God, grifter, or something far more intriguing?
It's November 2005, and a global debate rages over the sudden arrival of God in Phoenix, Arizona. Found near-death in the nearby desert, this nameless old man, foul-mouthed and clad in Armani, is admitted to the Phoenix General Hospital. His only wish: To relay an urgent message to humanity through one hand-picked human.
Meet Earl Grey, an unreliable, down-on-his-luck newspaper reporter. Atheist by nature, cynic by trade, Earl is coerced into interviewing this Could-Be-God and relaying His words to an impatient global press. Earl's staunch disbelief and staggering lack of enthusiasm are evident from the get-go. That is until the miracles begin.
With the survival of humanity at stake, can Earl discover the ultimate truth about life, the universe and everything in-between, or will he run out of time? Assuming time ever existed in the first place.
God, grifter, or something far more intriguing?
It's November 2005, and a global debate rages over the sudden arrival of God in Phoenix, Arizona. Found near-death in the nearby desert, this nameless old man, foul-mouthed and clad in Armani, is admitted to the Phoenix General Hospital. His only wish: To relay an urgent message to humanity through one hand-picked human.
Meet Earl Grey, an unreliable, down-on-his-luck newspaper reporter. Atheist by nature, cynic by trade, Earl is coerced into interviewing this Could-Be-God and relaying His words to an impatient global press. Earl's staunch disbelief and staggering lack of enthusiasm are evident from the get-go. That is until the miracles begin.
With the survival of humanity at stake, can Earl discover the ultimate truth about life, the universe and everything in-between, or will he run out of time? Assuming time ever existed in the first place.
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Throughout history, attempts have been made to decipher the perfect day of the week for God’s ultimate return. The methodologies used were as varied as the cultures and religions applying them and had little in common with each other, except for the fact that each conclusion became piously set in stone, without compromise, sanctified by theological logic and propagated through means of rigid dogma.
           Ironically, it’s this uncompromising nature that inevitably leads to counter-arguments designed to bring about compromise. These alternative views, generally labelled heretical by the culture affixing the label, are typically dismissed out of hand and banished to the scrap heap of fanciful ideologies. This became known as the ‘my God is the only God, and He says you’re a dick’ theory of divinity.
           Generations of human ancestry, primarily living in isolated cultures around the globe, became very sensitive to outsiders questioning their entrenched dogma or claiming to know the mind of God and expressed these sensitivities in a variety of ways. Some innocuous, such as lively debate followed by snacks and refreshments, while others, less benign, usually resulted in collective rock-throwing or similar unpleasantries.
           The crux of the overall problem looks something like this: A theistic scholar proclaims either a Sunday, Saturday or Friday as the only acceptable day for their deity’s arrival. The conclusion is based on the interpretation of scripture, more commonly referred to as holy writing, and touted as the only authentic word of God. Almost instantly, the decree is attacked by others, insisting that the day in question was exclusively designed for rest and worship. Therefore, it was implausible God would blatantly disregard his own laws by conducting miracles, sermons or partisan pep rallies on the Lord’s Day.    Â
           Vociferous debate ensues until a different day is proposed by a different scholar from a different religion, and the cycle begins anew with a freshly insulted party filing protests based on their specific interpretation of what their God wants. The process continues, adding twists, turns and interpretations over generations until the entire concept is mired in sacred quicksand.
           Modern-day thinkers suggest that these attempts to define the holiest of ETA’s have irreparably segregated religions, leaving the chances of Christianity, Islam, Judaism and Hinduism agreeing on a common day as likely as a Pride parade breaking out in Tiananmen Square.
           So, with the three holiest days hopelessly lost to disagreement, the faithful are left debating the merits of Monday through Thursday, the only remaining options for a workable consensus. Although well-intentioned, the devout inevitably overlook the fact that the unfaithful, or secular as they prefer to be known, might also wish to weigh in on the subject. After all, even an atheist can opine about the most suitable day for a non-existent God to drop in. Surprisingly, these unaffiliated souls are pretty vocal on the matter and most adamant that Monday through Thursday should not be considered equal in any way.
           The heathen viewpoint looks like this: There’s a general consensus that Mondays are off the table because they’re Mondays, and Mondays suck. Nobody likes Mondays. The last thing anyone wants to do is dress up in formal attire and meet God on a day so universally loathed and fundamentally flawed.
