somewhere between
shadow and light
a soul grows
unfurling amidst the elements
a soul comes to know
itself
somewhere between
shadow and light
to those who
held the shards of my shattered soul together
while I glued through spicy tears
walked me through my nightmares
and stood still beside
as I screamed away the pains
of a lost heart
this is for you
elements :
shadow
between
light
shadow
darkness builds
it builds up all around
if you let it
and you don't check it
it will try to take you down
I sleep
in the belly
of a great battle
sometimes
the sniggers
sights and stories of living
sneak in
and shake me awake
greeting my adjusting eyes
with a tease of tension
like a frozen hide
on damp dormant skin
I N S O M N I A
I drink and smoke
and poke all around
inside my mouth
a futile attempt
to relieve a tension
I wrote for myself
I F O N L Y I C O U L D F I N D T H E E R A S E R
there’s a tightness
in my chest
tugging from throat to navel
calling on me to address
what makes my soul unravel
S O M A T I C S I G N S
my anxieties
fill up my mind
and cause me to forget
all the time
as it passes
beneath the shadows
of my eyes
D I S T R A C T I O N S
I see the denial
behind their eyes
they watch through blindness
as my spirit cries
I can't
keep saying no forever
so I'll go
- create some distance -
to avoid
breaking the hearts that hold
me too close
and suffocate without seeing
the pain they cause
from too much dependence
what they mistake
as freeing
C O D E P E N D E N C Y
I'd slice off my sadness
goose bump by goose bump
but would you notice the scars
or just presume I have
cat scratches on
my forearms
S E L F - H A T E
my woman parts ache in anticipation
for the pain they have inherited
for goddess' sake
I'd like another
I'm on a dating prohibition
I've got vagina splinters from all the
bad wood I've been working
in the shop
oh I know I can please you
just gimme a minute
to adjust myself
to make you happy
to make you feel
how I know you like to
with the lightest
the slightest touch I can
force the good stuff
while I hide myself behind
our intimacy
the stairs jump around
before my fuming eyes
my vision shaking
the ground quaking
beneath your piles of lies
F I G H T S
I slept in the snow
last night
still
it was warmer
than being with you
R E S E N T M E N T
swat me away
like a fly
too many times
and I just might die
D I S R E G A R D
do emotions like this
kill you
can emotions this strong
take you down
?
H O W A M I S T I L L H E R E
C O R T I S O L
darkness and light sometimes
confuse themselves
behind
my eyelids
at night
as
this slow
creeping thing
that haunts me
while I dream
refuses to decide
if I will survive
or take myself down
before the next sunrise
my hyper - awareness
lay over me like a film
a dewy
glassy
peeling film
sure
I stretch it and
tug at it and
peel some of it off
yet it lies there
prohibiting
what could be
greatness
even when I'm driving
all alone in my car
the anxiety comes creeping in
it’s never off too far
and I wonder
what would be left of me
without this anxiety
F R E E D O M