“Jack, where did you put the remote?” said Megan.

Jack pointed to the side table.

“I left it just where you put it last night, dear.”

Megan smiled.

“Oh.”

“What would you do without me?”

“Who knows?”

Jack sat down at the dining room table.

“What are you planning for tomorrow, hmm? Come on, give me a hint.”

Jack turned to look at her.

“You will like it. That’s all I can say.”

“Fifteen years. I can’t believe it’s been that long already.”

Jack smiled.

“You do know how much I love you, right?”

Megan kissed him in reply.

Jack turned his attention back to the paperwork he was working on.

“So much paperwork. It was so much easier before I became captain,” he thought.

A few minutes later, he caught himself staring at the pictures on the wall opposite him. A picture of Sarah and Elizabeth running on a beach in Florida caught his eye.

Jack chuckled.

“What’s so funny?”

“I was just looking at the picture of the kids running on the hot sand. They couldn’t get to the water fast enough.”

“And then Sarah fell just as she got to the water.”

They both laughed.

“We should go on another vacation, don’t you think?”

Jack just smiled.

“When are the kids getting home?” said Jack.

“Ann said she would bring them back around seven.”

“Tell them I said bye. Oh, and remember to check if Elizabeth finished her essay. I helped her a bit last night, but she was still struggling to finish it before bed.”

“I thought she had finished that days ago.”

“You know her. The queen of procrastination.”

Jack sighed, got the papers together, got up, picked up his keys, and kissed Megan goodbye.

“See you tomorrow at six.”

“Try to be on time, will you?”

“I will try, but you know if we are on a call, we are on a call.”

On his way to the firehouse, while stopped at a red light, Jack reached over and picked up Megan’s gift.

“I hope she loves this,” thought Jack.

Someone behind him honked their horn.

“Sorry!”

Jack put the gift in his pocket and continued on his way to work. As he parked his car at the station, Pete, one of the firefighters he worked with, approached him.

“Hey, Jack. Did you figure out what to get Megan for your anniversary?”

Jack removed the necklace and showed it to Pete.

“Yeah, I hope she likes it.”

“What does this symbol mean?”

Jack smiled.

“It’s the Celtic tree of life. Megan’s family is from Ireland, and she wants to visit. She has one aunt in Dublin and another in London and then several cousins, nieces, and nephews, most of them in Dublin and some more in Belfast. The Irish often use that symbol. I will give it to her, then wait a bit, and then tell her that she can take it to its home.”

“Wait, take it to its home?”

“Yes, to Ireland. I’ve arranged a vacation for us later this year. I got a good deal on the flights and hotels. It won’t break the bank. It’s a win all around!”

“Wow, Jack, that’s cool. I am sure she will be blown away.”

Jack returned the necklace to his pocket as they entered the station house. They had no calls that evening, which was unusual. The station was usually busy. It was Jack’s turn to make dinner, so he went to the kitchen and started preparing.

Pete looked around the corner.

“What are you making tonight, Jack?”

“Pizza, pizza, pizza!”

They both laughed as Jack got busy making pizza. Everyone in the station looked forward to Jack’s cooking. He was an excellent cook and would have gone to culinary school before becoming a firefighter. Making food was relaxing and satisfying for him.

Just as he put several pizzas into the large industrial oven, another firefighter looked around the corner.

“It’s on its way. Fifteen minutes.”

The firefighter smiled and left. While the pizzas were baking, Jack cleaned the mixing bowl and other items he used to make the pizza. Pretty soon after the timer went off, Jack removed the steaming hot pizzas and placed them on the counter.

“Come and get it! Pizza is ready!”

Everyone rushed to get their pizza.

“Jack, you know you could easily open a pizza place. This is, bar none, the best pizza I have ever had. And that’s high praise in a city like Chicago!” said Pete.

“I second that!” said Andy, another firefighter.

“Thanks, but then I would miss out on all the fun at the station.”

The following day, Jack cleaned his gear and checked for damage. His boots had mud stuck in the treads, so he took them over to the sink and picked up the brush to clean them.

“Jack! You have to see this!” said one of the guys, heading off to the break room.

Jack dropped the brush in the sink and walked to the break room with his boot still in his hand. All the guys were in the room staring at the television.

“What’s going on?” said Jack.

Pete pointed to the television.

“What on earth! How is this possible?” thought Jack.

The images on the television showed one World Trade Center tower with smoke billowing out of the side. Then, it showed a replay of a large commercial jet hitting the tower with a huge fireball coming out the other side.

Shock. Jack looked around and saw the same reaction he was having on the faces of those standing and sitting around.

Then it happened! Another plane hit the second tower. Several people cried out.

