He's the last person she wants to see at work.
He's also the one person she can't wait to talk to every night.
Ruled by social anxiety, Roxy has felt lonely and self-conscious for as long as she can remember. Her stress and self-doubt multiply when she starts working more closely with her brusque colleague Jeff, who brings out the worst in her. To escape, she immerses herself in an online game-making community where she befriends an interesting guy with similar game-making goals.
Unbeknownst to her, this online friend is none other than Jeff. As their real-life interactions evolve from hostility to a tentative friendship, Roxy faces a dilemma: Can she reconcile her feelings for what she believes are two different men?
Battling her self-doubt and conflicting emotions, she must face the challenge of finding happiness, connection, and confidence in both her virtual and real worlds.
He's the last person she wants to see at work.
He's also the one person she can't wait to talk to every night.
Ruled by social anxiety, Roxy has felt lonely and self-conscious for as long as she can remember. Her stress and self-doubt multiply when she starts working more closely with her brusque colleague Jeff, who brings out the worst in her. To escape, she immerses herself in an online game-making community where she befriends an interesting guy with similar game-making goals.
Unbeknownst to her, this online friend is none other than Jeff. As their real-life interactions evolve from hostility to a tentative friendship, Roxy faces a dilemma: Can she reconcile her feelings for what she believes are two different men?
Battling her self-doubt and conflicting emotions, she must face the challenge of finding happiness, connection, and confidence in both her virtual and real worlds.
As I arranged my hair over my cheeks to curtain my face as much as possible, I spotted his form through the corner of my eye, even through the thick, dark strands.Â
Jeff Chamberlain.
The bane of my existence.
Now it all made sense ⌠Jeffâs terse email requesting that I meet with Hazel on Monday morning. Given that Iâm her assistant, not Jeff, Iâd found it peculiar to hear this from him, but I tried not to worry about it. Because thinking about him was bound to ruin my weekend, and Iâd resolved on New Yearâs Day to make every weekend a great one. Reading. Watching Cast Afar reruns. Maybe even sipping a little wine or making strawberry shortcake if I felt adventurous. Like I said, a great weekend by any standards, right? OK, maybe only by mine.Â
âRoxanne,â he said briskly as he came to a stop several feet in front of me, nodding slightly as his face formed his trademark frown.Â
A flash of long, shiny black hair caught my attention. My boss rounded the corner into the floral-themed waiting area where we stood, and she eyed my nemesis curiously. âNo one calls her Roxanne.â
I rolled my eyes. âItâs fine.â Roxanne was better than Ms. Swan, which heâd called me for the first two years after we met. I was 99% sure he was mocking me because my short, thick neck was nothing like a swanâs. After all, heâd decided to dislike me from our very first meeting years ago.
Jeff shook his head. âNicknames are for family. We are hardly even colleagues, barely acquaintances.â
Flustered, I felt my cheeks redden. Still, he was right that we were barely colleaguesâalthough we both worked for an elite lakeside resort on the edge of town, my event planning role was rather distant from his finance role within the broader corporate structure. And unlike Jeff, I also worked for Hazel.
Hazelâs eyes danced in amusement. âI suppose you shouldnât take offense, Roxy, as he insists on calling Mari âMarianaâ too, many years after she hired you two at the resort.â She laughed, although neither Jeff nor I was smiling. âWell, anyway, youâre about to become much more than acquaintances. Youâre going to be close colleagues.â
My heart rate doubled, and I glanced at him in confusion. I doubt it was possible for his face to become stonier and his posture stiffer as he spoke. âPardon?â
âFollow me,â Hazel said with a wave of her hand as she turned toward the dining room. âI got us the best table.âÂ
I glared at Jeff, whose jaw clenched as we followed her past the vacant hostess station. When we stopped behind her at a dark, polished wood table by the floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the icy lake, he muttered, âHardly.â
Hazel whirled around. âYou donât like it?â
She scooted into the booth and placed her oversized red handbag on the seat next to her. After Jeff sat across from Hazel, I reluctantly sat next to him. He scooted closer to the window, and I tried to sit as far from him as possible.
âThis is a business meeting, is it not?â he asked, folding his hands in front of him. When Hazel nodded, he added, âThe glare and the draft near a large window are not ideal. Plus, the view may be distracting for some of us.â He shot a sideways glance at me.
