I was just your typical supermom in a minivan, fulfilling my family's needs while forgetting my own. But now I'm a super powered woman riding shotgun on the back of a hot demigod's motorcycle.
How is this my life?
It started on the night my husband died, which is when I also found out he was married to two other women! It really confused the whole grieving process.Â
Even worse, the cheater left me to deal with the fallout from his messy business dealing magical artifacts - including a magic globe that's given me strange powers. Suddenly I can split in two...or even three!Â
There's also the sexy demigod I mentioned, Aden, who tells me that our fates are intertwined. Even though he acts like I get him all hot and bothered, I'm pretty sure he just wants to get his hands on the artifact. But what if I'm wrong...is it possible this
superpowered hottie actually wants me - boring old Maddie?
Somehow I have to figure out how to keep my family safe, what to do with these new powers, and if I'm ready for a second chance at love!
I was just your typical supermom in a minivan, fulfilling my family's needs while forgetting my own. But now I'm a super powered woman riding shotgun on the back of a hot demigod's motorcycle.
How is this my life?
It started on the night my husband died, which is when I also found out he was married to two other women! It really confused the whole grieving process.Â
Even worse, the cheater left me to deal with the fallout from his messy business dealing magical artifacts - including a magic globe that's given me strange powers. Suddenly I can split in two...or even three!Â
There's also the sexy demigod I mentioned, Aden, who tells me that our fates are intertwined. Even though he acts like I get him all hot and bothered, I'm pretty sure he just wants to get his hands on the artifact. But what if I'm wrong...is it possible this
superpowered hottie actually wants me - boring old Maddie?
Somehow I have to figure out how to keep my family safe, what to do with these new powers, and if I'm ready for a second chance at love!
"This was such a fun read! I love the world that the authors have created! The characters are fascinating, with great personalities and even funnier banter. There were a couple of times I almost spit out my coffee!
I loved this book. It was fast paced and I could not put it down! I can't wait to see what happens next!"
-Amazon Reviewer
Feeding your dead husband to a Hydra on the Jersey Shore should be like a solitary experience. But here at last is the upside to discovering my husband isâer, wasâa polygamist. Iâve got his two other wives, Helena and Crystal, here to help me.
I know, so far as silver linings go, itâs a stretch. But my life in the course of a day went from Pinterest perfect to darkest timelineâso I think itâs okay.
âDarkest timeline,â I whisper under my breath and then start to laugh, a little bit hysterically.
âPull it together!â Helena snaps. âWe still have to get him in the water.â
Right. I heave up my end of our shared dead husband. Helena and Crystal each take one of his shoulders, leaving me with the feet.
âOn three,â Helena orders with authority, like she disposes of dead bodies all the time. âOne, twoâŚTHREE!â
As one we fling Bert into the brackish water. He hits it with a splash and disappears, then floats back up to the top, bobbing face down.
Somehow Iâm left holding one of his shoes. âOh,â I say stupidly, recognizing it as a pair I bought him for his last birthday. He likes the ones with the memory foam soles because heâs on his feet a lot.
Helena snatches it from my hands and tosses it into the water. âNo keepsakes. No evidence,â she says, like it's her personal mantra. Maybe it is.
âItâs just a shoeâŚâ I say.
âHavenât you ever seen CSI?â Crystal asks me. âThe other half of the pair is on his dead body. Use your head, before you lose it.â
âWeâre not going to take any chances here,â Helena snaps. Sheâd taken all of his things out of his pockets, thinking ahead. I admire her, but she also unnerves me with her calm, quiet strength.
We stand watching our husbandâs floating corpse. Itâs a dark night; the full moon keeps disappearing behind the clouds.
âHow long will it take the HydraâŚâ I trail off.
âNico said not long, and that we canât miss it,â Helena answers tersely. Nico is her private eye (who happens to have only one eye) who gave us the idea of disposing of Bertâs body this way. He says the mob has kept this particular Hydra well fed for years and he knows the routine.
We stand silently. Waiting and awkward in the way of strangers.
Crystal breaks the silence. âIâve been meaning to tell you, Maddie, I just love your dress.â Her eyes shine at me with warmth and sincerity.
