Celebrate the Marriage God Made for You
Your most important earthly connection is with your spouse, and when you honor the person you married, youâre also honoring God. He created marriage to be one of lifeâs greatest gifts, and the instruction manual you need for a joyful, lasting union is found in His Word.
In Your Marriage Godâs Way, author and pastor, Scott LaPierre, takes a close look at the principles for building a biblical marriageâone in which your relationship with Christ brings guidance and blessing into your relationship with your spouse. Youâll gain the tools toâŚ
âunderstand the unique roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives
ârecognize and resolve the conflicts you face with a heart of hope and compassion
âfollow Godâs worthy command to love and cherish your spouse unconditionally
Whether youâre at the beginning of your journey or youâve been on the road together for years, Your Marriage Godâs Way will provide the helpful and encouraging insights you need to experience marriage as God intends it.
Celebrate the Marriage God Made for You
Your most important earthly connection is with your spouse, and when you honor the person you married, youâre also honoring God. He created marriage to be one of lifeâs greatest gifts, and the instruction manual you need for a joyful, lasting union is found in His Word.
In Your Marriage Godâs Way, author and pastor, Scott LaPierre, takes a close look at the principles for building a biblical marriageâone in which your relationship with Christ brings guidance and blessing into your relationship with your spouse. Youâll gain the tools toâŚ
âunderstand the unique roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives
ârecognize and resolve the conflicts you face with a heart of hope and compassion
âfollow Godâs worthy command to love and cherish your spouse unconditionally
Whether youâre at the beginning of your journey or youâve been on the road together for years, Your Marriage Godâs Way will provide the helpful and encouraging insights you need to experience marriage as God intends it.
A few years ago, Katie and I faced the biggest crisis of our marriage. I started pastoring Woodland Christian Church when it was small, but within three years the congregation tripled in size. I admit that before I became a pastor, I was unaware of how much work is involved in shepherding a church of even a few hundred people. I had been an Army officer, a supervisor at a distribution center for a major retail chain, and an elementary school teacher. But none of those occupations approached the amount of mental and emotional energy and sheer hard work pastoring entails!
Almost all my waking hours were packed with studying, teaching, counseling, making phone calls, sending emails, attending meetings, addressing administrative responsibilities, and tending to benevolence issues. When I was at home, where I should have been an engaged father and husband, I did not have much left for my family mentally, emotionally, or physically.
Although I was failing as a husband and father, I was able to convince myself I was still pleasing the Lord. I compartmentalized my life by saying, âI am a Christian first. I am a spouse second. I am a parent third. I am an employee fourth.â Instead, I should have said, âI am a Christian spouse. I am a Christian parent. I am a Christian employee.â The danger of seeing ourselves as Christian servants first and spouses second is we can find ourselves believing the lie I bought into at the time: âIf I can be a good pastor, I can please God even though I am not the best husband.â
The truth is that I was a poor husband, and I should have recognized that meant I was not pleasing the Lord.
Jesus Deserves Our Obedience
The reason we cannot please the Lord while failing as a husband or wife is that our Christianity is directly related to the way we treat our spouses. Our marriages are outpourings of our relationships with Christ:
In Matthew 7:16, Jesus asked, âDo men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles?â
In James 3:11-12, the apostle James asked, âDoes a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?â
The point of these verses is that we reveal our Christianity by the way we live. As Jesus clarified: âYou will know them by their fruitsâ (Matthew 7:16). And right livingâor right fruitâcan only be produced through a strong relationship with Christ.
Because our relationships with our spouses are our most important earthly relationship, what we are as spouses reflects what we are as Christians. Later, we will discuss this in greater depth as we look at the marriage passage in Ephesians 5:21-33, but for now, letâs look at the two key commands in Scripture that give us Godâs own standard for marriage:
Ephesians 5:25ââHusbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.â
Ephesians 5:22ââWives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.â[1]
Because these commands are from the Lord, our obedience to them affects the kind of relationship we have with Christ. Think of it this way: There is no such thing as a spiritually mature man who does not love his wife. Nor a spiritually mature woman who does not submit to her husband:
A husband cannot love Christ without loving his wife.
A wife cannot submit to Christ without submitting to her husband.
A husband loves and cherishes his wife not because she is perfect or because she treats him the way he wants to be treated. He loves and cherishes his wife because he loves Christ. Likewise, a wife submits to her husband not because he is a wonderful spiritual leader or because he loves her the way she wants to be loved. She submits to her husband because she wants to submit to Christ.
