(Chapter 1, "Subservience to Selfishness" follows Preface and Introduction)

Preface

Injustice, violence, and suffering have troubled me since childhood. I saw injustice and violence virtually everywhere, and people needlessly and helplessly suffering from man-made crises. I also noticed wicked people bullying and mocking good people merely to amuse themselves.

As I became familiar with global events, politics captured my interest and social maladies began bothering me. In college as I stud­ied history, I could not resist dwelling on India’s drawn-out struggle for independence, the birth of communism, the division of weak coun­tries by the strong, and the creation of the Eastern Bloc. I wondered how just three men (Winston Churchill, Franklin Roosevelt, and Joseph Stalin) could seal Europe’s fate after World War II, crushing the aspirations of millions of Europeans!

I read Gandhi’s autobiography (The Story of My Experiments with Truth), and about his assassination on Jan 30, 1948, by a Hindu fanatic who loathed his concessions to Muslims. While living in New Delhi, I visited several times the spot where he fell to his assassin’s bullets.

After immigrating to the USA, I went to Washington, D.C. to visit the Ford’s Theatre wherein President Abraham Lincoln was mortally wounded in 1865.

Martin Luther King Jr. was slain in 1968 for resisting racism in America. A would-be assassin gravely wounded Pope John Paul II in 1981 for spearheading the downfall of Eastern European communism. I asked myself, “Why are good people getting killed?” I inferred—because they stand in the path of those benefiting immorally.

Compared to many global regions, I found my pastoral village life as safe, easygoing, and thus comfortable. I pondered about ways to use my God-given talents to benefit society. I recalled my par­ents’ conviction that we can find peace and happiness only by loving other people. Some of the messages my father sowed in me are: love and compassion are the best tools to earn respect; do your own part right; keep your word; turn deaf ears to idle talk; clapping two hands together only can make a sound; show gratitude to benefactors; and forgiveness needs no one’s permission.

My mother was kindhearted. She said one day upon hearing about a gruesome crime, “Where does our compassion hide when we inflict pain and suffering on others?” This question often reso­nates in my mind.

I conveyed to my wife Regi my parents’ philosophy and my convic­tion that we could wipe out malice from people’s hearts by approach­ing them in a way to create welcoming surroundings. Regi suggested that I compile and transform my thoughts into a book. Her impetus instantly rekindled my latent, long-cherished life-mission for such an undertaking, and I thought through the viability of propagating my ideas. I figured people everywhere hunger for tips to improve attitude to beautify their lives and win the hearts and minds of other people.

I contemplated the intricate reasons for human cruelty. I medi­tated over questions such as, (a) Why do people behave differently? (b) Why are some good, some bad? (c) Why are opportunities beyond reach for some? (d) Why are some rich while the majority are poor? (e) Why are certain wealthy people not charitable? (f) Why do parents and children turn against each other? (g) How could a 9-year-old commit murder? (h) How could humans cognizant of their frailties and mortality be egomaniacs?

I thought to myself, in a relationship we have two main choices—to love, or to hate. Which one is good for us—to love or to hate? Why do people respect or despise us? Not simply because of our views or looks; the primary raison d’etre is our attitude. Attitude shapes rela­tionships. Every relationship—spousal, parent-child, familial, busi­ness, communal, international—is rooted in attitudes. Character and attitude of humans making contacts and conducting transactions play pivotal roles in shaping the outcomes of those contacts and transac­tions. If one is impertinent by nature, that characteristic is mirrored in one’s behavior.

I ruminated on the contrasting lifestyles I noticed in rural south­ern India, metropolitan Delhi, and trendy New York City. To gather, develop and carefully present ideas for practical applications in real life, I studied the mindsets, mood swings, and personalities of the diverse people I came across, including kith and kin. I researched the minds of both the noble and the ignoble. I analyzed my own occa­sional negative behaviors, their sources or causes, and ways to avoid them in the future. If anyone were liable for my imbalances, I would contemplate his background, education, social rank, age, maturity level, circumstances, and the nature or level of our relationship to objectively rate my findings. I also mused over a variety of topics I have read or studied over time.

So, my parents’ philosophy, Christian principles, and the other factors cited in this section have been at the forefront of my incentive in taking up for deliberation the topics in this volume.

I tirelessly formed concepts elemental to humans’ complex rela­tionships with God, self, society, and nature. Consequently, this writ­ing, evolving over time, is my brainchild.

