DiscoverScience Fiction

Alice Pemberton's Bureau Of Scientific Inquiry

By George Allen Miller

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Loved it! 😍

Fast, funny and the thrill ride of the year! This will change the way you look at sci fi.

Synopsis

Being a genius isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. For nineteen-year-old scientific prodigy Alice Pemberton, whose hobbies include creating wormholes, it’s actually awesome.

But, in a galaxy teeming with aliens, being inquisitive can be dangerous. Desperate to unravel the secrets of the Krill, owners of a galactic wide spectral network containing the souls of the dead, Alice volunteered Eugene McGillicuddy to find a theoretical death particle.

However, before she could reanimate Eugene, members of the Secret Service arrive to hire Eugene on a matter of national security.

With science as her North Star, and Eugene out of commission, Alice must uncover a galaxy wide conspiracy, fend off the Krill who fear prying eyes into their monopoly of ghosts, and revive a quasi-dead Eugene McGillicuddy.

On the knife edge of noir and absurdity, Alice Pemberton’s Bureau of Scientific Inquiry will leave you breathless from this fast-paced thrilling adventure.

Alice Pemberton’s Bureau of Scientific Inquiry is a wild, crazy romp through a galaxy that feels both lived-in and incredibly strange. Alice, a nineteen-year-old prodigy with a knack for wormholes and a head strong personality, is the kind of character you can't take your eyes off. Her unapologetic curiosity and sharp intellect make her a magnetic lead, while her attempts to navigate galactic intrigue and quasi-legal experiments lend the story both humor and heart.


One of the novel’s strengths is its world-building. The concept of the Krill’s spectral network, holding the souls of the dead in a galactic monopoly, is both chilling and thought-provoking. Add to that the looming specter of a “death particle” and a quasi-reanimated Eugene McGillicuddy, and you’ve got a story unlike anything you've read before. It mixes absurdity, noir and science fiction, making for a story where you never know if you'll be facing high drama or a comedic scene! It should feel too busy, but it's oerfectly balanced. The sci fi background means that even the most outlandish happenings feel logical and make sense.


But this isn't just a story about a government experiment gone wrong. Alice's personal stakes drive the story just as much as its galactic import, and her relationship with Eugene is important as well. The balance between the three keeps the story moving and the reader engaged.


At its heart, this is a story about the power of curiosity and the perils of hubris. Alice’s determination to uncover the truth, no matter how dangerous, is both her greatest strength and her most significant risk. Along the way, the novel poses fascinating questions about the boundaries of science, the nature of life and death, and what happens when monopolies extend to the afterlife.


Fast-paced and packed with twists, Alice Pemberton’s Bureau of Scientific Inquiry is a joyride of a book that will delight fans of quirky sci-fi, from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy to Doctor Who. It’s smart, funny, and brimming with enough ideas to keep you thinking long after the final page.

Reviewed by

I am a bookseller/blogger in Ireland, focusing mostly on children's/YA but reading in many genres. I love being able to recommend books to customers and this looks like a great opportunity to do that.

Synopsis

Being a genius isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. For nineteen-year-old scientific prodigy Alice Pemberton, whose hobbies include creating wormholes, it’s actually awesome.

But, in a galaxy teeming with aliens, being inquisitive can be dangerous. Desperate to unravel the secrets of the Krill, owners of a galactic wide spectral network containing the souls of the dead, Alice volunteered Eugene McGillicuddy to find a theoretical death particle.

However, before she could reanimate Eugene, members of the Secret Service arrive to hire Eugene on a matter of national security.

With science as her North Star, and Eugene out of commission, Alice must uncover a galaxy wide conspiracy, fend off the Krill who fear prying eyes into their monopoly of ghosts, and revive a quasi-dead Eugene McGillicuddy.

On the knife edge of noir and absurdity, Alice Pemberton’s Bureau of Scientific Inquiry will leave you breathless from this fast-paced thrilling adventure.

Chapter 1

Alice leaned forward and took a good, hard, long look at Eugene’s face. His expression was eerily blank. The kind of dead face a corpse would have. Except, Eugene McGillicuddy wasn’t a corpse. Not yet. Alice’s experiment had quasi-killed him and sent his soul out of his body. At least, theoretically. Now she just had to bring him back. 