I gulp and look back at Helena, realizing that I prefer her cold hard stare. It makes me feel less bad about hating her.
âThanks,â I say to Crystal. Looking down at the dress, I gather the dirty, blood-spattered skirt in my hands.
âToday was mine and Bertâs vow renewal ceremony.â With those words my throat thickens and tears cloud my vision.
Bert ended up being a no-show at the ceremony. Itâs not the first time he missed an event, but never one of this magnitude. Even though I thought heâd gotten caught up on a business trip, I still couldnât help but feel hurt and betrayed. Yet I also had known that he would be full of profuse apologies, extravagant forgive me gifts, and promises to make it up to me.
At least thatâs how it had always gone in the past. Instead, I found out what true hurt and betrayal feels like.
A rough sob bursts out of me, bending me in half so that I have to press my fists to my thighs to stay standing. Suddenly a hand grips my face, pulling me upright again.
Itâs Helena. âSave the breakdown for later. When we are not standing at the spot where we have just disposed of our husbandâs body.â She releases me and I quickly take a step back.
âOwâŚâ I rub my face. âThat wasnât necessary.â
âDonât lose your shit and I wonât have to manhandle you,â she tells me.
âWe canât all be an ice queen,â I retort. We glare at each other.
âUm, girls...I think itâs happening,â Crystal tells us.
We scramble back from the shore as the hulking beast comes near, the dark waters spreading in a V-shape as the massive back breaks the surface, approaching Bertâs dead body. A few sickening bites and my husband is gone. Thereâs something poetic about Bertâs three wives watching him be devoured by a three-headed Hydra. The beast lifts its heads above water, eyes us, then gives us a nod. Kind of like, thanks for the snack! It lets out a belch and then with a gigantic splash, disappears back beneath the water.
We each react in our own way.
I sink to my knees, emotionally blown. Helena smacks her hands together, like sheâs cleaning them of the whole situation. Crystal takes a step backward and mutters, âI do not claim any negative energy from this experience.â
Weâre all so different. How could Bert truly love all three of us?
âSo what exactly are we to each other?â I ask.
âSister wives!â Crystal offers.
âBigamy Bitches,â Helena counters. âActually, strike that from the record. Weâre nothing to each other. The one thing that connects us is currently being digested.â
âBut we saw his ghost,â Crystal says in a tiny voice.
âFor only a minute,â I cut in. âAnd then he disappeared. He probably went into the light.â
Helena snorts. âOnly if the light leads to hell.â She scrubs a hand over her face. âSpeaking of hell, what the hell time is it?â
âTime for a drink!â Crystal says. âIt is definitely a double apple schnapps night.â
Helena and I stare at Crystal. Youâd think she was half of our age, but weâre all over forty.
âFine,â Helena says at last. âI could drink.â
âYaaassss,â Crystal looks at me. âYou in?â
âWhy the heck not,â I say. Iâm not a huge drinker, but finding out that your husband is married to two other women, and then having to dispose of his body with those women, is an occasion for drinking.
Itâs not like we killed him or anything. Although he wouldâve deserved it. Thatâs the reason why Helena insisted that going through the authorities would be a bad move.
âLook at the situation,â she said. âNo one will believe we didnât kill him. I canât believe we didnât kill him.â
She had a really good point. And I canât take even the chance of me going to jail. I agreed, as did Crystal. Instead of calling 911, Helena called Nico, her personal private eye. Luckily, he and his girlfriend showed up right away.
Nico, I quickly discovered, was a handsome, but also dangerous-looking, werewolf with an eyepatch. I would not like to get on his bad side. I can imagine that getting on his good side must be interestingâŚIâm tempted to take his girlfriend aside and advise her to âlock that downâ, but after tonight I have a lot less faith in the bonds of marriage. The girlfriend, Paige, doesnât really look like the type to appreciate unsolicited advice anyway. Unlike Nico, sheâs just a normal human, but projects a âmess with me at your own perilâ type of vibe.
They immediately took charge. Nico separated us and then one by one asked us to explain what happened. Meanwhile, Paige pulled some sort of bone out of her back pocket, explaining to us that it was a magical talisman that gave her the ability to communicate with animals.
