Description
Finding work is easy. Staying alive is a little bit harder.
When Russ Wesley finds an unusual artifact in his grandfatherâs collection of rare antiquities, the last thing he expects is for it to draw the attention of a ferocious alien from a distant planet. Equally surprising is the adventurous team of intergalactic exterminators dispatched to deal with the alien threat. Theyâre a little wild, and a little reckless. Worse yet, theyâre so impressed with Russâs marksmanship that they insist he join their squad . . . whether he wants to or not.
Reviews
âThis book is so much fun it ought to be illegal in all known galaxies. Ash Bishop has written a wildly imagined, deeply felt, swashbuckling page turner. I loved it.â âJesse Kellerman, New York Times bestselling author of The Burning
Description
Finding work is easy. Staying alive is a little bit harder.
When Russ Wesley finds an unusual artifact in his grandfatherâs collection of rare antiquities, the last thing he expects is for it to draw the attention of a ferocious alien from a distant planet. Equally surprising is the adventurous team of intergalactic exterminators dispatched to deal with the alien threat. Theyâre a little wild, and a little reckless. Worse yet, theyâre so impressed with Russâs marksmanship that they insist he join their squad . . . whether he wants to or not.
Reviews
âThis book is so much fun it ought to be illegal in all known galaxies. Ash Bishop has written a wildly imagined, deeply felt, swashbuckling page turner. I loved it.â âJesse Kellerman, New York Times bestselling author of The Burning
Chapter 1
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RUSS
Russ woke up lying flat on the ground, his mind foggy as hell. He could smell blood. When he reached forward as gingerly as possible, his muscles screamed at the movement.
He was on his back. The forest trees waved down at him, blocking out the faint moonlight. He took a couple of deep breaths and reached forward again, groping around in the darkness. His hand came back slick with blood and fur and leaves.
And then he heard voices.
â. . . do you want to do this, then?â
âI just wouldnât call this tracking, is all. The blood trailâs three feet across. A tiny baby could follow this trail.â
âShow me that baby.â
âShhh. Both of you, quiet. Somethingâs registering on the heat index.â
The confusion and pain made it hard to think. Are these locals . . .? he thought. He fumbled in his pocket, looking for his flashlight but also testing for further damage. His hand found the light. It illuminated the small clearing.
The deerâs corpse was just a few feet away, right where heâd shot it, but it wasnât whole. Something had torn off its back legs, shearing straight through the muscle and bone.
Russ took a deep breath but didnât let his body or mind react to the sight of the carnage.
Seconds later, the strangersâ flashlights found him.
âHeâs over here. To our left.â
Russ heard three or four people hurrying through the brush. A woman in all black stepped into the clearing. Her brown hair was tied back in a bun, and she had a long steel shotgun in her hands. An odd earring twinkled in her ear.
âYou okay, son?â she asked, crouching down to place her hands on his chest. She stared into his eyes, examining him. âLooks like youâre going into shock. Just stay on your back and concentrate on breathing.â
A man followed shortly after her. He glanced around, holding up a funny-looking flashlight to cast out the darkness. âHeâs alone,â the man confirmed. âAre you from around here?â he asked Russ.
âIâm from California,â Russ groaned.
âI donât know what that means,â the man said.
âJust hold still,â the woman said. She pulled a gadget from her pack. The end telescoped out like an antenna.
Russ watched as an aqua blue light shone down from the device, running across his entire body. He flinched as it reached his face, and even that small movement caused his lungs to burst with pain.
âHeâs got four broken ribs, a hairline fracture in the left wrist and a torn hamstring. Did you see what hit you?â the woman asked him.
Russ tried to think. âNo.â The word was as much a groan as anything else.
âTell us what you remember.â
Russ rolled over onto his side. It hurt badly. Now that sheâd pointed out the injuries, everything was localized. His ribs throbbed. His wrist felt hollow. His left leg was pierced with pain. âI was driving down Route Eighty-Nine, and a deer . . .â Russ pointed to the half deer corpse beside him. â. . . this deer dashed in front of my car. I knew Iâd injured it by the sound it made when it hit the bumper, but I didnât think Iâd have to chase it this far into the woods to put it out of its misery.âÂ
Russ took a moment to swallow. âAfter I shot it, IâI was kneeling, jacking out the leftover rifle shells. But then . . . I was flipping through the air. I think I hit that tree right behind me.â
The woman looked back at the tree. âItâs pretty splintered up.â
âI was flying upside down. Backwards.â
âCan you walk?â the man asked.
Two more women, dressed in the same black combat gear, entered the clearing. They both had long rifles slung over their backs.
Russ glanced at the newcomers, his eyes lingering on the guns. They werenât locals. He could tell that much. âWho are you guys?â
âJust local hunters,â one of the newcomers said.
