In Parenting the Crisis Generation, Dr. Jean Young Bai, a highly respected child and adolescent psychiatrist, combines her professional expertise and personal insights to deliver a compassionate guide for navigating today’s youth mental health crisis.
Through the lens of Dustin’s story—a heartbreaking journey shaped by missed interventions—Dr. Bai illustrates the pivotal moments where timely support could have changed the course of his life.
From addressing ADHD early to monitoring the profound influence of social media, this book offers practical, evidence-based strategies to help children thrive emotionally and mentally.
As both a practitioner and the mother of two children, Dr. Bai offers a unique perspective on the challenges families face, making this book an indispensable resource for parents.
In Parenting the Crisis Generation, Dr. Jean Young Bai, a highly respected child and adolescent psychiatrist, combines her professional expertise and personal insights to deliver a compassionate guide for navigating today’s youth mental health crisis.
Through the lens of Dustin’s story—a heartbreaking journey shaped by missed interventions—Dr. Bai illustrates the pivotal moments where timely support could have changed the course of his life.
From addressing ADHD early to monitoring the profound influence of social media, this book offers practical, evidence-based strategies to help children thrive emotionally and mentally.
As both a practitioner and the mother of two children, Dr. Bai offers a unique perspective on the challenges families face, making this book an indispensable resource for parents.
Parenting is the most difficult yet rewarding job in the world. I thought staying up all night on call at the hospital during my medical residency was the most challenging period in my life. But that was a breeze compared to pulling all-nighters comforting a gassy infant or sending the children off to their first day of school. Yet the benefits outweigh the pain, and we persevere. You know it’s worthwhile because you would do anything to protect your child, even taking a bullet if it came to it.
Parenting is a balancing act. It is not only physically draining but mentally demanding as well. When someone talks about a balancing act, what images come to mind? For me, it’s a circus clown with a long stick balanced on each hand and a plate spinning at the pinnacle of both sticks. If you are lucky (and old enough), you might have actually seen this act on stage. You think it’s a matter of time before the plates come crashing down, but somehow, the clown manages to balance and spin the plates until the very end. Only the clown knows how many plates were broken during rehearsal.
At the time of this writing, I have been working as a child and adolescent psychiatrist at an urban community mental health center for more than fifteen years. I’ve treated an array of mental health challenges experienced by hundreds of diverse youths and their families over the years. Their problems were distinct in detail but similar in theme, which led me to believe that families were making the same mistakes repeatedly. By the time they came to see me, their negative behavior patterns had persisted for years, and they were often resistant to change. I wrote this book for caring parents/guardians/mentors like you, so I could help you learn from the mistakes of countless others in order to avoid heartaches of your own. I am also writing to help erase the stigma of mental health diagnoses and make it clear that your child is not suffering alone. Because the stigma remains, too many families are afraid to talk about their child’s mental health and ask for help.
In December 2021, almost two years after the first case of COVID was diagnosed in the US, the US Surgeon General officially declared a national mental health crisis among our children and adolescents (The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory. HHS.gov, 6 December 2021). In short, many families across America are in the same boat.
Just how bad is the crisis? According to the US Surgeon General’s report, “Youth Mental Health: The Surgeon General’s Advisory,” emergency departments saw a 51 percent increase in suicide attempts among adolescent girls (Yard 888-894). In addition to the academic disruption and social isolation COVID brought, many young people also lost parents and their access to food, housing, and social services.
But the COVID epidemic isn’t the only factor here. In truth, the youth mental health crisis had been brewing for many years prior to the pandemic. According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in three high school students reported persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness in 2019. That represented a 40 percent increase from 2009 (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 60-61). Suicide rates increased by 57 percent in youths ages 10 to 24 between 2007 and 2018 (Curtin 3).
Preventative care can do much to help alleviate this crisis, as is the case with any public health emergency. This book will not only provide you with preventative strategies and effective interventions but also provide you with a list of resources you can use to find help. I have organized this book into three parts.
In Part One, I will share an extended story of a boy I call Dustin. His story doesn’t belong to any one patient of mine. Rather, it’s an amalgamation I created from the stories of hundreds of patients. I encourage you to read the entire story, so you can make the best use of the information that follows.
In Part Two, I will use excerpts from the story as the basis for eleven lessons so you can avoid these common mistakes. These lessons will help you parent a struggling youth much more effectively. They include guiding a child with mental health challenges such as ADHD, autism, depression, and anxiety.
In Part Three, I will introduce you to several young people in crisis. They are youths who have experienced suicidal ideation and self-harm; trauma and abuse; or bullying and eating disorders. I want to help you recognize the warning signs yourself and understand what can happen next. In each of the scenarios, I will discuss recommendations for effective action. I hope this book becomes a treasured family resource and that you find it useful enough to recommend to friends and family when they share their heartaches.
Part One
Chapter One
Dustin’s first memory was fighting with a boy in daycare. The other child was a giant, maybe twice his size. The mammoth boy straddled him and pummeled his face while sweat dripped down from his enemy and mixed with Dustin’s blood. A teacher tried to break up the fight, but the other boy was too strong and resisted her. After it was over, Dustin couldn’t remember how long the bashing went on or the reason for the ruckus. He did recall that his mother came to pick him up and argued with the teacher. Their heated exchange ended with his mother’s tears, and she abruptly took his hand and dragged him out of the building.
