Kelso Pax (intergalactic adventurer and all-round action hero) finds himself in serious hot water when he falls foul of an evil corporation, deadly mercenaries and a small dog named Tofu. Pax must work with ace reporter, Sally Franks and Ellis the smart-aleck robot head to learn the secret the corporation is hiding and their mysterious links to the magical Spear of Destiny.
Kelso Pax is a psychedelic fusion of Indiana Jones, Doctor Who and Han Solo. He's also a fully paid up member of the Galactic Adventurer's Society and the subscription isn't cheap. There's no time to waste, so let's hop aboard our classic NASA Space Shuttle and hunt down The Spear of Destiny!
âA RIP-ROARING FUTURE SPACE ADVENTURE MYSTERY DRAMA COMEDY ACTION THRILLERâ
- The author
Kelso Pax (intergalactic adventurer and all-round action hero) finds himself in serious hot water when he falls foul of an evil corporation, deadly mercenaries and a small dog named Tofu. Pax must work with ace reporter, Sally Franks and Ellis the smart-aleck robot head to learn the secret the corporation is hiding and their mysterious links to the magical Spear of Destiny.
Kelso Pax is a psychedelic fusion of Indiana Jones, Doctor Who and Han Solo. He's also a fully paid up member of the Galactic Adventurer's Society and the subscription isn't cheap. There's no time to waste, so let's hop aboard our classic NASA Space Shuttle and hunt down The Spear of Destiny!
âA RIP-ROARING FUTURE SPACE ADVENTURE MYSTERY DRAMA COMEDY ACTION THRILLERâ
- The author
The spaceport appeared on the scanner as a series of red and blue lines â a neon blueprint projected on an angry mass of mould-coloured storm clouds. The cameras had no hope of presenting an image of the real thing, hidden as it was within the churning, billowing dust storm. The landing zone alternated between bright green and urgent flashing red vectors as the storm-force winds disrupted the shipâs approach.
The view from below was equally obscured as Finney Honda, archaeologist and proud Scotsman, tracked the approaching craft on a monitor in a sealed observation area overlooking the landing bay. As the roof of the circular bay split open to reveal the fury of the dust-storm beyond, Finney searched the sick, swirling maelstrom for a sign of the ship but saw nothing until the very last moments.
Then, the black underside of the swept back, metallic wings emerged like the shadow of some monstrous predator from the dense storm clouds as the ship made the shelter of the landing bay.
Dust rolled in with the ship, creating drifts around the perimeter. The craft touched down, but Finney made no move to leave the safe haven of the viewing area until the two rolling segments of roof had silenced the storm and the white glare of artificial light illuminated the sealed bay.
Only then did he release the door, wrinkling his nose as he met the intense, sickly smell the craft had brought in with it. He took a moment to admire the antique ship that hissed and groaned with the diminishing whine of an ion-drive turbine slowing.
Although space vehicles werenât his area of expertise, any historian worth his salt knew a classic when they saw one. The black and white spacecraft couldnât help but illicit a grin and an appreciative whistle from Finney.
The ship had a distinctive round, black and white two-tone nose, three sets of wheels, a set of smooth sweeping wings and a tail fin set above a cluster of good-sized booster rockets.
Finney could see that it wasnât all âas newâ though. Under the wings, near the landing gear, modern repulsor-lifts had been fitted to allow vertical take-off, and two of the three rear boosters must have been replaced with ion-drive ports, styled to look like the original rockets.
The third booster had also been replaced, but this time with an un-emitter. Finney found it a little sad that the ship had been so heavily modified, but then there really wasnât an option if long distance space journeys were to be attempted by such a craft.
Like everyone else, Finney knew un-emitters were vital to allow a ship to leave normal space and dive into the psychedelic sea of Un-Space. Un-Space â the mysterious labyrinth of universal shortcuts that sit underneath, around, or possibly in a different dimension to real space.
The un-emitter allowed the craft to cross the divide from Real Space into Un-Space at a weak point or portal. Once submerged, in minutes a ship could travel vast distances of interstellar space that would take years by conventional means.