âSure,â Russ said.
âTell me what hit you,â the first woman said firmly.
ââI donât know. A meteor? A buffalo? Maybe . . . a . . . rig?â
The woman pulled a roll of pills from a MOLLE strap on her backpack. âSwallow two of these. Theyâre going to kill the pain.â
Russ chewed the pills. Their chalky taste filled his mouth and crept up his nose.
âThey wonât cure any of the damage. Youâre going to feel fine, but youâre not fine. Move carefully until you can get proper medical treatment. The road is two miles north. Can you reach it without help?â
Russ nodded. Whatever she gave him was blazing through his bloodstream, kicking the fog and ache off every organ that it passed. Â Â Â Â Â
âWhatâd I just eat?â
âTwo miles north. Donât stop for any reason.â
One of the newcomers, a well-muscled young woman with close-cropped brown hair, glanced at the half deer corpse lying next to Russ. Its blood had sprayed a pattern across the splintered tree. âLook at the animal, Kendren,â she said.
The guy, Kendren, shone his flashlight over the deer corpse. âWhoa,â he said. âWe definitely found what weâre looking for.â
âYou really chummed the water with this stag,â the short-haired woman told Russ.
âKendren, Starland, mouths shut,â the first woman said, making a slashing gesture. She pulled Russ to his feet. He gritted his teeth against the pain, but it was gone.
Kendren and Starland stayed huddled around the deer, crouched low, inspecting where the hindquarters had been sheared off the bone. Kendren looked at the deer's head and saw where Russ had shot it.
âYou make this shot?â he asked Russ. âIn the dark?â
âYeah.â
âWas the deer already dead? Were you a foot away? Point blank?â
âNo. I was up on a ledge over by the river. Forty feet in that direction.â Russ pointed up the gradual incline.
Kendren was still looking at the dead deer. âYou shot it between the eyes, from forty feet, in the dark?â        Â
âYeah. I guess.â
 âHead on back to the highway,â the woman said firmly. âYou should start now. It might be dangerous to stay here.â
The way she was looking at him, Russ kind of figured she meant that she was what was dangerous. If he didnât do what she said.
âI just need to find my grandpaâs rifle first,â Russ told her.
She grabbed him by the arm. Her grip was incredibly strong. In the light from her flashlight her eyes seemed almost purple. âStart walking towardââ
Before she could finish her sentence, the third woman, whoâd melted back into the darkness, stepped forward again. âCut the light,â she hissed. âItâs here.â
Something came crashing through the brush, making a howling sound. It wasnât a sound Russ had ever heard before. It was a deep rumbling growl, followed by a pitched screech that made the hair on his arms stand up. Branches were snapping, and he could hear claws scraping on rock. It was still thirty feet south, but it scared the hell out of him.
ââEl Toreador.â Youâre up,â the woman hissed.
The girl they called El Toreador had been on lookout. She was far enough into the darkness that Russ could barely see her, just a wisp of thick brown hair bobbing in the darknessâthat is, until she pounded her chest with her fist. The vest lit up red, casting shadows across the trees. âMy real nameâs Atara,â she told Russ quickly. Then: âDonât look so worried. Weâre professionals.â
âStarland, hit her with the hormone.â
âThe vest is enough,â Atara growled.
Starland slipped back into the light. She was carrying some kind of tube that looked like a pool toy. She pushed hard against the end, blasting thick goo all over the other woman.
âHurry up. Itâs almost here.â
Russ was scrambling around in the brush, looking everywhere for his rifle when the creature burst through the perimeter glow of his tiny flashlight. Ataraâs vest reflected off its face, bathing it in red light. It was all fangs and claws, huge, twice the size of a grizzly bear and full of rippling muscles stretched out in terrifying feline grace. It leaped at Atara, but midflight it caught the scent of the goo and reoriented to the left, bumping her off her feet but not harming her.
The huge cat-thing landed softly, immediately turning toward the fallen woman, sniffing the air, growling, and bobbing its head.
âItâs got the scent. The big kittyâs feeling amorous,â Kendren yelled. He, Starland, and the other woman all had their rifles raised. They were tracking the cat, ready to fire. Atara looked pissed, sprawled on the ground with her legs splayed.
âKnock it down. Weâre authorized for lethal. What are you waiting for?â she shouted.
The creature was fully in the light now. It looked a lot like a tiger, but it was at least six times the size, with wavy, shaggy hair.
âWhat the hell is it?â Russ shouted.
The feline was practically straddling Atara. âI donât like how itâs looking at me. Come on, shoot!â she demanded.
The creature batted a paw, claws extended, and tore the glowing vest off her chest. It drew the vest up to its nose, sniffed, and started to growl again.