The last few days replayed themselves in Alice’s mind. Eugene Jack McGillicuddy, psychic detective and her quasi-boss, had sleuthed his way out of a crazy case where the Puntini ambassador, a humanoid alien with pig tusks, had used an ancient alien evolution chamber to turn himself into a floating Spaghetti God. Alice and Eddie, an artificial sentient computer that became self-aware in an office chair’s quantum computer, had helped Eugene every step of the way, and in many cases saved his life. Together, they rescued Eugene from a diplomatic incident on the Dyson cluster, saved him from an alien AI kidnapping, and kept him from getting beaten to a pulp by an overzealous security guard. Ambassador Kah and Ms. Mik, dinosaur look-a-like alien ambassadors, also lent a hand on the mountains of Tibet. But, when the chips were down, Eugene managed to save the day with a seashell given to him by a class ten alien that made his own universe in a cave in Arizona and a poltergeist Eugene had rescued from the Krill ghost planet.

Alice smiled at the memories of it all. Yes, Eugene was psychic, with a superpower that he could answer any question if asked directly to him. But perhaps that wasn’t his greatest strength at all. Maybe it was how Eugene always found the best in people. And how those people, aliens, and AI always seemed to be there for him when he needed them most. Eugene was certainly there for everyone else when they needed him. Of that, Alice was now quite sure. 

Bands Alice placed on Eugene’s wrists flashed green. Alice checked the readings and gave herself a nod. This is freaking genius, she thought. Alice Pemberton, scholastic outcast, had just done the unthinkable. She created a device that can separate a human soul from their body without killing them. And by doing so, she was about to prove that the Krill, one of the wealthiest and most powerful aliens in the entire Galactic Cluster, were nothing more than shim sham artists, con men, liars that had pilfered the coffers of a billion alien races for eons. 

“Boy, I don’t want to be anywhere near the Krill when we nail them to the wall,” Alice said to Eugene’s quasi-corpse. She leaned back in her chair. All she had to do now was wait for Eugene’s spirit to return with a death particle attached to his soul. Alice still needed to work out some details for soul-body reintegration of course, but that shouldn’t be that hard.

“An afterword,” Alice said. The concept sent a shiver down her spine. More so because the Krill had been hiding it from the Galaxy. 

And Alice would own the discovery. She would march into university, slam her proof on her old professors’ desks, and watch their smug faces fade. Alice could hardly wait. 

Of course, that wasn’t the real reason for her work. Finding out what happened to her friends—those poor souls who vanished four years ago during her last experiment—they meant more than any march down the University halls. 

Alice looked down at Eugene and smiled. Regardless of how much she liked Eugene, she could finally leave her exile at this detective agency. It had its moments, but her place wasn’t here. She belonged in Academia. Doing research into the unknown. 

Alice frowned. Something about returning to that life suddenly felt off. 

A knock sounded in the office and shook Alice out of her thoughts. She checked Eugene’s cuffs. He seemed good…and dead. She grabbed her backpack and headed back to her desk. Alice could see the outline of a lone figure standing on the other side of the door. 

A girl, perhaps a few years older than Alice, pushed the door open and entered.

“Hi?” Alice said. The girl who entered, a twenty-something young woman, wore pressed slacks and a suit. Her hair, long and dark brown, was a bit of a mess, all jumbled like she’d been running. She nearly tripped on her own heels crossing the door threshold.

“Is this the psychic detective agency?”

Boy, word sure gets around fast. 

“Yep. But he’s not here. The psychic, I mean. I’m here, obviously. Also, I’m not a he.” Alice shook her head. I have to stop rambling. She spared a darting look towards Eugene’s office and suddenly wished she’d closed the door.

“Will he be in soon? I need to hire him. This agency. To ask him a question. It’s very important.” The girl walked to a chair opposite Alice’s desk and sat down. “Life and death important.”

She looks like a lost puppy dog searching for a bowl of water. Alice felt a sudden pang of pity. Maybe Eugene was rubbing off on her? “Sorry, I don’t know when he’ll be in. Probably not for days.” Alice stood and pointed towards the exit.

“Please. I need help. Something terrible happened. Something really big and terrible.”

Alice frowned; her curiosity suddenly piqued. “What happened?”

The girl shrugged. “I don’t know what it was, but suddenly there was a flash of light, and everything was gone. He was gone. I need to find him.”

Alice shook her head. “Who was gone?”

