How could a first kiss with the hottest guy in school feel so . . . meh?
Dani starts high school off with a bang—literally—when her locker door slams into a popular football star. So when she checks off her kiss goal with the sizzling upperclassman, she should be well on her way to crushing the year.
But crossing homework assignments off her to-do list gives Dani more excitement than her first kiss. Instead, the real sparks ignite every time she touches fellow cheerleader Jaz.
Unable to admit her true feelings, Dani alienates herself from her best friend, Adriana. To make matters worse, Adriana has a new friend who seizes the opportunity to drive them apart.
Tensions reach their boiling point when Dani and Adriana get into a huge fight before their cheerleading competition, putting the entire squad’s success at risk.
Just when life can’t get any more complicated, the unthinkable happens, and Dani is forced to confront what she’s been hiding.
Will Dani find the courage to act on her real crush—or be crushed by the pressure of it all?
How could a first kiss with the hottest guy in school feel so . . . meh?
Dani starts high school off with a bang—literally—when her locker door slams into a popular football star. So when she checks off her kiss goal with the sizzling upperclassman, she should be well on her way to crushing the year.
But crossing homework assignments off her to-do list gives Dani more excitement than her first kiss. Instead, the real sparks ignite every time she touches fellow cheerleader Jaz.
Unable to admit her true feelings, Dani alienates herself from her best friend, Adriana. To make matters worse, Adriana has a new friend who seizes the opportunity to drive them apart.
Tensions reach their boiling point when Dani and Adriana get into a huge fight before their cheerleading competition, putting the entire squad’s success at risk.
Just when life can’t get any more complicated, the unthinkable happens, and Dani is forced to confront what she’s been hiding.
Will Dani find the courage to act on her real crush—or be crushed by the pressure of it all?
16-34-22.
I pull up on the lock to open my locker, but it doesn’t budge. I give it another try.
16-34-22.
I tug again—still nothing. Damn these lockers!
“Ugh, come on!” I say out loud, yanking on it repeatedly.
“Need a ha—”
At that moment, my locker door swings open, bashing an innocent bystander in the head. My precariously stacked books from earlier in the day fall from inside and crash to the floor.
“Oh my god, I am so sorry!” I turn to see who my locker assaulted.
I take in the dark-haired guy in front of me. His forehead is already forming a pink welt thanks to me, but somehow, he’s still smiling.
“No worries. It looked like you needed some help. Here,” he says, leaning over to pick up my books from the ground. I snap out of my paralysis and abruptly bend down to help him. Our heads collide with a thunk.
“Jeez, the next time I try to help someone, remind me to wear my football helmet,” he jokes.
I rub my head. “You definitely should.” I try to think of something witty to add, but my brain isn’t working. Instead, I just stare.
He smiles again. We stand, and he hands me the pile of books to put back in my locker. “See ya around, Knockout.”
My eyes widen.
“You know, because of the . . .?” He gestures from his forehead to mine to clarify he means I literally almost knocked him out.
“Right, of course.” I’m still processing as he turns the corner and walks out of sight. I shake my head to snap myself out of whatever this is, grab the books I need, and head to meet my best friend, Adriana, in our agreed-upon spot outside the school. She’s already waiting, and she runs up to me with excitement in her eyes.
“Dani! First day of high school, down! How was your day?!” she asks.
“Other than slamming my locker door into a guy just now, it was pretty good.” I blush with embarrassment at the thought.
“A guy! Tell me more!”
“No, it was too embarrassing. I want to forget that ever happened,” I say. “Tell me about your day!”
She simply smiles.
“You have that look in your eye,” I tease. “I know that look. You met a boy!”
“Not met, per se, but I saw one across the hall.” She grins.
“Was it Colin?”
“Colin who?”
I roll my eyes. Only Adriana can abandon a crush before it’s fully developed.
I open my mouth to answer, but she’s already talking about this new guy. “He’s got dark hair and an incredible smile. He’s definitely older than us, and he must play a sport because he is fit . . .” she tells me as we start walking.
