THE BUREAU OF ████████—DO NOT SHARE, COPY, OR STEAL UNDER PENALTY OF THE █████████████ ACT OF 2027.
CASETYPE: N/A
CASENAME: N/A
CASE#: N/A
ABSTRACT: TRANSCRIPT OF EMERGENCY BROADCAST (11/11/2032; 19:25)
PLAINTEXT:
ATTENTION AGENTS. THIS IS DIRECTOR ███BURY SPEAKING. I HAVE WRESTED CONTROL OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM AWAY FROM AGENT ROHAN IN ORDER TO INFORM YOU THAT ONCE AGAIN, CITIZEN ONE HAS INFILTRATED THE BUREAU OF ████████. THIS BREACH IS CATASTROPHIC AND GRANDER IN SCOPE THAN PREVIOUS BREACHES. THE FUTURE OF THE BUREAU HANGS IN THE BALANCE AND ONLY YOU CAN HELP SAVE IT.
AGENT ROHAN IS A MOLE. SHE IS WHOLLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MESS WE FIND OURSELVES IN AND FOR THE DEATH OF SIXTEEN OF YOUR FELLOW AGENTS. I REPEAT, AGENT ROHAN WORKS FOR CITIZEN ONE AND HER GOAL IS TO DESTROY THE BUREAU AND ERADICATE EVERY AGENT WITHIN.
ANY CLAIMS TO THE CONTRARY ARE CITIZEN ONE PROPAGANDA AND SHOULD BE DISREGARDED.
ANY AGENT THAT PARTICIPATES IN KILLING OR OTHERWISE DISABLING AGENT ROHAN WILL RECEIVE A CUSTOM ███████████ AND FULL ADMINISTRATIVE CONTROL OF SAID ███████████. THIS IS A VERBALLY BINDING CONTRACT AND WILL BE GUARANTEED FOR ANY AND EACH AGENT THAT PARTICIPATES IN THE KILLING OR DISABLING OF AGENT ROHAN.
TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE. LET’S KILL THAT [BEEP] AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.
THIS BROADCAST WILL REPEAT UNTIL THE MOLE KNOWN AS AGENT ROHAN IS BROUGHT TO JUSTICE AND PUNISHED FOR HER CRIMES AND BETRAYAL OF THE BUREAU. THIS HAS BEEN DIRECTOR ███BURY SPEAKING. GOOD LUCK, AGENTS.
THE BUREAU OF ████████—DO NOT SHARE, COPY, OR STEAL UNDER PENALTY OF THE █████████████ ACT OF 2027.
CASETYPE: META
CASENAME: THE BUREAU OF ████████
CASE#: 000A
ABSTRACT: EXPOSITION
PLAINTEXT:
The Bureau of ████████ was created on December 31, 1959 by Director ███stone, at the direction of the Founder, ██████. The existence of the Bureau is not known to the public by design. The location of the Bureau is not known to the public, but can be accessed ████████ █████████████████████████████████████████████████████████. The purpose of the Bureau is not known to the public. The inner workings and day-to-day dealings of the Bureau are not known to anyone outside the Bureau. The reason the Bureau exists is so that they do not know what they do not know.
President ███████, after the first known RIP (SEE CASE# 0201) sought to create a new level of governmental classification for the event, fearing that if the public were to learn of RIPs and/or TEARs, it might spark widespread fear and panic. After the second known RIP (SEE CASE #4392), President ███████ contacted the Founder, seeking advice as to what governmental agency should be in charge of handling the RIPs and/or TEARs.
The Founder created the Bureau in response to the third known RIP (SEE CASE# 0403). No other government agency has clearance to know what the Bureau knows. No other government agency has jurisdiction over the Bureau. It answers only to the Director, who answers to the Founder.
26 agents currently work for the Bureau, but their efforts are supplemented by hundreds of non-agent bureau personnel. The report you’re currently reading was written by Agent Sedaris as part of the Backlog Digitization Effort (SEE CASE# 000C). Per standard protocol, once a RIP and/or TEAR has been handled, the report is written up, aspects of it are redacted, and then it is sent to the ████████████████████████. It is never referenced again. Or that was the case until the BDE was started.
That is all the context you need to know.
WARNING: If you are reading this and you do not possess at least ████ clearance, know that you have violated the █████████████ Act of 2027 which carries a sentence of 192 years if proven guilty. Call ██-██-███ to schedule yourself for metadaction and ███████████████████████.