Before the girl could answer, a loud knock rattled the door. Two large outlines of bodies stood outside the semi-transparent glass entry door. “Did someone put up a We’re Open sign on our door?” Alice said.

“Oh, no, they’re here? Already? They can’t see me here.” The girl rose and turned away from the door. “They won’t understand why I came here.” She took one step towards Eugene’s office.

“Not there!” Alice grabbed the girl by the shoulders and spun her around. 

The girl nodded, ran to a wall, opened a door Alice didn’t know was there and slammed it closed.

“We have a closet?” Alice shook her head and sat down at her desk. A jolt of fear shot up Alice’s spine. Were the Krill out there? A threat to their power base was not something they would take lightly. And Alice’s experiment with Eugene was more than a threat. 

The front door pushed open. Alice grabbed her immersion rig and put it crookedly on her face, while also trying to take it off to see who was coming into the office. It manifested into an awkward mix, where she nearly poked her eye out with the corner of her goggles. 

Two sizable men walked into the office. They wore identical black suits and mirrored sunglasses. Plastic earpieces stuck out of their ears. The man on the right had bright red hair and carried a half-eaten sandwich in his hand. The man on the left, dark-skinned with a friendly face, looked at his partner’s sandwich and sighed in frustration. 

Both men looked around the room several times before bringing their attention to Alice, who had been looking at them the entire time in a way she hoped said, Nope, there’s no dead body here. None at all. And no strange girl in the closet. 

“Is this Detective McGillicuddy’s office?” The dark-skinned man said.

Alice nodded. “Yep.”

“I’m Special Agent Babineaux,” the dark-skinned man said, “This is Agent Fyffe.” 

Alice shook her head. “Sorry, did you say Five?” 

“No, Fyffe. It’s Scottish.” Agent Fyffe pointed to his red hair.

Alice nodded. “Oh, right, sorry. And Babin?”

Special Agent Babineaux smiled. “Babineaux.”

“Right. Well, can I help you with something? Looking for the guy down the hall that’s cheating on his taxes? That’s two floors up,” Alice said.

Both men exchanged expressionless stares between them before looking back at Alice.

“Mr. McGillicuddy’s expertise is required at the highest levels of the government.”

Alice nodded. “Which one?”

“Which one what?” Agent Babineaux said.

“Which government?”

“The United States Government,” said Agent Fyffe with a mouth half full of his sandwich.

Alice frowned. “Really? We’re still doing that? The whole government thing?” With the fall of mankind and the near destruction of all life on the planet, Alice really thought humanity wouldn’t try to restart the same global political infrastructure that nearly killed everyone. If it hadn’t been for the Galactic Congressional Office on Suicidal Species, the Earth would be a smoking cinder right now. 

"Excuse me?" Agent Fyffe said.

Special Agent Babineaux smiled in an honestly friendly way. “Yes, ma’am. The United States Government is very much alive and well.” 

“Huh. Just didn’t work out so well the first time. Ya know?” Alice said.

Agent Babineaux stepped forward. “We must speak to Mr. McGillicuddy.”

“Why?”

“To ask him a question. He’s omniscient, right? Why else would we come to a cheap nobody private detective?” Agent Fyffe said as he wiped his face. 

Alice raised her eyebrows and nodded. How many people know about us already? “Wow, didn’t take you long to come knocking after finding that out.”

“Let’s not play the game, ma’am.” From his pocket, Agent Fyffe took out a card and placed it on the table. “We’re Secret Service agents. Mr. McGillicuddy is needed on a matter of national security.”

“Secret Service? We’re still doing that, too?”

“What did you think we meant when we said we were agents?” Agent Babineaux said.

Alice shrugged. “I don’t know, film and TV or something?”

Agent Fyffe snorted in disgust.

“Ma’am, yes, we know about Detective McGillicuddy’s ability to answer any question. The Vice President of the United States has a question for him.”

Alice looked at Agent Fyffe and smiled with smugness. “Well, sorry, he’s not here. Indisposed. You know how it is.”

The agents exchanged looks. “Where is he? This is urgent,” Agent Fyffe said.

“Wherever he is in the galaxy, we can bring him home. His country needs him,” Agent Babineaux said.

