Conner's childhood was far from normal. From abuse to juvenile detention, his life has been more than rough, but he fought his way to adulthood and made a life for himself-- not without sacrifice. When his past and his present collide, he will do anything to hold on to what he has.... They will do anything to hold on to what he has, but his dark past refuses to let him go...
Brynn's happy, short-lived marriage to Nate was crushed -- along with her desire to love again -- the day her husband died in her arms. She never thought she would fall in love again, but fate had different plans. Conner was a breath of fresh air; his positive aura, gentle nature and loving presence drew her from the start. It didn't hurt that he was absolutely gorgeous, but Brynn always believed there was something he was hiding from her, something dark...
**Trigger warning: Contains child abuse (physical, sexual, and verbal), violence, harsh language, rape, and mental illness.
Conner's childhood was far from normal. From abuse to juvenile detention, his life has been more than rough, but he fought his way to adulthood and made a life for himself-- not without sacrifice. When his past and his present collide, he will do anything to hold on to what he has.... They will do anything to hold on to what he has, but his dark past refuses to let him go...
Brynn's happy, short-lived marriage to Nate was crushed -- along with her desire to love again -- the day her husband died in her arms. She never thought she would fall in love again, but fate had different plans. Conner was a breath of fresh air; his positive aura, gentle nature and loving presence drew her from the start. It didn't hurt that he was absolutely gorgeous, but Brynn always believed there was something he was hiding from her, something dark...
**Trigger warning: Contains child abuse (physical, sexual, and verbal), violence, harsh language, rape, and mental illness.
Twenty Years Ago
He glanced across the street at the ice cream shop. This was the first time Darius was allowed to be in control for such an extended period of time; not since the juvenile center when he emerged for Conner’s protection.
He scanned the building again. It was still the same: a white and blue building with artistry of various kinds of ice creams. The sign still read: Chilly Treats. They used to go there often; since age eleven. The young couple who owned the place used to give them free milk shakes from time to time. It was one of the only good memories they had of their childhood… that and the freckle-faced brunette that never noticed them. Then again, they never really made themselves known to her.
Brynn.
If Darius knew what love felt like at that age, it would have been what he felt for Brynn. His heart raced, and palms got sweaty when he saw her… until the day he spotted Brynn at the very same ice cream shop he was currently staring at, holding hands with some other boy. It tore his heart in two.
Darius shook his head as he began his trek across the street and into Chilly Treats. As the door chimed, the older woman peered up at him. He gave a slight smile, walking toward the counter. “Hi, Mrs. Davis. It’s your favorite thirteen-year-old skinny kid with wild black hair. You and your husband got any free milkshakes you can spare?”
Mrs. Davis's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, as she rounded the counter and opened her arms to him. “Oh, my goodness, Conner!” She engulfed him in a hug. “You know we always have a shake with your name on it.”
He clenched his jaw tight, his tanned skin prickling from her touch. “I’m kidding, Mrs. Davis.” He pulled away from her, finally able to breathe. “I just wanted to come by and say hi and thank you and your husband for your kindness over the years.”
Her warm brown eyes crinkled at the edges, as she smiled at him. “No thanks necessary, honey. How have you been? We haven’t heard from you in nearly three years.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I needed some time to get myself together. Still, I should have at least called.” He swept his raven black hair out of his face. “How’s Camille? The last time I saw her, she was a year old, I think?” He leaned against the counter.
“Yes, she’s four now, and already giving us hell.” Mrs. Davis chuckled, as she retightened her blue and white apron around her waist. “Oh!” Her eyes widened as she clapped her hands, bouncing on her toes. “Whatever happened to your crush? The little freckled-faced girl you were infatuated with.”
Darius stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep from balling them into fists. “I don’t know what happened to her.” He lied. “It was a stupid crush. I eventually got over it.” But he hadn’t. He wouldn’t let Mrs. Davis know that though. “Where’s Mr. Davis?” He quickly changed the subject.
“He has daddy duties today. It was his turn to stay home with Cami.” She made her way back behind the counter.
Darius zipped his jacket half-way, backing from the counter. “Oh, I’d pay to see that.”
“It’s not pretty, Conner. Believe me.” Mrs. Davis laughed, her ponytail swinging back and forth as she wiped the counter down.
“I can imagine.” He headed for the door, opening it. “Tell your husband I came by, and I’ll be sure to give him a call. Your numbers are still the same, right?”
“Yes, nothing’s changed, honey. I’ll let Marcus know you made a surprise visit. Don’t be a stranger.” She waved, her honey bronze skin glistening in the rays of sun that shined through the shop’s windows.
“I won’t. I’ll make it a priority to visit at least one a month. That way I get to see Camille too.”
“Looking forward to it. See you soon.”
Darius waved goodbye, then closed the door. He headed across the street and sat on a nearby bench. Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a picture of the girl who broke his heart… only she wasn’t a little girl anymore. He skimmed his thumb over the picture. Brynn hadn’t changed much; her hair was longer, but she was still a brunette with freckles. Her skin was smooth with sparkling grey eyes. She still wore dark nail polish and her body….
