Menace, Murder, Mystery!
Trespass forbidden boundaries, cross into eerie dimensions, mingle with the sinister and the lost in a treasury of nine peculiar tales ranging from the supernatural to the satirical.
A naĂŻve publisher blindly sets in motion the annihilation of Earth.
High school students risk their lives in a brutal quest for popularity.
An ambitious District Attorney struggles against the consequences of his inane policies.
Written over a decade, these stories span the worlds of magical realism, dark urban fantasy and classic horror. Greed, innocence and betrayal draw characters into settings laced with tension, black humor, and the creepy abominations of H.P. Lovecraft. So grab a copy, relax and set your imagination to cruise as an anthology of fantastic fables awaits.
Menace, Murder, Mystery!
Trespass forbidden boundaries, cross into eerie dimensions, mingle with the sinister and the lost in a treasury of nine peculiar tales ranging from the supernatural to the satirical.
A naĂŻve publisher blindly sets in motion the annihilation of Earth.
High school students risk their lives in a brutal quest for popularity.
An ambitious District Attorney struggles against the consequences of his inane policies.
Written over a decade, these stories span the worlds of magical realism, dark urban fantasy and classic horror. Greed, innocence and betrayal draw characters into settings laced with tension, black humor, and the creepy abominations of H.P. Lovecraft. So grab a copy, relax and set your imagination to cruise as an anthology of fantastic fables awaits.
Santa Monica, CA
Dear Mr. Whateley,
Guiding you through the publishing process would go a lot smoother with email. However, as you insist thereâs no email in
Dunwich, snail mail it shall be. First, congratulations on selling your textbook concepts to the Los Angeles Unified School District. Great timing. The districtâs religious diversity program, Different Voices, Different Ways, has been on the hunt for nontraditional faiths and yours certainly fits the bill. Mind you, Iâm not judgmental. While I have never heard of Cthulhu, Nyarlathotep, or any other Great Old Ones, Iâm certain your beliefs are sincere, and your books will contribute to the rich cultural mosaic that is Los Angeles.
To recap: Whitman Press will publish three childrenâs textbooks, based on your creed, for which youâll deliver manuscripts and artwork. The three books are:
Dagon and Jill
The Shadow Over Humpty Dumpty
A Childrenâs Necronomicon (with pop-up section)
As Walt Whitman once said, âI am large. I contain multitudes.â
Welcome to our multitudes. I look forward to working with you and âopening doors,â as you like to say.
Cheers,
Martin Gelb-Crispling Editor
Whitman Press
PS
I Googled âDunwichâ in north central Massachusetts. Your town seems to be ground zero for bizarre deaths, livestock mutilations, disappearances, and a host of other mysterious, forbidding events.
All I can say is be careful.
Maybe purchase some pepper spray.
Dunwich, MA
Goode Gelb-Crispling,
The stars wheel in their course toward a terrible alignment. Young voices shall call forth that which is ancient beyond time; vital they learn to serve them who dwell in sea, earth, and outer spheres. The powerless crawl before those with it, if ye see my meaning.
Sent ye writing and pictures for first book, Dagon and Jill. Will send second book if I am still alive. Last night One that Dwells Below emerged. Now it roams the hills and has already et up a horse and a lawn goose.
I am yr servant,
Ezra Whateley
Santa Monica, CA
Dear Mr. Whateley,
Didnât catch a lot of what you said, but I couldnât agree more about empowering youngsters. Our daughter, Shannon, is being raised to believe she can rule the world.
Going forward, there could be a small problem with Dagon and Jill in the chapter where young Jill lures a homeless man out onto a pier, then shoves him into the water. The man is drug screaming beneath the surface by amphibious monsters, which then reward Jill with a gold tiara covered in seaweed.
This is a wonderful empowerment metaphor about the rewards that come from facing scary things. However, legal is worried some might view it as mean-spirited. Could you include people from other cultures and races, who are also shoved off the pier, so as not to single out the homeless?
Cheers,
Martin Gelb-Crispling
Dunwich, MA
Goode Gelb-Crispling,
Yer thought is true. More sacrifices would please Dagon. But Jill is too young to offer so many. Let stand the drawing of the doomed tramp.