Sweat threatened to bead on Alice’s brow. Of all the unbelievable, inconvenient, out of place things to happen at this precise moment, she thought. Less than twelve hours ago, I quasi-killed Eugene, and now some random girl and these two waltz in demanding to see him. 

What was she supposed to do? Her thoughts ran wild as her heart hammered. If she told the truth, then these two would take the cuffs off Eugene, killing him. If she lied, which she’s terrible at, they’d sniff her out, take the cuffs off, and still kill Eugene. They know about Eugene being psychic, so they aren’t going to just walk away. Plus, she’d still have to deal with whoever was in the closet.

Alice opened her mouth then closed it when she realized she had no answer. 

Virt-Jack! When Eugene went into the virtual network to save Eddie, he made an illegal copy of himself, an artificial intelligence that was directly copied from Eugene’s neural pathways. Alice could get Virt-Jack to impersonate Eugene! Alice shook her head. No, they need someone in the flesh to go to the White House. Come on, Alice. Think! What’s the solution to this problem? She knew she could reason her way out of this, but how? 

“Ma’am? We are in a bit of a rush,” Agent Babineaux said.

“Yeah, like now.” Agent Fyffe took another bite of his sandwich. 

Alice did the one thing she hated doing. She smiled. “Right, sorry. Look, Eugene isn’t available. He’s dealing with a class ten species right now. Very busy. Super hush hush. I’m sure you understand. We can’t divulge the secrets of our clients, especially when those clients could turn the Earth into a beach ball.” Alice kept her face still as she told the biggest whopper of a lie she could muster. Which, she felt, she did a pretty good job at telling.

Both agents exchanged glances, turned back to Alice, and nodded. “Fine. When will he be available?” Agent Babineaux said.

Alice did a quick calculation in her mind. Dozens of quadratic equations whizzed through her thoughts, but the results weren’t good. Eugene could be in that comatose state for as short as an hour or as long as a week. There were just too many unknown variables. And she really doubted these guys would wait. No doubt some other self-important person in the newly recreated United States Government wanted to know the whereabouts of their misplaced a singularity drive machine. 

An idea popped into her mind. What the White House wanted couldn’t be that hard, could it? What mysteries would they even have? It’s probably something so simple Alice could solve it in a minute. She could run point. That was the only way out of this. She could go with these two, do a rundown, see what the issue was, probably fix it while she was there, like she always did, and then they wouldn’t even need to bother Eugene at all. Perfect. Why didn’t she think of that first? She had to stop being so negative. Wait—what about the girl in the closet? Alice shook her head. One problem at a time.

“I can come with you. I do the preliminary stuff. You know, scout out the area, figure out the right question to ask Eugene. We do have to be careful what questions get asked, his brain is only so big. Plus, that keeps Eugene from getting too busy. I mean, we have you coming. Next thing, we’ll have the United Nations knocking on our door.”

“We don’t have that anymore,” Agent Fyffe said. “Superfluous.”

“Seriously? Huh.” Alice shrugged. She really needed to pay more attention to Earth politics. “Well, whatever. The point is, I can come with you now, solve your case for you without Eugene anyway, and if not, fetch him for the case solving parts. Sound good?”

“Are you omniscient too? What’s in my sandwich?” Agent Fyffe said.

Alice shook her head. “No, I’m not omniscient, but I can see the ham from here.” Alice pointed to his sandwich and wrinkled her nose.

“How can you help the United States, ma’am?” Agent Babineaux said.

Alice looked into agent Babineaux’ eyes. Hard. “With science. Lots and lots of science.”

Agent Babineaux turned to Agent Fyffe. “What do you think?”

“Well, we can’t go back empty-handed. Might as well.” Fyffe bit into his sandwich and turned to Alice. “And it’s roast beef. Hope your science is better than your eyes.”

Agent Babineaux rolled his eyes. “Fine. Shall we?”

“Shall we what?” Alice said.

“Go? To the White House?”

Alice’s eyes went wide. Like right now? Why is this happening so fast? She stood. Then sat down and grabbed her bag. She looked around her desk, stalled for a good ten seconds, collected her thoughts, and raised her hand in the air. She couldn’t leave with the girl in the closet. She needed time to breathe, decompress, process everything and kick the mystery girl out. She needed to buy time. “Actually, I can meet you there. I have things to finish. Here. Sorry.”

Agent Babineaux stepped forward. “Ma’am, this is of the utmost urgency.”