The use of multiple portals made journeys of mind-bendingly staggering distances a simple task of dipping in and out of Real-Space and selecting a suitable portal to allow access to the next leg of a journey. Un-Space was a mysterious, magical place that Finney didnât understand and even so-called experts didnât know much better.
Only a tiny fraction of its swirling oily seas had been mapped by brave galactic explorers and adventurers, many of whom had disappeared without a trace. The portals successfully added to navigational charts were now key gateways, super highways bridging impossible distances between cultures and clusters of planets across the galaxy.
Finney could spot the tell-tale scars of Un-Space on the fuselage of the cooling craft. Dents in its white metallic body where flotsam and jetsam had slammed into the craft whilst riding the mysterious currents. A deep gash stretched across one wing that he remembered hearing was caused by a close encounter with an Un-Space UFO. Many unknown races used Un-Space, not all of them, it was suggested, arrived there from the same universe.
Finneyâs appraisal of the craft reached the name-plate stamped on its fuselage. Simple black lettering, next to a little flag from a long-gone nation state â the word Atlantis.
Finney had heard that the shuttle was the original Atlantis, one of a fleet of ships built for NASA by Rockwell International in Southern California and which had flown a variety of space missions between 1985 and 2011. After which, it had been decommissioned and placed on show at the Kennedy Space Centre visitor complex. How it had found its way into its current ownership was a story its owner chose to keep to himself.[1]
The single hatch, just astern of the cockpit hissed open and steps descended to meet the dusty concrete slab. A figure appeared, silhouetted in the doorway and accompanied by a hacking cough and exclamation.
Finney approached and gave a friendly wave. âSorry about the smell. I said it was bad, didnât I?â
âBad?! Hell fire, the place reeks! Itâs awfulâŚhorrificâŚitâs assaulting my nose!â
âIâd say you will get used to it, but you kind of donât,â admitted Finney as the figure climbed down the steps and resolved into the form of Kelso Pax, galactic adventurer and Finneyâs oldest college friend. Finney was pleased to see that Pax wore the type of outfit heâd always favoured, a navy-blue leather jacket worn over a grey shirt, grey cargo trousers and solid, military style desert boots â practical, yet with the hint of adventure movie hero about it.
He was slightly disturbed to see that the years had been kinder to his friendâs physique than they had to his and was thankful that, for the time being, his unkempt midriff was hidden by heavy robes. The only thing that was in any way different about Pax was the adventurerâs haircut. Gone was the mid-length floppy hair of his youth, replaced by a military-style crew cut.
Pax approached and the two men embraced warmly, âGood to see you, Finney. Still ginger, I see.â
âStill insanely jealous of my colouring, Kel,â smiled his friend.
Paxâs nose wrinkled again. âMy god! The smell is everywhere. Itâs on your cloakâŚitâsâŚHow do you put up with it?â
âLike I said, you donât. I love the ship, by the way, where on Earth did youâŚ?â
âWelcome! Welcome!â The interruption came from a short, blue-skinned man bursting enthusiastically from a nearby door. âMr. Pax? It is so amazing to have you here with us on Folmus.â
âYou know me?â
âMr. Pax, although Folmus is an isolated little world, we watch the news feeds closely. We would not miss the opportunity to greet our latest celebrity visitor!â
âErâŚoh, right.â
The man handed Pax a bundle of robes. âThese are for you â a gift from the people of Folmus.â
âThatâs very kind of you.â
âNow, I understand that you donât need a guide and our friend Mr. Honda here is to take you to the caves. Your shipâs AI has supplied all the necessary arrivals paperwork. So, I shall leave you two, unless there is anything else you require?â
âNoâŚerâŚthanks.â Pax clearly hadnât had such a pleasant welcome to a spaceport in a long time.
âYou are most welcome. If you need anything, I am Administrator Traken.â The little man bowed and strode purposefully away, but not before reviewing Paxâs ship and commenting that it was beautiful.
âHeâs a local?â Pax guessed.
âYep. A Folmar. What the planet lacks in landscape views, pleasant smells, abundant water and meaningful foliage, it makes up for with top quality customer service,â laughed Finney.
