Gripping the steering wheel with both hands, I closed my eyes. I said the word ‘no’ repeatedly until a knock at the car window forced me to open them and stop chanting. I reluctantly rolled the window down using the winder that was older than I was. The whole car was older than I was.
‘Hi,’ I said, through tight lips of a forced smile.
‘What’s your name, love?’ the woman asked.
My head hurt. ‘It’s Ava,’ I answered.
The eyes staring back at me belonged to an older woman who seemed to be sizing me up. ‘Are you okay?’ she asked. ‘Are you having a medical episode?’
I laughed out loud, almost theatrically, which caused her to take a small step back. I understood why and didn’t hold it against her. It must have seemed odd to check on someone who had just rear-ended you without even trying to brake, only to find her gripping the steering wheel with a mad look, and then laughing when asked if she was okay.
I unbuckled my seatbelt, which seemed to further alarm the poor woman. She took another small step backward.
The whole thing was still a little blurry in my head. We had been in heavy traffic but only moving slowly when I hit her, thankfully. I couldn’t even think why I hadn’t seen her braking, but I had likely been daydreaming, or thinking about how to avoid all my mounting debts. I had been doing a lot of that lately.
The woman looked to others who had stopped their cars and come over to assist, clearly making sure that there was someone else nearby to back her up if I displayed further strange behaviour.
I raised my eyebrows at her. ‘A medical episode?’ I repeated. ‘If you can call a long, and I mean very long, line of things that just keep going wrong in my life, a medical episode, then yes, I guess I am having one.’
She nodded and again cast concerned eyes at others for support. They looked to her and then back at me.
My head was throbbing, and I felt bad for her. ‘I’m so very sorry about this,’ I said through the window. ‘You’re okay, aren’t you? You’re walking around, but you could have been hurt.’
I suddenly thought about my damaged car and my even more damaged finances. ‘Are you going to sue me later? It’s all my fault, obviously. But I literally have no money right now. It’s just typical, you know?’
If she did know, she wasn’t showing it. She stared back at me, somewhat puzzled.
‘In fact,’ I continued, ‘It’s completely typical. I wish I could say this has been the day from hell, but you know what? it hasn’t. And do you know why?’ I asked.
It wasn’t really a question, but the woman shook her head anyway.
‘Because pretty much every day over the last year or so has kind of been a bit hellish. It’s just a continuation of every other day of my life which seems to be filled with constant and continuous crap happening to me.’
I searched her expression for some understanding. I needed some understanding or humanity, but her face was blank.
I tried to explain. ‘Imagine a gigantic magnet walking around that pulls bad luck to it. That’s me,’ I declared, beaming her a slightly unhinged smile. ‘Just a gigantic bad luck magnet.’
There were several sets of eyes that had come forward to look at me. Some with pity, others with interest that seemed to be mixed with trepidation. I didn’t let that stop me from my unravelling.
‘So far today, I tripped over and stubbed my toe when I got out of bed, realized I had left my work clothes in the washing machine and they were soaking wet, and then accidentally pressed the electric gate opener twice when I reversed out of the driveway.’ I pointed to the scratches that ran down the side of my now totalled car.
The woman, and her support network that had gathered, looked at the sides of the car and exchanged questioning glances. I knew how I sounded, but I didn’t care. There was no point caring. These strangers might as well join in my misery. After all, misery loves company, doesn’t it?
‘An ambulance is on the way,’ a voice said from somewhere beyond the passenger side.
‘Oh, you poor love,’ the woman offered. ‘It sounds like…’
I held up my hand to stop her. ‘There’s more,’ I declared. I needed to get this off my chest because it had been building up for months and I needed to yell it out while someone was actually listening. ‘At work, I realised that I left my security pass at home, which of course meant that none of the doors would work and made my mean boss furious. Then, feeling sorry for myself, I bought some candy.’
‘Well, that’s nice for you, dear,’ the woman said with a pitying tone. ‘It’s good to treat yourself when you’re feeling down,’ she said gently.
I smiled broadly so she could see my teeth. ‘I bit into one and broke my tooth.’
I let the gasps and wincing sweep through the group as people stepped forward to look through the window at my missing side tooth.
The woman grimaced before leaning in and patting my shoulder. ‘I think you should just sit back and try to keep calm. That really does sound unpleasant.’
She’d obviously heard enough.
