The Not So Last Goodbye
I watched Jess clean her desk, shying away from her gaze all the while. I didn’t know how Amanda had found out, but she’d fired her minutes ago through an email to the entire office.
Neither I nor Sophie had said anything to our boss, but Misha’s omnipresence seemed a viable explanation. It was the first time in my career that I was grateful to him; despite him being a spineless sycophant, he’d taken Sophie’s side in this. She had suffered too much over Mark’s implied infidelity. Because of Jess’s cruel lie, the two of them had broken up for at least a year, a painful period for a fragile heart like hers. And this wasn’t an analogy. I’d only recently discovered that Sophie suffered from cardiac arrhythmia, and in her case, it was serious enough to kill her.
Jess finished filling her stationery box, and then began to walk in my direction, her eyes locked on mine. She tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder, in desire to possibly shake off the entire situation. I’d need to face her, and I dreaded it.
“Lucie,” her voice trembled, looking like she was about to begin sobbing. “I’m sorry for what I did.” With mascara streaming down her face, she looked almost pitiful. I’d been there a few times myself, though never because I’d attempted a scheme straight out of Mean Girls.
I nodded. “I’m not the one you need to apologize, Jess.”
“I tried to text Sophie, but she’s not responding,” she muttered dejectedly.
Some things were better left be, and this was probably one of them. An apology when she’d already been caught would not have seemed genuine. Besides, I wasn’t reading any true remorse in her energy. She’d probably still date Mark if she could manipulate him into it.
“Would it be okay if I listed you as a work reference?” Her eyebrows shot up hopefully.
I looked away from her raccoon eyes, then let out a breath in frustration. Of course, she had an agenda for this conversation; just another reason to be glad that she was on her way out.
“Jess, I don’t think you want to do that. I don’t have anything good to say.” I couldn’t believe how much I sounded like Amanda Hart, our draconian boss. It gave me a little bit of guilty satisfaction.
“Never mind,” she sulked, then headed toward the door and kicked it in annoyance. The Christmas snow globe that she used to keep on her desk, despite it being summer, fell to the ground with a thud, glass splintering everywhere. The uniformed man working nearby jerked at the sound, then lifted his head to identify the cause.
“Jess?” I called her name one last time, halting her in her tracks. “I’ll tell Sophie you said you’re sorry. It may be best if you leave her alone, though.” I narrowed my eyes to let her know it was a warning.
I suddenly became conscious of our coworkers watching us, and while a part of me was used to attention at this point, I hadn’t been able to tune it out this time around. I glanced at my screen, seeing the office chat now blowing up with supportive emojis. Almost everyone could feel the bitter sting of Sophie’s absence. There was nobody to restock office coffee or organize potlucks, and there would be no more work parties at Sophie’s lavish Coronado mansion. Most importantly, everyone’s best friend disappeared from our routine.
Jess hesitated, her brow furrowed as though she were still wondering what to do about the literal and figurative mess that she was leaving behind, then murmured a brief “thanks” before disappearing through the exit.
Seconds later, more uniformed workers arrived to help with the installation of a camera system and a metal detector, Amanda’s newest security decisions.
I’d become a high maintenance hire, but I also knew that it was not the emotion that Amanda wanted me to feel. When I had started working at Apogee, San Diego’s largest lifestyle magazine, we’d been pulling in an annual revenue of around $200 million a year. Since then, it had almost tripled with business pouring in, some of it being the result of Julian’s indirect association with the magazine, some part of it hopefully being due to my workaholism — but there was no way to deny that becoming his girlfriend had skyrocketed my career, whether I liked it or not.
Amanda though, was a force to reckon with as well—she’d nurtured this extra gas pedal and maintained the momentum, while involving a few tech companies in the launch of a new lifestyle app, a savvy business move that crowned Apogee a billion-dollar venture. As a result, my salary had quadrupled, and another raise for me was not out of the realm of possibility. It was starting to feel like nothing was out of the realm of possibility these days.