Have sent ye words and art for second book, Shadow Over Humpty Dumpty. Artwork is mine, drawn in the eldritch light of a gibbous moon. Thing from Below went back down but et up a county road crew. Now police will come again to meddle.
Stars are aligning. Must quickly say the Black Mass and make the Voorish Sign. My youngest boy went mad. He sits drooling on the porch, trying to play the cat like an accordion.
Heâs been scratched some.
Yer Servant,
Ezra Whateley
Santa Monica, CA
Dear Mr. Whateley,
Sorry about your sonâs injuries. Thatâs a problem with cats. Youâll be pleased to know Legal withdrew all objections to Dagon and Jill after receiving your gift of a sack of gold coins. They say money talks, but in your case, it hollers through a bullhorn. However, itâs not for me to judge.
Our first printing of âDagonâ went out to schools and was incorporated into the Different Voices, Different Ways curriculum. So far, the book has been well received by students and teachers who enjoy the use of fantasy to further appreciation for non-mainstream faiths.
Everyone is delighted.
Except the police.
I donât know if youâve heard, but there has been a tragic local incident. Three middle school boys confessed to pushing homeless men off the Santa Monica pier. (Not sure of the total number since no bodies were recovered.) The boys carried Dagon and Jill and were caught trying to purchase iPhones with a gold tiara covered in seaweed.
Clearly, this is a case similar to Charles Manson where he used the Beatlesâ music for criminal ends. Still, Iâve been unable to determine if we face liability because our entire legal department resigned and moved to Las Vegas, taking along the gold coins. But thatâs an internal issue.
Still, going forward, there may be more controversial points with your second book, The Shadow Over Humpty Dumpty. For example, in one chapter, youngsters Tiffany and Giles ambush and murder a postman. They cut out his intestines and droop them into a 7-11 Big Gulp cup. Late at night, Giles offers the entrails to a round, eerie being seated on a wall. It sips up the guts like spaghetti while Tiffany screams something called, âThe Spell of Aklos.â (A real tongue twister, which, incidentally, contains no verbs.)
Iâm inclined to argue this is a parable telling kids that even with religion there are no easy answers to some of lifeâs problems. Is that correct, or could it be a humorous metaphor on homework? Please clarify.
Cheers,
Martin Gelb-Crispling
Dunwich, MA
Gelb-Crispling,
Lad and lass appease the guardian of a doorway. Alter nothing on Spell of Aklos, least ye cause Earth to be dragged into another dimension. And stop ye talking so much. Print what I give ye.
Sending ye words and art for Childrenâs Necronomicon. Police broke up Black Mass and chased us, but we lost them in Cold Springs Glen. Alas, they shot my eldest boy. He died, then dissolved into a puddle oâ black stinking liquid.
But I knowed he would, so itâs Okay.
Yr servant,
Ezra Whateley
Santa Monica, CA
Mr. Whateley,
I donât appreciate your tart tone. Weâre all trying our best to be sensitive to your religionâs eschatology. Once again, our new legal department found no objections to âHumpty Dumptyâ after receiving your gift of a large gold bar covered in moss. (You should really consider keeping your money in stocks.) Subsequently, âShadowâ has gone out to schools. Students and teachers are again pleased.
The police, not so much.
Same problem as before, I fear: bad timing. Recently, a half dozen postmen disappeared in Sherman Oaks. One was found dead near a cinderblock wall, split open like a Thanksgiving turkey, intestines missing. Anyway, because the postmen were federal employees, the FBI stepped in. They questioned everyone at Whitman Press except the legal department, who had resigned and left for Barbados with the gold bar. The FBI seemed to know quite a bit about you and Dunwich. They were rude, intolerant, bullies, especially one Special Agent Hank Armitage. He treated me as if I were an ignorant dupe. (Iâm sure my SAT scores tower over his.)
Iâm afraid I gave them your address. Clearly, from your previous letter, you are no stranger to religious persecution by the authorities.
Let me know if you need legal help.
Sadly yours,
Martin Gelb-Crispling
Dunwich, MA
Goode Gelb-Crispling
Armitage is a cursed threat and may yet spoil the return as in times past. (I pray he dies screaming in the mouth of terrible Nyarlathotep.) Know ye the signs of the coming? Lightning shall strike for six hours and upon the sixth hour doorways shall open, admitting them from without.