In the distance I could hear sirens approaching. That’s when the tears began to stream. ‘It’s the day, the month… no… the year from hell,’ I said between sobs. ‘I just keep attracting bad luck, I’m telling you. I feel cursed and I don’t know why.’
I leaned my head back on the seat and cried until the ambulance officers eased me out. Worrying that I might be concussed, given the large bump on my forehead, they gently put me on a stretcher.
A man who was standing nearby moved toward me. ‘Can I help you with the car?’ he asked. ‘Do you need me to get anything out of it for you or lock it up?’
I stared into his piercing green eyes. Standing over me, he looked tall and broad shouldered. His hair was moving slightly in the breeze, and I wondered if he was an apparition.
When I didn’t answer, he repeated the question.
I snapped myself out of the trance his smile had put me in. ‘Yes, thank you,’ I said. ‘My bag, and my keys are still in the car.’
‘Sure, it’s Ava, isn’t it?’ he asked.
I nodded, still staring at his beautiful eyes and impressed that he had paid attention earlier when the woman asked my name.
He disappeared briefly before returning with my bag. He put it on the end of the stretcher. ‘I’ll stay here and wait for the police so I can keep it secure and give them the keys for you.’
‘Thank you so much, I really appreciate it,’ I smiled, trying not to show my missing tooth.
He was looking at my feet. ‘Do you realise you have two different shoes on?’ he asked.
I laughed, feeling my head pound harder. I wondered if it was bleeding. I reached up and felt the large bump. ‘Of course I do,’ I said even though I had no idea.
The woman leaned closer and looked at my feet. ‘Love, you have one black shoe with a bow at the toe, and one brown shoe with a lacy strip.’
There was a snigger from the back of the crowd as the ambulance officers wheeled me away.
For a brief moment, I felt relief. I was okay, and from what I could tell, not critically injured. That was good luck, surely. And a minute chatting to the beautiful man was kind of nice too, even if it was just to organize the car.
I let myself relax as I took a deep breath and tried to force a calmness to engulf me. As I closed my eyes, the stretcher hit the curb and tipped on its side with me strapped to it.
As I lay there, facing the concrete, listening to the voices hollering all around and people scrambling, I wondered what the hell I had done to deserve all this.
***
When I opened my eyes, my mother was hovering over me. There was bright sunlight behind her and in my haze of sleep, for a second, I thought I was dead.
‘Mum?’ I said, wondering if she would answer, or if this was just some apparition guiding me into the light.
‘What?’ she said.
‘What are you doing? you scared me.’ My eyes were still trying desperately to focus.
‘I was just checking on you because the doctor said to keep checking on you once we got you home,’ she smiled.
The reminder of my recent accident throbbed on my forehead. Slightly annoyed, I pulled myself up to sit, rubbing my stiff neck. I was upright enough to see my sister, Kayla, sitting at the kitchen table hiding her smug smile behind her ugly homemade coffee mug. She loved it when Mum fussed over me because it meant that she was getting a break from it. Mum loved to fuss. And worry. And tell us not to use our phones or the microwave because of radiation, or whatever else she could think of that might injure us. According to her, even grapes were dangerous if you didn’t chew them properly.
I got up from the couch and went over to the table. The bump on my head hurt, a lot. ‘I’m fine,’ I said to Mum. She was pulling out the chair for me and unnecessarily helping me to sit. ‘I just need coffee.’
Mum poured me a cup, the delicious aroma hitting my nose before the cup was even in my hand. I made a mental note to appreciate the perfect little things in life, like coffee. Practice gratitude, all the websites said. It was the way to make crappy things seem less crappy. I needed that.
I took a sip with a smile on my face but recoiled when I scalded my lips and tongue.
‘Sorry,’ Mum said. I shouldn’t have made it so hot.’
‘I’m cursed, aren’t I?’ I said in a flat, matter-of-fact tone. ‘I was some evil conqueror in a past life who did terrible things and now I’ve been born into a new life with no memory of my evilness, but I have to pay for all the bad things I’ve done. It’s the only explanation.’
Kayla was still smirking.
‘What?’ I asked. ‘Why are you just sitting there with that face on?’
She shrugged. ‘Because it’s my face?’ She shook her head. ‘I just can’t believe how much crap happens to you. I mean, maybe you’re right about the past life thing, because I truly don’t know anyone who has as much bad luck as you do. Or, here’s another plausible suggestion, it’s just that you’re just an idiot who does stupid things.’