Living independently for long, I have had ample life lessons. Some of them were harsh, and my mistakes were costly. I have seen human misery. So, I understand it and can relate it to individual situations to some extent. Sometimes I wonder why I was not born in a slum, or as an invalid, and if I truly deserve to enjoy my possessions while multitudes around the globe moan for help.

Even after I decided to create a manuscript, I struggled with­out a clear direction to interweave and choreograph my fragmented thoughts into an engaging proposition to share with you, my readers. Concurrently, my desire to keep a low profile intermittently made me hesitant to proceed. Nevertheless, my obsession with this work persisted as my sense of moral responsibility urged me to speak out against inequities and hatred, and to realize my mission of dissemi­nating my aforesaid useful concepts. Otherwise, why would God give me such a mind? I discerned a while ago that he did not design my brain to win the rat race, but to be a writer.

The many writers, philosophers, researchers, and inventors who prevailed in the face of obstacles bolstered my resolve to embark on this exertion. My experiences in various life roles, such as a father, son, husband, immigrant, and world citizen lent support to my confidence in evaluating and discussing the topics covered in this volume.

I estimated some three years to finish this project, but it took longer, taking much time away from my family. I did not feel my life as fulfilled until this job, my labor of love, was completed. Confining my ideas to my brain serves no purpose, and brings me no satisfac­tion, especially when I consider sharing them to benefit my fellow human beings as a major reason for my existence. So, this has been my most important, self-fulfilling lifework.

Oddly, my penchant for writing perhaps originated from my child­hood exposure to a neighborhood novelist who used to pen quietly in his study early in the morning before walking two-and-a-half miles to the local high school, where he was a well-acclaimed Malayalam language teacher. I marveled at his skills in speedily turning out thrilling short stories and book-length fiction. I feel he was not duly recognized for his creativeness. His medium was Malayalam, the vernacular of my native State, the beautiful little Kerala.

I am optimistic that the themes delineated in these pages will open for you additional avenues into elevated thinking for improv­ing your relationships. Not only do improved relationships naturally strengthen our common thread of humanity (which is fragile in some people’s lives), but they also inspire us to examine the sources of our woes with the goal to eliminate them where possible.

Introduction

Human beings naturally aim to attain happiness. But how do we attain happiness in our turbulent world? Everyone is vulner­able to mayhem created by unconscionable people. Crime is ram­pant in several parts of the world. For some, acrimony toward their fellow beings continues to rise. Our streets are unsafe for children, and many people live in a fear-filled atmosphere, as hostility rattles communities.

In some global regions spite is inculcated into children’s evolv­ing minds as breast milk is fed to them for their growing physique. Television, radio, and other news outlets broadcast (which is their job) depressing news such as shooting, bombing, hijacking, kidnapping, religious and ethnic fighting, border confrontations, and terrorism.

Belligerent leaders stoke national and international tension. Prominent figures publicly accuse and counter-accuse each other. Individuals, groups, and governments desecrate our places of wor­ship. Selfishness, familial discord, moral descent, and sexual revolu­tion—all directly or obliquely responsible for the evils of bullying, conflict, hostility, violence, infidelity, separation, divorce, and other ills in varying nature and magnitude—corrode the pillars of societies.

Women are stereotyped, and used as sex symbols, on television, billboard advertisements, and in print and digital media. Some film­makers, actors, artists, musicians, comedians, and other entertainers are trying to structure a trend to electrify their audience by impro­priety, profanity, obscenity, and violence, as if shy of natural talents or catchy themes. Thus, people are forced into viewing and absorb­ing offensive material. Deceptive advertisers, scammers, spammers, and Internet philanderers disrupt, raid, challenge, solicit, poison, and overpower the wills of happily married couples, the chastity of religious celibates, serenity of the poised, and the innocence of chil­dren. Are we not captives of television and entertainment networks?

Shockingly, people, especially youngsters, are constricted in their ability to think for themselves and reason. Warmongers, the Godless, the Internet, and social media manipulate their minds. As a result, children form deviant opinions and make bad choices.