Hazelâs dark eyebrows rose as she looked between us. âA distracting view? Jeff, I had no ideaââ
âThe lake.â He waved his hand briefly in my direction. âItâs an objectively appealing view, and some people are easily distracted.â
I inhaled sharply as my face heated again. He was accusing me of being easily distracted? âAhâIââ I attempted to clear my throat. âI have an excellent attention span. A neurologist once told me Iâthat is, I once heard ⌠um.âÂ
Stop, just stop talking.
Why, why would you mention a neurologist? As if they need another reason to think youâre weird!
I clutched the water glass on the table, wondering when it had gotten there as I took a long swig. I tried to think of something else to say, but I managed only a few more awkward vocal-like sounds.
âJeff, that was unfair. Iâve known Roxy for years nowâwe both have! Sheâs not flighty or constantly distracted.â Hazel shook her head, frowning at him. âI donât know where you got that idea.â
But I knew.Â
Sometimes I got flustered, or anxious, or I just ⌠froze. Often all of the above, basically any time I was with any other person. It wasnât distraction exactly, but I got stuck in my head, battling with my anxiety and nerves ⌠it wasnât that ludicrous to assume I was daydreaming.Â
In fact, that assumption was better than the reality, which I tried so hard to hide: the social anxiety that was debilitating at worst and humiliating at best. I sometimes feared my pitiful attempts at concealment only made it more obvious.
So this idea of me being prone to distraction? Maybe it wasnât the worst thing. Nope, the truth was the worst thing. Sure, let them think Iâm just a daydreamer.
I forced the corners of my lips into what I hoped was a polite smile and glanced at Jeff briefly, summoning my calmest voice. âItâs all right. Youâre probably right, Jeff.â
His light-brown eyes settled on me, his face unreadable for a moment. I held my breath until he turned to pick up the menu in front of him.
I watched as Hazel studied the menu too. âI can never decide what to have here! So many great options. Even the steamed broccoli here is divine here, somehow.â Her gaze swung to me. âArenât you going to order anything, Rox?â
I nodded. âIâve been here before, so I know what to order.â
Her head tilted as she eyed me questioningly. âYou always order the same thing?â
I nodded more slowly, feeling hesitant about my answer now because she was giving me that look. The one I hated. The one that said Thereâs something odd about you.
But I had to be honest. âI do.â
Hazelâs mouth opened and then closed. Finally, with a quick glance at Jeff, she turned back to me and shrugged. âOK, I kind of envy you. Itâs so hard for me to decide because everything sounds so good. Jeff, is it the same for you?â
He snapped his menu closed. âNo.â
What a strange man. Infuriating most of the time, confusing at other times. For whatever reason, neither Hazel nor my other boss, Mariana, seemed to mind his off-putting demeanor. But our dislike for one another had only worsened after we met. He was cold, rude, abrupt ⌠and I couldnât read him. Ever.Â
And that was terrible for me because my overactive brain constantly tried to read people, trying to see if I was making a good impression or making an idiot of myself or acting weird or ⌠you know, resembling a normal, social human. If I couldnât read a person, then I couldnât assess how I was doing, how soon I needed to escape, whether people noticed how nervous I was. All the thoughts of a chronically shy and socially anxious woman, unfortunately.
When the waiter came to take orders, I was barely aware of Hazel placing an order, and then my eyes came back into focus as Jeff held up the menu and pointed to the pasta section. âIs there raw egg in the cream sauce?â
The waiter looked at the menu and then at him. âI donât think so?â
Jeffâs angular face hardened. âIf you donât know, please find out. If there are no undercooked eggs, Iâll order that dish. Otherwise, Iâll have the grilled salmon with a Caesar salad.â
The waiter swallowed visibly and then nodded before turning to me quickly. âAnd you, miss?â
âIâmâuhââ I looked desperately at Hazel, who looked at me with sympathy. Pity. The worst.
I forced myself to focus on the waiter. âSalmon.â
âSoup orââ
âSalad,â I spit out as my eyes avoided the waiterâs and instead landed on a bowl of greens on a nearby table. âI mean, no, soup. Yes, soup. I want soup.â
âThe soup of the day is chicken andââ
âYeah, that.â With trembling hands, I busied myself gathering up the menus and nearly shoved them at the waiter as I felt my cheeks burn. âThanks.â
I knew the two of them were probably staring at me because I was acting so odd. But then again, surely theyâd seen me act really awkward in public before. That thought certainly didnât make me feel better.