We find a picnic table to sit at and spend the next couple of hours talking and doing our homework until it’s time to change for our first cheer practice. We head to the locker room where the field hockey, volleyball, and soccer teams are clearing out. The cheerleaders can’t use the gym until volleyball is done, which is why our practices are so late. The smell of sweaty girls who have just run around for over two hours hits me the moment we open the door, and I make a conscious effort to stop breathing from my nose.
We change quickly to avoid the chaos, throw our bags into the open lockers we find, and head to the gym. There are already girls in sports bras and tiny spandex shorts stretching as we approach. I know cheerleaders wear similar outfits at cheer gyms, but I didn’t think we could wear sports bras at school. I look down at my baggy T-shirt and loose-fitting cheer shorts, making a mental note to wear something tighter to the next practice. A wave of nerves pulses through me.
A girl approaches us, and I recognize her as the captain from tryouts. What was her name? Beth? Britney?
“Hi, girls!” she says when she reaches us. “In case you don’t remember me, I’m Becca!”
Becca, that’s it.
“Adriana and Danielle, right?” she confirms.
“You can call me Dani,” I tell her.
She smiles at me. “Well, Dani, you and Adriana are the only freshmen who made the squad.” Her expression and tone are neutral, so I can’t tell whether she’s happy about it or not. “You’d better show us we didn’t make a mistake.”
Is she joking? It’s hard to tell. Threat aside, it’s hard not to feel special when there had been at least twenty other freshmen vying for a spot on the squad.
Abruptly, Becca brightens, and her tone becomes super peppy. “Let me introduce you to everyone!”
As she leads us toward the group, Adriana elbows me and mouths, “OMG.” We walk to what I assume is the “front” based on the direction everyone is facing. Girls are giving each other hugs, asking how summers were, and catching up while stretching. They’ve already formed three horizontal lines, as if they could break out into a cheer at any moment.
Seeing everyone in formation gets me excited. I’ve been dying to be on the high school varsity cheerleading squad since I started cheering in the Pop Warner league, especially since there’s no junior varsity team at Westfield High. Making the squad puts me one step closer to getting a college cheer scholarship. Even though college is years away, I know my mom and I can’t afford it, so I’ve already been looking into scholarships. Not very many are given out for cheerleading. To stand out, I need to be on a good team and place at competitions, and making varsity as a freshman is a good start.
“Hello, everyone!” Becca calls, commanding everyone’s attention. “We still have two minutes before we’ll officially get started, but in the meantime, I’d like to introduce you to our freshmen this year. Meet Adriana and Dani. Don’t go too easy on them—we need them in fighting shape by spring for competition!”
We wave, smiling, as girls call out greetings like “Hey, newbies!” and “Welcome to the squad!”
Becca turns to me and Adriana. “Why don’t you fall into line in the back there? We’ll get started soon.” She puts a hand on each of our shoulders and guides us in the direction of the back line.
“Who’s our coach? I didn’t see one at tryouts,” Adriana asks, looking around.
Becca’s frosty demeanor returns from its brief hiatus. “Tracy is our coach on paper only, because we technically need an adult registered. But I’ll be leading the team.” She tilts her nose slightly higher in the air.
“Okay . . .” Adriana whispers to me as we walk to the back row.
“Alright, team! Time to stretch!” Becca yells.
Everyone stops talking and starts following Becca’s instructions as she narrates her every move. Head roll right; head roll left. Shoulder rolls back; shoulder rolls forward. As we’re lunging to the right, a girl enters the gym in what must be the unofficial practice uniform of this team: short biker shorts and a sports bra. She has beautiful tan skin, and her dark hair is pulled up in a high, braided ponytail. As she gets closer, I notice her perfectly toned arms and abs.
“Hey, Bec. Sorry I’m late,” the girl says as she joins the front line. If her confidence is any indication, it’s clear she has the respect of the squad. No one blinks an eye at her tardiness—not even Becca.
