Rob
On the flight to London, I switch between stealing mini pretzels from my bandmates and wondering how soon I’ll see Emily. Then we touch down at Heathrow, impersonating zombies as we drag our feet towards baggage claim. I’m chuffed to be home as we haul our equipment into a rental van and drive towards Oxford.
But as I wake up the next morning in the same townhouse I shared with my bandmates before moving to the States, everything is the same and different in a way that makes me edgy.
This mattress is the same, for sure. At some point in the night, my body naturally migrated into the Rob-shaped hole I took so long perfecting. However, Lei’s mum replaced my band posters with an enormous portrait of some ancient aristocrat currently staring at me.
Lei’s our bassist, and his parents are the kind of rich I’ll never understand even if our band, Brotherhood, suddenly began selling out arenas worldwide. His parents live in London, but they bought this townhouse and the one next door when Lei got accepted into Oxford University. His mum decorated the main living spaces, but besides the wallpaper, the bedrooms were always ours to personalise. I guess that ship sailed the second we left if the judgy expression on this bloke’s powdery-painted face has anything to say about it.
“Lei, help!”
I hear footsteps before Liam, our lead singer, appears in my open doorway. He quickly looks me over. “What’s wrong?”
“Where’s Lei?” I eye his Oasis shirt, making a mental note to borrow it…permanently.
“He and Felix went out somewhere.” Liam smiles. “Felix wants to surprise him with that matching yin tattoo, so I’ll take him to get it done later.”
I make a face. “How romantic.” Of course, I want my mates to be happy, but I forgot all their happiness would be in my face twenty-four-seven for the entire summer.
“I’m guessing Emily didn’t text you back?”
I shake my head, making him frown.
If our band were a Britcom, Liam would be the helicopter mum, always fussing over everyone. Lei would be the sarcastic older brother who would bail you out of jail. I would be the barmy neighbour across the fence, always trying to be a part of the family. Our two American drummers, Felix and Rory, would be the showrunners because our band wasn’t a family until they came along. I wish they’d been with us from the beginning.
Liam, Lei, and I are the original members of Brotherhood, along with our previous drummer, Eric. We met at university three years ago. The band always came second until we began collecting fans by the boatloads.
Then several things unexpectedly happened at once. After opening for Twentydust at the APS Music Festival nearly two years ago, a music producer from Alloy Records asked to meet with us about a possible record deal. Eric was ready to sign on the dotted line, Liam and Lei were worried about losing control of our music, and I was Switzerland.
At the same time, Liam got accepted into his dream school, Juilliard. He may be our lead singer, but he’s also a brilliant violinist. Eric was already foaming at the mouth after we passed on the record deal, but with the possibility of Liam moving, he quit.
Instead of forcing Liam to choose between the band and Juilliard, Lei, my girlfriend, Emily, and I agreed to follow him to New York City last August—except Emily never came.
After experiencing new symptoms from her multiple sclerosis, she worried about moving away from her family and doctors. When I decided to stay with her, she broke up with me, saying she didn’t want to hold me back or take me away from the band. Not knowing what else to do, I moved to the States without her. I’ve regretted it ever since. This summer is my chance to change her mind, so I texted her about our show at Eddie’s Pub.
I focus on the painting again. “Since Lei’s off snogging Felix somewhere, you have to rescue me.” I point towards the creepy rectangle with one hand while covering my face with the other. “Please make him stop staring.”
When Liam’s quiet, I part my fingers to find him leaning against the doorway, looking like a thoughtful Kurt Cobain. “Pretty sure that’s King William IV.”
I prop up on my elbows. “I thought that was a pub?”
“And you thought they named it after some random bloke named William?”
“No,” I say, imitating a pouty toddler. “Not random, like a relative or something.”
“You know, I think he’s the king they used to call ‘Silly Billy.’” He chuckles. “Very interesting that Ms. Chen decided to put his portrait in your room.”
“Whatever, just…” I gesture towards Silly Billy again, who appears to be staring at both of us. Liam walks over and takes the painting off the wall, carefully putting it on the ground facing away.
When my phone pings, I rummage through the covers before eagerly touching the screen, but my hope deflates as I read a text from Dad.
Liam looks over, and I shake my head. “Not her.”
“I still think she’ll come.”
I sigh while idly pulling on a loose thread of my joggers. “Yeah, maybe.”
“I mean it, Rob. When has she ever missed a show at Eddie’s?”
Never. Emily’s always been our biggest fan. She came to every show. She proudly wore our Brotherhood shirts. She helped me post flyers for gigs around town, making one of my least favourite activities tolerable. She collected money at the doors and sold merch at our table when she could have been dancing with everyone else. “Even if she does come, it doesn’t mean she’s changed her mind.”
“Then do something about it,” he says as if it’s that easy.
“There’s nothing to do about it.” But I never intended to give up, either. I was hoping things would work out naturally, whatever that means. Why do people say that anyway?
Liam pauses at my doorway. “I wish there was something I could do. Would tea help?”
“Tea always helps, mate.”
“I’ll make you the magical kind.” He winks before walking towards the kitchen.
I hope Liam’s right, and she will come. It’s been on everyone’s mind, and all the speculation makes me even edgier.