Quick, think of something to say. Anything to distract them from your awkwardness.
âThe lake is so nice to ⌠to see.â
I nearly face-palmed right there on the table but forced myself to look at Hazel as she smiled and attempted to rescue me. âThe lake is beautiful, even when frozen. Hence my desire to sit here.â
I forced myself to take some slow, deep (but not too obvious) breaths as Hazel looked between us again and said, âSo you both heard the good news about the investor for the new counseling center. Well, Jeffâs the one who shared the exciting news.â She laughed. âSo, I wanted to meet with you both and start making some plans.â
I nodded, still not sure why we were both here together but trying to be open-minded. I knew how much this new counseling center meant to Hazel. She was fairly well known in the self-help world as a crusader for women with body image issues through her frequent international speaking arrangements and writing, among other things. Sheâd recently decided to open her own counseling center to expand her local and regional impact and to meet people face to face, which she vastly preferred as an extrovert. Before she even told me this news, sheâd already enrolled in an online masterâs program and spent hours researching how to become a licensed counselor. I was proud to work for her and, honestly, admired her even more now than before.
âSo the first agenda item is to set up a project team or at least hire some people to set up the project team. I know the two of you arenât project managers exactly, but you have a lot of the necessary skills.â She paused and smoothed her already smooth hair over her left shoulder, probably for effect because that was a very Hazel thing to do. âI want you to be co-project managers on this.â
I gasped, and Jeff made some kind of hoarse sound that I only vaguely heard through the tunnel of disbelief as I stared at its source. âYouâwhat?â
Jeff crossed his arms and said calmly, âI work for Mariana, not for you, Hazel.â
I nodded vigorously, hoping his characteristic bluntness would actually be a benefit in this case.
Leveling her shrewd, dark eyes at him, Hazel replied, âIâm aware.â
I saw the tiniest muscle flex in his square jaw before he spoke again. It was basically the only sign of emotion his face ever showed, besides his usual frown. Iâd certainly heard the frustration and arrogance in his voice a million times. Usually directed at me though.
âIâm not sure I can fit in bothââ he started.Â
âOh, I already talked to Mari about it. Sheâs cool with the plan.â Hazel smiled and took a sip of water, as though she hadnât just delivered the worst news.Â
âThe âŚÂ plan? Iâweââ I sputtered and looked at Jeff helplessly. âWe canâtââ
âWhat Roxanne is ineptly trying to say is that this would never work. And for once, I agree with her.â
Silence settled over the table as we both stared defiantly at Hazel. Well, Jeff did anyway. I probably looked frightened and meek.Â
She stared at us with a blank expression before a small smile teased the corner of her mouth. âWhy not? You are both very capable and focused, and youâll have an ample budget to hire contractors.â
I took a deep breath to summon my dignity. âWith all due respect, Hazel, Iâm not as capable as you think. Iââ
Jeff scoffed but didnât look in my direction. âIt has nothing to do with capability, and you know it.â
âThen what is it?â Her eyes held a challenge, and I had a sinking feeling that my boss wasnât going to give up easily. She never did. It was something I admired about her. Most days. Not today.
I swallowed with some effort, trying to think of a professional way to say that Jeff and I ⌠well, we hated each other. âHazel, I genuinely care about you and your career. Iâm only concerned about the future of the project if Iâm working with him. I want the best for you, and I ⌠well, you see âŚâ I looked at Jeff, who was peering at me with an unreadable expression, as always. âWe wouldnât âŚÂ he wouldnâtââ
âSpeak for yourself, Roxanne,â he said curtly as he turned back to Hazel and sighed audibly. âI accept the role. Itâs business, not personal. If sheâs not up to the task, thatâs fine. Better, even. I can handle it myself and hire out when needed. I am perfectly capable of working successfully with anyone. Itâs called being a professional,â he added with a side glance at me.
The ire rose suddenly within me, replacing the anxiety of a moment ago, and I almost stood up in protest. Hazel looked as though she was about to speakâhopefully to defend meâbut then paused, eyeing me with interest.