âPeople say that Folmus is both the most hospitable and at the same time deeply inhospitable place you are ever likely to set foot. Inhospitable because of the wind, poor air, the blue-green mould colour palette, the sand storms and of courseâŚâ
ââŚthe smell?â offered Pax.
âThe smell. And most hospitable because the Folmar people are obsessed by hospitality. They have made customer service into a kind of martial art. To become a master takes years of training.â
Pax couldnât help but snigger at the idea of a customer services martial art, but Finney was serious. He gestured for Pax to put on the heavy cloak and continued to talk as they made their way from the bay through the quiet connecting tunnels towards an impressive glass atrium Arrivals area.
âYou should see their Third Dann Customer Service MastersâŚtheyâre amazing. Theyâve been known to single-handedly turn around the fortunes of companies. Iâm told utility companies employ Folmar to manage their complaints instead of spending time and money improving services.â
âNow that I can believe,â laughed Pax as they approached a set of glass double doors that led back out into the dust storm beyond. Finney donned goggles, pulled a covering across his face, and showed Pax how to do likewise with the headdress of his robe.
They exited the building and any further communication became impossible as the harsh wind and biting clouds of dust forced them into silence. They fought their way to a row of parking bays on which sat several, heavy-duty wheeled transport vehicles. They reached the nearest and climbed in.
Once inside, Finney wasted no time placing a little payment card into a machine. The door hissed closed after them and they were soon trundling away from the space port buildings in the heart of the heavy dust cloud once again.
âStaggering levels of friendliness donât counteract the horribleness of this planet for me,â observed Finney, shaking dust from his cloak. âIf it wasnât for the caves, I wouldnât have spent more than a day here.â
âAh, yes the caves. Iâve heard a bit about them from Ellis.â
âEllis?â
âMy artificial intelligence. Well, heâs actually the severed head of a robot I came across by chance. He was alone for quite a long time with no one to talk to so he makes up for it by offering an opinion on every subject, whether it is wanted or not. Heâs been around a bit and told me about the caves. He said they were the planetâs only redeeming feature.â
âHeâd be right. They are impressive. Well, youâll see for yourself.â
A towering mass of jagged rocks appeared above them, emerging from the storm like a vast evil entity ready to consume them. At the base of the colossal black rock formation, a landing strip-like path of lights guided the vehicle into a yawning cave entrance.
The vehicle pulled to a halt and Finney was unsurprised when he saw Pax stop short as he was met with his first view of the City Caves of Folmus.
âEllis described the caves as âa beautiful child, born of hideously ugly parentsâ,â Pax said, as his eyes adjusted to take in a glittering light-show of jewel encrusted rock formations, hanging like shining Christmas baubles from the roof of the cave.
The two men climbed out. âWow!â exclaimed Pax, mesmerised.
âAnd this is just the entrance. Wait until we get inside,â smiled Finney, pausing and placing a hand on Paxâs shoulder. âListen, thanks for helping me out. To be honest, I didnât expect you to agree to it.â
Pax tore his eyes from the sparkling cave walls to meet his friendâs gaze, âAnd leave one of my mates stuck? Not a chance. Besides, I needed a change of scenery.â
âBecause of the girl?â
âGirl?â Finney spotted the discomfort in Paxâs answer but proceeded anyway.
âThe reporter.â
âI have no idea who you mean. Come on, we donât start work until tomorrow. Letâs get drunk and take a look at the local scenery!â
Pax set off at a brisk walk and Finney decided it was pointless engaging Pax any more on the subject. Obviously, it was a conversation for another day.
Pax had to admit that the scenery was something to behold. They made their way through ornately carved stone archways and two sets of gigantic golden doors (in reality an airlock to keep the surface conditions of the planet at bay) and entered the North Cavern, the famous public entrance to the City Caves of Folmus.
The city stretched out in front of them, hewn from the bedrock in places and built into natural fissures between the rock walls in others. The vast majority of the Folmar population made their homes here in an eclectic mix of traditional buildings, caves, tunnels, wide open spaces in vast rock chambers and the labyrinthian tunnel systems stretching for miles in and around the city.