He tore his gaze away from the picture, stuffing it back into his jacket pocket, then exhaled a long breath. “This is the way it’s meant to be.”
***
“Brynn! Can you please stop entertainin’ the boys’ foolishness?! I swear, you act worse than they do.” Nate got off the couch and made his way to the kitchen to find flour everywhere, and two amused little boys, along with a giggling Brynn. He was six one, broad shoulders, and had gorgeous brown skin with a fit body to match. He had a short-trimmed goatee and dreads that he wore in a ponytail, reaching just below his shoulders.
“Sorry honey, we were just having a little fun before they go home. You know we don’t get to spend as much time as we want with your nephews. I wanna make the most of it.” Brynn chuckled, as she sashayed to him, sprinkling flour into the air as if it were fairy dust.
“Our nephews, Brynn, and you do remember you’re the adult, right?” He called out to his nephews, who were still throwing flour at each other. “Johnee! Jermaine! Enough. Go upstairs and wait for Auntie Brynn to run bath water for you…. and don’t let me hear y’all breakin’ shit, you hear me?”
Speaking in unison, the boys chimed, “Okay uncle Nate.” The two young children made their way through the spacious, modern style living room and up the hardwood stairs.
Nate focused his attention back to his wife, who was wiping the flour off the counters. “Now, what are we gonna do about you, hmm?”
She looked at him with suspicion as he ambled across the kitchen, eyeing her as if he were a lion stalking its prey. “What are you up to, Nate.” She narrowed her shimmering grey eyes. As Brynn pursed her plump lips, her dimples made their glorious appearance. She was five nine with smooth fair skin. Her wavy brunette hair flowed down mid-back; the copper highlights gleaming under the overhead track lights.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and gently kissed her lips. “I have plans for you tonight, love.” He lifted her up and placed her on the dark granite kitchen island counter, positioning himself between her legs. His tongue glided up the crease of her neck, as her lids fluttered closed.
Brynn ran her hands through his dreads, freeing them from the loose ponytail they were in. “Mmm, what kind of plans were you thinking of?”
He grinded himself into her, releasing a low moan. “The baby makin’ kind.”
Her eyes shot open. “Wait, weren’t you just scolding us a few minutes ago? How did you go from heated to…. heated, that quick?”
He shrugged, all the while, kissing her shoulder and neck. “What can I say, I’m just That. Damn. Good.” As he lifted her off the counter, the doorbell rang. “This little distraction is not gonna stop me from finishin’ what I started.” With a quick peck on the lips, he turned, trekking through the living room and foyer, to answer the door, swiping the rubber band on the way, to put his dreads back into a ponytail. “Who is it?” No answer. Nate repeated the question, as someone turned the knob, unable to open it. Then silence again. “Brynn call—" He didn’t get to finish his sentence as the door suddenly burst open and two men rushed in, grabbing Nate. “Who the fuck are you, and why are you in my house!!” Nate elbowed one guy in the temple and gave the other a forearm to the nose, then swiftly made his way to the hidden gun case in the living room wall.
Brynn, on pure instinct, called the police when she heard the change in Nate’s tone of voice. “They have guns! Please, hurry!” She cried. Brynn stood frozen to her spot, watching everything unfold right before her eyes.
As the two men refocused, they set their sights on Brynn, who slowly backed further away. “Ah…Ah… toss the phone over there.” The taller man ordered, gun aimed at her, pointing to the farther end of the sofa. She complied without hesitation. The beefed-up guy took a step toward Brynn.
Nate aimed his gun at them, intending to shoot. “Don’t even think about it asshole. Get the hell outta my house, now!” In that exact moment, Nate heard a frightened boys’ voice calling his name, and his heart sunk in his chest. How he prayed that they wouldn’t come downstairs, but as Nate glanced over at Johnee, he saw the tears running down his face as he stood at the base of the stairs. Unfortunately, the two men noticed him as well and aimed their guns at young Johnee. “No, don’t!! What do you want?! I’ll give you anything, just don’t hurt him!” Nate pleaded, lowering his gun.
“It’s simple, Nate. Your life, for his.” The taller one answered, keeping his weapon aimed at the young child.
“How do you even—" Nate began.
“That’s not important.” The muscular one interrupted. “Your nephew’s life is hanging in the balance however.” Nate peered over at Brynn on the opposite side of the room, who was in tears and breathing hysterically. Then, peeked over to Johnee, who had managed to keep Jermaine quiet and out of sight. Even at the tender age of five years old, he tried his best to protect his baby brother.
Nate held a hand up in surrender. “If that’s what it takes to keep him safe, then do what you have to do.” His priority was keeping his wife and nephews’ safe now, and if it meant losing his life in the process, then, so be it. “How do I know that you’ll let them live? How do—"
“Our orders are for you, no one else. The wife and kid will live, if, you don’t...Tick tock Nate, we don’t have all fuckin’ night. We know your wife called the cops.” The taller one spewed, his patience dwindling.