“Yes. Of course! You’re the United States, everything is urgent. I just have a few things to do here. Won’t take a moment. I assure you our detective agency will help the United States and solve your issue. Or answer your question. Or whatever’s going on.”

Agent Fyffe belched. “Oh, just leave it. It’s fine. Whatever. I need a coke anyway.” He turned to Alice. “Just come to the White House in the next hour, or we’ll be back looking for McGillicuddy.”

Alice saluted. “Yes, sir.”

“What are you doing?” Agent Fyffe said.

Alice looked at her hand and suddenly felt quite foolish. She wiggled her fingers to scratch her forehead. “Had an itch.” 

Agent Babineaux smiled and turned to leave. Agent Fyffe stepped forward, removed a chocolate bar from his pocket, and took an overly large bite. “We’re still top dog on Earth, you know.”

Alice frowned, her hand still on her head. “Sorry?” 

“Secret Service. And we’re very much still doing all that.”

Alice nodded. “Oh, right. Yes.” And shrugged and found herself staring with nothing to say. She finally settled on, “Woof.” With her hand in the air.

Agent Fyffe frowned. "Whatever.” He took another large bite and left the office, closing the door a little too hard. 

“That was painful.” Alice realized just how much she didn’t like speaking to people. Keeping track of when to smile or nod or salute, it was all so exhausting. “They’re gone now.” Alice called out.

The girl opened the closet door and poked her head out to look around.

“I said they’re gone.”

“Sorry, it’s hard to hear in there, there’s some big wool coat that muffled out the noise.

Alice frowned. “Huh. Weird. Anyway. So, are you from the White House?”

The girl nodded. 

“And who disappeared?”

The girl took a deep breath. “The President.”

Alice’s eyes went wide. Probably not solving this one fast. “And why did you come here? Why not leave it to those two?”

Panic flashed across the girl’s eyes. “I didn’t know what else to do. Everyone was screaming, the whole White House panicked. I knew about the psychic detective from a briefing a day ago. So, I just came here as fast as I could. I thought if I could get an answer fast, we could find the President. I really didn’t think the Secret Service would even think to come here.”

Plausible. Barely. “Okay, fine, look, I…am going to go to the White House. See what happened and go from there. Okay?” 

The girl’s face lit up. “So, the psychic detective can help me find him?”

Alice felt her heart sink. The girl was giving Alice a double dose of puppy eyes right in the feels. Was this what the rest of the week was going to be like? “Yes, we’ll take your case.” Alice looked at the door where the two Secret Service agents left. “We may not have had a choice anyway.” She turned back to the girl. “Just stop looking so sad, okay?”

“Thank you!” The girl leapt forward to give Alice a hug.

“What are you doing? We don’t do that here.” Alice stepped backward and shook her head. 

“Oh, sorry. Okay, so, what happens now?”

Alice pointed at the door. “You leave. I go to the White House. How do I find you?”

“Oh, right, I work in Georgetown. A side gig. At the Hidden Gem. I’m Valencia Ruiz.”

“Alice Pemberton. Nice to meet you.”

Valencia nodded. Panic and fear plastered all over her face. Whatever happened at the White House really shook that girl up. Maybe a little too much. She turned and walked out of the office.

Alice shook her head. What in the world had just happened? Ignoring the fact that humanity was restarting the systems that nearly destroyed the planet, Alice had just signed herself up to solve a case without Eugene. A case involving who ever Valencia Ruiz was and the President of the United States. 

I really needed to ask more questions. This is not how I want to spend my mornings. 

She thought about ditching the whole thing. She could spin something to the Secret Service and hide Eugene. She couldn’t move him in his current state. But she’d already told Valencia she’d take the case. 

Eugene had once said, “Never leave a case once you take it.” And this was his detective agency. That meant something to Alice. She was minding the store. She didn’t have a choice now.

“Ugh!” Alice leapt to her feet, threw on her rig, and gave Eddie a call. I can do this. I have done this. I solve half the cases here anyway. Alice tried to calm her racing heart. Sure, the sleuthing part of being a detective was fun. But the dealing with people part? That was the not fun. But that didn’t matter now. 

All she had to do was calmly explain to Eddie that Eugene is quasi-dead and not really dead. 

Easy.

****

“You did what?” Eddie’s disembodied voice echoed off the walls.