“This can’t be happening,” thought Jack.

Jack stood there and watched. It felt like time stood still.

“Looks like they are getting it under control,” said one of the guys.

Jack shook his head in agreement. The smoke was changing, showing that the fire was smothering itself, running out of fuel. If they could control it, it would make it easier to rescue the people above the fire.

Jack had seen skyscraper fires before, but this was something else.

Then, at 10:05 a.m., the south tower collapsed! Nobody made a sound. They just stood or sat watching in horror.

Jack knew firefighters had died in that building. A building like that had never collapsed before. Those same buildings had survived a bombing attack several years earlier, and now it was just a heap of rubble.

The fire alarm sounded. For a moment, nobody moved.

“Okay, guys, get moving,” said Roger, one of the senior firefighters.

Jack rushed out to get his gear, seeing only one boot, then realized he still held his other boot in his hand.

The ride out to the call was somber. Nobody said a word, just concentrating on the job at hand.

The battalion chief had been in the area and radioed that they had a three-alarm fire on their hands. That meant they would send extra units to the scene, several engines, ladder trucks, medical vehicles, rescue units, and more battalion chiefs. Engine 22 was the first firetruck to arrive. They stopped and got the hoses ready.

Then it hit Jack. It was his apartment building!

“No!”

Smoke was pouring out of the third floor. Flames were licking out of the east side, trying to climb up and devour the next floor.

“Pete, get the gas line!”

“On it!”

Jack could hardly breathe; his heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would break out of his chest. All he wanted to do was get up there and check if the building was empty. He started moving towards the building as two more fire trucks pulled up and more firefighters joined the fray.

Then he saw a small girl leaning out of one of the windows.

“Elizabeth!”

He started running towards the building, not caring about anything but getting up there and saving his family. Just as he got to the sidewalk, a powerful explosion shook the building, knocking Jack off his feet. He felt a sharp pain in his left arm, and his ears rang. Everything sounded muffled; he heard people yelling but could not understand what they were saying.

Jack stood up and stumbled forward, stunned, blood pouring from his face, walking on autopilot. His brain was trying to execute the last instruction: get to the apartment. He tripped over something. He turned around to see what it was and saw his daughter, Elizabeth. The blast must have thrown her clear of the building. He reached out and grabbed her, searching in vain for a pulse. All he could do was hold her in her arms.

Two guys from one of the other engines that had just arrived came to help Jack. His vision had gone dark, and shock was setting in, but he did not want to let go of his daughter’s body. After some persuasion, the firefighters got Jack to let go. That was it. He gave in to the numbness and closed his eyes.

They rushed Jack to the hospital. A section of copper pipe had pierced his left shoulder, missing his heart by a few inches. His leg was bruised, and he had sprained his ankle. He was alive.

The next day, two of the firefighters from his company came to visit him.

“Hey Jack, how are you feeling?” said Marco.

“Were there any survivors? Nobody wants to tell me anything!”

The two firefighters looked at each other, seeming unsure of what they should say.

“Come on, Marco! I need to know.”

“Jack, I am not sure. We should wait for the chief.”

“Forget that! I need to know. Please, what about my family?”

“Jack, I don’t know how to say this. We, umm.”

Marco looked at Robert.

“Jack, I am sorry, mate. They did not make it,” said Robert.

Jack fell back onto his pillow, tears flowing freely.

“Nooooooo!’

On that sad day, Jack lost his wife and two daughters. There were also three other deaths, one of them a firefighter, Pete, Jack’s friend. They released Jack from the hospital a few days later. He could barely walk; his arm was in a sling, and he had a black eye.

Jack felt lost. He knew he was supposed to do things but had no desire to go on. Of course, he had not only lost his family, but he had also lost all their worldly possessions. He had his truck, some spare clothes, and the necklace he bought for Megan. When they released him from the hospital, they gave him the things he had arrived with: his wallet and the necklace. He felt like a prisoner released back into the world, with the possessions they had on them when they went to jail returned. Except for Jack, it was more like he was entering prison. Everything was different.

Marco came to pick Jack up at the hospital, and Ann offered Jack a spare room to stay in while he recovered. He had accepted, too numb to care.

Over the next week, he had to endure the funeral for Megan, Elizabeth, and Sarah, and then shortly after that, Pete’s funeral. After the last funeral, Jack returned to the room in Ann’s house. He could do nothing more than sit, reliving the events of the fire in his mind.

A few days passed by. Jack hardly ate and spent most of his time staring at the wall. His nights were restless, seldom sleeping for more than a few hours without waking. Early in the morning on one such night, Jack woke up drenched in sweat and felt like he had screamed.

Moments later, Ann’s voice came from the door.