âTake a good look,â chuckled Finney as Pax stopped to admire the view. âWhere we are going to be working is off the beaten track and nowhere near as pretty.â
Finney noted the look of concern crossing Paxâs face. Perhaps he had been given a little information on some of the more interesting fauna and flora, most of which hid in the lower caves and were less âcustomer-facingâ than the Folmar people.
âWe probably wonât meet a Bastard,â he said, reading the thought and referring to the Vixijufgh Bscadis â the unpronounceable top predator found in the subterranean culture, also known as Vicious Bastards, having been christened as such by a human visitor.
Of course, the nickname stuck and rightly so as the creatures accounted for a surprisingly high volume of visitor deaths in the far reaches of the City Caves each year.
To remain top predator on a planet with a reasonably successful sentient species is impressive, but, Finney reasoned, also in line with the overall ethics of the Folmar, who were deeply committed to maintain the natural diversity of their planetâs ecosystem, such as it was.
Finney still wondered why they chose to protect the evil creatures, though. Vicious Bastards were lizards with more eyes than were necessary. An adult was around 3.5 metres tall and they were as ill-tempered as the Folmar were cheerfully helpful.
The Vicious Bastards must have got really fed up with the god-awful planet they live on long ago. Rather than trying desperately to market it to potential visitors, they instead chose to spend their time venting their frustration on passers-by, taking great pleasure in eating unsuspecting and inexplicably lost tourists who had already made the worst mistake of their holiday-booking lives by coming to Folmus.
âSo, where to first?â said Pax, rubbing his hands and fixing his old friend with his trademark mischievous grin.
âBy that, Iâm assuming you mean, whereâs the nearest bar?â
âGot it in one!â
Finney sighed. It was going to be a long night.
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The following day, the two friends nursed monumental hangovers on their journey to an obscure corner of the cave system. They were still both feeling rough a couple of hours into their morningâs work.
               When the early morning alarm call had come, Finneyâs desire to get cracking with his research work had overridden an almost equally strong desire to pull the bedclothes over his head in his hotel room and wait for his headache to die back. He silently cursed himself for not bringing any anti-hangover drugs with him.
For his part, Kelso Pax wasnât the kind of guy to travel half way across the universe in order to stay in bed and not help his friend just because he had a horrific hangover, but after hours of grubbing about in the dust around some cave paintings and taking readings on Finneyâs equipment, he wished he was.
In this part of the cave system, the glittering gems set into the walls that somehow brought light to the subterranean world were simply beautiful. Or they would be if they didnât make the pain behind his eyes intensify. He wished heâd brought his dark glasses, but he hadnât brought them for obvious, cave-related reasons.
Despite delivering on the promise to help his friend with his research, if he was honest with himself, he was really just desperately looking for another human being to hang out and get mortally drunk with. Now that job was done, he was starting to regret the bit where he had to support some archaeological dig in a smelly old cave the morning after.
This was an unpopulated area, barely visited by the locals but by no means unexplored and this meant that what interest there may have been for Pax, a fully paid-up member of the Galactic Adventurerâs Society, quickly dissipated.
Pax had learned from a couple of locals in a particularly friendly bar that just about every corner of the cave system had been explored, and whilst the caves were impressive to look at, they offered nothing for a seasoned seeker of mystery and action.
Finney, on the other hand, was finding the area much more interesting, despite the banging drum in his temples.
Pax was disinterestedly holding a light up for Finney as the archaeologist studied a series of intricate cave paintings in a little waist-high alcove. He had stopped listening as his friend had entered into a long and detailed assessment of the symbolism presented by the images. He was instead inspecting a flaming torch attached to the wall nearby.
The flickering torch made shapes dance off the gemstones, giving the wide, arched tunnel an ethereal glow.
Pax briefly tuned in to hear Finney pointing out some similarity between these cave paintings and others heâd investigated on a nearby planet. Pax was annoyed with himself for being inattentive and knew that it wasnât all about the hangover.
Finneyâs initial assessment of his state of mind was right on the money. His need to kick back and relax could be traced back to another expedition that had ended with a near death experience on an ancient, abandoned spaceship.