By broadcasting hate material, which the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) cannot censor (for it would interfere with freedom of speech), some in the media adulterate the minds of children relaxing in the comforts of their homes. Cruelty and sadism in television programs, games, and movies harden their minds. Obscenity in movies, perverted arts, indecent fashions, smut on the Internet, vulgar advertisements (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra), and propa­gation of other raunchy matter by the media pollute children’s moral and ethical heritages with irrevocable repercussions. There were 2246 instances of violent, profane, and sexual content in 180 hours of origi­nal Family Hour programming, or 12.48 instances per television hour (Parents Television Council, 2007). Across all networks use of profan­ity on prime time broadcast entertainment programming increased 69.3% from 2005 to 2010 (Parents Television Council, 2010).

The broadcasters expect parents to monitor what their chil­dren watch and read. Constant parental supervision is impractical. Unarguably, they juggle their parental responsibilities with numerous other understandable responsibilities. Moreover, constant paren­tal restriction may result in parent-child arguments and friction. Childhood should be the safest, easiest, and the most fun-filled time in one’s life. But often it is not, for many reasons.

Alas, prosperity, technological momentum, and freedom are exacting a heavy toll on familial and social order, human dignity, eth­ics, and time-honored values and decency. The framers of America’s Constitution could not have foreseen today’s misinterpretation and abuse of freedom of expression, a clause they sagaciously incorporated into the Constitution.

I think those who trample on core human values and vitiate social cohesion are culpable for social ills. To identify social ills, one does not need to read scholarly papers, or to experience attacks on personal or communal well-being. Indeed, no one likes living in a degenerat­ing society. So, how can we protect our society’s standards, and our children’s, and Planet Earth’s future?

By assuming personal responsibility and diligently performing our duties we automatically eradicate several causes seminal to soci­etal depravities. Hence, throughout this writing I stress everyone should get obsessed with personal responsibility and present many suggestions on how to obviate or eliminate a range of our troubles by responsible conduct.

If we can adopt proactive approaches as our hallmarks to pre­vent or minimize potential problems, (a) we do not have to worry about their impacts, and (b) we do not have to seek or rely upon after-the-fact help from governmental or other external sources. I am not suggesting one must not count on deserved external compensations or governmental aid. The point is how much support is available or expected from others. We know the level of governmental help Hurricane Katrina (2005) victims received! Many war veterans who made great sacrifices for their country are left out in the cold to fend for themselves. Several World Trade Center bombing (2001) victims are still caught up in political wrangling on compensation. The 2008 financial crisis is another case in point; our regulators did not do their job of handcuffing the squanderers of our money. How many governments in the world can guarantee their citizens physical and financial security, let alone their birthrights? How many govern­ments are solvent? In many countries their governments create more problems than solutions.

So, it is unwise to find excuses to evade personal responsibilities. Those acting sensibly toward self, family, society, and nature collec­tively make a worthwhile society. Since everyone is a member of the larger society, none should underestimate the impact of his or her actions or inactions. Responsible people are role models for others.

The media, entertainment industry, and other businesses have a bigger share of social responsibilities. Unless we collaborate, our numerous problems, including the wantonness of crime, popula­tion growth, and resources exploitation, will spiral out of control resulting in heightened competition for gaining opportunities and acquiring goods and services in the struggle to survive, let alone achieving happiness.

Prevention, a big part of responsibility, is insurance against risks and failures, because we cannot undo our worst actions and retract our spoken words. Therefore, prevention must be our strategy against future problems, contrary to curative measures. For instance, if we raise our children well, they will not become a nuisance for anyone. Or, to help an alcoholic quit, one should explore the underlying causes behind his alcoholism and work toward eliminating those causes, instead of mocking him for his drunkenness. What can one do to wean him off drinking, or what can the drunkard himself do to quit? Likewise, take a step back (to have a broader view) to locate the roots of a crisis to figure out the right solution. To find something fallen on the floor, we first look around our feet; it takes a few moments to realize that the item may have rolled away.

As you know, many things in life are conditional. Likewise, attain­ing happiness is conditional upon:

(a) Maintaining our connections well, and

(b) Overcoming our fear

CONNECTIONS, FEAR, HAPPINESS

The quintessence of this book: To live a meaningful life, we must understand and accept that there is a strong interrelationship amongst three elements—connections or relationships, fear, and happiness. Unfortunately, their interrelationship and the intricate linkages they weave through every segment of life are not intuitively conceivable, because every life is a mystery, a riddle, a maze, a theater, and, above all, a journey, as the saying goes.

