While the world continues to change at an exponential rate, children's brains develop much like those of previous generations. They need the same social and emotional nourishment which includes interacting with their peers and environments, learning how to advocate for themselves, building independence and coping techniques and strengthening their communication skills. Not all children are the same, but almost all have the same future goal. To be able to survive and hopefully thrive while simultaneously building healthy relationships and becoming well-adjusted, independent adults. This book provides specific strategies regarding parenting and how shifting the parent's mindset to one of "what will help my child in the long run" will increase your children's abilities while also minimizing familial stress. Topics include children and technology, the rise of mental health disorders in children and teens, "helicopter" parenting, instilling skills to help children avoid danger, promoting a balanced lifestyle and building up their social skills. This book is not just for parents, but any stakeholders in children's futures.
While the world continues to change at an exponential rate, children's brains develop much like those of previous generations. They need the same social and emotional nourishment which includes interacting with their peers and environments, learning how to advocate for themselves, building independence and coping techniques and strengthening their communication skills. Not all children are the same, but almost all have the same future goal. To be able to survive and hopefully thrive while simultaneously building healthy relationships and becoming well-adjusted, independent adults. This book provides specific strategies regarding parenting and how shifting the parent's mindset to one of "what will help my child in the long run" will increase your children's abilities while also minimizing familial stress. Topics include children and technology, the rise of mental health disorders in children and teens, "helicopter" parenting, instilling skills to help children avoid danger, promoting a balanced lifestyle and building up their social skills. This book is not just for parents, but any stakeholders in children's futures.
In a fast-paced world, it is hard to remember that life is a marathon, not a sprint. If we go as fast as we can all the time, we will burn out. Moreover, if we are only looking at a few meters in front of us, we’ll lose focus on the ultimate goal. In the case of parenting, it is to raise well-adjusted, independent, hard-working, respectful adults. Like in life, parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.
We have (roughly) eighteen years to ensure that our children can survive on their own. While surviving on their own looks different than thirty years ago, it’s not that different. Children still have to learn how to wake up on their own, show up on time, solve daily problems, interact with other people, take care of their health and stay safe. If we (parents) keep these big-picture ideas in mind, it makes day-to-day decision making easier.
Here are a few tips when instilling these skills into our children:
1. Think of the end game.
We are always practicing, even as adults. Don’t look at your children’s failures as an end point, but as a launching point. Their failures are just missed free throws or mistakes on their way to proficiency. Remind yourself and them that they are practicing to develop better habits and that the pressure will be somewhat alleviated when they focus on growth instead of success and failure.
2. Baby Steps.
Goals can be overwhelming when children are far from accomplishing them. Start small. If you want your child to be able to do their homework on their own, start by having them do one or two problems on their own and then increase how much they can complete independently over time. If you want your child to have healthier eating habits, start by cutting or adding one thing for a few weeks, such as soda or fruit.
3. Be a team.
When you go to a hospital, you get a team of doctors. When you have a project at work, there is usually a team working on individual parts. This same approach can be used when teaching our children life-long skills. The team doesn’t just have to consist of one or both parents, but the children themselves. If they feel like they are part of the team and not just being told what to do all the time, there is a greater chance of their willingness to work towards life-long habits and goals.
4. Practice what you preach.
I’m as guilty as many others when I say that I often forget to slow down. Practicing and modeling self-care will help keep your own tank full. There should be self-care activities built into every day for you and your children. Whether it is getting your nails done, reading in a quiet area, watching a show or going for a walk, we must give our bodies and brains a break from the stressors of everyday life.
When runners train for a long race, they don’t start by running the full 26.2 miles. They start small and learn how to keep a pace that their bodies can endure for the full race. Parenting is similar in that if we don’t pace ourselves, we will burn out. We must remind ourselves that the goal is to raise independent, well-adjusted, hard-working young adults who can solve their own problems. It’s easier to hand them the iPad when they are upset, but it's more beneficial for them to learn how to self-soothe. It’s easier to let them eat whatever they want, but it's more beneficial for them to learn healthy eating habits. By remembering what our goals as parents are, we will be more inclined to make decisions based on our children’s future, not just the first few miles of the race.
Raising Future Adults: Playing the Long Game is a book that fits right into my own personal parenting philosophy. From the time my children were young, I've had a focus on shaping them into caring, curious, kind adults. Now that they're older teens, I'm able to look back and see that a lot of things I did really helped shape them to be who they are right now. This is the kind of parenting book that fits right in with a lot of the things that we did as a family - a lot of which was discovered through trial and error, and reading this book would have made things a lot easier from an early age.
There were a few chapters that particularly resonated with me. I have always loved the idea of natural consequences. We didn't often use time outs or other arbitrary punishments when the kids were younger, instead, we used natural consequences. Break something through negligence? You have to fix it. Intentionally destroy something? You have to replace it. Hurt feelings? Figure out ways to make amends. I also really appreciated the chapter that emphasizes that relationships with caring adults are a form of positive feedback, and fostering those relationships through time spent with kids and interest in what they like is crucial to raising adults who thrive.
There were some specific modern issues that get addressed, such as video games, generational differences, mental health, and more. The end of the book also looks at the end stage of parenting, with fostering independence so kids are ready to move out and thrive as independent adults.
The book takes and informal tone. It's written with some research, but mostly has the feel of a more experienced parent giving advice to a less experienced one. That makes the book easy to read, and comfortable.