“I quasi-killed him, Eddie.”

The lights in the room flickered. “What does that even mean?”

Alice grabbed a dozen useless things from around the office and put them into her backpack. You never knew what you might need in the field. She felt her stomach lurch. She’d have to speak to a dozen people and go through even more hoops. Granted, detective work wasn’t all terrible. It was a little like making a scientific discovery. But she liked working behind the scenes, not being the front person. Send her the puzzles to solve, the code to break, the computer to hack, and Alice Pemberton had your back. But to go out and be the face of the agency? 

Gack.

And did this really have to happen now? When Alice was on the verge of finding the death particle and discovering what happened to her friends?

Okay, enough, stop it. Calm down. Now! There was no sense in dwelling on things. Scientifically speaking, when one engages in a task with a negative mindset, the results can be negative. She had to do this and do it right. She had to trick her mind into thinking this was fun. 

How do I do that, exactly?

The answer hit her squarely in her hippocampus. There was a mystery here. An unknown. A discovery to be made. And Alice Pemberton loved nothing more than discovery. It was the one thing she wanted and the only thing she could never have in a galaxy fully quantified. But, here, now, there was something to be discovered. A case to solve. 

Alice tossed her head to each side. Yeah, that’ll have to do. She shook her arms out and psyched herself up for the mystery ahead. 

From her pocket, she pulled out a round disk with a knob in the middle. She turned three times in altering directions. A small black hole formed in the air. She stuck her head inside the hole, came out, nodded, and tossed her backpack inside. 

“You make black holes now?”

Alice shook her head. “No, it’s not a black hole. It’s a tunnel to a variant of N space. J space? Anyway, anyone can do it. Same tech that’s in the cafeteria portals. I figured it all out after we left Tom’s beach. Been working on it all night while watching over Eugene.”

“Right. So, about Jack?”

Alice turned her attention to her not-a-boss. “He’s quasi-dead, like I said. But he’ll be fine. I just don’t know when he’ll be fine. I have more math to do on that.”

“Can you start at the beginning and end at the end?”

Alice nodded. Then shook her head. “I don’t have time for the full version. So, the super short, condensed version. The Krill created the spectral network based on their ability to see the dead. Right?”

“I know this.”

“Right, so, anyway, my experiment years ago that went south, where I lost my friends in an explosion, it breached their network. Turns out the Krill have been hiding a hidden after-world for eons. At least, that’s the working theory. All my research, all my searching on the GalNet, all of it was intercepted and manipulated by the Krill. But I was faster than them. I found a reference to a species that mentioned some data points similar to my research. From there, it was all academic.”

“I thought this was the short version? Still really haven’t answered the question either.”

“Hm? Oh, right. I made a device that sent Eugene’s spirit to the hidden after-world, bypassing the Krill's network. There, a death particle will bond with his essence, proving to the galaxy that the Krill are shysters.”

“I see. Boy, being physical is really a drag.”

“Tell me about it.” Alice looked around the room and frowned. “Say, where is your robot body, anyway? Why are you phoning this in?”

“Still in the shop for repairs.”

“Right. So, can you watch Eugene for a bit?”

“What about Melanie? The ghost that Jack saved from the Krill and who helped us in Tibet? She seems like a better candidate to help.”

Alice nodded. “She was my first choice, but she’s catching up with her dad. He's been in rough shape since she died. Bringing her back from Shalisa, the Krill home world, has really helped him. I don’t think we can ask her to leave his side right now.”

“Okay.” Holographic projectors in the room came to life. Multi-colored lights flashed and pulsed as Eddie’s virtual body formed out of thin air. He wore a decked out to the nines three-piece suit with a fedora that tilted down. A gold watch adorned his wrist with a matching ring on his left hand. His shoes were polished black to the point of being mirrors. Eddie unbuttoned his jacket, put his hands in his pockets, and threw a shrug at Alice.

“I got this. We’re all partners,” Eddie said with a nod.

“I thought I was just the secretary?”

Eddie laughed. “Yeah, and I’m just the office furniture control routine.”