Then the huge beast paused, slowly turning away from Atara. It sniffed the air, shoulders hunched, fur on the scruff of its neck rising. As it turned, its deep onyx eyes looked squarely at Russ.
It growled and took a step toward him.
Russ thought his heart had been beating hard before, but as the huge cat glided toward him, the thudding in his chest was so loud it drowned out every other sound. He didnât even hear the discharge of Starlandâs shotgun, two feet away from the monster. The wad of pellets sprayed against the creatureâs flank and it howled, tearing away into the darkness so fast Russ didnât even see it move.
Atara scrambled to her feet and dropped her rifle. âDid you see that? A direct hit and no penetration. I told you Earth tech was garbage. What is this? The thirteenth century? Iâm powering up.â
The first womanâthe one with the purple eyesâglanced at Russ. She was short, wiry, with the powerful shoulders of a linebacker. Russ realized she was the leader of . . . whoever these people were.
âWhen are you going to learn to keep your mouth shut?â she barked at Atara.
âYou already used the CRC wand on him.â
âTwo hours of mandatory training videos. The second this is over.â
âIâd rather be cat food than watch those again,â Atara said.
âYou skip the videos and Iâll send you back through CERT training.â
Atara wasnât really listening. She crashed off through the brush in the direction of the big cat.
Nodding toward Russ, the woman shouted, âKendren, youâve got containment.â Then she disappeared into the darkness. Starland drew a pistol from her belt and followed.
âContainment? More like babysitting,â Kendren grumbled. âI should be the one doing the good stuff.â He glanced in the direction theyâd gone. Russ kind of agreed. Kendren was huge, at least six-five, and covered from head to toe with what Russâs cousin had always called beach muscles. He had thick, wavy hair down to his shoulders. Â
Out in the darkness, Russ could see the othersâ flashlights bobbing up and down. They were headed up an incline, probably straight toward the bank of the river.
âWas it my imagination, or was the cat more interested in you than the vest covered in mating hormone?â Kendren asked.
At first, Russ didnât answer. Finally, he said, âWhat would make it do that?â
âNo idea. Itâs supposed to follow the hormone. Whatâs better than sex?â Kendren shook his head, seemingly unable to answer his own question. He frowned slightly. âThe only thing Iâve seen them more interested in is an Obinz stone. You ever seen an Obinz stone? Theyâre about this bigââKendren held his hands six inches apartââusually green, with yellow veins running all along the edges? I donât think theyâre native to . . . this area.â Kendren looked around in distaste. âBut Iâve seen these cats jump planets just to get near one if itâs in an unrefined state. An Obinz stone is basically intergalactic catnip.â
âIâve never seen one,â Russ told him. His voice wavered slightly, but Kendren didnât seem to notice. Â Â Â
âThen we better shut this vest down,â Kendren said. He stepped up onto a boulder and reached high into a tree, grabbing the vest from where the cat had tossed it. He folded the vest up and tucked it under his arm. âIâm not even sure how to turn it off,â he said.
âThat was a saber-toothed tiger, right? You guys cloning stuff? Is this Jurassic World or something?â Russ rubbed his temple. His questions were coming so fast, they were jumbled in his mouth. Kendren had just said intergalactic, and something about jumping planets, but here in the dark Wyoming forest, six miles from his grandmotherâs house, he wasnât yet ready to face those pieces of information.
Kendren threw the vest on the ground and raised his rifle, pumping a slug into it. It kept glowing. âDamn. Itâs pretty important I get this thing turned off.â
Starlandâs discarded rifle was just a few feet away. While Kendren kicked at the vest with his boot heel, Russ inched toward it.
âTouch the weapon and Iâll shoot you in the face,â Kendren said. He stomped on the vest again.
The flashlights were way north now, probably on the other side of the river. Russ could hear the distant voices arguing about which way the big cat went.
The voices were so loud, neither Kendren nor Russ heard the cat until it was right in front of them, growling, hissing, and spitting. It stalked into the circumference of the faint red light from the vest.
Kendren was still standing on the vest, his rifle slung over his shoulder. Beside him, the cat was enormous, twice as tall as a man. It crouched down, looking him straight in the eye.
âIâm dead,â he said quietly.
The creature coiled back on its powerful flanks and threw itself forward like a bullet. Its wicked claws stretched out, razored edges slashing at Kendrenâs neck and chest.
Russ kicked Starlandâs gun off the ground, caught it, leveled it, and fired. The bullet split the catâs eye socket, ripping through its optic nerve and straight into its brain.
Momentum carried the dead body forward on its trajectory, smashing into Kendren and pinning him to the earth.