I realize I’ve been stuck in my right lunge while everyone has already finished their left side and is currently doing a stretch down the middle. I quickly catch up and look around to see if anyone noticed. Though the new girl is on the opposite side of the formation from me, I continue to sneak glances at her throughout warm-ups. She’s gorgeous—like a high school version of Zendaya, but with green eyes instead of hazel. I can’t stop staring.
We get a quick break for water, and Adriana and I head to the front to get our bottles. As we’re drinking, the girl approaches us.
“You must be the new freshmen!” she says.
I clam up—which is apparently my MO today—so Adriana speaks for us both.
“Yup! I’m Adriana, and this is Dani.”
The girl gives us a warm smile. “Cool. I’m Jazmin, but everyone calls me Jaz. I hear you’re the only freshmen who made the squad. Congrats!”
With that, she heads back to join Becca in a group circle of chatting. I can’t believe she spoke to us! I concentrate hard on sipping my water so my eyes don’t land back on her.
Just as Adriana opens her mouth to say something, Becca commands our attention again. “Okay, everyone! Now that we’re all warm, we’re going to practice jumps.” We run through the standard jumps that most seasoned cheerleaders typically know, from toe touches to hurdlers. Becca throws in some curveball jumps that Adriana and I have never tried before, and I know I’ll have to practice those. Becca turns around to watch us all several times, nodding her head and making notes in a notebook. I assume she’s assessing each person’s strengths and weaknesses for our competition routine later this year.
Once we’ve jumped enough to satisfy Becca, we move on to the next part of practice. Becca gathers us in a big circle for a huddle.
“Great job so far, but up until now, it has only been about you.” She looks around the circle, pausing for dramatic effect and making eye contact with each of us before she continues. I can see this girl becoming a politician one day.
“Now, it’s time to become a team. Stunting is hard. Stunting is dangerous. But if you have full trust in your group, it can also be amazing.” Becca smiles. “I’m going to assign your stunt groups, which you’ll be with for the entire year. Before we begin, I want to encourage you to be fearless, not only today, but this entire season. Fear is our enemy—don’t let your thoughts get in your way. We are going to practice so hard that by competition, your body will know exactly what to do, and you won’t have to think. We don’t have a minute to waste. Let’s get started!”
Everyone looks unfazed, like they’re used to this kind of pep talk from Becca. Adriana and I look at each other, raising our eyebrows as if to say, “What are we in for?”
“Honestly, though,” Becca continues, “once I assign your groups, plan to spend some time with them so you’ll learn to trust them as friends, not only during stunting. That’s the only way for some of the sequences I have in mind to work.
“With that said, in this corner, we have . . .” She starts rattling off names.
I stand quietly, wondering who I’ll be assigned, and pray that Adriana and I are in the same group. I fly, which means I’m the girl in the air, and Adriana is a base, or the person that holds up the flier; Becca knows this from tryouts. We’ve been in the same stunt group before, and it was always comforting to know that my best friend was there to catch me.
“Over in that corner, we’re going to have Adriana, Jaz, Lauren, and . . .”
Please. Please. Please.
“Dani!”
Hearing my name feels too good to be true. I make eye contact with Jaz as she walks over. She smiles at me. I smile back too widely, catch myself, and promptly look down at my feet.
My group gathers in our instructed corner. Jaz takes charge.
“Becca assigns groups based on our strengths. I’m a backspot. Laur, I know you’re a base,” she says to Lauren, who nods and smiles.
Lauren has beautiful dark skin, and her low ponytail is made up of lots of thin, long braids. She’s a bit stocky, and she looks strong, which I’m grateful for.
“What about you two?” Jaz looks at me and Adriana.
“Dani flies and I base,” Adriana replies for us both.
“Cool,” Jaz says.
“Start with some simple preps and cradles to warm up today and get used to your group,” Becca says from her own stunt group. “We’ll spend more time next practice on fulls, liberties, and twist cradles before we get into the harder stuff . . .” Her voice trails off as she turns to face her group, so we do the same.
“I’m sure you two know this,” Jaz says to me and Adriana, “but the backspot handles the calls. I’ll count us in so we all know when to start, and I’ll count for Dani to come down.”