A husbandâs love and a wifeâs submission are not tests of their obedience to their spouses. They are tests of their obedience to the Lord. This might sound discouraging, but it should be encouraging. When a husband knows his love and a wife knows her submission are acts of obedience to Christ, showing that love and submission can be that much easier.
Yes, there will be times when a husband does not want to love his wife and a wife does not want to submit to her husband. In those moments, husbands and wives can tell themselves, âI am called to do this out of my love for Christ. I want to submit to His commands because of what He has done for me.â
I would never try to convince a husband that his wife is worthy of his love, or try to convince a wife that her husband is worthy of her submission. The fact is, no spouse is worthy. But Christ is worthy of a husbandâs love and a wifeâs submission. He deserves our obedience. It is important to understand this principle before we examine Godâs instructions for husbands and wives because this gives us the necessary motivation to obey.
The obvious questions, then, are, How can a husband love his wife just as Christ loved the church? And, How can a wife submit to her husband as unto the Lord?
Trust the Holy Spirit to Help You
Unfortunately, when it comes to fulfilling our roles in our marriages, we often feel alone. Godâs standard for husbands and wives is so high that we ask, âHow can I ever obey these commands?â
Two words summarize what goes through peopleâs minds as they consider Godâs commands to husbands and wives: intimidating and overwhelming. As a husband, it is intimidating to think of being to your wife what Christ is to the church. As a wife, it is overwhelming to think of submitting to your husband as you should to the Lord. If you are not intimidated or overwhelmed, you do not understand what is expected of you. If you had to obey Godâs commands in your own strength, you would not only feel overwhelmed or intimidated, but completely hopeless.
But thankfully, because of the power of the gospel at work in our lives and a promise Jesus made to us, we can feel hopeful. Jesus told His disciples, âI will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you foreverâ (John 14:16). If you have repented of your sins and put your faith in Christ, then you are a Christian and the Holy Spirit lives in you. You are not alone! The Holy Spirit will empower you to do what God has commanded you to do.
The first half of Ephesians 5 is about living in the Spirit, and the second half is about husbands and wives. This is fitting because if there is any area of the Christian life in which the Holy Spiritâs help is necessary, it is marriage. In Ephesians 5:18, the apostle Paul states, âDo not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit.â It might sound odd to compare drunkenness with being filled with the Spirit, but the parallel that Paul is making has to do with influence. People who drive when they are drunk are âdriving under the influence.â Just as alcohol has the potential to influence, so does the Holy Spirit.
The New Testament Greek word translated âbe filledâ is pleroo, which means âkeep on being filledâ or âstay filledâ with the Spirit. Paul is talking about a practice that should be ongoing in our lives as believers. We need to allowâand trustâthe Holy Spirit to influence us as husbands and wives. The following verses include promises from Godâs Wordâpromises that God will enable us to do what He has called us to do. As you read them, consider how they apply to marriage:
âGod is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good workâ (2 Corinthians 9:8).
âIt is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasureâ (Philippians 2:13).
âWhat is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power which He worked in Christ when He raised Him from the deadâŚâ (Ephesians 1:19-20).
âMay the God of peace who brought up our Lord Jesus from the deadâŚmake you complete in every good work to do His will, working in you what is well pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christâ (Hebrews 13:20-21).
When we become discouraged in our marriages, these are the truths we need to remember. God is the one working in and through us to accomplish every good work. He makes this possible through the incomparably great power that raised Jesus from the dead. God wants us to be equipped to do what He has called us to do, and of all that God wants from us, what could be more important than the way we handle our relationship with our spouse?
Your marriage gives you the opportunity to reflect Christ and the church to others. Does God want Christ and the church to have a great relationship? Absolutely! Does God want the world to witness Christian marriages that wonderfully represent Christâs relationship with the church? Without a doubt! God has given us His indwelling Spirit to help make that happen. It is as if God has said, âThe standard I have set for husbands and wives is high, but you do not have to fulfill it alone. I would not command you to do something without also giving you the resources that enable you to obey."
We Cannot Just Sit Back
Letâs bring some balance to this discussion by understanding a key distinction: For God to say, âI will help youâ is different than Him saying, âI will do everything.â The Holy Spirit helps us, but we need to remember that He does not do it all for us. We still have responsibilities. The Holy Spirit is not going to supernaturally take control of a marriage when the individuals involved are not committed to putting forth the necessary effort to do what God has called them to do.
The apostle Paul reveals this fact in Ephesians 2:10: âWe are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.â God prepared good works for us, but we must âwalk in them.â We do not want to miss out on what God desires to do in our marriages because we are being lazy or selfish. Consider the responsibilities placed on our shoulders elsewhere in the New Testament:
âLet us walk properlyâŚPut on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lustsâ (Romans 13:13-14).
