Life Interrupted is a powerful and intensely moving poetry book of one woman's journey into a life of chronic pain-and the unyielding resilience of the human spirit. D.L. Heather's collection of poems takes you on a journey through living with chronic pain, healing, self-discovery, inner strength, and personal transformation. A journey through powerful feelings that grow from seeds and change into blooming flowers.
Life Interrupted is a powerful and intensely moving poetry book of one woman's journey into a life of chronic pain-and the unyielding resilience of the human spirit. D.L. Heather's collection of poems takes you on a journey through living with chronic pain, healing, self-discovery, inner strength, and personal transformation. A journey through powerful feelings that grow from seeds and change into blooming flowers.
I was 39 when I finally had endometriosis related surgery. I was hoping to finally have some answers, but also terrified that they may find nothing at all. My stomach was in knots and the surgical nurses could see how anxious I was, and began squeezing my shaky hands, saying, âyouâre going to be just fine.â For 25 years, I suffered from debilitating pain, which consumed me to the point where I thought it was only going to end in one of two ways. Either whatever it was inside me causing all this pain was going to kill me or I would eventually take my own life. I had been to countless appointments, dismissed, and misdiagnosed nearly every time. Finally, after 4.5 hours of surgery, I woke up to my surgeon reassuring me that for two-and-a-half decades of inaction, my pain was indeed real and she confirmed I had adenomyosis and stage 4 endometriosis. I can still remember, when my childhood friends got their first periods, they appeared to celebrate the momentous occasion because they were blossoming into women. I never felt that way. I had my first period when I was 12 and when it was my time to blossom; it was excruciating. 1 Life Interrupted Since day one, I experienced heavy bleeding and excruciating pain by what I used to describe as being stabbed with jagged serrated knives twisting and turning into my abdomen, sides, lower back, pelvis and ovaries. At 14, after several doctors' appointments, they prescribed birth control, which brought on anxiety, depression, and severe nausea. At 15, my doctor suggested I seek counselling after telling me my pain must be all in my head, âYou're too young to have all this pain youâre describingâ and upon my first visit with the counsellor she asked, âWhy do you think you're experiencing this pain? âTell me about your home life." I sat there stunned, and at that point, began questioning my sanity. My anxiety deepened and clung to me every time I told doctors about the pain through the years. I had trips to the emergency room far too often because I could barely get out of bed on the days leading up to menstruating, during, and after. I saw three different gynaecologists in a year where I was probed and prodded each time. I watched them as they read my file and I knew what they were thinking. I couldnât help but feel like I was a lost cause, wondering if the doctors were right. Was my pain all in my head? Was I an attention seeker?
With every year that passed, the pain became worse and during the bad days; I was in the fetal position bawling and clutching my stomach, trying to crawl back to my bed. I was seeing my doctor on average two to three times a week begging for blood tests, ultrasounds, or at least something to ease my pain. Each time, they would tell me it was just thrush or a UTI. Prescribed a cocktail of Ibuprofen, Tylenol, and/or Panadol for the pain along with some vaginal cream and sent me on my merry way. I would return a few days later, still in excruciating pain, and would leave with zero help. During several visits, my doctor would typically say: âIâm sensing a feeling of frustration from you.â I was being stripped to my core and my body was medicalized in every way.On days where the pain became unbearable, I sat in the hospital waiting room for four to six hours. Every time it was the same. Rate the pain, take off my clothes, be prodded to locate the pain, get blood work done, take two anti-inflammatories. Everything looked normal. By the time I was 18, I had rehearsed every question and answer before even going to the hospital. The fatigue, anger, and frustration wore me down.
As a young woman presenting pelvic pain in the emergency room, I felt devalued by our health system. Nearly every time being met with doubt when describing the intensity of my pain. Given the severity of my discomfort, I would rate my pain 10/10 most times and on more than one occasion was told by a nurse: âI donât think you understand the rating system, a 10/10 would be like the pain is so bad you feel as if youâre going to pass out or die.â I was told that I was too sensitive and had a low threshold for pain. Iâve had ER doctors accuse me of being a pill seeker.Endometriosis is a condition riddled with power struggles in the relationship between patients and their doctors. Weâre probed and prodded rather than listened to. The results are patients suffering in silence and doubting themselves when blood tests, urine cultures, PAP smears, and ultrasounds all come back normal. Throughout my journey with endometriosis, I have frequently questioned myself because of this, and as I grew older, I would try to hide my emotions during appointments to not appear to be too resentful and emotional, but thatâs what gaslighting does.
My experience with endometriosis has been a constant fight to be seen and heard in the medical community, whether I was living in Canada or New Zealand. This condition has followed me all my life and is part of who I am, but I will no longer let it define me; not anymore.On 18 October 2019, excision surgery confirmed my diagnosis, but my story is just one amongst the millions of unheard stories around the world. Through writing Life Interrupted, I hope I can shed some light on the need to recognize the experiences of the one in ten who feel left out by the medical community. After being diagnosed with endometriosis in 2019, treatment has continued to be challenging. Just eight months after my surgery, I had a hysterectomy to remove adenomyosis and had more endometriosis lesions removed. Following that surgery, I developed severe hip and joint problems and mobility has been a daily struggle. I have recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, interstitial cystitis, and chronic fatigue syndrome too. Every day is a struggle and despite it all, I still have hope for a cure and will continue to fight for the one in ten to be heard.
A beautifully written interpretation of a lifetime of pain â physical and emotional â in a world that refuses to acknowledge it.
D.L. Heather suffered from chronic pain just for being born a woman and was forced to suffer longer than necessary simply because her cries were left unheard, unattended to, and disbelieved. This led to her feeling stripped of her humanity, devalued, humiliated, still in pain, and questioning her sanity.
Rather than being broken by this torturously long and testing experience, the author decides to stand up for herself and for every other woman whoâs ever felt like her and wasnât heard. After being voiceless for so long, D.L. Heather becomes the voice for others through her poetry.
The small collection deals with pain, trauma, depression, medical neglect and gaslighting, infertility, guilt, loneliness, and isolation. The words people had refused to hear from the writer resurface as eloquent prose that skillfully transport the reader into the dark hole sheâs been trapped in all her life, without neglecting to offer a beautiful, warm light at the end of the tunnel that is her burning hope and other womenâs strength and inspiration.
Ms. Heather doesnât shy away from admitting her journey with her illness and pain is far from over and that many women will continue to suffer, but she uses her experience to highlight how comforting and relieving it is to be heard, to be believed, to know what is actually wrong and that it isnât only in your head just because other people canât feel it.
The art work implemented in the book is uniquely befitting and absolutely beautiful and deftly transforms the entire book into a beautiful work of art that can be enjoyed by anyone whoâs gone through a similar experience or was neglectfully silenced.
Wishing the poet behind the work and anyone going through pain a quick recovery and a beautiful life!