Confronting the Initial Shock
I stood on the front steps of my parents' house for quite some time. I was preparing myself to share the news that my marriage had just ended and my entire world had just broken into a million tiny pieces.
Thinking back to that day, I honestly was terrified. It felt like my universe had been destroyed and the very ground I stood on had exploded from under my feet.
I had no idea what to do. I felt helpless.
Even though I was a primary participant in the destruction and dissolution of my marriage, I couldn’t believe what was happening. Shock and disbelief flooded my brain. I wasn’t ready to face the reality of what was happening. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know where to look for solace. Everything was dark.
I remember how it took all of my strength and courage to drive myself to my parents' home. Beyond this, I’m surprised I had the capacity to do anything else. I had no idea how I was going to share with them that my marriage was over.
It was one of those moments you read about in books or see in movies, and now, this moment was my reality. I never thought I would experience it. I could barely believe it was happening. I had no idea how to accept my current reality or what I was going to say about it. I was filled with so much worry that the conversation ahead of me was about to shatter two more hearts. I didn’t know if I could do that to my parents.
My mother was raised Catholic. As a child, she attended Mass every Sunday. Throughout her life, faith has guided her values and beliefs. My parents continued in the Catholic tradition by raising me and my siblings as Catholics. Some of my earliest memories are of my family attending Mass together. I remember myself as a child, in the pew, doing my best to sit still and listen to the priest. I remember every single Christmas Eve mass and all the sacraments I received. We were taught Catholic values and attended Catholic schools. I even become a Catholic school teacher. And when it came time to get married, it was a given that I would marry in the church. And that's just what I did.
The man I married is Ukrainian Catholic. When it was time to plan our wedding, we attended marriage prep at the church and planned a Catholic ceremony. On a beautiful day in July, we said our vows and made promises in front of our family and friends, and also God.
It was a wonderful day and the church was gorgeous. In fact, it’s probably one of the most special churches in my whole city, being that it’s the only Basilica there, and it is the church where Wayne Gretzky said his vows. If you know anything about Edmonton, Canada and hockey, you probably have heard about Gretzky’s Stanley cup winning stretch as an Edmonton Oiler back in the 1980’s. So to be married in the same place as he is something to be proud of, as an Edmontonian! That Basilica was also the church where my parents said their wedding vows. I’m sure this fact added to their pride on my wedding day.
More important than their daughter getting married in the same church as they did, however, was that I was joining so many of my relatives who were already members of the marriage club. Within my extended family, marriage is a big trend. There have been lots of weddings and lots of kids. And after the initial vows, people in my family don’t typically divorce. Amongst all my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, there are very few divorces. Unfortunately, with the end of my marriage, I was about to make that number a bit larger.
Getting back to the scene.
There I was, standing on the front steps of my parent’s home, tears in my eyes, with a bag of clothes, slung over my shoulder, contemplating how I was going to tell my Catholic family that their Catholic daughter was doing one of the most unCatholic things a Catholic can do - getting a divorce.
In reflection, my announcement came out exactly the way that tragic news usually does: suddenly and all at once. Shaking, scared and unsure, I broke the news, “Mom, my marriage is over.”
That’s where this whole journey started - a journey that has been the most transformative venture of my life.