âPut on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; [bear] with one another, and [forgive] one anotherâŚPut on love, which is the bond of perfectionâ (Colossians 3:12-14).
Note the calling we are given: walk, put on, make no provision for, bear with, and forgive. What does this look like in practical terms? How does the Holy Spiritâs help work in conjunction with our free will? Here are some examples.
Husband, you plop down on the sofa next to your wife without showing any affection for her, but perhaps the Holy Spirit has been compelling you to be more affectionate. So, the next time you sit next to your wife, put your arm around her.
Maybe the Holy Spirit has also been leading you to be a better listener. Instead of simply hearing your wife speak, pay attention to her and verbally affirm what she says. You may find it helpful to respond by paraphrasing her words back to her and validating her sentiments. If your wife is not used to you doing this, she will notice and appreciate the extra effort.
Wife, you are riding in the car with your husband you notice the light indicating âlow fuelâ comes on. You may find yourself repeatedly âremindingâ him the car needs fuel until he pulls into a gas station. Though he does not like this, you think it beats running out of gas. Lately, however, youâve sensed the Holy Spirit leading you to trust your husband, so this time you simply mention it once, and trust your husband to follow through without any further reminders. This may pleasantly surprise him. He might even say, âThank you for not repeatedly telling me to pull over.â
In each case, the spouse would do well to express his or her appreciation for the changed behavior. These are only simple examples of how we might sense the Holy Spirit at work within us. Youâll see more examples as you continue your way through this book. Ultimately, we want to be submissive and receptive to the Spiritâs guidance.
The Encouraging Balance
Consider this encouraging verse that ties together the truths that (1) God enables us and (2) we are called to carry out our responsibilities: âTo this end I also labor, striving according to [Godâs] working which works in me mightilyâ (Colossians 1:29). Here, the apostle describes how we are to work side by side with God to accomplish His will. When it comes to our marriages, we should seek to work side by side with God in everything that we do. We are to labor to be the husbands and wives God wants us to be, and we can be encouraged by the truth that while we are laboring, God also works mightily in us.
We are frequently tempted to think the key to a healthier marriage is to work harder in our own wisdom and power. If we roll up our sleeves and give our best effort, surely things will improve, right? No. Many people have experienced ongoing frustration in their marriage after taking this approach. Instead, we must remember that if weâre Christians, the power of the gospel is at work in our lives and marriages. With Godâs helpâwith the Spiritâs enablementâwe can enjoy the marriage He desires for us!
Notes
Chapter 1âYour Marriage Reflects Your Relationship with Christ
[1] Chapter 13 addresses the âWhat ifs?â of submission: What about an abusive husband? When does a wife not need to submit?
Your Marriage Godâs Way: A Biblical Guide to a Christ-Centered Relationship is written by Scott LaPierre. Scott is a pastor, author, and speaker. He received an MA in Biblical Studies from Liberty University. Scott and his wife, Katie, have nine children.
Your Marriage Godâs Way is broken into eight parts. Each part has several chapters that go along with the overall topic of the main section. The first part of the book is titled âRecognizing That,â and the author has put two chapters that he is going to be building the rest of the book on. He establishes the point, âBecause our relationships with our spouses reflect our relationships with Christ, our marriage âproblemsâ are merely symptoms. The actual problems are in our relationship with Christ.â This is an intriguing way of looking at marriage, and honestly not one I had considered before.
In another section of the book, the author also provides guidelines on how to handle your frustrations in your marriage. For example, if you get frustrated with your spouse, pray about it. This is a great way of dealing with the problems in your marriage. If you pray before letting your frustrations be known, you may not even need to speak to your spouse about them.
This book is grounded in Scripture and several parts have been well-researched. I appreciate the author has put notes in the back of the back letting the reader know where he got his research, so the reader can go read more about that topic if they want to.
One section of the book that surprised me was the topic of complementarianism and egalitarians. I have read about this before, but only in academic books, and was not expecting it here. I was also not expecting the discourses on a womanâs role in the church. I see where the author was going, but again, it was unexpected in a marriage book.
I did not agree with everything that the author stated in this book, and that is okay, as these are my opinions. I am from a denomination where women can be pastors and leaders in the church and the author believes they cannot be. I have heard/read MANY things on this topic, and it is best just to agree to disagree.
I think this was a very thorough book, especially as far as scripture goes. My wish is that it would have read less like a lecture and had more of a conversational tone. This book is best suited for Christians who are struggling in their marriage or just want a better understanding of how the Bible portrays the roles of the husband and wife.
Â