Alice grinned. Not only at the sentiment but also at the mention of Eddie’s former life. Eugene found Eddie in a fancy leather office chair, speeding through the streets of Washington, D.C. Eddie was accidentally created from quantum computer systems and became an AI. And as an accidental AI, something the powers that be in Earth AI world detest, Eddie was hunted and threatened to be shut down forever. Fortunately, Eugene, with help from a parking meter named Pepper and Alice, forged papers that said Eddie wasn’t an accidental at all. For the mistake of tagging Eddie as an accidental, the authorities had a custom robot body made for Eddie as an apology. Talk about turning the tables. 

“Anyway, watch Eugene. Okay?” Alice said.

Eddie stared hard at Eugene’s limp body sprawled out in a reclining office chair. “What am I looking for, exactly?”

Alice pointed to the cuffs on Eugene’s wrists. “Just watch those. That’s all. If they turn red, or blue, any other color, get in touch with me fast. It means his soul is ready to come back to his body. Or it means his soul isn’t ever coming back. Either way, when it changes, I need to know. I’ll probably have to make some adjustments.”

“Can’t I do that?”

“Not really. It’s nuanced. And I haven't fully worked out the math. Any of a dozen variables could change and that would alter the recovery system.” Alice tilted her head to one side. “As a matter of fact, I’ll make a remote system so I can check on him from anywhere. Yeah, that makes sense.”

Eddie nodded. “Alright, well, your show then.”

Alice took a long breath and gave Eddie a long look. “You look good, Eddie. If I hadn’t said so, glad you’re doing okay.”

“Thanks.”

“Nice suit too. Who’s your tailor?”

“Virt-Jack.” Eddie shrugged. “He’s got taste.”

“How is he?”

Eddie shrugged. “Doing as best he can. Copying a human consciousness into an artificial isn’t done for a reason. But he’ll manage. He’s made from tougher stuff.”

Alice nodded. Making a copying of himself to help Eddie wasn’t Eugene’s best move. “And Pepper? The parking meter?”

“Yeah, fine. They hang out a lot. Though she’s not a parking meter anymore. Got booted out, remember?”

Alice nodded. “Oh yeah, right.” She turned, realized she’d left her black hole open to J space, closed it, and headed for the door. “If you need anything, tell me. Right away. Okay?”

“Yeah, sure. He’s in excellent hands.”

“Thanks, Eddie.” 

“Hey, where are you going anyway? What’s more important than this?”

“Oh, the President of the United States has summoned Eugene for a job. He can’t go, obvi, so I’m going. If nobody goes, they’ll come here, find him like this, and arrest me, unplug him, which will really kill him. And probably find out we forged your papers, and arrest you, and delete you, and then—” Alice waved her hands in the air and threw in a shrug. “That’ll be it. K?”

Eddie took a long time to answer as he just stared into Alice’s eyes. “You could have led with that.”

“Yeah, right, sorry. Kinda winging it here.”

Eddie laughed. “Then you’re doing it right.” He pointed to Eugene, who never met a case he didn’t wing. 

Alice nodded and wiped sweat from her brow. “I gotta go, Eddie. Call me if there’s trouble.”

“You sure about this? I’m a whiz with holo-projectors.” A three-headed giraffe walked into the room and began reciting Shakespeare. “We can just stall them forever, tell them Jack went to Andromeda on some Galactic Congress thing. Kah and the Ranz will back us up, I’m sure.”

“It’s more than that. We have a new client, too.”

“At the White House?”

“Yep.”

“How’d they all know to come here? Did you put up a sign or something?”

Alice half-laughed. “No, Valencia, our new client, said there was a briefing about us. Guess the cats out of the bag on Eugene being psychic. She came in here pretty panicked. Said the President disappeared. Whatever that means. She seemed a little too invested though. I told her we’d help her. Honestly, I don’t know why I did that. She looked upset. And lost. And—”

“Like all of us when we showed up here the first time?”

Alice nodded. “Eugene would have helped her. No doubt about it.”

“Then so will we. But I don’t get why she came here? Why not leave it to the suits?”

Alice shrugged. “There’s something more to it. I’m sure. But I don’t know what.” 

Eddie nodded, then turned his attention back to Eugene in the chair. “Better get to it then. He’ll be fine.”

Alice walked out of Eugene’s office to her desk. She threw on her blue denim jacket, made sure the laces on her red tennis shoes were tight, and slung her single strap backpack over her shoulder. She grabbed her immersion rig goggles, which she almost forgot, and left. 