Having just made it out of that escapade with his life but with a new travelling companion called Sally, like some crazy pair of adrenaline junkies, they had thrown themselves into a succession of wild adventures, but they had come to a juddering halt with what could only be described as a ârelationship complication.â
After that, he had mooched about a bit, not really doing anything of note and feeling surprisingly alone, despite the best efforts of Ellis, his robotic companion.
Then, when he was hitting his lowest point, came the call from his old friend Finney. Finney and Pax had been close at university and the good-natured Scotsman had even saved Paxâs life on a third-year field trip.
They kept in touch sporadically, but always got on well when they did catch up. Finney confessed to having been let down by a research assistant, so Pax had volunteered to step in to help at short notice.
Now he had experienced the pleasant, but tame local nightlife (improved by drinking to oblivion) and the planetâs wind, dust and smell, Pax was quickly realising that what he should have done is invited Finney to join him on a completely different adventure. An adventure that probably involved snorkelling around some pleasant little islets alongside scantily clad diving partners.
Finney finished his academic monologue and clicked off a little recording device. Pax put down the light stretched, sighed deeply, and moved to undertake a closer examination of the flaming torch. It was affixed to the rock wall by a rusted iron ring.
âWhy do they have flaming torches on the walls around here?â he said, wincing as the flickering light sent another stab of pain through his head.
Finney regarded his friend. âWhat do you mean?â
âWell, you know, flaming torches? I mean, really? Itâs a bit over the top, isnât it?â
âNot totally, they do a job.â
âNot as well as a decent LED or something,â Pax snorted. âThese are much less efficient andâŚâ he examined the torch more closely. âitâs not even real. Thereâs a little hard-light emitter in there and, look, thereâs a power supply cable going up and along the roof.â
Finney brushed the ever-present vile dust from his trousers, struggled to his feet, and joined his friend by the fake torch.
âWhat is it, Kel?â
Only Finney called him Kel.
âWell, itâs so inefficient.â
âInefficient?â
âYes, to put up flaming torches. It adds drama, granted, but here, in this dusty old corner of the caves, it seems a bit over the top.â
âMaybe,â Finney conceded. âBut I like the sense of drama. Theyâve got to try their hardest for the tourists around here. Besides, youâre not really that bothered about the torches, are you?â
Pax turned to his old friend and raised a questioning eyebrow.
âOh, come on Kel, you are out of sorts. Ring Sally. Talk to her.â
âSally? This isnât about SallyâŚNothing to do with her. I was just curious about the lighting,â spluttered Pax.
âIf you say so. If you say so. But you did nothing last night but talk about her.â
âI did?â
âWell, it was a slurred rant about her leaving you to go off âbible bashingâ at the endâŚbut yes, she was the main topic of conversation.â
Pax shook his head, as if to free himself of the malady that had taken a grip of him. âOk, fine, youâre right, Fin,â he conceded, and then added with an attempt at new commitment, âCome on, I need to get Sally out of my head. No more mooching about. I said I would helpâŚso, hit me. What have you found?â
Finney wasnât convinced this renewed interest would last, but smiled and clapped his friend on the shoulder.
âRight, so, these paintings, here and here? See them?â
âYes.â
âThey are from a race that predate the Folmar. It looks like they had advanced technology. Like, really advanced. Iâm thinking perhaps even Architects or Designers level?â
âNo, not Designers,â dismissed Pax, thinking back to a deeply unpleasant encounter with a remnant of the impossibly old race of world-rebuilders and re-shapers responsible for the development of many of the modern galactic societies. Pax inspected the crude drawings more closely.
âNo,â he said again. âThe technology is like nothing Iâve seen. You sure this is an ancient painting and not another effort to add more drama for passing tourists?â
âWhat? No! Iâve run an analysis of the paint. Itâs over 50,000 years old.â
âIn that case, they are probably a pre-cursor race,â Pax guessed. âIt wouldnât surprise me if they messed up the planet and left it with all this mould and wind and dust. They probably moved underground and evolved into the Folmar.â
âIâm not sure. Iâd like to compare this stuff toâŚâ Finney fell silent as a distant, high-pitched voice reverberated through the tunnels.