But all waits upon the stars and the last book, The Childrenâs Necronomicon with pop up section.
Hurry ye with the printing.
Yr. Servant,
Ezra Whateley
Santa Monica, CA
Dear Mr. Whateley,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful gift. I have never seen an emerald that big. (It will sure help with Shannonâs college.) May I call you, Ezra? I was a little upset in my last letter. Please forgive me. Iâve been under great pressure. The manuscript and artwork arrived for The Childrenâs Necronomicon. Everyone is relieved except the new legal department, who were hoping to have issues that would result in receiving one of your generous gifts. As it stands, the new book appears to be a fun, interactive, Harry Potter-type spell book with various incantations plus potions children can make out of common household items.
From the artwork, I gather kids will be opening those doorways youâre so fond of and allowing Earth to be engulfed by nightmarish Great Old Ones who topple cities and crush horrified humans. Meanwhile, the children who opened the doorways will be honored and given power over continents. (As well as pesky brothers and sisters? I kid.) Clearly, this message of perseverance winning out over adversity via belief in an underrepresented religion will be well received in diversity circles.
Are you still being hassled by police? Iâll notify the ACLU.
Martin Gelb-Crispling
Dunwich, MA
Goode Martin,
Cursed Armitage hunts me and has brought dogs, but this time he is too late. The stars are almost right. Ye have done much to bring about the indescribable return. May ye go mad quickly and not be devoured.
Farewell,
Ezra
Santa Monica, CA
Dear Ezra,
Please contact me at once. (Iâve included a phone card.) We have a crossover hit on our hands. The Childrenâs Necronomicon (with pop-up Great Old Ones) is being gobbled upâanother of your favorite themes. Kids love it. My Shannon must have four saltshakers and twenty candles in her room. I hear her up there pronouncing those jaw busting spells you so love to write. Shannon even goes online and chants with other kids. Theyâve started a Facebook page. As for you, weâre besieged with interview requests from the media. The Childrenâs Necronomicon could be bigger than Twilight.
Your friend,
Marty
PS
Nasty weather today. Lightningâs been hitting around here for almost six hours. Hope it lets up soon.
Iâm supposed to play tennis this afternoon.
Death Honk: Nine Tails of the Macabre by JP Mac is a compilation of nine short stories. The stories are full of horror, dark humor, and dark fantasy. There were two stories that I liked most, Dagon and Jill, and Mark of the Bruja. Â
In the first story Dagon and Jill, an author and publisher are corresponding through letters about upcoming children's textbooks. There seems to always be an issue with a book though. Legal teams retire, crimes start popping up, and there seem to be a lot of gold, gold tiaras covered in seaweed, gold bars, and gold coins.  Â
In Executive View, I thought I was following along, until the end and then realized I was completely wrong about the whole story. Multi Billionaire Sidney Asher Kronner eats a piece of birthday cake and then is suddenly thrust onto a sea stack. Bummed Out, I found confusing and to be honest, a little upsetting. The story is about driving around and finding homeless people to abuse for the fun of making a video. I do like that karma appears in this story. Eternally Yours shows us that some people never got the memo about not telling spirits yes.  Â
In Mark of the Bruja, we meet Craig, who has had enough with the noise in the apartment below and takes it upon himself to figure out what is going on. Inside is a beautiful 40-year-old woman, and a high school dropout, covered in suction marks. One night he decides to follow the boy and sees the most horrific thing in his life. The next morning, he thinks it was all a dream. But it wasnât, and kids are starting to come up missing.  Fresh Ideas was short, and not so sweet. But we learn being a tattletale will save your life. In the Enemy of Jibbery Corn, Fae claim hate discrimination. Consequences are unhuman. The Devil Reef ends with us questioning if a DNA test is worth knowing the truth. Death Honk is the final story. Can sounds really kill someone? Â
I am awarding this book three stars. I did find some editing mistakes. This book is not for the faint-hearted. If you do not like horror, dark fantasy, or dark humor, I do not recommend it. For those who love H.R. Lovecraft stories, then this is the book for you.  Â
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