âIâve had an interesting life,â she said, offhandedly, and started talking to the birds in the rafters of the warehouse where everything went down. I guess between Nico comparing our stories and whatever Paige learned from the birdsâthey believed we were telling the truth.
And the truth was thisâweâd each come to this warehouse on the seedy end of town to save our husbands who had been kidnapped and held for ransom.
My husband of twenty-five years, Bert.
Helenaâs beloved Robert.
And finally Crystal who just this weekend had married her Bobby.
It was only when we showed up that we realized there was only one husband. And heâd married all three of us.
Helena, the high-powered lawyer.
Crystal, a woo-woo hippie type.
And me, plain old Maddie, the high school sweetheart.
Each of us had gotten the same message. Bert, Robert, Bobby was in trouble. Heâd been kidnapped and was being held for ransom. The people holding Bert wanted an antique that he had split into three parts and given to each of us. He gave me the hefty bronze globe. Crystal was given a huge ring of metal that fit around the globe and had all the zodiac signs etched around the circle. Helena had the base, a large golden sun.
Armed with these objects, we went to rescue our husband from his kidnappers. In the moments that followed things went a little crazy. When put together, the three artifacts became one, called the talentum deiâan object that can give its wielder the power of a godâwhich had been part of Bertâs plan, apparently.
But the talentum dei didnât choose him.
It chose us. The wives.
I remember a bright red light and being lifted off my feet. It felt like I was in the eye of a hurricane. Crystal and Helena were each floating as well. Crystal was surrounded in a geyser of water and Helena in a cyclone of sand and dirt. For a moment, its power filled the three of us. For whatever reason, we were able to withstand it. But Bert did not. He was struck instantly dead when he tried to touch the talentum. When we crashed back to the soggy wharf I realized the kidnappers and Bert were dead, but we...we were alive.
âWow,â Paige said, when she had heard our whole story. âAnd I thought my ex was a piece of work.â
âHe is a piece of work,â Nico replied in a low growl. With one arm he reached out and snagged Paige, pulling her tight against his side.
Watching them, my heart gave a little squeeze of pain. The two of them were clearly in love. They didnât need to say anythingâanyone with eyes could see it.
Iâd once thought that Bert and I were that type of couple too. But Iâd been wrong about a lot of things.
âHereâs what I think,â Nico said, breaking into my thoughts. âLeave the kidnappers here and let the cops sort out what happened to them. Take the talentum, split it up again and hide it as best as you can. As forâŚâ Nicoâs gaze landed on Bertâs body slumped on the dirty cement floor.
âBert,â I say at the same moment that Crystal says, âBobbyâ and Helena says, âShitbag.â
âRightâŚhim,â Nico says. âIf you want to get rid of him, I got an idea. But youâll have to take care of it yourselves. Body disposal is not in my job description.â
âItâs true,â Paige adds. âHe gets pissy when you ask him to take care of a body. I once had a dead vamp on my porch that was left as a gift from VSKâŚthatâs the vampire serial killer, you probably remember he was in the news quite a bit.â We all nodded. âI called Nico and he sniffs the body a few timesââ
âI did more than sniff him,â Nico interrupts.
âRight, but you definitely got his scent, because you went on and on about itââ
âIâm a werewolf! Weâre known for our incredible noses. Itâs like having access to a whole separate world that everyone else is blind to. And itâs also why you canât just switch laundry detergents without telling meââ
âIt was on saleââ
âThere are some things you donât buy on sale.â
âHey!â Helena snaps. âIf Iâm paying by the hour, this fight needs to happen on your own time.â
Paige and Nico exchange chagrined glances.
âSorry,â she says.
âDonât worry,â Crystal breaks in. âYou guys are such a cute couple. My Bobby and I are the sameâŚâ She trails off and her face loses color as she realizes. âOh.â
I understand where sheâs coming from. Even with Bertâs body in front of us, it didnât feel quite real that he was dead. And now, even after listening to a monster consume him, it still feels like someone elseâs nightmare. Â
âThis place,â Helena tells us, her finger pointing to a high-end establishment.
