Tinder is like a Twinkie.” My client Alison was having an epiphany. “It’s tempting and convenient… but full of artificial ingredients and leaves you craving something of actual substance afterward.”
Like Alison, many women have had less-than-stellar experiences in the digital dating world. The journey to find love online can feel like an endless job application process filled with harassing messages, lies, and the constant sting of rejection by men you’ve never even met. If you haven’t dabbled in the online scene yourself, chances are you’ve heard at least one, “Are you kidding me?” story from a single girlfriend who’s tried it.
It’s no wonder research has repeatedly shown that dating app use has a direct correlation to body shame and lower self-esteem. Even worse, a study revealed that despite all the technology making us more “accessible” than ever, three out of four Americans struggle with loneliness.
This growing epidemic of inadequacy and social isolation is devastating. However, this mass disconnection has also created a unique opportunity unlike any other in history: an untapped market of millions who are starved for face-to-face connection with each other.
Mastering the art of the real-world connection enables you to provide fulfillment to those who are craving it. That means the power to attract the best people – including the best men – is now yours for the taking.
Before I show you how to wield that magical attraction power, let's take a deeper look at why online dating and apps aren't working for you.
Spoiler alert: it’s not you, it’s them.
The Five Digital Barriers Keeping You Single
“For so many of the online daters we met in different cities, the process had morphed from something fun and exciting into a source of stress and dread.”
– Aziz Ansari, Modern Romance
Why does the technology that’s supposed to help you meet your soulmate tend to make you feel like he’s even further out of reach?
It all boils down to five key barriers that are actively preventing you from attracting your match every time you enter the online dating space…
#1 Instant Attraction, Long-Term Disappointment
Online dating and dating apps are like a “human supermarket” designed to mimic your online shopping behavior. That means many people treat others they encounter online in the same way they would in browsing for a lamp on Amazon: as a disposable commodity judged mostly by appearance. OkCupid founder, Christian Rudder, estimated that photos drive 90% of activity in online dating.
#2 The Paralyzing “Paradox of Choice”
In his book The Paradox of Choice, author Barry Schwartz describes how having too many options can significantly decrease happiness. In the digital dating world, there are thousands of dating apps on the market – with big players like Tinder boasting an estimated 50 million members. Exposing yourself to even a fraction of that number of people is enough to trigger “analysis paralysis,” where you become so overwhelmed by choices that you’re unable to make any decision at all.
#3 The House Always Wins
In addition to being modeled after addictive casino games, online dating and apps are optimized for user engagement (i.e. membership and advertising revenue) instead of user desired outcome (i.e. finding your future husband). Think about it: as soon as you find your lifelong partner the platforms lose you as a customer. And that’s a risk this $1.9 billion industry is probably not willing to take.
#4 The Mean Behind the Screen
Not only are online dating websites and apps designed to keep you single, they often bring out the worst behavior in people – from sexual harassment and body shaming to lying about age, appearance, and relationship status.
Interacting with someone from behind a screen makes it easier to remain anonymous and avoid any real-time repercussions – such as watching tears stream down the cheek of the woman you just insulted – that tend to happen when treating others badly in-person.
Statistically, but not shockingly, the majority of the online abuse targets are female, with 70% of women describing online harassment as a major problem. A recent Harvard study of 1,700 adults also revealed that people who use dating apps are more likely to have an eating disorder; particularly female users, who had 2.3 to 26.9 times higher odds of using “unhealthy weight control behaviors, possibly due to the physical appearance pressures typically associated with social media.”
#5 Anti-Social Media
Human behavior may have adapted to the speed of modern technology, but the human need for social fulfillment has not. No wonder it’s been shown that people who are addicted to social media (which inherently deprives them of time with people face-to-face) have a higher risk of suffering from depression.
Humans haven’t lost the need to connect. We’ve simply changed the ways we attempt to do it – and many would say not for the better. Even worse, with no regulations around the conglomerates who are leading the online industry, our current situation is likely to become even worse.
The good news is that it’s entirely up to you whether you want to continue relying on systems that are stacked against you – or take back control by choosing a different dating approach that puts you in the driver’s seat of your love and social life.
Note: Online dating has indeed worked for many and resulted in some happy relationships. But solely relying on these digital platforms means missing out on endless opportunities to meet the love of your life in the real world. Plus, it runs the risk of swiping away years of your life – and your soul – in the process.
