Lena looked out at the mountains from the resort’s deck. She was finally at Writers’ Mountain. The crisp wind stung her cheek, but a sip of her tangerine energy tea warmed her instantly. At Writers’ Mountain, every thought was genius and every story created made an impact. It was time to reach word count goals and deadlines. She sat down at the outside table and pulled her blanket tighter as she moved her chair up to the table. 

Hands on the keyboard Lena. Let’s write. 

A handsome gentleman walked into view as her mind was just starting to imagine the possibilities of the page. 

He glanced her way. 

A warm, cozy thought came to mind. Maybe I’ll find love here. 

Their eyes met, and both smiled. She gestured for him to sit with her. He looked around for others who could possibly be invited and realized the invite was for him. 

When he sat, it was evident she wasn’t going to get much writing done.

Slam!

Stacks of folders came crashing down on her desk, her dreams of Writers’ Mountain; an exquisite resort in Colorado that she renamed, and a beautiful man that she hoped would be real, and perfect, so she could marry him, someday.

“I need all of these finished by the end of the week.” The ever-grouchy woman demanded.

Lena’s eyes readjusted and saw the mountain on her small desk. “This has to be about 5 books.”

“…and I need them all by the end of the week!” Her senior editor was already out the door. “And stop daydreaming! We don’t pay you for that. Get to work!” Her voice echoed from down the hall. 

She has such big mouth. Lena thought. 

She didn’t say it out loud…or in a whisper. There was only a partition that separated her from her senior editor, and that lady had the sharpest ears. Lena learned that from all the times the grouchy woman said, “I heard that!” There were times when it seemed the woman could read her mind, because she often said it when Lena didn’t even speak the horrible things she thought about saying to her. 

All the good thoughts faded and now in reality, she realized 5 books had to be edited by the end of the week. 5 books! Lena was a fast editor, but she wasn’t that good. This meant that there would be no free time during the week. The week to come would be reminiscent of her college cram sessions and late night studying. Back then it was easy to make the days longer and nights shorter, but those times had passed. 

And now, the real world required accountability and no excuses.

Lena laid her head on her desk. The words “Show up” were on the replay cycle, in her brain. That was her goal for the new year. Don’t just let the days pass you by, Lena. She told herself. You need to be present in everything that requires your attention.

It wasn’t that the job was horrible. Being a junior editor for the small but powerful publishing firm was great, but she wanted more. More, like her own best-selling books. It was time for her to be signing books not signing off on edited manuscripts. Maybe if she showed up for other writers it would bring good fortune her way and she would be able to publish the book that she wrote. 

Maybe, just maybe she would have the opportunity to show her book to the owner of her firm. He had an eye for books that would make people stars. His firm was only 5 years old, but best-selling authors were showing up, seemingly overnight. So his opinion was like gold. It meant everything to her. There was no doubt, that he would love her book and want to publish it. 

Of course the author would remain anonymous, until the time was right. Once she knew he loved it, then there would be a joyful reveal that it was her work.

“It’s too trendy.” He fanned her manuscript like it was making him hot just to talk about it.

Her whole body sagged in the chair at those words. Lena couldn’t believe her ears. 

“What do you mean?” She asked bravely.

“It’s too trendy. It won’t last. It will go viral and then die…too trendy!” The more he repeated “trendy” the more she hated the word. And his candidness, didn’t sit well with her either.

“You really think that?”

“I do. Who’s the author?”

“Uh…uh…I would have to check my notes… I had 5 books this week.” Pretending to shuffle papers helped her avoid eye contact. It also gave her some times to fight back the tears that were forming.

“This author will never be published here if they keep bringing work like this.” Still fanning the book.

Lena was more than offended at this point. “You would go that far? I thought it wasn’t that bad.”

“What else you got for me?”

Just like that, huh? Lena’s heart was shattered. 

So much for his golden words. He couldn’t see that this story was charming and inspiring…Everyone who read it would see that. Well, maybe not everyone.

But it wasn’t what he said. There were so many words that could be used to describe it, but not, “Trendy… and it would go viral and die.” The words rolled over in Lena’s mind. It was hard to believe that was what she heard. But if Lena was anything, she was far from trendy.

She wanted to be classic, like Toni Morrison and Maya Angelou. She even wanted unique like Zora Neale Hurston. It was historical sci-fi, like Octavia E. Butler’s Kindred. Of course she knew she would never compare to those women, but for goodness sake, she wasn’t…she couldn’t even think the word anymore. It was making her nauseous.

“Lena…Lena….” He raised his voice the second time he called her name. 

Lena snapped out of her nightmarish thoughts, and looked at him. “Oh. There’s nothing else. I’ll bring the other edits when I finish.”

“Talk to you then.” He slammed the book on the table as if he was so insulted that she put it before him.

It just added salt to her open wound. Insult to injury. And all the other sayings you could think of.

Lena got up from the chair and she walked to the door mindlessly.

“Lena.”

“Yeah?” She turned around to face him, still not quite outside of her thoughts.

“Your bag.” He pointed to her chair. She had left her laptop bag in the seat.

She was so disappointed, her ability to think had left. “My bag? Oh, my bag!” Finally back to reality, she walked over to pick it and the manuscript up. There was no reason to offend him anymore. 

It was her turn to slam her manuscript down on the desk. All 300 pages of the “tren-.” That word was now banished from her vocabulary.

Her job was still important. There was nothing that could be done at this point, except to put the conversation behind her and get to work. That would be a hard task but she was going to do it. 

It was hard not wallow in the pity of her shattered heart. This wasn’t like the heartbreak she felt when she and Emmanuel broke up on New Year’s Day. It was worse than that. Besides, they were only together a couple of months. But this was her dream, and he was just a jerk she caught hugged up with another woman. His sister, he said. Yeah, right? 

No, this wasn’t that kind heartbreak. This was something more. It was the fork in the road, where she had to decide if it was time to give up her dream of becoming a published author. 

She opened her laptop and typed her company name, “Shelf Publishing Company” in the browser. Well, she thought that was what she typed. It actually turned out to be “self publishing company”. Links galore filled her screen. It was almost like they had been waiting for her. There were videos and blogs on the subject.

Of course, she was aware there was a market for it, because of her work in the publishing industry. Self-publishing just never crossed her mind as an option for herself. Could it be an option? In her heart and soul, she believed the book could sell at least 100,000 copies. That was based on what she learned from other books similar to hers. It could sale more if she had the right marketing strategy. 

Do I have what it takes to even think about self-publishing? Shelf Publishing Company had turned down a lot of really good authors. Some of those people never wrote another book. Would that be her, before she had a chance to start? She didn’t want to be like those writers. Her dreams were worth fighting for…weren’t they? Unfortunately, business hours weren’t the best time to make that decision.

She decided to research self-publishing options on her own time. The new information had actually boosted her mood in a way that wasn’t expected. She couldn’t wait to get through the day.