âUmm, isnât this a private club?â I ask. When we talked about drinks I was thinking more along the lines of grabbing a few bottles of Two Buck Chuck.Â
âYes, it is,â Helena replies. âAnd Iâm a member.â
Crystal shrugs when I look her way, so I follow the two of them inside. Overhead a giant chandelier glisten, and plush booths set along dark paneled walls make it clear that this is a nice place. Iâm worried about cost, but Helena leads us to a bar, pulls out her platinum credit card, and orders a bottle of five-hundred-dollar whiskey like she would ask for a rum and coke.
I canât believe it.
âBring it to our table,â Helena orders and then turning on her heel, strides toward an empty booth in a dark corner. When the bottle arrives, Helena pours. Iâm not really a whiskey drinker. I prefer a nice wine spritzer but Iâm not about to mention that to either of them.
Bringing the drink to my nose, I give an experimental sniff. The fumes bring tears to my eyes and singe my nose hairs.
Helena raises her glass. âA toast!â she declares, her teeth bared in what I think is meant to be a smile. âThis is the one my father loved and that Robert and I then made our ownâŚâ She hesitates and has to swallow as a telltale wetness enters her eyes. âHereâs to you and yours. And to mine and ours. And if mine and ours ever come across your and yours, I hope you and yours will do as much for mine and ours, as mine and ours have done for you and yours.â
Without waiting for Crystal and me to clink her glass, Helena tips her back and drains it. I take a tiny sip and immediately start coughing as it burns the whole way down.
âI like that,â Crystal says, after taking a drink of her own whiskey. âBut weâre kinda the you and yours to each other, but also the mine and ours. I mean, weâre all tangled up now.â
Sheâs right. I realize. Bertâs bigamy affects more than just the three of us at this table.
âDo you have kids?â I ask suddenly. âDo my kids have half-siblings theyâve never met?â
âI have a daughter,â Helena says. âSheâs fifteen.â
âOllieâs also fifteen!â I exclaim, momentarily excited. Then I realize that she and I were pregnant at the same time. Bert was rubbing her belly and then coming home to rub mine. I mean, I know he did worse with her than rub bellies, but dreaming about our baby to come always felt so special and intimate. âI also have an older boy, and a twin boy and girl,â I add.
âWow, thatâs a brood,â Crystal says.
Helena is seething. âI canât believe the bastardâŚâ she says under her breath. âFour secret kids.â Iâm guessing sheâs thinking about belly rubbing too.
I look at Crystal, who knocks back her whiskey and lets out a long breath. âAnd you?â
âMe, oh no,â she says. âI donât have any kids. It never interested me. I thought Bobby was great because we both didnât want kidsâŚâ
I canât decide which is worse, the child he has with Helena or the fact that he denied having any children to Crystal. Somehow the latter makes me even more mad. I didnât really have a chance to decide if I was interested in having kids or not. It just happened.
âI canât tell my kids heâs dead,â I say. âWeâd have to have a funeral.â
âWeâve already decided, divorced, not dead,â Helena says. âIf Bert is missing, weâll once again be suspects. The best thing to do is pretend heâs alive, quietly divorce him, and then have him move away.â
âHe canât just drop out of my kidsâ lives without a word!â I protest.
âWeâll figure it out,â Helena says, downing another glass of whiskey. âI donât want my daughter to need years of therapy because of Robert any more than you do.â
âWeâre all gonna shneed therapy,â Crystal slurs. âAnd aura cleansings.â
âOh please, he lied to you for a few months,â Helena isnât slurring, but I notice she keeps blinking at Crystal like she canât quite keep her in focus. âHe lied to me for years.â
âAnd I guess Iâm the biggest moron of all,â I jump in, staring down at my empty glass and wondering how it got that way. âI thought I was the only woman for him...I thought that we were each otherâs everything.â I actually start to cry then. Because the truth is, I miss him already. I miss the Bert I thought Iâd married. I refill my glass of whiskey, drain it, and then take another. I donât know why I thought this stuff tasted bad. Itâs yummy once you get used to the bite.
âLook, Iâll figure out a way to sort it all out,â Helena announces. âGet us all divorced. Who knows how he even did it, or if his marriage to discount wiccan barbie over here is even valid.â
âI have the paper,â Crystal tells us. âDo you think I can just return the receipt and get ush divorced?â
âThatâs not how a marriage license works,â Helena tells her. Her tone adds a silent, idiot.