âWhat was that?â
Both men listened intently as more noises, yelps and screeches echoed around the tunnel.
âA Vicious Bastard?â suggested Finney, listening intently.
âI donât think so, it sounds likeâŚâ
Pax didnât get to finish because a sudden, piercing shriek was quickly followed by the sound of running feet. The echoes made it hard to distinguish the direction the noise was coming from and Pax made a complete circle on the spot in an attempt to pinpoint the source before being bowled over by a terror-stricken woman.
She was a Folmar, a good two feet shorter than him and dressed in a traditional, heavy grey cloth cloak. The womanâs blue eyes were desperate and wide with panic. Both she and Pax yelled as they tumbled to the ground.
She was clutching a bundle to her chest and in the act of sending them sprawling on the floor, she thrust it into Paxâs arms and let go. He instinctively grasped it and held on as he landed heavily on his backside.
âPlease!â the woman was distraught, âHelp me!â She scrambled over to Pax on her hands and knees.
âItâs a child!â The voice was Finneyâs and he was right.
Pax adjusted the bundle and came face-to-face with the angelic, blue chubby face of a tiny child. He couldnât begin to guess how old it was, knowing nothing of the Folmar lifecycle.
Before Pax had the time to react further, there was a blinding flash and an exclamation from Finney. Pax dragged his eyes from the child to his friend and saw him stagger backwards and slam heavily into the wall.
Finneyâs eyes grew wide with shock and he looked down stupidly at his stomach where a smoking hole about six inches wide had appeared.
âFinneyâŚ?â started Pax.
âOh,â said his friend, looking down at the hole. If heâd been able to bend down far enough, the wall of the cave would have been visible through it.
âKel, I think youâd better run,â he said before sinking slowly to his knees and falling forward onto his face.
Before Pax could form an answer, the sound of something metallic clanking heavily came towards them from the gloom. The unmistakable whine of a heavy energy weapon recharging thrust Pax into action.
He scrambled to his feet, still clutching the baby in one arm and pulled the terrified woman up with the other.
âCome on!â he yelled and ran for his life.
What do a deep-space adventurer, a traumatized teenager, a snarky A.I., and a jaded reporter have in common? A duty to protect a mysterious baby that fell into their laps. In Kelso Pax and the Spear of Destiny, we follow an unlikely selection of people charged with hiding a little girl from a sinister military agency. But why are they after her? What can this random group of people possibly do to save her from a sinister group of intergalactic zealots?
One highlight of this novel is the pacing of the story. Kelso Pax and the Spear of Destiny is told from several different perspectives, all at differing times and places. Because of this, the readers are given countless cliffhangers, counting down to the final confrontation. The tension this builds for the readers really can't be overstated.Â
The plotline is incredibly intriguing. It takes some of the best parts of sci-fi and blends them into something new. The innovation of the "un-space" element adds a unique spin on space travel, and readers will especially love that. I won't go into detail on it too much because we don't do spoiler's here.Â
Something readers might struggle with is the overall wordiness of the novel. There are many moments of excessive over-explaining that read like lists of attributes rather than incorporating with the story. While having a well-thought-out world is vital, being overly descriptive of insignificant details can make it feel more like a textbook than a novel.Â
There are also several times where long tangents take the reader completely out of the story. The most glaring example of this is when there's a three-and-a-half-page exploration of their world's history of Shih Tzu's. While the Shih Tzu does play a role in advancing the plot, the backstory given is still excessive.
Overall, I rated Kelso Pax and the Spear of Destiny three out of five stars. The plotline is unique and intriguing and has all the makings of a stunning sci-fi adventure/ comedy. However, the details don't quite measure up to the potential the novel has. I think if the author trimmed off the excess and structured the sentences to flow a little more organically, it would have been a five-star read.
The language is only mildly explicit, but the violence is pretty pervasive and graphic, so I recommend this novel to an adult audience. If you're looking for a sci-fi thriller, and the above-mentioned issues aren't dealbreakers for you, give Kelso Pax and the Spear of Destiny a read.Â