I watched her get out of the car, and I felt so bad for her. That could be Mandisa if Hakim failed her. But Ricka wasn’t going to give up that financial security for anything, I could tell. She loved being wealthy, and nothing was going to stop her from getting married. For a moment, I wanted to say something to stop her, but I just told her goodnight, “Alright, Fredericka, you be safe, Baby girl.”
She came back around to my side of the car, and I rolled the window all the way down.
“I really care about you, Lionel, you know? The moment I saw you, I knew you were special. Be safe and take Les’s old ass home to his wife!” Ricka teased me. I nodded, and she leaned in and kissed my lips. She was so sweet and sad, but she made her choice, so I wasn’t trying to be that dude to fuck up a woman with goals from what she wanted. The scenario was similar, but Ricka wasn’t like Mandisa. She reminded me of Shamaya, and if she wanted to fool around, I was going to see. But she wasn’t girlfriend material unless you were prepared to get your heart broken. I know better than that shit. “Call me soon, Lionel!”
“Alright, Sweet thing,” I replied, leaning back in the seat.
Ricka was so perfect that it scared me, but I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I could never give her the life she wanted. It was best to squash any feelings or attachments. It could be just about sex. I felt my phone vibrate, and it was two texts. Ricka sent me the pictures she took. I smiled and saved them and her number.
“Thanks for the sweet memories, Ricka,” I replied, smiling to myself.
I got fucked up sitting out in Les’s car, finishing the last of Fredericka’s expensive vodka. I held on to the bottle staring at the gems and crystal running through the center. People would do anything for a bag. Some would sell their own freedom too.
#
I was wrecked when Les dropped me off at home. It was nearly 4 am as I stared at my phone, unlocking the door giggling with the key.
“Yo, Lionel, call me tomorrow night, Nigga!” Les shouted, skidding off down the road, leaving burning rubber, smoke, and tire tracks on the street.
I couldn’t answer, so I waved, but I was so slow I missed him. I held on to the last bit of Diva Vodka and closed the front door. I glanced back as I heard the loud slam.
“Oops, oh shit…shhhh…Nigga, you gonna wake…oh…That nigga ain’t here,” I grumbled to the door, frowning. I looked up at the ceiling as the lights came on in the den. “Oh, fuck!”
“Mhm, you been out all night with Hot-Mess Les. When Hakim called saying Ninon had the baby, we returned when he said that you here until morning. But we got home at 12:45, and no Lionel. It’s 4:15 on a school night,” I heard G.D. say from somewhere. The den started spinning the second the light came on. My stomach turned as I spotted my grandpa standing near the kitchen door. “God, Lionel, you’re just like Sonny!”
“Hey, Gary, what’s good, Old Nigga?” I chuckled, looking at his evil, angry face. He looked like Hakim with a fade and gray hair. No beard wrinkled up, but darker like Cyrus, and his one-legged ass was always yelling and chasing us with his cane or fake leg! “I mean…G.D. My bad, Pawpaw...”
“Nigga, have you been drinking? Never mind…I can smell it coming out of your pores. Have you lost your mind?” My grandfather yelled from the kitchen. I turned my eyes at him and tried to stand up straight. “You’re not grown, Lionel! You’re still a kid, and you need to act your age!”
“Why are you always yelling and shit? You so mean, G.D!” I groaned, holding my forehead.
“You’re grounded, Lionel! Now, get your drunk ass to bed!” G.D. yelled, limping closer on his cane.
“You don’t understand me. Nobody gets me! You, Hakim, Cyrus, shit, the only person close to getting me is Mandisa, and she ain’t family, fuck! At least Les lets me be me! Why does everyone hate me so damn much?” I shouted, losing my temper but starting for the stairs slowly. I grabbed the railing as G.D. swung his cane, and I barely missed falling back on the floor. “G.D., chill, you could have fucked me off!”
“Don’t nobody hate you, Lionel! You hate yourself! You’re always talking about niggas hating on you, and you don’t love yourself! Out all night, skipping classes, fooling around with nasty girls, and you’re so blind you can’t see the forest for the trees!” G.D. screamed down at me and smashed his cane across the top of my head.
I felt the pain and dropped everything as I hit the floor. It hurt so much I started to see flashes of light, and I bit my damn tongue from the impact. But I was too dizzy to stand up. I frowned as I saw the broken bottle on the ground shattered.
“Why you do that, G.D.?” I cried, trying to pick up the pieces of glass from the floor. He hit me again across my shoulder, and I held my arm as tears ran down my face. I took a deep breath and sat there, ready for another.
“Gary Dunn, you better not!” Grandma Sophie screamed, coming down the stairs. She stopped seeing the broken glass. She was barely awake as she looked at me and G.D., frowning. “Lionel, go to bed. I’ll clean this up.”
“Boy, you’re going to end up sad and lonely. You are fucking up your life, and you just started living! Look at Hakim? He may be crazy, but at least he is getting his shit together. He makes good grades now, he has good friends that care about him and keep him out of trouble, and he has a sweet girlfriend that loves him,” My grandfather announced to the world as I nervously stood up with tears streaming off my face.