I have, therefore, briefly described below the roles these three constituents (connections or relationships, fear, and happiness) con­tinuously play in our lives. If you are skilled in maintaining your connections, and thus overcome your fears, you are in harmony with yourself, society, nature, and God—the state of happiness.

CONNECTIONS: We are endowed with natural connections to everything. Global convolutions and our homogeneity bind us together through interdependence. Each one of us is an inseparable compo­nent of the world. Famous people are inseparable from the world even after death. The sequels of one’s temporal connections begin in one’s embryonic stage with the attachment of one’s umbilical cord to one’s mother. Each person is directly connected to two people (parents), and parents and children together constitute a family. A family lives in a place which is a part of a country, and that country is a part-and-parcel of the universe.

Our worldly ties are dramatic and mysterious. Whether liked or not, everyone, from the point of birth, gradually gets integrated into the world as an inextricable part through neighborly, social, national, and global affiliations. Many of these affiliations are hidden to the eye, although open to the mind. However, the depth, usefulness, and meaning of such affiliations, and feelings for one’s family, and fasci­nation with nature and the faraway lands unfold only slowly.

Owing to our affiliations, impacts of our actions reverberate in society locally or widely, depending on the nature and scope of those actions and the social ranks of the actors. For example, Gautama Buddha’s influence is still strong globally although he died 2500 years ago. The ghosts of John W. Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald, Nathuram Vinayak Godse (Mahatma Gandhi’s assassin), and Adolf Hitler still inhabit the world.

Undoubtedly, we are powerless to break several God-created connections and relationships or change his many placements. For instance, one cannot break, nullify, alter, or invert a parent-child genetic link. Or two quarreling brothers cannot get their blood rela­tionship dissolved or renounced by the judiciary. No matter what, they will always be brothers. When estranged parents and adult children attempt to reconcile, their initiative reaffirms the verity that their natural link is, in fact, unbreakable. It may undergo strains. While such God-made connections and placements are firm and permanent, human-made connections of friendship, colleagueship, and neigh­borliness can be brittle or temporary. Your neighbor may move away, and you may not see her again. But your siblings residing far away will stay in touch with you.

I suppose you concur that many of our connections and relation­ships are indissoluble, far-reaching, and nearly unfathomable. Yet, we attempt to break them and create artificial ones instead. We con­vert herbivores into omnivores and cannibals by force-feeding them with animal byproducts. We fancy cloning humans as if the world’s population is not large enough! We challenge the boundaries between human intelligence and Godly wisdom. Our antics are creating peril­ous, preternatural repercussions.

Imagine you are angrily staring at the mirror and slapping your­self repeatedly for a blunder you committed. Afterward you take a shower, dress up, wear perfume, and go out in style. That is quite what we are doing to our fellow humans and the environment. We release sewage into water systems and then complain that our water is dirty. (Expecting clean water from a river we contaminated is fly­ing from reality.) We rile and hurt others in numerous ways, and then artfully or brazenly approach them for help, to procure from them items they only have, or for other favors. Undoubtedly, such tactics are not only wrong, but also foolish. How could we obtain an item from an adversary who would not budge? Seizing by force is immoral.

Picture the many other ways by which we lose or break our pre­cious connections with ourselves, family, society, and nature.

While our natal connectedness is not hard to maintain or expand, developing our social connectedness into worthy relationships is tax­ing due to the many barriers adverse circumstances erect before us. It is in such trying circumstances that our Godly and spiritual con­nections become priceless. Hence, I will discuss under appropriate headings the need to cultivate those connections into solid relation­ships, a key premise in this book. I stress, the stronger our connec­tions with God, the better off we are.

FEAR is a pest of ours, for it creates insecurity. Fear spews at us an avalanche of problems, impairing our thinking and reasoning. We fear oncoming cars, fire, flood, nature’s other treacherous forces, diseases, weak economy, authoritarian governments, unjust leaders, wars, unfaithful friends, quarrelsome and violent relatives, unruly mobs, and so on. As defense is our natural weapon against fear, we reach for shields when and where practical, such as using protective gears while biking, skiing, kayaking, surfing, and scaling mountains. Vigilance is the weapon for an unarmed person spotting a savage beast nearby.

Fearful people are tense, for fear is linked to harm. Fear can dis­rupt or destroy personal as well as communal peace and well-being. Fear, pain, and death are connected. Ironically, we forget that a person lacking self-control himself is his greatest threat.