“Jack, are you alright?”

“Just a nightmare.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yes.”

Ann came in and sat at the foot of the bed. Jack pulled himself up into a sitting position, and for a few minutes, they just sat there in the blue light of early morning.

“I should have died! It should have been me!”

Ann turned her head away. Megan was her best friend; she had known Jack and his family for over ten years. Elizabeth and her daughter, Sierra, had been friends from a young age.

“Can you tell me why?”

She turned to look at him. He could see tears on her face. She got up and sat closer to him to hug him. For a moment, he tried to be strong, to resist the urge to break down, but then it hit him like a wave in an ocean, knocking his wind out. He held her tight and cried like he had never done. All Ann could do was pat his back with her hand, tears flowing freely now.

The following day, Jack made an effort to leave his room and sat at the breakfast nook.

“Do you want something to eat, Jack?”

“Yes, please.”

Jack realized just how hungry he was. Ann made him some eggs, toast, and bacon. He was already drinking some coffee when she put the food before him. He ate eagerly.

“I don’t know why,” said Ann.

“What?”

“You asked me last night why. I don’t know. I don’t know if things are always supposed to make sense. When Andrew died in the car accident, I fell apart. The only reason I survived was because of you and Megan. So, I don’t know why.”

Jack took Ann’s hand and squeezed it.

“Thanks.”

Hearing that she also had no answers kept him going for some reason. It gave him strength.

Jack stayed in the spare room for another two months. Every day, he felt a little bit stronger. His leg started to heal, and he no longer needed the sling for his arm. He made an effort to go for a long walk every day, mostly to a park several blocks away. Once there, he sat on the same bench and watched people playing and dogs running around having fun. On one of those walks, sitting on the bench, he watched an old couple walking slowly down the path. He thought of Megan and how he always thought he would grow old with her.

The following day, he passed by two old guys playing chess. He stopped and sat near them, watching them play. Most of the time, the men talked about last night’s baseball game or the weather tomorrow. For several days, Jack stopped at the same spot, and those old guys were there every time. He wondered how often they played chess. As he sat there looking at them, he realized his life had become something like those two guys. Every day, he got up, ate, went for a walk, watched people play chess, and watched people play with their dogs in the park. He was stuck doing the same day over and over. It was time for him to start moving, getting his life moving somewhere.

When Jack got back to the apartment, he sat down at the breakfast nook, thinking about those chess-playing old men. Ann put a cup of coffee down in front of him and sat opposite him. He looked up and saw that she was looking at him.

“You seem different today. Is everything alright?” said Ann.

Jack sat back in his chair and remained silent for a moment.

“It’s time for me to get on with my life. I need my own place to stay, and I have to get back to work. I need to be productive and useful again.”

“That’s good. But you do know you are welcome to stay here as long as you want?”

“Yes, thanks. I need to figure out my life, and I don’t know if staying here will help me do that.”

Ann nodded and took a sip of coffee.

“Well, I am here for you if you ever need me, alright? Even if it’s only a phone call with someone willing to listen, I am there for you.”

“Thanks. I wouldn’t have survived these last months without you.”

Ann got up and gave Jack a hug.

“Well, you are still here. How about some lunch?”

Jack laughed.

A few days later, Jack found a small apartment near the station. It was all he needed. He bought a few pieces of furniture, just enough. He did not need much. He was mainly back to full health. His leg was fine. Occasionally, he had pain in his shoulder, like a memory. But mostly, he had recovered. At least physically. Most nights, he woke sweating, reliving those moments repeatedly. Sometimes in more twisted ways. He would see Megan, covered in flames, asking him why he let this happen. Other times, he was running through a burning hallway, unable to get to the door at the end to save his family.

He was off work for a few more weeks, learning to care for himself again. It had now been three months since the fire. It was time he went back to work.

Most of the time, his work was like it had been before, but he would panic every time the alarm went off. He needed a few seconds to control his breathing and then keep going. He hesitated a few times during the next two years, blinded by the vision of his daughter. The last time that happened, it almost ended badly. He recovered just in time and shoved another firefighter out of the way of some falling debris. Jack knew then it was time for a change.

As it turned out, change came to him. They promoted him to battalion chief. He would oversee several stations in his area, five to be exact. His new job would require him to schedule resources and respond to calls, but he would not have to go into a burning building again. Things might work out.

As with everything Jack did, he excelled at his new position. All the firefighters under Jack liked him. It looked like he would get his life back on track. Some even joked that he would be the next fire chief. But something was missing. The mere thought of going into a burning building would have him break out in a cold sweat, but at the same time, he missed it. His nightmares steadily grew worse, more regular, and more vivid. He would wake up with a shout, drenched in sweat. Everything around him reminded him of Megan, the little Italian restaurant where they had their first date, the park where they took the children to play, and the bakery where they bought fresh bread and made the best ham and cheese sandwiches he had ever tasted. The ghosts of his past would not let him rest.