âHey, I may not have kids or a years-long relationship with Bobby, but heâs the man I married. And I loved him.â Her face goes dark. âI was his wife, too.â
âLook, his body is disposed of,â Helenaâs voice remains confident despite her body listing to the side. âAs long as we can keep the sham going for our kids, it will be fine. Weâll just have him fade out and eventually, poof. Heâll be gone.â
âHow are we going to trick the kids?â I ask, because this is the part that really worries me. They would be devastated to learn their father was dead, but I think it would be even more hurtful if he just disappeared and never contacted them again.
Helena eyes me. âMagic.â
Despite years of selling objects with magic qualities, Iâve never been tempted to use them myself. It's always felt like playing with fire.
And now weâve all been burnt.
âDo you guys feel any different?â I ask. Weâd experienced something, thatâs for sure. And it was full of raw power. But now I just feel like normal me. Tired and sad.
âYou mean from what happened with the talentum?â Crystal asks as she pours the last bit of whiskey, splitting it between our three glasses.
âSomething happened,â Helena says waving her hand erratically as if trying to wipe away what happened at the wharf. âEach of us bled on the talentum, which probably set it off, and we had that odd flying moment, but we probably needed to chant or perform an invocation to seal the deal. But we didnât, so it shouldnât be binding. The contract is null and void.â
Crystal squints at Helena. âThatâs not quite how magic works, but I think youâre right. If it was permanent weâd know by now.â
I sigh and settle my head, which feels oddly heavy, into my hand. This at least is a relief. âYou know,â Helena says into the sudden pause. âYou could be pregnant,â she stabs a finger in Crystalâs direction.
âWhat?â Crystal asks, horrified.
âDonât tell me that you didnât have sex on your dirty weekend,â Helena accuses.
âIt was my fortieth birthday celebration,â she clarifies.
âItâs your birthday today?â I ask.
âNot anymore, itâs after midnight.â
âHow romantic,â Helena mocks. âBut my point is still valid. You probably had tons of sex and now you have a late life bun in the oven, you geriatric homewrecker.â
I giggle, even though Iâm older than Crystal.
âYou wrecked Maddieâs home first,â Crystal fires back. âAnd whatâs been in my vagina is none of your business,â she says, reddening. âBut Iâm not a dumb kid who would accidentally become pregnant. Give me some credit.â
That feels like an insult to me, but I know she doesnât mean it that way. âWhatever. Itâs not like sex with Bert was earth-shaking,â I say with a laugh. Iâm feeling warm and floaty and this booth is so cushy I might just lie down right here.
Both women stare at me, eyebrows raised. âYou two must know,â I say, thinking weâd all have the same story. âSex with Bert is just...okay. We mostly stick to missionary and it often feels a bit...rote. Or like a chore no different than doing the dishes or folding socks.â I titter, hoping theyâll join in.
I thought the other wives would back me up, but instead I see the shock and pity in Helena and Crystalâs eyes. I close my heavy eyes, not wanting to look at it.
In an overly loud whisper, I hear Crystal say to Helena, âI probably ssshouldnât tell her that sex with Bobby was more than just earth-shaking, we had a spiritual connection.â
âNo,â Helena answers. âAnd you shouldnât tell me either.â Then as if she canât help herself she adds, âand thereâs no way you had better sex with Robert than I did. I have never been more sexually compatible with another person in my life.â
âBobby and IâHICâwere gonna take a trip to a clothingâHICâoptionalâHICâresort,â Crystal replies in between a bout of hiccups. âHe saidâHICâI made him feelâHICâfree.âÂ
Helena slams her hand down on the table, a competitive light making her eyes burn in a rather scary way. âThereâs no way Robert and you had what he and I did.â
âWe had tantric sex!â Crystal cries out loud enough for the entire room to hear him.
Not to be outdone, Helena begins to list her own sexual exploits. âWe once emptied out a sex shop! Costumes! Toys! Bondage ropes! A sex swing! And it wasnât just a bunch of gag gifts we stuffed in a drawer. Thereâs a whole room in my basement. I hired a handyman to install the sex swing. And we used it! A LOT!â
Iâm pretty sure everyone left in this place is staring at us, but I am keeping my eyes determinedly squeezed closed. I donât know why I can still hear them, though. All at once itâs too much for me.