“See, there you go again talking about Hakim! You’ve been comparing us since we were little. He’s out on a damn school night too, but you ain’t beating his ass!
‘No, Lionel’s the bad guy because he comes home every night. You don’t know what the hell he’s up to when he’s out like this, and you don’t ask. He’s your favorite, and you chose him because of the money. Hakim this, Hakim that, and Lionel’s the problem child? I get it. You hate me! Everyone hates Lionel, and you know what? I don’t give a fuck no more!” I suddenly laughed as I stood up. I was pissed off, and my damn shoulder was throbbing. Granddaddy hit me in the head with the cane again. I hit the fucking floor.
“Since you lost your mama, you’ve been an evil little asshole, Lionel!” G.D. shrieked at me. I held my head and stared at him holding my breath. Tears were already falling from him, messing up my feelings, but you just have to mess me up when I can’t fight back…That shit is petty; G.D. Grandma Sophia didn’t say a word either. She just frowned and folded her arms when he whacked my ass like an Italian mob boss. “Hakim ain’t my favorite! You are, boy! You act just like Luther! When he was 16, he started playing just like you’re performing because he was stupid. He fucked up a good thing, and she didn’t want to give him the time of day anymore. He was misbehaving for attention too. But being a dumbass doesn’t change shit, Nigga. Get up and wipe your ass if you wanna change or lay in the shit. But you can’t live here talking to me like that, NIGGA!
‘Your dad thought he was hot shit until he got his ass whipped one good time out there and nearly got killed! Weed, women, and these fake friends don’t make you real! You don’t even know who the real Lionel is because you’ve been faking for so long, do you?”
I jumped up and ran upstairs, stumbling. I was so pissed I didn’t know if it was because I realized I really fucked up. I just lost my fucking car! I was hurting from the beating as I slammed the door and hit the bed. I was dizzy as hell, and the ceiling fan would be fucking with my vision, making the room spin and the lights flicker.
“Now, don’t leave this house unless it’s to go to school or with your brother! You better be home before night, or I’ll break this cane off up your ass, Lionel! Then, I’ll put this fake leg so far up your ass you’ll have a kickstand for when you stand on the highway begging for change. You better hope I don’t change my mind by morning!” G.D. screamed through the bedroom door.
“Yes, Sir!” I replied as I shut my eyes, trying to stop the speed of the fan blades.
“Lionel?” Grandma Sophia called me through the door. “I’m coming in, okay?”
I opened my eyes and tried to sit up. I was starting to feel nauseous and held my stomach as I glanced at my grandmother. She was frowning and folded her arms. Granny Sophia had light brown eyes and looked like Mama with fair skin and brown hair. Hakim had the same eyes, and they seemed to look right through you. I loved my granny, but right now, I wasn’t feeling well. I stayed quiet and listened because she would hit me if I talked back too!
“Lionel, what are you doing, Baby? You need to slow down and act your age. You knew when you got in that car with Les you were in trouble. Every time you leave with that boy, you get in trouble! It’s a school night, and look at you! You look like you’re going to pass out. You’re so drunk! I would have beat your ass if I caught you too!
‘G.D. gets emotional and angry about you boys because you both act like your father. Luther got heartbroken and thought he could sleep it all away with fast girls and drugs. But when you make a mistake, you have to face the consequences. That’s how you learn and can get over things. If you don’t meet your problems and accept your flaws like men, you’ll run from them like boys.
‘I don’t compare you to Hakim because that boy has some serious issues. He’s been running since we lost Vivianne. Only God and faith can purify a lost soul and scattered mind, Lionel. G.D. and I are terrified that we will lose you both to what money makes possible in this evil world.
‘Nothing would hurt us more than outliving you all, Lionel...look at me…?
‘If you and Hakim die before we die...How do you think we will feel? We’d lost both our children and our grandchildren. We moved you here to stop this from happening back in Georgia. Both of you were already going at it and scaring people. You wouldn’t have survived in Atlanta. You and Hakim are still mad. You can’t blame yourselves or one another for things you couldn’t control, Baby.
‘It was God’s plan, and you have to find his plan for you. Life, death, and grief are natural. Unless you want to upset me and join your mother and father, you have to move on.
‘Look at you, Lionel…? Handsome, talented, funny, and sweet...you’re all those things, and you hate your own existence. Survivors Guilt is what I think you and Hakim are suffering from primarily.
‘You have to find something to live for and start living! It’s time to stop trying to die for some honor code you made up in your head. I love you, Baby. You’re the last, and you have to grow up before you have us dressed in black at your funeral. That would kill me...
‘I can’t lose you or Hakim! I can’t! Viv and Luther were too much for me! Without you boys and Gary, I might not have made it... God has a plan... Let him use you, Lionel. I know you still believe.
‘That’s all I am going to say. You try to sleep that sickness out of your system,” Grandma Sophie explained, rubbing the tears from my face. She kissed my forehead. I just frowned as she shut the bedroom door. I laid back on the bed, tears trickled down into my ears, I nervously gasped for air, and I passed out!