The Solution is Simple
“Surrounded by digital, we now crave experiences that are more tactile and human-centric.”
– David Sax, The Revenge of Analog
Now that you know the cyber forces working against you, let’s talk about what you can do about them.
(Hint: it’s not a surface-level solution or temporary fix, such as hiring someone to re-write your online profile or getting a wardrobe makeover).
The only way to bypass the barriers is to stop relying exclusively on online platforms to meet your future partner and start attracting great men in the real world.
In the '90s, social psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron led a study which showed how certain meaningful questions were able to rapidly build emotional intimacy between two people who had never met each other. The process even led to several pairs falling in love with each other!
That study is even more applicable today because meaningful connection is declining and being replaced by more transactional interactions that are void of real substance, interest, and frankly, fun.
This is where the benefits of meeting someone in-person really come into play. Being in the physical presence of another person provides you with what I call The Offline Advantage – and the secret formula behind that advantage is a phenomenon known scientifically as “cluster cues.”
Cluster cues are your instinctive powers to pick up on body language, movements, tonality, and other aspects of your fellow humans. They help you instantly determine the other person's personality, current mood, trustworthiness, and whether or not they might pose a threat to you in that moment. That evaluation process all takes place in the blink of an eye - even when you aren’t aware that it’s happening.
But the cluster cues screening process (and, thus, The Offline Advantage) can’t happen from behind a screen. Which means when you meet someone online, you’re at a big disadvantage in determining crucial aspects about them – from what they actually look like, to their level of honesty, to sensing if they intend to harm to you.
Meeting someone in the real world will always have massive advantages over an algorithmic approach. Read on for seven benefits that come with The Offline Advantage…
#1 Competition is minimal
When you date online, you’re competing against tens of thousands of other women – sometimes for only two seconds of a man’s attention. Why subject yourself to a space where you can so easily be swiped-over? When you meet a man in the real world, you can captivate his full attention and can make a more lasting impression because you’ve created an actual energetic experience together.
#2 It’s an instant confirmation of the basics
A recent study by eHarmony revealed that 53% of Americans aren’t entirely truthful in their online profile. When you’re face-to-face with someone, they can’t lie about what they look like or fake their social skills. In a matter of seconds, you just confirmed the basics – saving days or even weeks of emotionally investing in someone only to discover they’re not who they claim to be.
#3 It saves you precious time and energy
With the average Millennial spending more than ten hours per week on dating apps, sifting through hundreds of profiles and messages each day can feel like a second full-time job. Offline dating gives you the power to attract men as you simply go about your normal daily routine – from flirting with your pharmacist to getting asked out by that guy with the Dalmatian at the dog park.
#4 It’s really fun
What if you could pop into the grocery store and be asked on a date in the ice cream section? Or drop by a friend’s barbeque and meet your future boyfriend there? Or rendezvous with an ex to catch-up over coffee and have another man ask for your phone number right in front of him? Those are just a few of my own offline adventures, and they were so much fun!
#5 You will be treated much better
Humans are hardwired to value the things they put effort into. Online dating and apps have become so convenient that many people don’t value them, nor the people they encounter there. Being face-to-face with another person requires more risk and emotional investment, which inherently places a higher value on those interactions and naturally makes each person step-up their kindness and respect game.
#6 You’re more likely to find a real match
Also revealed in the eHarmony study was that only one in five committed relationships begin online. Which makes sense: when you’re out and about simply being your best self in the real world, you’re likely to attract a man who likes you for you because he can instantly read into your body language, conversation skills, and other traits humans instinctively look for to assess compatibility with each other.
#7 You’ll satisfy your fundamental need for connection
It’s been shown that our innate need for human connection is equally as important as our basic need for food, water, and shelter and that creating bonds with others can even be a powerful antidote to addiction. The invention of the internet didn’t erase eons of our bio-programming to seek fulfillment via connecting with each other. It simply tricked us into believing we can satisfy that need from behind a screen. When you’re face-to-face with another human, you can feel their energy, read their body language, and create a deep connection that fulfills you on an essential level.
The Journey That Led Me to You
Throughout my teen years, I was very shy – not only around men, but around everyone. I could barely look some people in the eye without blushing and turning away.