âENOUGH!â I say, slamming my hands on the table. I stare at the two women who seemed to have multiplied while my eyes were shut. There are now at least three of each of them.
âThis is not a competition! And if it was, Iâd win, because Bert and I were married for twenty-five freaking years! And we were happy!â I fumble in my purse for my phone and with clumsy fingers eventually manage to turn it on and open it to my Instagram page. âLOOK!â I demand. âThis is our lives. No filter!â I pause and then admit, âWell, some filters, but that doesnât mean it wasnât real.â I gulp, hearing my own words. A sob bubbles up and escapes. More quickly follow.
Crystal silently hands me a tissue.
She and Helena stare back at me helplessly.
âWas it real? Was any of it?â I ask. Thereâs not really anything else to say after that and we decide to call it a night.
I take a rideshare home after we agree to stay in touch about what do with our totally deadâbut pretending heâs notâhusband. So for now weâre âfriendsâ in the same way my gynecologist who follows my Instagram account is: itâs weird and a little uncomfortable, but I can live with it.
The whole way home I try not to think about Crystalâs tantric sex flex and Helenaâs pleasure room in her basement. But it goes round and round in my head until I have to ask the driver to pull over so I can puke onto the side of the road.
After that all I want to do once I get home is fall into bed and forget this night ever happened. I climb the steps up to my room, while my head swims. I take a second, grateful that Ollie is at his grandparentsâ house. Tonight Bert and I were supposed to go to a hotel after the vow renewal. I would be so ashamed to have Ollie see me this way.
Itâs a struggle to get ready for bed but I know that I donât want to wake up with crusty vomit breath and last nightâs clothes, so I take the time to down some water and ibuprofen, brush my teeth, and pull on my favorite pair of flannel pajamas even if they arenât really appropriate for a warm August night.
I slide beneath the covers on my side of the bed, trying my hardest not to think about how heâll never again warm his side of the bed, when suddenly I hear him say,
âBabe, thank god youâre finally home.â
âAUUUGHHH!â I scream loud enough to wake the dead, or to scare the already woken dead because Bert screams right back at me.
âAh, Maddie! Youâll give me a heart attack!â
âYou canât have a heart attack. Youâre dead!â Just to make sure, I reach out to touch him. My hand goes right through.
He looks down sadly, watching as my fingers pass through his chest.
âRight, I keep forgetting,â he says with his usual charming shrug, the one Iâve always found irresistible. But not anymore.
âNo,â I say, pointing a finger at him. âThis time I am not forgiving you.â
âAll right, but Maddie, let me explain.â
âExplain?â I laugh hysterically. âOkay, how about we start with this. Why did we have bad sex?â
âWhat?â Bert stares at me and I realize this is not the question he expected. Honestly, it wasnât where I meant to start either, but for whatever reasons right now it feels like the most pressing.
âYou heard. Now answer me.â
âAre you drunk?â
âYouâre drunk!â I shout at him, totally more drunk than Iâve ever been before in my life. âAnd youâre a cheater and a liar. And also youâre dead.â
I go to the bathroom, needing another drink of water after that scream tore through my throat.
âBaby, you mean the most to me. Thatâs why Iâm here.â I sip the cold water and let him continue. âThose women mean nothing to me.â
âAnd the child you have with Helena? The one who is only a few months older than Ollie?â I ask. He has no words to explain. âAndâŚâ I continue. âAll the sex? Why didnât you rock my world? Iâve only ever had sex with you, Bert,â I tell him. âI thought the way we did it was how it was. Sure, sometimes I wondered if there was more, but I never even thought of cheating. I was always ALWAYS loyal to you. Why wasnât that enough?â
His answer, much like his performance in our marriage bed, is not satisfying. âMaddie, youâre beautiful, but youâre notâŚsexy. youâre the mother of my children, well, most of them. I justâŚdonât see you as a sexual being. Youâre too buttoned up.â
âHelena is buttoned up and you did sex swing stuff with her!â
Bert winces. âShe told you about that, huh?â And then as if he canât help himself, he sighs. âWish we could have had more time.â
I throw the glass at his head. It goes right through and shatters against the wall.