Despite the past year without Emily, I know she still wants me. Not because I’m a conceited wanker, but because there’s no one else meant for her, just like there’s no one else meant for me. It’s as simple as that. Maybe that’s why people say it. If two people love each other, wouldn’t they naturally end up together?
Needing a distraction, I reach for my acoustic guitar leaning against the bedside table. As my hand smooths over the tortoise pickguard with the hummingbird and flower design, I think about Dad asking to meet today. It’s pure madness how I want to say yes as much as I want to say no. My feelings about him are so…jumbled, and jumbled feelings are annoying.
Glancing down at his waiting text, I leave it unanswered for now. I absently play the opening chords of “Blackbird” by the Beatles instead. When that makes me sad, I set my guitar aside as Liam yells from the kitchen. As Lei would say, it better be some bloody magical tea.
Liam hands me a steaming mug as soon as I enter the kitchen. “Cheers,” I say before taking a piping hot gulp of Yorkshire Earl Grey.
Both our phones ping, which means it’s a group text. “No way!” His mouth falls open as he pushes off the counter. “’Grey Summer’ just hit Top 100 on Apple Music for the States.”
“Seriously?!” Tea spills as I set my mug down and grab my phone. “But that’s one of our older songs. Why now?”
“Maybe Twitter?”
“What?” I pull up the band’s Twitter feed and find where Lei posted a picture of our carry-on luggage mingled at JFK airport before we left New York. “Three Brits and an American getting ready for a Grey Summer across the pond.” Then he added a link for the song.
“Have we always had this many followers?” A hundred thousand and some change seems like a lot.
“Definitely not,” Liam says. “When we left for the States last year, we were at around half that. Winning Battle of the Bands really made a difference.”
“Will paparazzi be on us the moment we step outside? Maybe we should dress in disguise?”
He rolls his eyes. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“It’s a shame I left my taco costume in New York.” I found it in a thrift store for a steal. It has crinkly green lettuce, which is so fun to squish between my fingers. I spent all Halloween telling people to keep their hands off my lettuce. A brilliant catchphrase is the best part of any costume.
“Yeah, a shame,” Liam says. “I was hoping you’d wear it to lunch today.”
“Taking me out? A smart move while you’ve got me all to yourself.” I waggle my eyebrows. “Because once Lei and Felix get back, it’s anyone’s game. You’ve seen Felix in those sleeveless shirts.”
Liam laughs and starts typing, making our phones ping a second later.
Liam: This is incredible! And Lei, Rob’s talking about your boyfriend’s arms again
Lei: Felix is blushing
Felix: Am not!
Rory: This is too sweet…make it stop
Lei: If you’re that bored, Rob, how about naming the song with no name already
Rob: I did, it’s “The Song with No Name”
Lei: Insert eye roll here
Liam: Btw, we’re celebrating tonight
Rory: Call me!
Rory can’t join us until later in the tour because of her summer classes at NYU, so we promised to video chat with her as much as possible.
“You have a point,” Liam says.
“I do?” I straighten. “I mean, of course, I do.”
“Glad we agree.”
I narrow my eyes and remind myself he’s doing this on purpose. “Great.”
He looks back at his phone, doing an Oscar-worthy performance of ignoring me. Lasting maybe ten seconds; I can’t take it. “Even though I know my point, obviously, I still want to know what you think it is?”
Liam smiles, glued to his phone. “That the song does have a name. It would be confusing to change it now.”
That is a good point. “Exactly.”
I haven’t told anyone why I never named it. I was so upset over Emily that the riff stuck in my head sounded tragic, hurt, and accusing. The lyrics we wrote have the same finger-pointing theme. Now that I’ve had a whole year to calm down, I don’t want Emily to hear that song and assume that’s how I feel about her. Naming it is the same as claiming it.
We sip in silence until he says, “I found Lei sitting on the front steps next door this morning.”
“Is he okay?”
Liam shrugs. “He said so, but it’s gotta be rough. I mean, it’s rough for me, and she wasn’t my grandmother.”
“She was the only grandmother I ever knew.”
Lei’s grandmother, Ah Ma, lived next door the entire time we were at Oxford University and treated us like family. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure shortly after we left. Lei took it out on the band, blaming us for moving him away from her, and there were times I felt the same way about being separated from Emily.
We thought Ah Ma was doing better after surgery, especially since she told Lei to stay in New York and focus on the band, which we tried to do. After finding our two new drummers, Brotherhood quickly gained notoriety after a gig at The Bowery Ballroom, earning us new fans and rave reviews. Things were going well, which is when we started arguing over money. There were times I was so close to buying a one-way ticket home.
But then we were pulled home for another reason. Ah Ma died from a sudden heart attack last November. It was the worst way to bring us closer, but losing someone we cared about put everything else in the past. That was also the last time I saw Emily. We barely spoke since she left immediately after the funeral, and then we were on a flight back to the States.
Liam stands before sliding his phone into his back pocket. “Let’s get some fresh air and walk to Hugh’s shop.”
Hugh is Liam’s old violin teacher and a Master Luthier. He only builds four-string instruments, which is lame if you ask me, but he keeps guitar picks on hand in case I drop by. I set my mug in the sink. “More picks would make me feel better.”
Liam laughs before herding me towards the front door, but if he wants to spend the day mothering me, bring it on.