HAPPINESS is achievable, as noted before, only by nurturing our worldly and heavenly connections and overcoming fear. For happiness at home, we must fulfill our duties and obligations toward our fami­lies. You know your indifference toward your family would displease them, and you being a member of your family, your own happiness would depend on the happiness of every other member.

If you scare your baby snugly sleeping in its crib, it will cry. If you love your child, his sadness upsets you too. On the other hand, if you smile, and rock and tickle him, he will tittup and crack up, and you will respond with hugs and kisses. You play with your child for your contentment too, as his happiness radiates into your mind. This is a noble approach to attaining joy as against our typical method of pampering ourselves by fulfilling materialistic desires.

Thus, I am making my point through these pages that we cannot find true, lasting happiness merely by pleasing ourselves. Self-help literature abounds in bookstores, book repositories, and libraries, but without honoring and helping other people, which are unrealis­tic efforts without nurturing our worldly and spiritual connections, we cannot overcome our fear of other people and ourselves, and our hearts remain clogged. As a result, happiness cannot enter our hearts, no matter how hard we try. Hence, for God, society, and nature to become our allies first we should recognize and respect the impor­tance of our worldly and heavenly connections. Thus, our fear of self and society comes to an end, paving the way for calmness to enter our minds. Inner calmness empowers us to purge our damaging thoughts, making our minds pure for peace and happiness to thrive.

Principled people keep their peace. Do you think thieves, felons, terrorists, and dictators are calm, happy people? They are secretive, angry, and tense.

▸▸▸

I am not trying to oversimplify our personal or societal problems or am claiming that attaining true happiness is easy. What I am trying is to logically and thoughtfully analyze our woes to formulate practi­cal ideas to combat them without violence and bloodshed. View this work as an examination of our afflictions from a remedial standpoint.

As you will see from my chapter captions, I wrote every chap­ter with a purpose. I took due care to present my ideas as a friendly communication in simple language, so everyone can follow them. By and large I have used reasoning, analogies, examples, conventional expressions, and facts or actual events for clarifications or emphasis where applicable, assuming normal circumstances as a backdrop unless otherwise stated.

I intended no generalization. Neither is this lettering specifically directed against anyone. I have used he, she, they, and other pronouns to refer to unspecified individual(s). Any resemblances to any person or group, if traceable, are unintentional. So, do not misread me. I want to state that I am a normal, flawed, human being; I do not claim to be holier-than-thou.

Trusting that the themes expounded in this book are universally important and applicable, my goal is to reach as many readers as pos­sible irrespective of their cultural, social, gender, religious, or other differences, although Christian doctrines have been at the heart of this writing. I realize many non-Christians also revere Christ.

You may selectively read chapters that are specifically relatable to your situation or interests, although I highly recommend your reading this book sequentially and in entirety to derive maximum benefit, as most of the topics are interconnected. Do not take the contents out of context or append to them warped interpretations. To also make this book presentable to youngsters, I have refrained from unwarranted and explicit references to sex, violence, and other offensive material.

Some of the descriptions I have drawn are summations from my observations, firsthand knowledge, personal experiences, exploratory reading, and musing. It is possible you also have had similar experi­ences. If you are open-minded, you would view my ideas and observa­tions favorably. If you are a thinker, you would meditate over them. If you are at odds with my philosophy, reflect over my rationalizations. It may help alter your stance. Regardless, I respect your right to your thinking. Logical evaluation of relevant issues by those in power, position, and authority, would help them to dwell on them deeper, so that they could use their minds and influence for thoughtful decision-making and statesmanlike governance, taking public needs, goals, and aspirations into consideration.

My references to God and spirituality may collide with the phi­losophies of nonbelievers and doubters. Even if you question super­naturalism, or are agnostic or atheistic, reading my relevant sections objectively would, nonetheless, inspire you to reevaluate your position for affirmative revisions.

My discussions of familiar topics are also intended to stimulate contemplation. Other people, literature, fresh details of past events, surroundings, all poke and shake our prevailing attitudes, reshape opinions, revive memories of long-forgotten matters, or prompt us to dive deeper into thoughts, or to muse over subjects that we rarely took time to examine closely before.

While educators, scholars, and intelligentsia have investigated, interpreted, and debated over some of the themes outlined in this book, I am elucidating them for study from unique or specific perspectives.

