Literary Fiction

Arnold Falls

By

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Synopsis

Given the choice of go big or go home, nine times out of ten the townspeople of Arnold Falls will go home, get back into their house slippers, and forget about the whole thing, whatever the whole thing was this time. Tempests great and small (mostly small) are always brewing in this tiny, upstate hamlet where half of the residents are fighting to preserve Arnold Falls as it was in its red-light-district heyday, half are up to no good, and another half are sleeping it off. And that math is correct.

Arnold Falls is a novel that tips its hat to Armistead Maupin and P. G. Wodehouse, creating a world in which food, music, friendship, love, and tending your own garden are connected in surprising ways.

It’s a good forty minutes until sunrise and the roads of Arnold Falls are empty, except for one silver Rascal mobility scooter making its way toward the courthouse. 


Stopping at the corner of the park, Dubsack Polatino hops off his ride, singing a pidgin Italian version of “O Mio Babbino Caro”—“O mio brand-new caro, mi race car, è bello bello”—as he walks over to the “Jenny Jagoda for Mayor!” lawn sign. After pulling it out of the ground, he returns to his scooter with the sign and stake, singing in full grand-tenor mode, “Vo’andare with Portia de Rossi,” narrowly missing the actual lyric. 


He drives along the sidewalk until he arrives at the next sign. Same routine, again and again, until the Jagoda signs are gone and only ‘Rufus for Mayor’ signs remain. He surveys his domain, pleased with his work as well as his version of the aria, humming it again, traversing several of the surrounding streets performing the same operation. 


It’s starting to get light, so Dubsack Rascals to the back of the courthouse and tosses his haul into its large dumpster. He spots Hamster, the courthouse maintenance man, watching him from a second-floor window, and curtsies to him. 


When he’s finished, Dubsack jumps back onto his scooter and cruises to The Chicken Shack on Hester Biddle for breakfast, singing the climax of Carmina Burana’s “O Fortuna,” letter-perfect, with hammering, war-cry fervor.

About the author

I publish Manhattan User’s Guide launched (print) in 1992, creating the first city newsletter. Arnold Falls is my first novel. view profile

Published on March 10, 2020

60000 words

Contains explicit content ⚠️

Genre: Literary Fiction

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