“Who ordered you to come after me?! I don’t know any—”
“Let’s just say your past has a way of catching up with you.” The muscular one hinted, peering over at Brynn, before refocusing on Nate. “Mr. H. always gets what he wants.”
“Who is—”
“Enough with the goddamn questions! You have a decision to make, pretty boy.”
Nate’s gaze found his wife with a sadness that had her stomach twisting in knots. Closing his eyes for a second, he released a deep breath that he didn’t know he was holding, then gave her a knowing look. Brynn knew what he was thinking, and instantly her eyes began to mist over. She shook her head “No,” pleadingly. Nate turned his attention back to the two men awaiting his answer. “Alright.”
“Okay.” Both men agreed, turning their guns toward Nate simultaneously.
“Let’s end this.” Nate growled, as he raised his gun once more. With one smooth motion, he shot the muscular one in the head, then aimed his gun at the taller one.
As if moving in slow motion, shots were fired. Two hit the taller one in the chest and three hitting Nate in multiple areas. The taller man fell to the floor panting heavily, then seconds later his breathing ceased. Nate fell to the floor as Brynn rushed to him. Johnee and Jermaine remained glued to the stairs, sobbing violently.
Sirens could finally be heard from a distance, as Nate lie on Brynn’s lap, a tear escaping his beautiful hazel eyes. Blood flowed from his battered body, coating his honey brown skin. With labored breathing, his words were no more than a whisper. “Brynn…. I’m so sorry….”
“No Nate don’t talk. Save your energy. The police and ambulance will be here any minute, just hold on baby, please.” Brynn begged, applying as much pressure as she could to the wounds, but there was too much blood.
Nate listlessly brought his hand to her cheek stroking it, as if he were memorizing every detail of her gorgeous face. Although there was blood smeared on her flawless fair skin, his focus remained on her glistening grey eyes. “I…. love you….” He breathed; his eyes drifting closed, and hand falling lifelessly from her face to his side.
“No, Nate!! Breathe baby!! Please!!” She screamed, sobbing into his chest.
***
As the sun was beginning it’s decent, Sean paced the length of his patio. His mind raced with all kinds of thoughts of what could have gone wrong. He lifted his Cuban cigar and took a puff, blowing the smoke out slowly. “Maybe I shouldn’t have—” His phone vibrated in the lounge chair where he left it. Rushing over, he swiped the answer button. “Holbrook.” He answered, voice more confident than he felt.
“It’s me. Sorry it took so long to get back to you.” The rough male voice apologized.
“Never mind that. Did everything go as planned?”
“More or less. There were some issues, but it’s done.”
“What kind of issues?” Sean went over to the bar to pour him a glass of cognac, putting out his cigar in the ashtray.
“The guys you hired were killed… but so is the target.” There was silence on the other end for a moment, then, “I guess you get to keep your money.”
“There’s no way this can be traced back to me, right?” He gulped down the amber liquid in one go.
“Don’t worry about it, Sean. I’ll take it from here.”
Little feet pattering on the patio, had Sean turning in the direction of the sound. “Listen, I’m gonna get back to you. My daughter is with me now.” He placed his glass on the bar.
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Talk soon… or not.” He ended the call, then spun around just in time to scoop his daughter up into his arms, twirling her around. “Mia, how many times have I told you not to come outside without any shoes on. We don’t want germs now, do we princess?” He turned on his heel, heading toward the patio entrance, leaving his thoughts and conversation outside of the confines of his home.
First and foremost, a large thank you to Reedsy Discovery and M. Marie Walker for providing me with a copy of this publication, which allows me to provide you with an unbiased review.
Always eager to try something by a new author, I gladly accepted this ARC by M. Marie Walker. I went into the reading experience with some trepidation, as I do with many authors with whom I know nothing, but tried to keep an open mind as well. I tried to grasp onto the characters and the story, but could not find myself connecting on any level. Multiple attempts left me in the same situation, allowing me to see that this would not be the book for me.
I do not think that it was the content or the writing, both of which seemed to work for what Walker was trying to convey. I simply could not find myself caring enough to want to keep reading. I have no issue with violence in fiction (and find it quite silly to add ‘content warnings’, as though readers are children and cannot handle big people topics for themselves), which Walker handled well in her writing, nor does language bother me in any regard. I suppose it was just one of those experiences that I did not find myself tied to the story enough to keep picking the book up, no matter how I tried to prepare myself mentally. Surely others will find that connection and perhaps laud M. Marie Walker for her efforts. I am just not one of those readers.
While I know Reedsy does not like when their reviewers list a book as ‘did not finish’, it is the honesty of the reviewer’s sentiments that are most important, rather than faux praise.
Kudos, Madam Walker, for a valiant effort. I hope others find some connection to the piece and offer you praise for the experience.