Chapter 1

I squeezed my eyes shut when the sunlight pierced through my window. I rolled over in my bed, chucked one of my ample pillows across the room that had dared get in my way. I had barely left the house in months, much less my bed. This was my safe place. I couldn’t focus on healing or meditating. I stopped answering my friends’ calls. My soul freaking burned. Danek. He was gone.

It had been six months or so since he’d left to go ‘better himself.’At least that’s how I saw it. He didn’t say goodbye to me. He left me alone in his bed after claiming my soul. To sayI was angry with him was an understatement. Our connection was something I could not ignore. I had never felt power like what we had together. Our souls had bound when he helped me heal Adriel in November. My brother had almost died. He probably would have if it had been anyone else but Danek at my side. When our shields were down and our souls merged, I felt so strong and in control. Like I could bring back the dead.

The power that Danek and I had together was potent. My mom’s words echoed through my brain. Amari, be careful. Healers can easily become addicted to taking another’s energy.

 And I wanted more. I wanted it always. I wanted him. I wanted his golden eyes staring into mine and his hot skin against me as our souls bound together. If I allowed my mind to drift far enough away, I could almost feel him again.

 My phone buzzed on the nightstand, breaking into my dream state. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I pulled the covers up over my head and tried to escape back into sleep.

I had apparently succeeded because I was woken up again by a familiar weight on my bed.

"What?" I mumbled from my cocoon.

"Ree. How are you today?" The calm deep voice of my beloved brother helped some.

"Mmmhfff,” was all I offered in response. The steady burn of my soul was stifling.

"I brought you coffee," he said.

I heaved a deep breath and peeled the covers down. I didn't meet his gaze but took the steaming mug he extended. It was my favorite mug too. It had a caricature of a coffee bean on it with the script ‘first I drink the coffee, then I do the things’ scrawled around it. It had a chip on the rim from where I had dropped it the day my friend Gaia had given it to me. Gaia was an Earthen. She wielded Land Magic. She had given me the mug with the most intricate blue flower I had ever seen, planted right in it. When I dropped it, the flower and its soil scattered all over the floor. Gaia had planted that flower outside next to my sidewalk. It was still there. It produced new blue blooms every spring. I assumed it would live until she died. 

I was jealous of other Lasarians. I’d never ever admitted that to my parents. Other Lasarians have Magic that creates something tangible. Mine is a Magic that I can give to others. I know I’m supposed to be benevolent and charitable, being a goddess who heals. But I want to be involved in the battle!

"Thanks, Adriel." I savored my first sip of caffeine and closed my eyes again.

"You want to spar today, or do you have a class?” Adriel offered.

He was good for that. Always encouraging me to be active. To do things. My twin, guardian, and companion. He was allowed to get into my business. Being twins, we shared everything without shields between us. He felt my soul as though it were his own, as I felt his.

"Maybe. You throw some vodka in here while I get up then I'll fight with you." I rarely left the house, much less my bedroom. I went out last week to the university. I had earned my Master of Literature several years ago and was working as an adjunct instructor at the University of Toska. It gave me an excuse to avoid the temple — and my mother.

Adriel smiled. "When have you needed liquor to fight with me, Ree?” He laughed and took my mug, “I’ll meet you outside."

He left my bedroom and got up, putting on a pair of black fleece sweats and an old worn yellow crop top. Downstairs I saw Adriel had left my coffee on the counter near the door. I took a sip; the alcohol warmed my belly. Much better. Coffee in hand, I went out the back door to the yard. My backyard was an acre of flat green grass ending at the tree line.

Toska was located in a cold region. The landscape was just as cold and unsavory. The morning sun had burned the frost off already and the lingering dew was still cold on my toes. It was early May. Spring was here. I hadn’t heard from Danek since the winter solstice when he last called. I replayed his words in my mind.

“Amari,” was the first word he said. I craved to hear him call my name. “How are you feeling?” Danek had asked.

I gripped the phone tightly as if I could hold onto him. “I’m ok, Danek. How’s training going?” I asked.

“It’s good. It’s hard, but it’s good. The Sirak are intense but it’s what I need. It’s what you need me to be, love,” he told me.

I had told him I would wait, that I would be ok. I hoped to be able to keep that promise. But my soul was roaring in my ears, telling me to beg him to come back.

“Danek, I miss you,” I said.

He didn’t respond right away. Maybe he was distracted. I hoped the Sirak wasn’t changing him. It was a risk. He was there to change his soul. What if he changed too much?  

“I feel your soul calling to me. Believe me when I say that I miss you, too. I’ll come back to you as soon as I can, but short of dying, there’s no other way to cleanse my soul,” Danek had promised. “I’m coming back, Amari. Believe in me.”

I had not been able to feel his energy soon after that conversation. I knew I was sullen and detached, pretending to be okay to save face with my family. If they knew I was hurting, they would all do what Adriel was doing. Try to change my life.

Adriel was stretching on the patio. He had laid our blades on my wicker table. I downed another sweet mouthful of spiked java and set it down. Picking up my sword, I pulled it from its sheath and inspected the curved blade. Lasarian weapons are scimitar swords with ornate metal working towards the guard. The metalworkers made them in different lengths and colors. Most Lasarians I know carry a short, sturdy, black blade on their person all the time and had at least one long one at home under the bed or couch. The hilt of my weapon was adorned with three snow-white agate stones set into the pommel. Lasarians customized them per the Magic of the holder. My father had gifted this one to me on the day I was born. When I open my soul to them, the stones help diffuse my negative energy.