Jack was sitting at his desk at the station doing some paperwork when the phone rang.

“Hello, Jack speaking.”

“Hi, Jack. It’s been a while since we last spoke. How are things?” said Joe, Jack’s uncle from Maine.

Joe had not spoken to Jack since shortly after the funeral, now close to four years ago.

“Busy as always, you know how it goes.”

“Listen, Jack, we are in a bit of a bind and need some help.”

“Oh? What’s wrong?”

“Sue’s health has worsened over the last few months, and the doc says she needs a warmer climate. We bought a small house in Jacksonville. The problem is that we need someone to help us prepare the inn for sale and take care of things for a while. It should not take that long, but this all crept up on me, and I did not have enough time to take care of Sue, run the inn alone, and get it ready to put it on the market.”

Jack remained silent for a few seconds, thinking.

“Jack?”

“Yes, I am still here. Just thinking. Let me think it over. I will call you later. I want to make a meaningful change in my life. This might bring up some interesting possibilities.”

“That’s alright, Jack. Let me know when you have figured things out. As I said, it should only take a few weeks. Mrs. Sparks can make sure the place stays in one piece until it is sold.”

Jack sat silent for a moment, thinking.

“Joe, what if I bought the place? Would you have any objections?”

“Of course not! It would be wonderful to see this place go to someone who will take good care of it.”

Jack laughed.

“Well, hold on now, I don’t know anything about running an inn. It’s just an idea.”

“Well, I like the idea, and you shine at everything you do, so no concerns from my end.”

“Thanks, Joe. Alright then, time for me to figure out what to do.”

Jack finished his shift, went home, and sat on his balcony overlooking the city. He thought about his life in Chicago, thought about all manner of things, pondering if this would be a good move. After a few hours, he picked up his phone and called Ann.

“Hi, Ann speaking.”

“Hi Ann, I was wondering if you have a few minutes to talk about something?”

“Of course.”

“My uncle Joe called me a few hours ago. He and his wife are moving to Florida, and he wanted me to help them get their inn ready to put it on the market. I started thinking about it, and I might buy the inn and go and run it myself.”

“That’s wonderful. But what about your career as a firefighter, Jack?”

“Well, it has not been the same since, well, since that day. It almost feels like I am trying to run away, but I am not sure.”

“Sounds more like a clean start to me. A new beginning?”

Jack thought about that for a few moments.

“A new beginning? I like that.”

“Look, Jack, I know you. You are loyal and hard-working. You probably feel like you owe the fire service something.”

“That’s true. I don’t want to let the guys down. They depend on me doing a good job.”

“Yes, but how does it make you feel? Does your job satisfy you?”

Jack laughed.

“Man, should I lie on a couch? I feel like I am talking to a psychiatrist.”

“Well, you are the one looking for advice, and I think you already know the answer.”

“Well, again, you are spot on. The job has become, well, just a job. I used to love it. Now it’s just something I do.”

“Well, do what you love and love what you do. I’m not sure that’s running an inn, but it might be just what you need to make a clean start. You deserve a good life, Jack. You have faced more pain and adversity than most. Try something new and find yourself. And if you find the answer to why, let me know, will you?”

Jack laughed again.

“I will tell you if I find the answer.”

The next phone call Jack made was to Joe. He found out what Joe wanted for the inn and told him he was interested. Over the next few days, he sorted out all the details, leaving his job as a firefighter and selling his furniture. He did not have anything worth moving with him. Finally, it was all sorted out. He was ready to leave. He did not have much to pack, so the truck was all he needed. He said goodbye to the guys at his old station and returned to his apartment for the last night. The plan was to leave early the following day.

Later that evening, Jack sat on the couch thinking about the move. He had the necklace in his hand, just looking at it.

“Megan, you would have loved this. If you can hear me, honey, I am sorry. I have to move on.”

He decided to go for one last walk past some of the places he knew so well. As he walked over one of the river bridges, he stopped and looked out over the water. Absentmindedly he took the necklace out of his pocket again and held it in his hand as he had done so many times before. It felt warm and comforting. He looked down and, with shock, realized he was holding the necklace. He stared at it for a while, thinking.

“This has become a talisman for me. Or maybe a crutch.”

He hesitated for a moment, then threw the necklace into the river. He watched it hit the water, then disappear below the surface. He stared at the spot where it hit the water for a few minutes.

“Goodbye, my love.”

Jack turned and returned to his apartment.