Millie
Virginia Beach, Virginia
2020
“Millie, will you cut up the veggies for the salad?” Mariel says as she pours herself a glass of wine.
We’re at the rental house she and Chase are sharing with Dad. The guys are out buying beer for a party today for Mason’s team. Mariel and I have started getting the meal together. Well, she’s started because I’m a horrible cook. Mariel’s seen me attempt cooking several times. I’m surprised she’s allowing me to help at all.
“Yep,” I say, quickly taking a knife out of the block on the counter before she can change her mind.
She grabs it back and hands me a smaller knife. “You’re chopping vegetables, not trying to take out an attacker.”
We’ve been back from Pakistan for a few weeks. Since Mason’s going to be in Virginia Beach for another month, I talked Dad into renting a house here. We’re all going to end up back in San Diego but for now, I don’t want to be separated from either one of them. Dad and I will use the time to go back to the Outer Banks and clean out the storage locker where I stashed my grandma’s stuff after she died. Mariel flew in to help us. After everything that’s happened to me this past year, it’s nice having all of my family in one place.
“Chase told me you finally signed the official papers to resign from the agency. I didn’t think your boss would ever accept you leaving. What’s his name? George?”
“George retired. I’ve been dealing with the director, Paul Ward, since Pakistan.” I pause for a second, looking around and lowering my voice. I always assume every room’s bugged. I wonder if that will ever go away. “Paul’s still trying to get me to give him the other copy of the video of Alex’s death.”
“Well, he’s going to get it over my dead body,” Mariel says loudly. She never thinks about bugs. Or maybe she does and she just doesn’t care.
“I feel like I’m putting you in danger by having you keep it in your safe deposit box,” I say quietly. “Maybe you should give it back to me.”
“No way. If you or Mack go missing, I’m playing that thing for every media outlet in the world. Everyone’s going to know that the head of the agency’s Middle East division gave up their most valuable asset. The agency can kiss my ass if they think they can intimidate me. I’ll shut the whole place down.” She pauses for a second. “Wait, why did George retire? He’s not that old, is he?”
“He’s only forty-seven, a year younger than Dad.”
“So why did he retire so early?”
“Uh, I think with everything that went down with Dad—you know, George hiding everything from me for all that time. I don’t know, maybe he started second-guessing what he was doing with his life. He and his wife are moving to a little beach town in Northern California after his retirement party. He wants to be as far away from D.C. as possible.”
“I can’t believe you’re even talking to him after what he did to you. Mack’s pissed that you’re going to his retirement party.”
“Yeah, Mason is, too. It’s the only thing they’ve agreed on since we got back.”
“So why are you going?”
“I don’t know. I’m still mad at George, but I’ve never been much into holding grudges. He and his wife were like family to me when I lived in D.C.”
“Well, Chase and Mack are holding enough of a grudge against him to cover all of our bases,” Mariel says, laughing.
Ironically, Dad was the one who taught me not to hold grudges. When I was growing up, he told me grudges were like storm clouds moving in on a beautiful sunny day. They could stay for a bit, but then they needed to make way for the sun again.
Dad still feels guilty for disappearing. I think he’d feel better if I was holding a grudge against him, but I forgave him the second I realized he was alive. I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand why he didn’t take me with him, but I’m not mad at him. I’m just so relieved he’s back.
“What time’s the team coming over again?” Mariel asks as she multi-tasks effortlessly over several steaming pots on the stove.
“Mason said around one, so that means they’ll be here about noon,” I say, rolling my eyes. “You know that on-time is late for these guys.”
“Yeah, they’re a punctual breed. Any more news on when Mason can go back to San Diego? Is that JJ guy working out?”
“I think it’s still about a month. And I’m not sure about JJ. Mason won’t talk to me about it which is weird because he shares everything with me.”
When Mason agreed to take the team lead back so he could go to Pakistan with me, Culver told him he would be in for at least three months while the guy he was covering for recuperated from an injury. Mason talked him out of that when JJ, Mason’s second-in-command, stepped forward to say he would lead the team. Apparently, Culver hesitated a little bit at handing the reigns over to JJ. Mason won’t tell me why. Culver finally agreed to it only if Mason would stay at least a month to help in the transition.
“Mariel, those onions smell horrible,” I say as she drops another handful into a skillet. “They’re making me nauseated.”
“You said you felt sick the other day, honey.” She clicks the fan on the stove hood vent to its highest level. “Do you have a bug?”
“I’ve been feeling yucky lately. I don’t know what it is.”
“Are you pregnant?” She turns around to look at me. Her eyes are dead serious.
“I’m not pregnant, Mar,” I say, shaking my head. “You know I’m on the pill.”
“There’s still that one percent chance—”
“I’m not pregnant. Stop.” I grab the tomatoes and head over to the sink to wash them. “I’m stressed out about Dad. I’m not sleeping very well. I still can’t trust that he’s going to be here when I wake up. It doesn’t help that I’m not in the same house with him.”
“Sweetie, we have an extra room if you want to stay here for a while. You know Mack would like that better anyway.”
When Dad left, I was sixteen. He’s having a hard time adjusting to me as an adult woman. He especially hates that I’m staying with Mason. And he’s not subtle about it. Frankly, he’s being an asshole. And that’s making Mason act like an asshole, too. They’re both so competitive. They’ve been swarming around me since we got back—attempting to mark their territory. I’m trying to stay out of it, but they’re both getting on my nerves.
“No, I want to stay with Mason, but I can’t get over here soon enough in the morning to see if Dad’s still alive.”
Mariel reaches over to take my hand. “You’ve known he was alive for less than a month. Be patient with yourself. You’ll get there.”
I squeeze her hand before she heads back over to the stove. “You know, Mar, it doesn’t help that you’re being an asshole to Dad.”
“I will be what I want to be, Millie,” she says, raising her eyebrows. “I’m pissed at him. His disappearing act affected Chase and me, too. You’re way more forgiving than I am. I want to punish him a little bit.”
“Mar—”
“Honey, that’s between Mack and me. We both love you. And down deep, we both love each other. Just stay out of it. We’re stubborn people—”
“Huge understatement.”
“We’ll work it out—eventually.” Mariel turns around and looks at me. “You know you have to move the knife to chop the vegetables, right? Get to work, princess.”