Mum shushed her. ‘Kayla, stop it. She’s no worse off than anyone else, and she’s not an idiot. It’s just lots of things at once, that’s all.’
Mum was always desperate to make everything better. Especially between me and Kayla, and she knew how much things had been affecting me lately. And that was just it. It wasn’t all at once. It was all the time. It was ongoing, as if there was a little invisible black cloud that hovered over just me, wherever I went.
‘Well, I need to make it stop now,’ I said, sticking my tongue out at her. ‘I’ve had enough, and something needs to change. I just don’t know what.’
‘There’s a psychic fair on at the Town Hall,’ Kayla teased. ‘Maybe you should go and get smudged or see if one of the tarot people or psychics,’ she made air quotes around the words, ‘can tell you what you need to do.’
She was joking, but it wasn’t a bad idea. I stood up. ‘I actually have to go and meet the girls at Kristi’s Bakehouse, but maybe I’ll go later.’
Kristi’s Bakehouse was our favourite little meeting spot. They served great coffee and plenty of gourmet options, including their famous gourmet donuts which were my favourite. I met my small group of best friends there usually once or twice a week, but lately, we hadn’t managed to do it so regularly.
Mum was on her feet too. ‘Oh honey, you can’t. The doctor said you need to rest.’
I squared my shoulders. Seeing the girls and filling them in on everything was far more important than a head bump. I hadn’t seen them in weeks, and I needed to get some other opinions about my current situation. ‘I’ll rest when I get back, Mum. I promise,’ I reassured her.
‘Can you drive me?’ I asked Kayla.
She shrugged and checked her phone. ‘I guess so. I’ve got nothing else on.’
‘Right then, let’s go.’ I declared.
Kayla put down her ugly cup and looked me up and down. My bed hair, large head bump and pyjamas were not a terribly attractive sight. ‘Now?’ she asked. ‘Looking like that?’
I made a face. ‘Obviously, I’ll get dressed and try to cover this,’ I pointed to the lump.
‘And don’t smile,’ Kayla added, referring to my missing tooth.
I shot her a nasty look and went to my bedroom.
Mum hovered as I got ready, offering to put my shoes on and come with me for support. I politely declined her offers, but I let her fuss a little by packing my purse with some Panadol and water and agreed to wear the hideous neck brace the doctor had given me.
Kayla was waiting by the front door when I came out of my room. She laughed when she saw my neck support brace. ‘Do I have to drive with you in the car wearing that?’ she said.
Mum interjected before I could even get a word out. ‘Yes, you do. She needs to wear it whether you, or she,’ she pointed an accusatory finger at me, ‘likes it or not.’ I had refused to put it on the day before when we had gone to the grocery store. Mum was still cross with me.
Kayla rolled her eyes as soon as Mum turned her back. ‘I’m going to drop you off and then do some shopping,’ she said. Being two years older than me she had always found my friends to be bratty and annoying. Especially Tracy, who was always offering her mindfulness and Law of Attraction services to anyone who would listen. Kayla hated it.
‘That’s fine,’ I said. I was grateful to have my friends to myself anyway, so I could talk to them without Kayla eavesdropping. I loved her, but she was such a know-it-all at times. ‘Thanks for taking me,’ I said.
When we got to Kristi’s Bakehouse, I could already see the girls at our table. We had our own spot that the owner, Kristi, of course, would keep just for us. We’d been going there since we were teenagers.
I felt my heart flutter. I hopped out of the car and waved at them through the window as I made my way to the door.
Tracy’s bright kaftan and signature messy bun was visible even from that distance, and Donna was wearing something fluorescent that matched her multi-coloured hair. I leaned forward and squinted. It was hard to make out Eden in her usual neat, dark suit and tidy blonde bob.
I looked down at my old blue jeans and oversized hoodie, and felt a little bad. My hair had gotten way too long, and my caramel-coloured waves were almost non-existent thanks to rising split ends.
I turned to say goodbye to Kayla, but she had already disappeared into the workout store. She had recently decided that she needed to improve her fitness. Turning 32 wasn’t doing her any favours. Turning 30 hadn’t done me any either.
‘Ava!’ Tracy, Donna and Eden squealed in unison when they saw my neck brace. ‘You poor thing,’ Tracy said.
Donna was the first to come in for a hug, almost giving me a further neck injury, while Tracy lined up behind her and told her off for hurting me. Eden pulled out a chair and made me sit. I already felt better. The three of them had been my tribe as far back as my memory would take me. I barely remembered a time that didn’t have them in it.