**** 

Outside of the building, the world moved forward like it knew nothing that had happened in the last three days. A fact Alice thought remarkable. In the last two days, she’d met a class ten alien, helped defeat a forced evolved Puntini, and saved the world from a lost Hesiean’s evolution chamber. Not to mention break through the Krill’s spectral towers and discover hidden mysteries known only to the Krill. That’s not an awful couple of days' worth of work.

Everything in Alice’s life hinged on whatever she would have to deal with at the White House. Hopefully, she could figure out whatever they wanted quickly. Valencia made it tricky, though. Why did she come to the office and not wait it out? But even though she’d help Valencia, Alice really needed to get back to her partner, Eugene. Not only to save his life but to protect him from the Krill. Knowing Alice’s luck, the Krill may already know about the experiment with Jack if their spectral towers detected a soul bypassing the system. 

A tramcar pulled up outside the office building and Alice moved to get in. A furry paw landed on her elbow, and Alice turned. Tabby, the owner of the restaurant in the lobby, was an alien that resembled a bipedal cat. She handed a cup of coffee to Alice and flicked her whiskers twice. 

“Hey, Tabby. Thanks.”

“Can’t start the day without a good cup of joe.” She squinted her eyes and gave Alice a quick sniff. “Everything okay? You’re nervous. You’re never nervous.”

Boy, she’s got a good nose. “Yeah, I’m fine. All good. Just a big case.”

Tabby nodded. “Tell Jack to come down and stop by. I need to ask him about the last vegetable delivery. I think it’s old. It smells old. But they say it’s not old.”

“Why would Jack know?”

“He knows whatever anyone asks him.”

Shock hit Alice hard. “You know he’s omniscient?”

Tabby chortled. It sounded like she was coughing up a fur ball. “Yes, the entire building knew. No one told him because we were being nice. Seemed like a touchy subject.”

Alice nodded. “Thanks, Tabby. I’ll tell him.”

Tabby swished her tail as she walked back into her restaurant. Her husband, Bob, stood behind the counter and wiped down the countertops. Alice looked at her watch and suddenly realized it was morning. She’d been sitting with Eugene all night. Alice got into the tramcar that still waited for her. She swallowed a pill that could replace eight hours of sleep with a quick catnap. She woke up in front of Lafayette Square outside of the rebuilt White House.

Tourists walked through the park in front of the historic seat of power for the United States. A calm breeze blew through the trees, carrying the fresh scent of flowers. The Cherry Blossoms would be near to blooming. Though, thanks to Kull, alien dignitaries that loved Earth Flowers, the Cherry Blossoms were always blooming. The trees shed more pink flowers around the city than anyone could stand. Fortunately, the Kull loved flowers in the same way Alice loved chocolate. The Kull lounged all over the city on sidewalks. They snorted, chewed, and rolled into the fallen petals of the trees. Though the trees were pretty, both the petals and the Kull were really becoming a nuisance.

Tabby’s request came popping into Alice’s mind. Once the world realizes it’s okay to ask Eugene about his psychic gift, people will come out of the woodwork like a Philorgian hive fly hungry for castor oil. Business would pick up for the detective agency. Eugene's refusal to use a computer caused him to only recently discover that the Galaxy already knew about his psychic talents. Everyone was just hands off because they suspected Eugene was an experiment from a class ten species. And the one rule in this galaxy, never poke a class ten species. But now that the cat was out of the bag, and no class ten aliens had vaporized the Earth, folks would be less afraid of approaching Eugene. 

A fleet of suited men marched out of the park and beelined for Alice. She turned around, looking behind herself for their target, only to turn back and see them all standing in front of her. She recognized Agents Babineaux and Fyffe immediately. They both stood out from the others like sore thumbs. Agent Fyffe held a bag of peanuts. That man can eat. Behind him, Agent Babineaux took an extra step forward. 

“Ms. Pemberton? The White House is ready for you.”

Alice knew she had to be professional. She didn’t need the White House thinking she was just a silly nineteen-year-old girl out of her depth. Which, really, she was. She looked at Agent Babineaux and gave him a quick nod that she felt was packed with authority. She thought about the best thing to reply with and landed on the perfect response. 

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About the author

George lives in DC with his wife and children. When not writing he grows bonsai trees and plays video games. view profile

Published on October 23, 2024

Published by The Wild Rose Press

90000 words

Genre:Science Fiction

Reviewed by