I attempted to calm my rapid breathing, trying to ignore the sweat beading on my forehead and in many other places beneath my starchy blue business suit, which I obviously regretted wearing. I turned to Jeff, my voice shaking as I said, âYour unkind implication isnât professional at all, Jeffrey.â I glanced over at my boss, whoâd made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a choked laugh. âHazel, Iâm definitely up for a challenge. I do wonder, though, if hiring a more experienced project manager might be helpful. I could be very successful working with someone whose background and skills complement my own. Jeff could just ⌠do the bookkeeping or whatever it is he does.âÂ
I couldnât believe my mouth was producing all these words, like I was possessed. By indignation, I suppose. I was pretty sure every inch of my skin was covered in sweat now and flushed blotchy red from exertionânot to mention the itchy suitâbut for once, I didnât care. I had to put Jeff in his place and try by any means necessary to escape Hazelâs awful idea that weâd be able to work together. I looked at her with pleading eyes while attempting a wobbly smile.
She merely sighed. âYouâre both perfectly capable. Jeffâs expertise and experience combined with yours ⌠it will be great, Rox, and I need this to be great. If you can learn to get along. So far, I see no evidence that youâve even tried. You seemed to dislike each other from the moment you were introduced years ago, and youâve made zero effort to get along since then. Am I right?âÂ
My mouth couldnât manage to form any words, and Hazel looked exasperated as she turned to him. âJeff?â
For once, he didnât seem to have a response at first and slowly rubbed the sleeve of his shirt. Finally, he said, âAs you wish, Hazel. I will call Mariana after this to discuss an interim solution for handling my resort finance responsibilities. Iâll submit the proposed project plans to you within two weeks.â
âYou mean we will submit the plans, right?â I said, nearly breathless from irritation and overexertion.
Who am I right now?
 I never exerted myself this much in conversations. Never. But I couldnât let his swipes at me go unanswered.Â
He merely crossed his arms and eyed me as his jaw clenched.
âJeff, I get it,â Hazel said, her tone soothing. âYou like working alone, and your collaboration skillsââ
âMy skills are just fine, Hazel,â he barked.
She shook her head slightly. âI was going to say that your collaboration skills might be a bit rusty, but I have every confidence youâll rise to meet the challenge.â
I couldnât resist a smirk as I glanced at him sitting there even more rigid than usual. It was exhilarating to see him taken down a peg.Â
âThe good news is, Roxy is in a similar boat.â She turned to me and patted my hand resting on the table. âYou have so much talent and skill, but youâre used to working alone a lot. Or only with me.â
âThatâs the way I like it.â The words rushed out before I realized I probably wasnât selling myself as someone who could meet this challenge. And normally, I wouldnât want to. But seeing the challenge in Jeffâs eyes âŚ
Oh yes, I would meet this challenge. âDonât worry, Hazel.â My voice was shaky, but I was too incensed to feel embarrassed. âIâm going to do an amazing job for you. You deserve to see your vision become a success.â
She smiled warmly. âThank you. Both of you. Where is our food? Iâm famished.â Then she laughed in a peculiar way that made me nervous. âBy the way, Iâd like to open the center by the end of the year. Nine months might be challenging, but Iâm sure you can handle it, right?â
Roxy has the perfect job for her social anxiety - she can successfully get her work done without having to interact with people all day long. That is until her boss forces her to work with her nemesis, Jeff. Thankfully she has her online game-making community and her newfound online friend, âDanny,â to escape to after work. Unlike her interactions with Jeff, Danny is easy to talk to and allows her to be herself.Â
But as she begins to work with Jeff more, his demeanor starts to change. She catches small glimpses of a man much different than she knew before. And soon she finds herself torn between Danny and Jeff. But little does Roxy realize, she doesnât need to choose between two men because Danny and Jeff are one and the same.Â
I can relate to Roxy and her social anxiety. While my anxiety might not fully reach the extent of hers, I could easily empathize with how she felt in several situations. However, I did feel her anxiety was a little too prevalent throughout the book to the point that it became a bit frustrating to continue to witness. I was thankful that Hazel and Mari stepped in and wiggled their way into creating a friendship with her. I feel like that was a pivotal moment for Roxy that finally sparked something in her to help her realize that she wasnât as unworthy as she thought.Â
And then thereâs Jeff. The broody coworker who seemingly couldnât be bothered with someone like Roxy. While that was quite the opposite of how he was actually feeling, he played the part well. Despite Jeff being the ultimate grump, I couldnât help but like him. As he started to let his walls down, I adored the subtle ways he tried letting Roxy know she couldnât be herself.Â
Overall, this was a nice, quick read and I appreciated the portrayal of navigating social anxiety in both the professional and dating worlds.Â