Some of us maintain that everyone should mind his own busi­ness. Not really. Of course, up to an extent. Responsible people frown when they spot a motorist knowingly jumping a red light, or when someone vandalizes another’s property, litters on the highway, parades in risqué attire, abuses position and authority, or indulges in other kinds of scruffiness or illegalities. When a road patrol police official happens to come parallel to a drunken driver, he can per­haps look the other way and just pass him, but that translates into abetting lawbreakers. People’s damaging behavior is disturbing for responsible individuals.

Additionally, since humans are social animals, the impacts from our irresponsible and bad behaviors reverberate through our fami­lies and communities in both expected and unexpected ways. For instance, a malefactor’s cronies, influenced by his illicit successes, are likely to copy his vices. Another noteworthy point: many a time we are held accountable for repercussions from our unintended actions as well. The court convicted the Exxon Valdez captain for the 1989 Alaskan oil spill, although the spill was accidental. I, therefore, believe we are morally bound to remind and dissuade those indulging in reckless behavior. Sensible people would heed.

I trust the ideas presented in this book will inspire you to shun negative retrospection, and to embrace positive introspection to enable you to discover or rediscover ways to live through storms and achieve calmness and lasting contentment. Lasting contentment is not exactly a temporal, but a spiritual phenomenon.

Throughout these pages, I strive to prove and promote the con­cepts that nothing else is even close to love and respect for self and others, and reverence for the sacred to conquer our setbacks and make life meaningful. We will not earn favor from man or God with self­ishness, anger, or violence. I trust I have succeeded in my endeavor in emphasizing this message through the points charted here.

If my views help to improve the life of a single person, I have real­ized my purpose in composing the themes delineated in this book. Consequently, my investment of hundreds of laborious after-hours and sleepless nights shall not be in vain.

I do not know how I finished this book. I suppose my undying concern for the vulnerable, society, nature, and bent for writing sus­tained my drive for this lucubration.

Kuriakose T. Chacko

REFERENCES

1) The Alarming Family Hour…No Place for Children, Parents Television Council, special report, Sep. 2007. © Copyright 2007—Parents Television Council. Reproduced with permission. https://www.parentstv.org/resources/PDF/Studies/FamilyHour-study07-final2.pdf

2) Habitat for Profanity, Parents Television Council, Nov. 2010. Reproduced with permission. https://www.parentstv.org/ resources/2010_HabitatforProfanity_200224_174840.pdf

CHAPTER 1

Subservience to Selfishness

Today’s humans call themselves civilized. If you will reflect for a second you realize—not so. In a way, we still live in the Dark Age. Dismally, we are the most selfish, quarrelsome, aggressive, violent, and vicious of all animal species. Animals ambush people defensively; people ambush people hatefully. Many human desires are governed by selfishness, or crookedness, or foolishness. The two latter elements often are offshoots of the first.

“For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:25).

I heard the above New Testament quote from my mother before I learned to read.

Anyone studying human behavior can infer that selfishness, the primary source of evils, is the most destructive component of our characteristics. Our thoughts, words, and actions are geared toward self-interests—be it financial, professional, familial, or political.

Pursuing our interests, desires, needs, and wants with the atti­tude that everyone else’s are only secondary or unimportant is the cause for our most troubles. Selfishness promotes a hypothesis that self-interests can be achieved by exercising maximum freedom and choosing desired methods. This thought also endorses the assump­tion that to ensure success, we need to act by ourselves, and in direct competition, and at disadvantages for others.

Taking a cue from the above theory, we can see people trying to line their pockets with other people’s money. Individuals, asso­ciations, corporations, banks, contractors, vendors, renters, lend­ers, lawyers, brokers, consultants, physicians, hospitals—you name it—they all want to increase their takings. To do that, they invent additional service categories such as, “Miscellaneous expenses”, or “Administrative fees”, or “Other charges”. Whether you can afford to pay is unimportant.

Insurance companies collect your premiums, but do not want to honor your claims. Once you file a claim, they try to raise your pre­mium. If you delay premium remittances, they cancel your policy. What can you do if they deny your valid claims or use delaying tactics to settle them?

Airlines do not offer reasonable fares unless your itinerary includes a Saturday night. Since the Federal Government sanctioned Continental-United Airlines’ megamerger, a handful of dominant airlines monopolize U.S. air travel. They charge their passengers arbi­trarily; the skies are no longer friendly.