Adriana and I both nod.
“Yup, that’s what we’re used to!” Adriana says.
“Great, then this should be pretty smooth. Let’s start with a prep and cradle down,” Jaz says with a smile. We assume our positions, and I give myself a mental pep talk.
Be cool, Dani. Just do what you know how to do, and you’ll be fine.
I’m still nervous, but I’m also keenly aware that I can use this as an opportunity to show off.
“Everyone ready?” Jaz asks. The three of us nod, and she counts us in. “Five, six, seven, eight, one, two, three, four—” Jaz stops counting midway through the eight-count because we’re all discombobulated. My bases miss my feet as I try to jump into their hands, and I stumble back to the ground. At the same time, Jaz works to hoist me up by my waist, not realizing my feet haven’t been caught. Her hands grabbed the top of my loose shorts, driving them up into oblivion along with my underwear, giving me a massive wedgie.
Must wear biker shorts next practice.
I remove my underwear from where it’s lodged as subtly as I can. We all take breaths in silence until Jaz speaks.
“Let’s review the counts. On one-two, Dani jumps; on three-four, you guys catch her feet.” She looks at Adriana and Lauren, who both nod. “And on five-six, she goes up to be set in the air by seven-eight. Got it?”
We all nod in agreement. I had thought those were the counts, so I have no idea what happened. But I know cheerleading is all about practice, so I position myself for our next attempt.
Jaz counts us in. “Five, six, seven, eight . . .”
She keeps counting, and this time, I make it into the air. I lock my legs and squeeze every fiber of the lower half of my body as I hit a high V on the seventh count.
“Good!” Jaz calls from below. “Cradle! Five, six, seven, eight . . .”
I feel them dip and throw my feet up, and I tuck into a V position with my body, arms in a T. My group catches me flawlessly. We all turn and look at each other, smiling.
“Thanks, guys,” I say. “That felt good.”
“Same here,” Lauren responds.
Adriana winks at me. She’s the type of cool girl who can get away with winking at people without it being creepy.
“Great,” Jaz says. “Let’s practice a couple more times.”
We repeat the same motions and continue working on preps and cradles for the rest of the stunt time. Afterward, we work on cheers, and before I know it, our first practice is over.
“Good job today,” Becca says. “Not bad for our first time as a group. Make sure to stretch on any days we don’t have practice to keep up your flexibility. See you Thursday!”
With that, everyone disbands. Adriana pulls me in the direction of the locker room the second my hands grasp my water bottle. I can tell she wants to be at the front of the group to talk to me alone.
“How great was that? I can’t believe we’re the only freshmen!” Adriana says, with excitement in her voice.
“I know, I can’t believe it either!” There are a few stragglers from other sports in the locker room, so we pause our conversation as we quickly get our things, then resume as we’re walking out of school.
“Becca is scary, though, isn’t she?” I whisper, looking over my shoulder to make sure no one can hear me.
“Psh. Don’t worry about her. It sounds like she just wants to win.” She nudges me playfully. “So if we get her a trophy, she’ll be fine!”
Right. No pressure.
We fall into a comfortable silence as we cross the large front lawn, heading toward the spot where we part ways. We chose it as “our spot” because there’s enough distance from the school that we’re not embarrassed to be picked up by a parent.
Adriana’s mom, Mariana, is waiting for her in their car. I wave to her, and she waves back.
“See you here again tomorrow morning?” I ask. I’d rather jump off a bridge than walk into Westfield High alone.
“Yup! Same time, 8:00 a.m.!” Adriana replies as she opens the passenger door. “Night!”
“Night!” I call back. I live close by, so I’d decided to walk to and from school as much as possible for extra exercise.
Eager to get home, I speed walk to my house. As I approach, I notice one of our gutters is starting to detach from the roof. That’s new. I inspect the house a bit more. The white paint looks tired, and the grass needs to be mowed. I sigh, knowing I’ll need to lug the lawn mower out this weekend.
