TABLE OF CONTENTS
The Tale of the Ugly Duckling
How to Use This Book
Self-Esteem Measurement Test
THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-ESTEEM
1) Factors Affecting Self-Esteem
2) What Is Self-Esteem?
Cognitive Component of Self-Esteem
Affective Component of Self-Esteem
Social Component of Self-Esteem
3) How Self Esteem Can Affect Our Life
4) Consequences of Low Self-Esteem
Depression, Other Anxieties and Fears
5) Consequences of Too High Self-Esteem
Selfishness and Self-Centeredness
Psychopathy and Other Diseases
Loneliness and Difficult Relationships
6) Self-Esteem: The Main Difference Between Men and Women
THE BALANCE IN A FORMULA
7) The Self-Esteem Formula
The Variables Involved
Good News: We Can Improve the Result!
Virtuous Cycle and Vicious Cycle
8) Work on the Numerator
How I Evaluate Myself
How I Believe Others Evaluate Me
9) Work on the Denominator
How I Would Like to Be
How I Would Like to Be Seen by Others
The Tools of the Psychiatrist and Psychologist
START YOUR REBIRTH TODAY
11) 40 Useful and Practical Tips
10 Tips for Your Body
10 Tips for Your Intellect
10 Tips for Your Emotional Well-Being
10 Tips for Your Spirit
12) 10 Steps to Build Your Self-Esteem
An Introspective Journey
Define Your Range of Values
Dream and Program
Finding the Courage to Act
Take Care of Your Physical Appearance
Neuro Linguistic Programming
Give, Forgive, Love
13) A Five-Week Program
ANOTHER STEP FORWARD
14) Determine the Reality
Your Creative Power
Remove Negativity with Your Energy
Self-Esteem and Positive Thoughts
15) Tools and Practical Exercises
Anticipate Sensations and Feelings
A New Concept of Time
Practical Exercises for Your Self-Esteem
THE PROBLEM IN DEPTH
Self-Esteem and Bullying
Self-Esteem and Video Games
Self-Esteem and Dating
Self-Esteem and Jealousy
Self-Esteem and Weight
Self-Esteem and Tattoos
Self-Esteem and Makeup
“I’m learning to love myself. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done”
The Tale of the Ugly Duckling
This is the story of a swan raised by a family of ducks. He was driven out of the pond by the other animals, because they believed that an “ugly duckling” should not belong to their group. Wherever he went, the ugly duckling met animals that avoided him for the same reason. When he met a group of elegant white birds, the ugly duckling aspired to someday become as beautiful as they were. After a terribly cold and lonely winter, the ugly duckling saw his reflection in the water and realized that he was not a duck after all. He had become the most beautiful swan on the pond.
You are this beautiful Swan. Do not give up!
Don't let yourself be influenced by the judgment of others. Believe in your uniqueness and your beauty! Live each moment with joy, love and optimism!
This should be your life’s goal, and with this book I can help you make it happen.
I have to confess that the secret to my growth as a life coach and the success I have experienced as a writer and speaker is due to my personality.
As a young boy, I was extremely shy and did not relate well to others. I couldn’t speak in public, because being surrounded by a lot of people made me anxious. At school I envied my outgoing companions. I was often marginalized and ignored.
I found relief by throwing myself into my studies, and I graduated with excellent grades. I was convinced that once I began working, everything would change. However, my insecurities did not go away. I refused to travel by plane. I had few relationships with my colleagues. Business meetings made me anxious and I was unable to express my opinions. Every day was painful. I felt different from everyone else, and always saw them as more important than me.
Even romantic relationships were a fiasco. Shyness and low self-esteem prevented me from being myself. I knew I had to make a change in my life.
I started reading motivational books every night. It took me a lot of willpower to begin taking small steps, and to experiment with different techniques I had learned from the books or from courses I attended.
I had failures as well as successes – for every three steps forward, I took two steps back. However, to my surprise, I slowly began to feel more secure. My life slowly changed. I learned to be aware of my value. I devoted all my time and energy to the study of psychology and motivational sciences. I had the good fortune to personally know several Asian masters from whom I learned motivational techniques and secrets.
I understood and experienced for myself that shyness and low self-esteem are not an endless curse. With daily exercise and commitment, you can take your life back, savoring the beauty and happiness that comes from it.
I tried to organize the techniques I had learned and experienced firsthand by developing an effective work program. I suggested it to friends and acquaintances who had the same problem as me and it was a great success. My program really worked, and I helped many people change their lives by finally putting aside their anxieties and fears forever.
Since then, I have dedicated my life to spreading this knowledge. I hold conferences around the world. I also decided to write this book so everyone will have access to what I’ve learned, in the hope that it will be useful to those who suffer from the same problem.
How to Use This Book
This book is different than the usual motivational manuals made of small talk and nice words. I really want to convey to you what I have tried and learned the hard way, and to provide you with a practical plan of action.
The first part of the book aims to define the problem and make you aware of the importance of having a good level of self-esteem. It clarifies what self-esteem really is and identifies the negative consequences and dangers that result from low or excessive self-esteem.
The second part highlights, with the help of a formula, the components of self-esteem, and what you have to do to obtain good results.
The third part is totally practical. I’ll give you useful tips for raising your level of self-esteem and making it easier to begin your path to rebirth. I’ll describe in detail the ten steps that helped me overcome shyness and distrust as a young man. Finally, I’ll show you a five-week program to put these techniques into practice.
The fourth part represents yet another step towards a state of inner happiness that each of us can achieve. Taking advantage of the principles of the Law of Attraction, you will be able to get in tune with the Universe and make yourself the creator of your destiny.
The last part explores some ideas that are closely related to self-esteem, which are very popular today.
My advice is to proceed through the book in a linear way. Absorb the concepts slowly. Put them into practice with the timelines and the modalities that I show you, and don’t be tempted to jump from one topic to another or to skip ahead to more advanced themes. These tools have already helped many people increase their level of self-esteem and I'm sure they will help you, too.
All that is left is for me to wish you a good journey, many successes, and a life that is finally happy and fully realized.
Now give me your hand and let's go ...
Self-Esteem Measurement Test
The following test is a practical tool for measuring your self-esteem level. It consists of twelve simple questions to answer by indicating how true and appropriate the statement is for you.
Your test score positions you within a matrix which highlights both your level of self-confidence and your level of social interaction with others. In effect, a person with low self-esteem will give himself a low evaluation and show a high level of dependence on society and on others.
Similar to the formula that will be dealt with in a later chapter, it will be possible to understand where you are positioned in the matrix, identifying the most important conditions and variables on which to focus to achieve success.
Graphically, the matrix highlights a target area (zone 5), that you should aspire to. Zone 5 indicates a high level of self-esteem accompanied by a strong sense of self and a limited dependence on the opinions of others.
Each area of the matrix is identified with a different number, a brief description, and some suggestions for action.
We recommend taking the test several times -- at the beginning of this course, at the end of the five- week program, and periodically throughout the course to make sure your positioning is correct.
On the author's website it is possible to find a more complete version of the test, with automatic calculation of your score.
Answer the following twelve questions, giving each question a score from one to four, where:
1 = definitely true
2 = somewhat true
3 = somewhat false
4 = definitely false