Telephone companies introduce calling plans that make no sense. To their various so-called calling plans, they apply different nomencla­tures to confuse consumers. They complicate their bill format and fee descriptions, so you need an interpreter to explain them to you. When you call the company for clarifications, your call gets redirected to their automated promotional offers. Or your call is put on indefinite hold, and you hang up for lack of time or patience to hold on.

Governments and their agencies raise taxes, duties, tolls, aux­iliary fees, and fines to grow revenue or to seal budget gaps after misspending income, misallocating resources, and overspending sur­pluses. They spend as they wish—the public has little control over their allocations and appropriations. Deficit is then their pretext or rationalization to overburden the common people with supplementary taxes and fees. Collecting from them is easy. You feel like clutching your pocket and running, so no one can dip into it again.

We are our own prey entrapped in self-centered goals. Temporal pleasures lure and hound us. An egomaniac’s mind revolving around base objectives blocks his acumen from foreseeing long-lasting and far-reaching implications of his actions. Ferdinand Marcos, Saddam Hussein, and Muammar Gaddafi were incapable of foreseeing their downfall and the ramifications of their excesses and criminalities.

Disposed to seek the best in life by design, most everyone wishes to earn education, secure a rewarding job, wisely manage household and other affairs, and to have a caring spouse, gifted children, sup­portive family, sociable friends, selective possessions, good health, and, in the end, a comfortable retirement.

So, self-advancement is not abnormal from the standpoint of our makeup. It is in fact essential. Unless we grow personally, profession­ally, intellectually, and financially, we cannot adequately contribute to collective growth. But problems arise when we focus heavily on self-centered growth, ignoring collective growth. Then our attitude becomes I want to prove that I am smarter than others. We use many methods to drive home and cement such concepts.

Regrettably, competition is a must to obtain the best (tangible or intangible). This natural trait of ours is confrontational. Clothing, styles, presentation, verbosity, articulateness, charm, influence, intel­ligence, wealth are all tools we use in pursuit of the best. But they invite tougher competition from others, forcing us to take on our chal­lengers and challenges. As competitiveness is intense in most fields, suppressing our own innate competitive trait is extremely difficult. Moreover, if we do the world fails us. When challenges and challeng­ers push us, we fathom that none but we ourselves need to safeguard our interests. This is a perpetual dilemma. This helpless situation paves in us grounds for self-interests to flourish.

“It is mine; I want it. I must have the biggest house on the block, the classiest car in the neighborhood, the most stylish apparels, and the suite with the best view in the office building. In sports, games, politics, workplace, and even at home I must be dominant. Everyone must appreciate me, compliment my styles, wish me first and give me respect. It does not matter whether I respect others or not. I must be important. The whole world revolves around me. It is always about me.” Such attitudes sound familiar?

Mine, ours, yours, theirs—all embody different faces of selfish­ness, which robs us of the angelic qualities we possessed and enjoyed during our tender and helpless age.

Expressions such as “my father,” “my mother,” “my wife,” and “my child,” imply that their welfare is important for the speaker. The word “my” is powerful here. In a statement, “let me help my brother first,” the “my” denotes loyalty. The basis for the brother’s privilege to get help first is kinship.

Rushing to reserve tickets to a popular show, holding up seats in an auditorium for the late arriving family or friends, and tiptoeing to the fore of a long cafeteria line are not mortal sins, but they symbol­ize our efforts at self-gratification. Seeing a “sold out” sign against a show you are eager to watch is disappointing.

We even keep preferences for a specific bed, desk, chair, pen, cup, and the like. Some people cannot sleep well if they change their beds. The terms “my pen,” “my watch,” “my computer,” and “my money” connote possessiveness. In, “we need it,” “our assets,” “our land,” and the like the speaker, evidently, is not speaking just for himself. He is allied with another person, a group, a region, or a country, creat­ing a hypothesis that whatever referred to is limited to the narrow interests of a select few.

Clubs, trade unions, cultural organizations, linguistic societies, and religious institutions are all groups formed to look after and pro­mote given interests. While organizations by and large claim member benefits as their motto, stakeholders, managers, and operators of many organizations push their personal agendas despite objections from their members. Company directors and other executives, labor union leaders, and political party bosses are some examples.