I finally grew tired of feeling socially clueless, so I started taking small risks to create more connections through trial and error – such as forcing myself to go places alone (scary!), sitting next to a new person at lunch, and calling my crush’s house twenty times after finally working up the nerve to ask him to the homecoming dance (not recommended).
In the process, I not only found a passion for connecting with others in-person but started getting asked out by men in everyday places – like the craft store, on the train, and even at the airport. Many of those encounters turned into wonderful long-term relationships – and of course, many others were lessons on the qualities I didn’t want in my future partner.
As online dating became more mainstream and dating apps hit the market, I continued to connect and be asked out by men in the real world. Other women started asking for the secrets behind my “offline” success and I realized luck had nothing to do with it; I was creating these opportunities for connection. So I put together a PowerPoint presentation titled, “How to Let Men Pick You Up,” which turned into a live workshop that I ended up teaching to hundreds of single women across Chicago.
I knew, however, that I wanted to help more women than were able to attend an evening workshop. So I started my business, Master Offline Dating, which has now reached thousands of women around the world.
The Offline Dating Method gives you the invaluable advice and results I learned over all those experiences – minus the awkwardness and emotional pain I went through and in a fraction of the time it took me to discover them.
The Universal Power of Human Connection
“I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does…”
– The Smiths, “How Soon is Now”
The tips in The Offline Dating Method are based on aspects of human behavior and desires that are hardwired deep within your DNA. That means the advice in this book works for (and on) everyone, regardless of age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or gender identity.
Over the past decade, I’ve dated men from dozens of different professions, ranging across a fifty-year age span, from all seven continents (well, one spent a few seasons in Antarctica), as well as every major religion. I also have clients and readers from over one-hundred different countries that have applied my tips and enjoyed results in their home cultures.
What I’ve learned from all that is this: at the end of the day, humans are humans are humans. We are all more alike than we are different, and every one of us, on some level, wants acceptance, appreciation, and love.
This also means that you already have the tools to create meaningful connections and find the love of your life in the real world; they’ve just been buried beneath the noise of modern life and the five digital barriers.
Your Roadmap to Real-World Connection
No matter how shy or socially awkward you feel right now, The Offline Dating Method will show you how to attract a great guy in the real world so you can create your own happily-ever-after and feel fulfilled on a level you never knew existed.
Our journey through this book will have three parts…
Chapter I: Magnetic Approachability
Master the art of approachability to attract a great man - without saying a word
First, I’ll show you how to catch the eye of a great guy and magnetically pull him to you without saying a word, as well as discover how to…
Feel more socially confident and comfortable with strangers
No longer feel invisible around men
Avoid fear of rejection by getting men to approach you
Chapter II: Effortless Engagement
Discover how to talk to any man with zero risk of rejection (even if you’re shy)
Next, I’ll show you how to align your thoughts, words, and actions to put you into an effortless flow so that you can start a conversation with anyone, as well as…
Talk to anyone with zero risk of rejection (seriously!)
Feel in control of every conversation – including how to end it
Build instant trust and rapport with everyone you meet
Chapter III: Asked Out Organically
Create instantly meaningful connections and inspire a great guy to ask you out
Finally, you’ll learn my Five Elements of a Meaningful Conversation, my framework which leads quality men to ask you out. I’ll also show you…
How to feel energized by every conversation instead of drained
How to quickly filter out the men who aren’t right for you
Techniques to feel instantly less lonely and more socially fulfilled
How to Avoid “Advice Overwhelm”
This book has a ton of tips, techniques, and resources, all delivered in bite-sized sections to help simplify concepts and make taking action as easy as possible. Refer to the Guide: All Book Sections by Page Number at the end of the book for a visual map of how all the topics flow together and what page you can find them on.
You also do not – I repeat, do NOT – need to apply all or even most of the tips to start seeing amazing results in your own life.
Sometimes all you need is a small shift for everything else to fall into alignment. As you go through this book, write down insights as they come to you and choose the ones that sound fun, exciting, or interesting; that’s the signal that tip is meant just for you.
Creating your own custom roadmap of tips will help you feel naturally aligned as well as enjoy the process of meeting men. Finding the fun will inspire you to practice more, which means you’ll enjoy better results.