I walk in the door, take off my shoes, and head to the kitchen for some water. I look around our dated kitchen—circa 1980s vibes—with wooden cabinets and white appliances. The whole house needs work. My dad pays child support, but that goes toward clothes, food, and bills—the necessities. My mom works at an insurance agency but had to drop down to part-time to care for my grandma when she came to live with us. My mom can pay the bills but doesn’t have much left over, so we can’t afford to pay someone to fix things around the house.
I find my mom and grandma watching TV on the couch.
“Hi, honey,” my mom says. “There’s pasta for you in the microwave. How was your first day of high school?”
As she speaks, I hurry to the kitchen. “It was good!” I call as I grab the plate from the microwave without bothering to heat it. I return to the living room. “I still have some homework, though, so I’m going to take this upstairs. Thanks for dinner, and love you!” I blow them a kiss as I go. I actually finished my homework earlier, but I’m dying to write in my journal.
I’m already halfway up the staircase, but I can still hear my grandma comment, “What’s with kids today? Always in such a rush. In my day . . .” I quietly shut my door, shaking my head with a smile.
Alone at last. I replay the whole cheerleading practice in my head. I grab my journal and begin to write.
Well, I’m officially in high school! Now I feel silly for being so anxious about the first day. As far as first days go, this one was pretty painless (head slam and wedgie excluded, of course).
I pause, my mind still racing at the thought of Adriana and I being the only two freshmen chosen for our cheerleading squad.
I’m excited I get to spend so much time with Adriana this year. The girls on the team seem really nice for cheerleaders (not like Lucy Finklestein!). Except for Becca—she seems more like a drill sergeant. But I’m already looking forward to competition at the end of the year. Yay for making varsity!
My mind wanders to Jaz. I replay each of our brief conversations in my head several times. The last time I had a friend crush was in fifth grade, when I was seated next to the prettiest girl in class. I couldn’t help but want to be around her. We ended up becoming friends for that school year.
I turn back to my journal.
There’s this one girl who’s really cool, Jaz. She’s the backspot in my stunt group. She’s really pretty. Like . . . movie star pretty.
I sit for a moment, feeling like I need to say something more. I tap my pen while I decide what else to write. I pick up my journal for one last line.
Next practice, I am definitely wearing biker shorts and a sports bra.
Nicole Carlotti's "My Not So Perfect Crush" offers a relatable and heartfelt dive into the turbulent world of freshman year. The story centers around Dani Demarco, a dedicated cheerleader navigating the complex landscape of high school, friendship dynamics, family pressures, and the confusing path of self-discovery. Making the varsity cheer squad as one of only two freshmen alongside her best friend, Adriana, is a dream come true, but Dani soon finds herself juggling intense practices led by the demanding captain, Becca, clumsy encounters with a cute new student, Patrick, and a growing, confusing fascination with her effortlessly cool teammate, Jaz. The narrative authentically captures the anxieties and triumphs of adolescence. Dani’s internal struggles—feeling awkward, striving for perfection in cheerleading, dealing with her absent father and her grandmother's dementia, are portrayed accurately and with authenticity. The evolution of her friendship with Adriana, strained by the introduction of the gossipy Jillian and later by unspoken feelings and misunderstandings, forms a significant emotional core. Dani’s journey toward understanding her own heart is central. Her initial interactions with Patrick are sweet and seemingly "Hollywood" perfect, leading to a relationship that feels like it should be right. However, her undeniable connection and growing feelings for Jaz create internal conflict. The story explores Dani’s tentative steps toward acknowledging her attraction to girls, seeking community in the GSA, and ultimately finding the courage to be true to herself, culminating in a heartwarming moment with Jaz. While facing challenges like online gossip and friendship fallouts, Dani learns the importance of honesty, communication, and self-acceptance. Carlotti delivers a heartwarming YA novel that balances the pressures of high school with a tender exploration of identity and first love, reminding readers that the path to self discovery, much like crushes, isn't always perfect, but it's ultimately rewarding. The supporting characters, including the complex Becca, loyal Lauren, and supportive families, add depth to Dani's world.