Tuesdays aren’t much better, having their own unique challenge. Tuesdays are generally set aside for employees to call in sick with faux illnesses and/or medical appointments. Mondays are rarely used for this purpose because it looks suspicious – creating a sudden three-day weekend via instant flu bug, dentist visit, or, for the truly inventive, a great-aunt’s third funeral. So, by default, Tuesday has been entrenched as the optimum day for skipping work, a day set aside for mental vacations usually triggered by the depressing reality Mondays tend to induce. And since nobody wants God to return while they’re at the spa, golfing or playing video games in bed, Tuesdays are off the list.
This takes us to Wednesday, which simply cannot be an option. Throughout the western world, Wednesday is known as hump day. This is an inappropriate term, and therefore an inappropriate day for God’s homecoming. God (he, she, or it) is renowned for having prudish attitudes towards sex or anything capable of turning the mind toward the subject. So, dropping in on a hump day seems implausible, even if the hump in question is a harmless reference to the middle of the workweek. Thus, Thursday wins by default.
And who doesn’t love a Thursday, the penultimate workday before TGIF festivities? Clearly, the most suitable day for God’s grand entrance.
           However, timing aside, even the most inept PR agency would balk at the choice of Phoenix, Arizona, as the quintessential point of arrival, likely opting for the global impact of the Vatican, Dome of the Rock, or the Las Vegas strip.
           So it was that on this particular Thursday morning in the year 2005, pre-brunch, the man who would soon be known worldwide as "God Almighty" received a somewhat less than enthusiastic welcome. Just another forgettable face, stretchered through a set of opaque hospital doors to the unbridled apathy of the attending physician, Dr. Rory MacMann.Â
NOTHING SACRED... A divine comedy by Martin Featherston tries to dig deep and answer some very profound questions about humans' beliefs in God and about the universal truth of life. But don't get me wrong, this isn't a novel that is so deeply philosophical that it reads like a jargon-suffused treatise or something so dense that the reader is unable to grasp anything.
The plot's focus is on a man, referred to as John Doe, who confesses that he is God, which obviously drives the media into a frenzy. The media soon overwhelms the Hospital in Phoenix, Arizona where John Doe, the supposed God, is hospitalized, as he was found nearby on the precipice of death. To calm the media's hunger, the hospital's honchos appoint a very unlikely, inconspicuous reporter from Canada, called Earl Grey (yes, like the tea brand!), as a media liaison who will be allowed to have a conversation with John Doe/God and who then will hold press conferences about him for the media. From this point forward, Earl Grey's life turns into a steady tumult as it slowly unravels, and truths beyond anyone's imagination are uncovered from God/John Doe himself.
The tone of the narrator, particularly in the preface, is deliciously tongue-in-cheek and sarcastic, punching holes in the general religious attitudes of people that can sometimes create unnecessary hatred and divisions. That opening tone sets the mood, and the introduction of Earl Grey's character further cements the initial tone, since Grey's wry humor about being the chosen media liaison shines throughout the story. I don't want to delve into the conversations that Grey and God had or what secrets were revealed, but suffice to say, they do create a much better understanding of how God can be everywhere. This is not a new idea, as there are several belief systems around the world that do adhere to this concept, particularly beliefs such as animism, which is quite common throughout the world. I'm not sure if the author was aiming to create a similar system through those conversations but nonetheless, the book's message is clear and relevant in contemporary times as religious organizations can easily create and support hate. Instead of falling into those limited, hate-fueled divisions, it is important for all of humankind to look beyond them and experience the world more fully and truly.
The metaphors found in the conversations between God and Grey to explain big, dense concepts are really easily digestible and easy to grasp. Certain glorious phrases stand out, such as:
"As of this moment, it appears the dandelions shall inherit the Earth. But as I said, the future’s written in dry erase marker." (pg. 260)
What would have helped is perhaps to have made the conversations the centerpiece rather than trying to make Earl the hero who conveys God's message. Rather than using Earl as the medium, the book and the story itself could have been the medium to convey these ideas. Other than certain the odd stereotypes used ("leaving the chances of Christianity, Islam, Judaism and Hinduism agreeing on a common day as likely as a Pride parade breaking out in Tiananmen Square") or certain over usage of time indicators in the text (for example: using "minutes later" or "moments later" when it is easy for the reader to know that yes, time has passed), the novel is a fun read – lighthearted at times and full of depth in other moments. Even the interweaving of an ancient timeline sets up an interesting parallel to the modern day world of Earl Grey and God in the novel. The sub plots are engaging as well and create yet another layer of an ironic mood, especially when John Doe's real identity is revealed.
All in all, a good read to challenge yourself about your beliefs. Thanks to Earl Grey's wry and witty narration as he takes you on a personal and profound journey this challenge also becomes very enjoyable.