As I look at my best friend, Case, it feels like I am saying goodbye to the last part of my old life I didn’t know I was still holding on to. The wild, carefree, younger me that was so high on life that she went anywhere she wanted, anytime she wanted. Concerts, trips, parties. Leaving on a whim to follow Case and his band wherever they headed.

His stormy gray eyes still hold that shine. That bad-boy smile to them that first grabbed my attention years ago and sucked the air from my lungs.

Of course, being the lead singer of a rock band, he had that effect on every woman he came across. I would know. I had to witness it so many agonizing times I lost count.

There is also an absolute in his gaze now though. A hardness in the way he said “hey” I don’t remember ever hearing before. There is no see you later, talk to you later, just come with us hidden in his tone.

And as we stare at one another, our silence is deafening. It drifts around us, filling the air with tension.

The feeling of his dominant, comforting presence. The laughs and late-night phone calls when we would talk for hours after he was done with a show I couldn’t make all flash through my mind like a movie on a reel. Each one took the last remaining pieces of that carefree girl with them.

We could talk for hours back then about absolutely nothing. I’d wake up to his phone calls just to hear his voice, knowing I had school or work the next day. And the rush of adrenaline and excitement I felt at seeing his name pop up on my phone or seeing him onstage still reverberates even now.

I gave him all my time. Every extra second I had was for him. And if I am being honest with myself, I never felt it in return. I told myself he was just too busy working a full-time job and traveling with his band. But then, there was a heartbreaking moment when I realized that maybe that wasn’t it. I hated I came to terms with the fact that he was more to me than I was to him. I was always there for whatever he needed, and him? Well, let’s just say it was mostly a one-way street.

So, putting aside any hope of an actual relationship with Case, I started pulling away. I needed to salvage what remained of my heart.

Jumping from guy to guy and date to date, I was on a mission to get over him and move forward with my life. We were only friends, after all. There was no reason for me to continue trying to win his heart.

At first, he acted like it didn’t bother him and I pushed the ache away one outing and one random guy at a time. Until I finally, truly, fell for someone else. Dakota, the brown-haired, blue-eyed man who is now waiting at home for me.

Then, and only then, did the bad boy in front of me I had always chased after, picked up the phone for, and longed to spend time with, beg me not to be with the other man. That was the only time in our history he revealed he had feelings for me.

It was too late for us though. He may not have realized it, but I did. I would never make his heart flutter the way he made mine.

Looking away from him, I gaze down and play with the diamond ring on my left ring finger. The symbol from Dakota that he wants to spend forever with me and that I am enough. It’s a foreign feeling and one I have longed to have for so long.

When I look up, Case’s thundercloud eyes have darkened. They linger longer than I think they ever have before with mine, and I swallow down the knot forming in my throat.

I watch the bulge of his arms as he adjusts the black beanie on his head. His sandy blond hair peeks out by his ears and I have to hold my breath to keep from reaching out to touch it.

“Good luck on tour,” I breathe, breaking the silence. “I’m so happy for you.” Feeling the tears threatening to fill my eyes, I force a smile onto my face.

His confession is too late, but I am going to miss his corny jokes and late night calls. I’ll miss my friend .

“Good luck with your marriage.” He smirks. Cocking his head, he searches my face.

It doesn’t elude me. He isn’t saying he’s happy for me too. But this is it. The last time we would ever speak. Our lives are headed in two totally different directions, and the waning ache of sadness in my chest reminds me I am still not over this man, engaged or not.

“Don’t forget to write a song about me, rock star. You still owe me one.” I pause. Finally, I spin around and peer down the dark alley. Then I take a step.

There’s nothing left to say. We both know we’re dragging out our last goodbye—stalling the hurt we know will haunt us, at least me, anyway. And I walk away from Case Bryan. With every heavy step, my heart constricts and my lungs refuse to expand.

As my feet clank against the gravel, a warm prickling sensation crawls up my spine. Is he watching me? I refuse to turn around because… because for the first time, if his expression holds the same hurt and disappointment I know so well, I’d run to him. I would destroy my happily ever after for less than I deserve.

“Goodbye, Case,” I whisper.

The night soaks up my words as I speak them. I bury my hands in the pockets of my jacket and stay facing against the frosty night breeze as it kicks up.

Snow flurries start to fall and I swear the whisper of my name reaches me. Before I can be sure, his band plays. I close my eyes at the familiar, muffled melody from the red-brick building that started this all.

It started here and it’s ending here. Our time is done, and I won’t ever get him back. But then again, you can’t get back what you never really had.

Case Bryan was never mine.