A dark, unfiltered, and painful collection of poetry from the #1 Bestselling Author of The Night I Spent with Aubrey Fisher and Keep You.
It’s because deep down I don’t love me, so why would I expect you to?
Christopher M. Tantillo’s poetry collection, things you never got to hear, is the second book in a trilogy that weaves personal narratives with professions about how we find ourselves in the many varied stages of falling in and out of love with others and ourselves. It paints a loose narrative as we navigate love, loss, grief, heartbreak, hope, betrayal, death, what it means to be a man expressing emotions, how we romanticize people and places and memories, and ultimately, healing. Like life ebbs and flows, the poems bounce from dismay to infatuation with the turn of a page.
Tantillo pulls you into a darker experience that delves into the ugly, selfish, and toxic parts of ourselves while in love. The collection invites the reader to reflect on the things that the people they loved or lost never got to hear.
A dark, unfiltered, and painful collection of poetry from the #1 Bestselling Author of The Night I Spent with Aubrey Fisher and Keep You.
It’s because deep down I don’t love me, so why would I expect you to?
Christopher M. Tantillo’s poetry collection, things you never got to hear, is the second book in a trilogy that weaves personal narratives with professions about how we find ourselves in the many varied stages of falling in and out of love with others and ourselves. It paints a loose narrative as we navigate love, loss, grief, heartbreak, hope, betrayal, death, what it means to be a man expressing emotions, how we romanticize people and places and memories, and ultimately, healing. Like life ebbs and flows, the poems bounce from dismay to infatuation with the turn of a page.
Tantillo pulls you into a darker experience that delves into the ugly, selfish, and toxic parts of ourselves while in love. The collection invites the reader to reflect on the things that the people they loved or lost never got to hear.
Shattered
what have i done to you?
what have i done to you?
what have i done to you?
i have b
r
o
k
e
n
you
uoy regnol on era uoy won
When Casually Strolling Outside My Apartment Is a Metaphor for Growth
don’t be alarmed when—
after pushing me away
for so long—
i finally decide
to listen one day
and walk away
What I Say When I Write You Poetry, Part I
in real life, we say
you’re the most beautiful
person I’ve ever known
but in poetry, we say
there is a space
between the freckles
of your nose and
dimple on your chin
that i want to
stay forever in
you make the most vulnerable
parts of myself
feel safe and seen and
forever held,
like our breath,
when it says more than
words ever could
Linger
your lips left
phantom impressions
on mine
that i still feel
on nights in bed
when all i want is to
have them pressed
to me again
to breathe you in
and let my chest
expand
with yours
Embolism
like poison
from
your lips,
your blood
clots
in my veins.
how,
then,
am i
ever
to flush
you out?
Validation
Doesn’t come from
anyone or anything
Your self-worth
is not based off
people in your life
Don’t let anyone say you’re
not good enough
or pretty enough
or submissive enough
No one controls you;
no one holds the key
to your happiness
Be good to yourself—
kind—
loving—
know that it starts
with you
You are worthy—
beautiful—
strong
You deserve good things—
not because someone
gives you their permission,
or because you’ve
changed yourself to
bend to their idea of
who or what you should be like—
but because you’re worth
your weight in gold
You’re strong—
independent—
courageous—
be fucking majestic
Acceptance comes from
within
Love yourself first
and foremost
Believe you’re not hopeless
or broken beyond repair
Everyone's a little
broken inside
Be bold and loving,
always
Tell someone not that they’re
beautiful or sexy,
but that they’re
amazing or intelligent or
valuable or kind or empathetic—
focus on the inner,
not the outer
Love yourself as you’d
do for someone else—
one day they will
love you for you
Remember:
you’re the only one
of your kind
Answers to Questions You (I) Never Asked
how does it feel?
knowing i’m here
broken for you—
waiting for you—
hating you…
no… hating me
because i don’t know
how to heal,
or move on,
or not be bitter,
because maybe i don’t want to feel better
maybe the rejection and
shame and guilt reinforce
all the things I hate about
myself to answer why
wasn’t i enough?
it’s because deep
down i don’t love
me, so why would
i expect you to?
That Anxious Flutter when I Haven’t Heard from You in a Few Minutes
Got so used to
talking to you
day by day
that it burned
into my heart—
my blood—
the love that
feels like
clots boiling
whenever we miss
a connection.
Branded our hearts
into each other
in such a
short time
that the absence
of your words
is an absence
of myself.
We are now
one and the same—
forever etched
into our stories.
things you never got to hear is the second poetry book in a trilogy of poetry collections centered around things never said by Christopher M. Tantillo. Tantillo has a clear talent for writing confessional poems, and I could tell that the poet has put a great deal of hard work into the collection. In the first poem, SHATTERED, the use of spelling a line backwards is clever, serving sadness and regret. The poems follow the poet's experiences with lost potential love, suicidal thoughts, depression, and longing through the act of remembrance.
I like the specificity of the details in the poems, such as "snickerdoodle perfume" or "black number in a binder," because these details help to ground the reader with solid and tangible images to cling to in their minds. Two of my favorite poems are carbon copy and letter from a boy who couldn't keep a secret. Both demonstrate Tantillo's ability to craft poems and invoke emotions through imagery and language, like "trying to tape together the tethered sheets". The concepts are formidable. I love the concept of trying to build a paper house representing the building and tearing down of a relationship. Letter from a boy who couldn't keep a secret has a strong ending line, "forever on my finger," and these poems show the strengths of the poet, the ability to leave a lasting mark on the reader.
Some poems towards the end of part one were not as impressive because they leaned more towards the literal sense rather than the figurative, with conversational tones. Though as a whole, I think it's fine that some poems are differently formatted or have different veins than others, not everything has to be the same, and variety can be a good thing. In terms of topics, not everyone suffers from the same things, but we can all have empathy for situations and people who are different from us. The language used in the collection is commonly used and straightforward, mostly uncomplicated, except for words like "Stygian," which I inferred related to the river Styx, but it could be helpful to have a key list of definitions in case of words that may be unfamiliar to a wider public audience depending on the target audience.
Tantillo also has some poems focusing on action verbs that can end up sounding like a rigid schedule or diary entry: "put in your headphones, shelve away the outlines, let the heat scald." Though I do enjoy that the poet is innovative in form and structure, and believe it's part of the writing journey to figure out what works best for the writer and audience. Writing is an act of self-expression, and yet it is also an opening for others to see inside our hearts and minds.
I would recommend this collection to those looking for a deep, intense poetry book with grim themes, but the collection could also end up encouraging people to feel less alone. Well done to the poet for putting their work out there and being brave enough to share about their darker past experiences.