âSorry, sorry. Maddie, Iâm trying to be honest here. Helena is buttoned up in a way that makes you want to rip her shirt open and ruffle her feathers. Youâre buttoned up in a way that makes me think of freshly baked cookies and hot cocoa. And you know I love freshly baked cookies with cocoa!â
âLove them, sure,â I snarl. âBut you donât want toââ The f word almost comes out of my mouth. But thatâs not who I am. âYou know what them,â I finally finish.
Bert smiles at me fondly. âThis is what Iâm talking about, Mads. You canât even say the f word, much less do it. We made tender love and it was sweet every time. But to do anything else never even occurred to me. Even before the kids arrived, when we were basically just kids, you were always so mom-ish.â
And then he says the most hurtful words Iâll ever hear, âMost women are a cocktail in bed. Helena was Grey Goose Vodka, classy with a kick. Crystal was kombucha mixed with moonshineâhomemade and a little crazy. But you, Maddie darling, you were a glass of warm milk on a cold night.â
The blood drains from my face and I almost barf. Maybe Bertâs right. Maybe I am just a sexless woman. The type of person you have sex with in the dark with your socks on.
I throw my glass at him, but it sails through his apparition and shatters on the bathroom wall. âEf you Bert,â I tell him.
I march into the bedroom, wanting him to follow, wanting us to keep fighting. Wanting him to somehow say something that will comfort me. But thereâs nothing Bert could say to ever make this okay.
The Midlife Gemini's Guide to a Bad Horoscope begins with three women tossing their dead husband off the Jersey Shore for the Hydra to feast on. A bit morbid, but in their defense, the dead husband was married in secret to all three women at the same time. Maddie, Helena, and Crystal are completely different in every way except for one: the love of their life deceived them. Maddie was married to Bert for over twenty-years and had all of her children with him, but even though she had motive to want him dead after finding out about his other two wives, none of the women completed the deed. He was killed by an ancient object that once activated, takes a human sacrifice and gives a mortal the power of a god. With all three women bringing a piece of this object to their husband, unknowingly foreseeing the danger it would bring, the object takes Bert as the sacrifice along with the other two men who kidnapped him, and gives all three women the chance to redeem the powers for themselves.
Maddie is an antique's shop owner and full-time mom who drives a minivan, so what is she supposed to do with god-like powers? For starters, she can explore the side of her that was always afraid to come out with Bert. And, she can do so with the hot and sexy demi-god, Aden, who seems to have eyes for no one else but her. There is one pesky little detail that Maddie and Aden will need to deal with first. Once the powers are awakened, not only do they need to find a way to make themselves worthy of such a gift (or curse), but they have to find a way to outrun the only other person who knows about the ancient object and who has the time, money, and men at his disposal to make them disappear forever.
An element that works well is the fact that the world already understands that men and women with superpowers already exist, along with creatures like vampires, hydras, incubus, leprechauns, and werewolves. So, not only is the story steeped in the paranormal, but there are also gods and demi-gods like Zeus, Hades, and the Fates. Having a bit of twist on these stories from folklore is refreshing and provides exciting content to the reader. Some of the story however, flows way too fast because there is a lot for the reader to focus on, making credibility diminish. Aden's backstory is almost completely lost, but a few glimpses of how he and Maddie know each other can be seen periodically. The character development there could have been conveyed much more to provide insight into their previous encounter, for however brief it may have been. There are a few other characters that would have benefitted from a little more character development as well, but this may serve as a prelude to additional stories in the future, like Nathan and Siobhan's introductory story, as Siobhan can easily be considered a fan favorite.Â
The story is well-written with a few grammatical and spelling errors, but since this was an advanced reader copy provided by Reedsy Discovery, these may have been addressed prior to the release of the final print. If not, this should not hinder enjoyment of the book. The story has a strong Greek Mythology undertone to it, but overall, The Midlife Gemini's Guide to a Bad Horoscope is one that is worth reading and recommended to readers who enjoy quick reads in the new adult and paranormal romance genre.