‘I can’t believe this happened, Ava. After everything else, lately,’ Donna said. ‘You’ve had one thing after another, I feel so bad. What can we do?’
I hadn’t yet managed to get a word in, so I took the opportunity. ‘I can’t believe it either, honestly,’ I said. ‘You guys know that I’ve never been super lucky or anything, but the last few months, maybe even longer, it’s felt as if every single thing has been going wrong for me. It’s driving me crazy. I’m really sick of it.’
I rubbed my swollen forehead and tried not to cry while Eden gave Kristi our usual order. When she was done, I swallowed the burning lump that was rising in my throat and continued laying out my complaints. It took a while.
‘I need you guys to help me work out what’s happening with me. I can’t keep going on like this. You know I’ve tried all the things they tell you to do, like focusing on the good and seeing the blessings in life, but nothing has worked.’
The three of them looked at each other. Tracy had already taken my arm and was pressing firmly on certain spots. ‘Do you feel that?’ she kept asking. I nodded but didn’t feel anything other than her bony fingers pushing into my sore wrist. She closed her eyes and seemed to be vibrating a low hum.
Eden, always the practical member of our group, took the lead. ‘Well, I’m not sure how we work out what’s going on, if in fact there is something going on. Because having a patch of bad luck is pretty normal, Ava. I think you just need to take a deep breath and relax a little bit. It’s been a tough few years for you with relationships and other stuff, that’s all. Just a bit of run-of-the-mill bad luck.’
‘Oh, come on, Eden, no one has that much bad luck,’ Donna interrupted. ‘Look at her! She’s literally copping it all the time.’ She turned her attention to me. ‘Do you remember that holiday we went on last year?’ she asked.
She had my attention. Eden tried to take over the conversation again by talking over her, but Donna shushed her with her hand. Tracy continued with her finger poking and nodded along as Donna continued. ‘We went to that Ripley’s Believe it or Not Museum and they had all that Voodoo stuff.’ Donna folded her arms across her chest as if she was about to reveal the answer to all my troubles. ‘I told you not to kiss that totem, didn’t I? because it said something about it holding evil spirits, but you did it anyway,’ she declared, almost pointing a finger at me. ‘I bet one attached itself to you or something.’
My heart skipped a beat. I had been messing around at the museum and when I saw the funny-faced carved man, I called the girls over and gave it a kiss. I thought it was funny and Eden took a photo, but Tracy and Donna had both protested. I told them at the time they were ridiculous for believing in that stuff, but maybe they were right. ‘Oh crap, I did, I know.’
‘Stop it,’ Eden said. ‘It’s ridiculous and Ava, you are just having a rough patch. We all have them. I’ve had some bad luck too you know, it’s not just you.’
Donna raised her eyebrows. The two of them were always bickering. ‘Like what?’ she questioned. Her tone tempting Eden into a fight.
Eden seemed to weigh up whether or not to take the bait but decided against it. ‘I’m not going to go through every little thing, I’m just saying, that’s all.’
Donna made a face that indicated she thought she’d won, and luckily Tracy chimed in before Eden bit back.
‘It’s bad karma,’ she declared. ‘You’ve picked up some juju and it’s following you around.’
All three of us stared at her with intrigue. What the hell was juju?
‘Wait, hear me out,’ Tracy said, slowly pressing pressure points on my wrist. It was hard to listen when she moved her so-called “magic meditation fingers” to my elbow. I felt ridiculous, but I wanted to hear what she had to say.
‘The law of karma is that you get back what you give out, so maybe you did something that put out some bad vibes, like Donna said with the totem at Ripley’s.’
‘I told you,’ Donna said as Eden pushed herself back in her chair and huffed.
Tracy continued. ‘Surely then, you just need to put out good vibes.’ She shrugged as if the answer was completely simple and straightforward.
I was confused. ‘Are you saying I’m not putting out good vibes?’ I felt hurt, even though I didn’t quite understand.
‘For goodness’ sake!’ Eden bellowed. ‘Will you two stop it with your nonsense? Your vibes are fine Ava, trust me.’
‘Well,’ Donna said, ‘you never know with things like this. Maybe something evil got attached to you, Ava. I went to an ancient site once and the tour guide was saying that lots of people had taken pieces of rock from there, but then mailed them back because it brought terrible luck to them. It’s true, I’m telling you.’
