It was something that always seemed to be a part of me, lurking in the background, slowly building and maturing into a force that I could no longer ignore. A relentless knowing that no matter how hard I tried to conform and make things work based on all that was taught to me, it was a futile pursuit destined only to keep me trapped and fighting in an endless loop of striving but never arriving. The pull to stay a course that was expected of me, programmed into me to exist as others did, was all powerful and my appetite for pain seemed limitless. Finally the events piled up, and the unconscious knowing that had been screaming within me to seek another way burst through. I had had enough. I was at last ready and willing to explore that other way.
This is my story. My burst for freedom, my choice to wake up, to dump the scripts I'd been indoctrinated into believing for way too long. I choose to share it here in the hope that it may serve as a guiding post for anyone else deciding to wipe the sleep from their eyes and awaken to experiencing life as something they created themselves.
It all started for me when I noticed I was becoming less interested in the things that, only a short time ago, had sparked such curiosity and joy in my life, and the older I became the more tired I got. I felt so battle-weary from the endless attempts to lead the 'right' life that was dangled in front of me from early childhood — spurred on by friends and associates who all seemed to be winning, who were coping much better than I was in this crazy endless race to … well … Nowhere!
At the end of each day, while succumbing once more to my cravings for a glass of wine, I'd reflect on my early twenties: the broken hearts, the round-the-world backpack trip, the barren bank account those adventurous years presented to me. It amazed me how much I was able to do, the fun and play I was able to enjoy with so little available to me. I recall how convinced I was that the next phase of my life, my thirties, was going to be way better, that I'd be much happier and would find financial success. I did try very hard to make that happen. I found my dream partner, got married, bought the house, had the family, went on the holidays, and took out the second mortgage while working a minimum 50-hour week.
Suddenly I was in my mid-forties, feeling that I'd tried everything I was taught and conditioned into believing would make me happy. I'd read all the books, taken the courses and been on the workshops. Listened patiently, endlessly, to the words of wisdom from my seemingly successful friends, associates and gurus. I set the goals, adopted the roles, wore the masks and played the game. I took stupid risks too.
So why hadn’t I achieved the life promised me in the media, the books, and my courses and workshops? I felt incomplete. Trapped and stuck in an endless loop of continually striving. I was disillusioned, fed up with the 'noise', tired of the manipulations, lies and sensationalism of the news stories, the media and advertising. The insatiable appetite for profit at all costs that was driving our out-of-control consumerism into a 'charge more for less' era.
As a father of four children, one of whom had a severe physical and mental disability, I've had my fair share of life challenges. I've been financially bankrupt on two occasions, lost two houses, supported my wife through stage 3 breast cancer, triggered for myself a severe hearing loss, and said goodbye to my daughter when she passed away on her sixteenth birthday.
Those close to me believe I've had more than my fair share and wondered what the heck I did in my past life to deserve it all. My best friend in all sincerity asked me why I hadn’t killed myself yet.
Instead I have chosen to learn and grow from all that has happened to me over the past 15 years, and today am awakened to a life full of joy and playfulness in which I've found, and now live with, my 'twin flame' (my mirror opposite and complete match in a partner). Initially, the rewards in choosing my burst for freedom included sleeping better, becoming calmer, fewer trips to the doctor, less 'numbing' through alcohol, and more awareness and enjoyment of my creative abilities. Staying the course resulted in me becoming a better partner, lover, parent, son, sibling and friend, while simultaneously making my own choices instead of feeling I 'should' or 'needed' to do anything. Less and less shitty events are occurring, and when they do, I find the 'gift' in them and recover quickly. I continue to live my passion and to master not giving a fuck what other people think.
My personal story, experiences, and the guiding principles I've developed are intended to offer perspectives that will help you on your own journey. If you, like me, have had enough and are willing, and open, to question every belief and value you've held to date, this book is about 'waking up' and learning to follow your heart, experiencing your own creation of your life based on choices that feel true to you, not someone else's expectation of you or the indoctrination society imposes on you from your first breath. It is time for your own Burst For Freedom.
Look at what resonates with you. If anything in this book seems far out or doesn’t make sense, just say to yourself, 'That’s interesting', keep an open mind and let it sit with you for a while. Let it happen, no need to rush anything. Before you know it that far-out thought might just start to resonate with you and make a lot of sense. It is the nature of the journey that on occasion you will lose your way, so when you do get stuck, refer back to the stories and the guiding principles. You will take on different learning at different times from this book. Above all, go easy on yourself. Be proud that you have got to this stage and are willing to do the work. You are so not alone.
The book is split into three parts, in an attempt to represent the best chronological order of my journey. My 11 guiding principles don’t necessarily follow a strict order; they easily overlap and often require a revisit. This is a process, a way to live a life of being true to yourself.
Part One is all about my first 45 years of conditioning and programming, till I hit the wall and chose my burst for freedom. I believe it’s important you get a measure of the type of indoctrination I experienced, because it helps explain how I got to my perspectives and principles.
Part Two is for when you become 'teachable' and are ready for the 11 Guiding Principles. These are not so much about avoiding life’s pitfalls or urging you to make quantum leaps, rather, those learning experiences might be a very necessary part of your own journey home. Indeed, they are a gift. It is about providing you with perspectives that enable you to choose to change your mindset, then start a path of living true.
Part Three is about how I, personally, live my guiding principles, and my newfound joy in all that I do. Since relationships are the breeding ground for learning our biggest lessons, I share how I absorbed my own lessons, how I let go, and ultimately was ready to reunite with my true 'twin flame'. It completes the journey for me: creating my new business, writing my books, and hopefully inspiring others to experience life as their own creation.
Please don’t hesitate to share with me what has worked or how things have shifted for you. I would love to hear from you. You can visit my website at www.livingatrue.life