It was also the first time he saw her cry. Over the years, he saw her sob too many times. Sadness was her frequent companion. He thought his mother wept so incessantly because of his misdeeds, so he tried so hard to please her. He tried sitting in class quietly like the others, but a motor drove him from the inside that he couldn’t calm. He tried raising his hand to answer his teacher, but words came out of his mouth that annoyed her, and she made him stand frequently in the corner. The other kids ridiculed and bullied him, so he fought to defend himself. Soon he was labeled as the troublemaker in his class, and nothing he did could change his title.
Even when he did have periods of good behavior, especially around Christmas when his mother promised him a video game he wanted, his mother still cried. He was baffled by her misery. He didn’t have many memories of his father since he left them when he was an infant, but he wondered if she was saddened by his absence. He didn’t know life with two parents, a father he could emulate, and a mother who smiled. His classmates had fathers and mothers who came to the classroom parties, and he often saw the parents laugh and fuss over their children, but no one ever showed up for him. His mother had to work constantly to feed and clothe him, so she could never make it to the parties. He wondered what his father was like, since he was never discussed in the household.
On occasions when he pressed his mother, she yelled and screamed at him to never mention the man. He pondered what his father must have done to give her so much pain. He thought it must be something terrible adults did to each other. Even by third grade, he knew too much of the world, since his mother left him with babysitters who were preoccupied with their phones. So, he roamed the Internet as freely as he wished. When his mother did come back from work, she often slept and stayed in her room.
On the Internet, he saw terrible things, especially regarding what men and women did to each other. There was so much violence that already existed and even more that people made up. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from that brutality, since he realized it excited him. He scoured the Internet looking for more disturbing images and bloodshed, each time worse than the last. Was this how people normally treated each other, or how they were supposed to behave? He also saw what people did to themselves, how they hurt themselves to deal with sadness. Even at that young age, he knew he was sad himself. He thought about his despondent mother, his worthless father, and the poverty they lived in. He only saw endless suffering that stretched before him, and he even thought about ending his life. Would his mother miss him if he died? Or would it add to her sadness? He thought about the rope in the closet and how easy it would be to tie it around his neck and end the anguish. He took it out to touch its roughness. He went so far as to feel its tightness around his neck.
But he couldn’t kill himself because of the voice of his grandmother in his head. She was the only one in his life he could remember who showed kindness and affection toward him. She cuddled him to sleep when he had nightmares. She bandaged his knees when he skinned them and kissed them to heal faster. She told him about a place a person went after death, only if he made good choices. She took him to church and taught him more about the place beyond death. He wanted to make good choices because he loved his grandmother, but he still couldn’t control his impulses that were always one step ahead of him. So, when his grandmother succumbed to COVID-19, he was devastated. The doctors tried to save Grandma, but she continued fading away. He went to see her in the hospital only to see tubes coming out of her in all directions. His grandmother reached for him and told him to be brave and good, so she could see him in heaven one day. Before long, she died.
When Grandma died, all the light went with her. Dustin cried for days and didn’t know when his tears would end. He didn’t understand the pain in his heart and how it hurt incessantly. At some point, he got so tired of his sadness that he let anger take over. It was easier to deal with anger and hate rather than the unrelenting pain in his heart.
In school, Dustin became the bully. It felt good to channel his anger and direct it toward someone else. He usually picked the smallest kid in the class to torture. He relished the power he had over another, the power to break another’s soul, because he felt so broken himself. He also became destructive when anger took over. Even a slight remark could unleash his rage. He found himself hurtling chairs across the room, ripping paper off the walls. His teachers called his mother constantly to pick him up and keep him home for several days. His mother yelled, threatened, and even begged him to stop the havoc since she had already lost several jobs. However, he couldn’t calm the storm that raged inside him, no matter how hard he tried.
His teachers asked his mother to get him some help so that he could quiet his mind. They told her that there was a name for his anguish, and once named, he could start the healing process. However, his mother ignored their pleas because she was afraid of those institutions that asked questions and judged her. She knew deep down that she was at fault for her son’s anguish, and it was easier to bury her guilt and hide her shame rather than expose herself. She would rather deal with the constant barrage of complaints from the school than be forced to examine her own broken soul. However, his mother couldn’t hide any longer once the state became involved. His mother often had attacks of rage herself, and she threw a glass cup at him when he asked about his father again. The glass shattered against the wall, and a piece had cut his face.
Today’s children are growing up in a mental health crisis, leaving many parents unsure of how to recognize the signs, find help, or navigate psychotherapy. Through real-life stories, this book illustrates how mental health struggles manifest in children. The book addresses struggles like trauma, ADHD, teenage depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and bullying.
Each section gives clear examples of how a child might present with a problem, what to look out for, how to respond, and where to seek help. Parents are given examples of children who found help, the options available and the changes which took place. Parents are also taught the value of repairing their relationships with their children when challenges arise, taking a humble and empathic approach.
Prevention strategies help parents build resilience in their families, and Bai addresses a common concern: psychiatric medication. The author explains when it may be beneficial, particularly for children with ADHD, while acknowledging parental hesitation.
Parents have often felt cautious of mental health issues because of the stigma attached both to the personal and social struggles which have been stigmatised in our society. This has meant that parents sometimes struggle to seek help for both themselves and their children, feeling overwhelmed because of not having the support and guidance they need. Taking away the stigma and the hopelessness helps to enrich the world of both parents and their children. Instead of judgement and stigma, parents are shown techniques and skills to create stronger families, what has helped children in the past, and the negative impacts of social media, movies and internet culture.
This book is precise, practical, and accessible, offering insight and actionable strategies without overwhelming readers. It bridges the gap between parental concerns and professional guidance, showing parents they are not alone and that support is available. A must-read for any parent navigating the complexities of children’s mental health.