I flipped my sword in my hand.

"Ready?" I asked Adriel and tossed him his weapon.

Adriel grinned and bounced on his toes, "ready, babe."

Adriel sparred with me through the afternoon. He let me take most of the offensive attacks, I let my shields fall, and filtered my energy through the agate in my weapon.

"Come over to Mom's for supper tonight,” he said.

I blocked a left sweep from Adriel and shed his blade. I did not want to see my parents. They were never just normal. My mom was always doting on me and treating me like I’m better than I am. I was never going to be the Anias my mother was. My father had barely spoken to me since I became an adult female.

The last time I spoke to my mom, she had called me after she saw my soul on Danek and expressed her preference that I choose someone else as a mate. The conversation had not ended well. Since Danek left, both my mom and Adriel had tried to arrange meetings between me and male Lasarians. I wasn’t impressed. Adriel’s invitation to supper sounded like another attempt at matchmaking.

I shoved Adriel, "you're bringing a friend.”

"I won't if you say no. I'm just trying, Ree. I don't know what else I can do. Mom wants what's best for you, so does everyone else. But you don’t seem to want to feel better," he said and stood back dropping his sword.

I walked away from him and sat to polish and sharpen my blade. I stared into the black and considered how my soul felt as matte as my blade. I rubbed my thumb over one of the agate stones. I felt hot tears pool in my eyes. I felt so empty.

I knew Adriel was telling me truths I needed to hear. I just wasn’t ready to give up on Danek.

“I’ll pick up another class. Don’t worry, I’ll occupy myself and be useful,” I said.

Adriel sighed, “Amari, more human work is not the answer.” He sat with me and continued, “Danek abandoned you, Ree. He left all of us. I don’t even know if he’s the same person. You know the Sirak are changed somehow. They have to be to do the tasks required.”

"I'll come to supper. And I'll be fine. Don't meddle, brother. I have papers to grade and a class on Friday." I sheathed my sword and drank more coffee.

“Have you been looking for Viktor?” I asked.

“I will look when dad gives me the mission,” he answered.

“You were a lot braver when Danek was around.”

“I’m the goddess’s only son and your only sibling. You need me around. Just being cautious,” he took a drink of water and continued, “you should reach out to Gaia today. She’s been asking about you at Villa.”

“I can’t believe you got her to go work there,” I said. I don’t remember seeing Gaia indoors any longer than necessary. The soil was definitely her element. I should make an effort. Fighting with Adriel did boost my mood.  

Adriel sheathed his sword and looked at me, wrinkling his nose. “Good,” he said, feeling my energy shift. “You should shower before you go out.”

“Jerk,” I said, but went up and took a shower and got dressed. My outfit was a clean pair of leggings and a faded hoodie but at least I brushed my hair out. It was still damp when I found myself sitting at the bar at Villa.

Gaia set a glass of orange juice down and sat down on the stool beside me. “How are you, Ree? I’m happy to see you!” She kissed my cheek and hugged me.

I took a drink of the juice and said, “Today’s not a bad day.” I grabbed an olive from the dish on the bar. “How did Adriel get you to work with him?”

She smiled, “It wasn’t difficult, he can be such a charmer when—"

“When he’s not being a sarcastic, rigid ass?” I interrupted.

“Yeah, that,” she smacked my arm and laughed.

I thought Gaia was a gorgeous Lasarian female. Her cherry-red hair fell in shiny waves down her back and framed her face. She had green vines tattooed down her neck that I knew wound down her back. She looked over her shoulder when Adriel walked in.

“Hey, females,” he said casually as he walked through the back door with a case of beer.

I caught the look she gave him. “Is there something going on between you and Adriel?” I asked.

“Nah,” she turned back around, “I sometimes think I can feel his energy, but I doubt it. I think I’m just reading body language or something. He’s never acted like he wants me or anything.”

“He asked you to work with him,” I commented.

She shrugged, “You guys have known me since we were infants. The crap that our parents put us through would forge some type of bond between anyone.” She moved the olives closer to me, noticing that I was eating them all. “Have you met his friend Relkin?” she asked.

I chewed and swallowed, “No, you think I should?”

“Uhm, hells yes I think you should, Ree,” she said.

“That nice?”

“Is the Weeping Sugar Fern beautiful in the summer?” she said.

I nodded and grinned. In Gaia’s world, there was nothing more beautiful than the Weeping Sugar Fern. Gaia’s favorite plant was one of the only two plants native to Lasaria that was on Earth. She liked to go on about them and their multicolored flowers and feathery blue-green foliage. Yes, she’d taught me the term so I could keep up with her.

“Maybe I’ll go to supper tonight at my parents’ place. Adriel keeps introducing me to his friends. You should ask him to bring Relkin,” I suggested.

“For sure, Ree,” she hopped off the stool and followed Adriel.

I finished my juice and checked my watch. I had just enough time to finish my lecture for tomorrow evening’s class and get ready. I was actually feeling uplifted.