Eden rolled her eyes and collapsed back into her chair again with dramatic effect.
Tracy was nodding. ‘There’s some truth to that, Ava, I’ve heard that too,’ she said. ‘And we walked under that scaffolding last week, surely that’s like a big ladder. Bad juju is what it is.’
Kristi arrived at the perfect moment to shut them all up. My brain was racing and trying to think if I’d taken any rocks home from anywhere. There might have been something from the Colosseum a few years back. Were the Italians terribly vindictive?
I huffed. ‘Maybe it’s not even bad luck at all. Maybe it’s just me. I’m one of those “failed to launch” humans who still works at the same job and lives with her mother.’
Tracy leaned forward and made a sad face at me. ‘You’ve done things, though, honey. You’ve travelled and you’ve dated, sort of.’
The fact that she had to add, sort of, said everything. I may have had a few dates, but they were mostly bad ones. And I’d had a few short relationships, but nothing significant, and definitely nothing that had any possibility of becoming long-term.
‘Ava, you have plenty going for you,’ Tracy continued. ‘Granted, the neck brace and egg on your head are a setback, but you’ve been looking for other jobs and when you find one, you’ll move out. You’re being too hard on yourself.’
Maybe I was. Maybe I was just in a big rut and feeling sorry for myself, but it felt like every area of my life was in the toilet.
‘And you did move out that time,’ Donna added. ‘I know it went badly, but at least you did it.’
I had moved into a share house with some university students for a while, but it was like a frat house most of the time. When I woke up one morning with three unknown people asleep on my floor, I knew I had to get out of there. There were no other rentals available at the time, so I decided to go home for a “few weeks” while I found something. Eight years later, I was still there.
‘Thanks, guys,’ I said. Although I wasn’t sure I was feeling any better about things. ‘I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but the reality is, I’ve reached a stalemate. I need to turn my life around, or at least get it started. I’m already 30 and I don’t want to be in this same position forever, especially with the way things are going.’
Eden sat forward. She was back in the game. ‘Okay, I refuse to buy into any of this crap, but just for argument's sake, and to make you feel better, Ava, if you have managed to pick up some bad juju, as you call it,’ she pointed at Tracy, ‘what can you even do about it?’
Tracy and Donna both tried to speak at the same time, but Tracy pushed in. ‘I just think that you should start with clearing your energy and then try and get some good karma in the bank. That’s it.’
Donna nodded her agreement. ‘And send back any rocks or bits and pieces that you stole from anywhere.’ She seemed to think for a minute while looking up at the ceiling. ‘I don’t think there’s anything you can do about kissing the totem. You’ll have to live with that.’
I made a sad face. ‘Kayla said there was a psychic fair on at the Town Hall today. Maybe I should stop in there on the way home and see if I can get a clearing and a reading.’
Tracy nodded. She was now hovering at my side. She placed both of her hands on the top of my head and made some weird sounds that seemed to come from somewhere inside her. Her lips didn’t move at all. ‘I’ve already been, and it’s pretty good,’ she muttered between noises.
She reached into her purse and pulled out a small glass bottle. She twisted off the cap and pressed the top to my temples, rolling it around. ‘It’s a specially blended oil,’ she announced as if it was about to magically fix everything, and we would all be in awe.
I pushed her hands off me and shoed her away so I could eat my donut. I took a bite of my favourite gourmet flavour, a salted caramel-topped, soft dough, covered in caramel sprinkles. I let out a sigh as I ate it. At least if I was stuck with this bad luck forever, I had good donuts.
A second later, a piece of dough sucked back and got lodged in my windpipe. I banged on my chest and hunched forward, but it wouldn’t come out. Blood felt as if it was rushing to my head and I stood up, moving forward and back, but it didn’t budge.
When a guy at the counter rushed over and embraced me from behind in a Heimlich manoeuvre, the girls jumped about on the spot like they were playing a game of hot potato.
As the man yanked and pushed me, I looked out the window at the blue sky. You wouldn’t dare, I said to the Universe. I was not going to die choking on a donut – in a public cafe!
The piece came out and dropped to the floor as I stood up and straightened myself. Each of the girls stared back at me with open mouths and wide eyes.
When I turned to thank the man who had just saved my life, I froze. I knew those eyes. I recognised his hair and his broad shoulders, and of course, that smile and piercing green eyes. It was the same guy who offered to stay with the car for me after the accident. Ryan Connelly.