Most of us readily help and serve our families, friends, and com­munities, but when it comes to making a meaningful monetary contribution for a community project, or sharing inheritances with siblings, we falter. Keeping the maximum for ourselves is our aim in the latter case. To realize that end, we bicker with them. Some even resort to unthinkable actions. One may slyly ponder, “How can I increase my share?”

Our disregard for other people’s possessions while protecting ours is the subject of satire. We accidentally damage a neighbor’s prop­erty, and then glance around to see if anyone noticed it. If not, we walk away quietly. During general strikes and civil unrest, protesters ransack both public and private buildings and offices and vandalize properties. They do not deliberately destroy their own properties dur­ing a family quarrel. (Idiotically, we forget that governmental assets are our own.) We are thrifty with our money, but when making an office purchase, the item’s price is unimportant. Spoiled children squandering parents’ money and tucking away their own is another case in point.

The premise “one man’s loss is another man’s gain” rose from our selfish attitude, which disregards another’s despondency. A master does not want his servant to earn an education, for he would then try for advancement. Also, a literate servant is a hindrance to his master’s hidden agenda—one real motive, as you know, for slave owners to stop ambitious slaves from gaining literacy. Knowledge is a well-known weapon effectively used worldwide to wage wars against injustice.

Families and societies automatically pass on through generations our oddity of selfishness like other inborn traits. As other people try to succeed, skeptical or wary of their intentions, some block their paths, thwarting their hopes and desires. Some of us betray con­science to promote fact-twisting and fraud-justifying plans in a bid to shield profitable things and ideas. Some, after deviously blocking others’ climb, doggedly pursue their own interests. Jockeying for a coworker’s job after backstabbing her, breaking a frontrunner’s leg during a race coveting to snatch her place, rigging votes to win in elections, and staging coups to topple lawful governments and seize power are only a few among the many “win at any cost” tactics that highlight the height of human egocentrism.

Self-evidently, trickery, treachery, bribery, theft, adultery, envy, hatred, murder, and other wrongdoings and crimes stem from self­ishness. Some of us incessantly quarrel with our families in pursuit of self-centered goals. Disgustingly, there are also those who even slay relatives and friends, particularly when their stealthy motives go awry. Their agenda sees no boundaries.

Undoubtedly, those of us trying to have the best of everything after denying even the basics to fellow humans are under bondage to selfishness. Achieving ends after obstructing another’s progress is self-defeating. An ill-gotten gain at times exceeds expectations, but the coating of deception around it cannot be scraped off.

Selfishness, giving birth and rise to discord, strains relationships, begets ill-will, and hardens hearts. The very people a selfish man smeared and alienated in the past are likely to torpedo his chances as he tries upward mobility. We underestimate other people’s ability to block our rise. Everyone knows the world is more important than people indi­vidually. Living to self-serve is imprudent. Anyone can self-congrat­ulate for accomplishments, but then he would become downhearted before long, because only other people’s compliments, praises, and celebration of our successes bring us satisfaction. Selfish people are seldom happy; generous people are seldom unhappy.

Some excerpts from customer reviews:

Reviewer 1: Chacko emphasizes that positive attitudes, and respect for others, can make a tremendous impact on us and those around us to strengthen relationships. He also holds the view that we must do our best to win the hearts of humans and God to derive happiness and peace of mind, and people remember someone not because of his or her wealth or fame, but because of his or her character, and deeds.

Reviewer 2: AWAY FROM THE MADDING WORLD is a moving, thoughtful, well-written, emotional, and compelling read. I was caught up in the book from Chapter One: Subservience to Selfishness and hated to put it down to take care of even important tasks. By the time I reached Chapter Seven: The Shackles of Poverty, I had to grab the box of tissues.

Chacko writes about basic human rights and glaring injustices, to how our own attitudes impact us and those around us, to how religion (whatever type of religion that may be) can shape our lives. His reminders to show understanding and respect for people and cultures and to be fair in all that we do are reminders that are sorely (and sadly) needed.

Reviewer 3: A well written page turner.

Reviewer 4: The book “Away from The Madding World” took me by surprise by surpassing all my imagination. It’s so refreshing that more people are thinking about this world and how we are being impacted by the lack of morals and love.

Reviewer 5: A good book on moralities and good deeds.

Reviewer 6: Good read and teaches us to show empathy. We must not be too harsh on fellow humans and learn to love and respect all.