A few moments later, the rest of the team returned, clambering through the thick brush. The leader approached the enormous beast and nudged it with her boot.
âIs it dead, Bahâren?â Atara asked, her gun still pointed at the fallen creature.
âSure is,â the leader, Bahâren, responded.
 The wind was starting to pick up, blowing the branches of the trees, shaking off a few dead leaves. Â
âHow about Kendren?â
âNegative,â Bahâren said.
âGet it off me,â Kendren demanded. âItâs gotta weigh nine hundred pounds.â
âHow many intergalactic laws do you think weâve broken here?â Atara asked. She moved next to Bahâren, looking down at Kendren with an expression that was half pity and half amusement.
He had managed to sit up, but his legs were still wedged under the huge carcass. Â Â
âIncluding the law about referencing intergalactic law on a tier-nine planet?â Bahâren asked.
âYou guys are being a little careless,â Starland said.
âNot our fault this thing was a hundred miles off course. The MUPmap promised there wouldnât be any tier-nine bios in the vicinity.â
âWhat are we supposed to do now?â Atara said, nodding toward Russ.
âOh, weâre conscripting him, for sure.â Bahâren said.
âReally?â Atara said. âWeâre getting another human?â
âWho? Who do you mean?â Russ asked. He glanced back in the direction of the highway. His eyes were starting to adjust to the dark again, and he could make out a thick copse of trees just a dozen or so yards away.
âGet the huge beast off me,â Kendren insisted.
Bahâren moved to one side of the big cat and dug her powerful shoulders into it. Starland ran over to join her, wedging one arm against the creatureâs flank, but putting her other arm around the waist of the woman giving the orders. âAtara, come on. You, new guy, we could use your help too. Itâs heavy as hell.â
Russ half ran over to them and dug his side into the creature. Its hairy skin sloshed around against the pressure, but the four of them eventually got it moving.
âRoll it the other way!â Kendren demanded. âIts penis is right next to my face.â
They kept rolling, and Kendren kept protesting, as the great shaggy cat slowly grinded over his shoulders and face. Gravity finally caught hold of its weight and the corpse flopped to the ground. The three in black all chuckled as Kendren spit out the taste of cat testicle.
âOh, thatâs what you meant. Sorry about that,â Starland said, laughing.
Kendren crawled onto his knees, still hacking and spitting. He stopped for a minute and looked at the catâs face, poking a finger in the thingâs empty eye socket and wiggling it around. âAnother hell of a shot.â
âThe debriefing wasnât just wrong about location,â Atara said. âThe creatureâs fur is like steel mesh. Our bullets were doing jackshit.â
Kendren rolled up onto his knees, both hands propped on his thighs. âYou saved my life,â he told Russ.
âNo problem,â Russ said.
It was the last thing Russ said before he dropped the rifle and sprinted full speed back toward the safety of the trees. He was running as fast as he could, pumping his arms, banging his shins on rocks, bumping past pines, carelessly plunging through the dark.
Heâd only gotten about twenty yards, running full speed, when something metal slapped around his ankle. It tipped him off balance and, for the second time that night, he could feel himself careening head over heels.
He hit a tree, again, then slowly slipped out of consciousness.
This novel is lighthearted Space Opera with a strong but chaste romantic element, making it appropriate for young adults. However, there is enough action and serious conflict to make it appealing to adult Sci-Fi readers as well. The earthly section of the plot is portrayed realistically and well described, with just enough detail to put us in the scene, but not enough to interfere with the action. The secondary characters fit into broad stereotypes, each one with enough individual quirks to be interesting.Â
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The story is set in a rich earthly and extraterrestrial environment populated by a hyper-imaginative menage of hyperactive and larger-than-life aliens. At times it is almost too creative. There are so many wonderfully diverse extraterrestrials that we donât get time to register which one is whom, and the story romps on so quickly that we donât figure them out.Â
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The two main characters are complex, with internal issues that affect their relationship and create interpersonal conflict. This anchors a carefully constructed and interreacting set of conflicts expanding in size and importance, like Russian dolls. The final scenes bring them all together and finish most of them off, leaving just enough questions unanswered to create demand for the next book in the series.Â
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On the downside, this author shows a rather casual approach to the craft of writing. There is a notable lack of transition from chapter to chapter, so characters appear in different settings after unknown periods of time with no explanation of how they got there. There are also a number of minor factual errors (you donât get callouses from a night of harvesting crops; you get blisters). Action sequences are sometimes missing key pieces of information, preventing readers from understanding what is going on.
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Donât expect hard science here. Some of the Sci-Fi tech is frankly unworkable, even for fiction, but thatâs part of the fun. It is explained well enough to fit into the plot, and then the story moves on before we really notice the flaw.
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This book is a fun read for an uncritical audience.