I no longer had a problem paying for my student loans, groceries, or anything whatsoever – a stark contrast with my first year in San Diego. My professional life felt phenomenal, except for the fact that Sophie had left a void behind. But I had to be joyful for her because she was pursuing a career in real estate, a smart choice for someone with her skillset and background. Argh, real estate had never been the field that I’d been interested in—yet it had shaped my life so much already. And I was learning a lot about it from Julian, enough to understand most of his business jargon, enough to know that it was interesting now to me too, to learn about how exactly he’d built such an empire in it.
I was about to delve back into work when I spotted a twiggy Black female barrel through the glass door. She seemed petite, in comparison to the two suitcases alongside her and the heavy bag she was carrying, making me wonder how she’d transported it all up by herself. Not noticing the glass on the ground, she passed through it, the suitcase making a cracking sound as it rolled over it.
I was about to go help her when she halted in her tracks.
“Lucie, right?” She wiped her forehead. “Thank goodness that I didn’t have to go far.”
“Yes, hi, can I direct you somewhere?” I walked toward her to assist with her items.
“Appreciate the hand. I am Kali, the new assistant,” she examined me closely. “Mandy, I mean Amanda, said that I am to report to you.”
Amanda had left for a fashion show in Milan that same morning, and she hadn’t given any heads-up about a new hire before she left. But I’d grown accustomed to the fact that working for her often meant flying by the seat of my pants. “Yes, definitely, we were expecting you,” I tried to sound more confident than I felt. As I spoke, my mind quickly ran through the checklist of how I’d approach this unexpected onboarding.
The simplest solution seemed to be seating Kali next to me, so I pointed to Sophie’s old desk and offered it to her. At the same time, I silently cursed the fact that Rebecca, our office whiz, had started grad school and was no longer around to help with the usual username and system setup.
“Don’t sweat the details,” Kali grinned, sensing my stress as I stumbled through my thoughts. Her easy smile helped to calm some of the panic rising in me, especially since I had no clear plan of what steps to take next.
“This is actually the first time I’m helping a new hire,” I admitted. “Are you friends with Amanda?” I queried, noting that she had called her Mandy. It felt like the perfect way to kick off some light conversation. As an introvert, I still sometimes struggled to avoid being awkward in introductions, but it had definitely gotten easier with practice.
“We went to school together. She’s helping me because I fell on hard times.” She hinted, while she tugged her suitcases toward her new desk. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had come straight from the airport. Kali seemed to shy away from my gaze, and I sensed there was a lot of unspoken pain behind her words. But I didn’t think it was my place to press for more details. Maybe, at some point, she’d share more when she felt ready.
“I also started here when I was also going through a tough period. My career at Apogee turned my life around.” I shared with her, reminiscent of the prior year. “Here,” I handed her my old welcome package. “This stack is a great place to start.”
My phone dinged, and I remembered it was almost three o’clock. I would be running late for my lunch with Julian. Still, I needed to pay attention to Kali now that she’d just arrived.
“There’s answer keys in the back of it,” I let her know. “I am going to go figure out your new log in, then help you get started on our welcome modules.”
She settled into her seat. “Thanks Lucie. I appreciate you so much.”
“Can I offer you water or coffee?” I asked, hoping we still had a few Keurig cups left. I’d been meaning to figure out how to use our Office Depot account and place an order, but with the launch of the app, I’d found myself juggling more responsibilities than time allowed.
“I drank coffee on my way here, but thank you,” Kali blinked thoughtfully at me. Her deep brown skin and sharp, graceful features caught the light as she spoke, and her dark eyes had an almost perceptive quality, as if she was processing everything in the room. She then nodded toward the uniformed workers setting up the metal detectors. “An unusual precaution for a magazine entrance, isn’t it? We had these at my old school in the Bronx.”
I smiled inwardly. “Is that where you’re from?”
“New York, yeah.” She said with an East Coast accent that I should have recognized before.
“Amanda wants to be careful,” I explained, leaving myself out of it. It occurred to me that Kali had no preconceived notions of me – at least not like most strangers on the street. She didn’t look at me with the same curiosity as the people that knew me from magazines. It was so refreshing that for an instant, I wondered if this was how Julian had felt when he’d first met me. Free to be himself. Free to escape the headlines of tabloids that oftentimes crushed us both.
“And you?” She turned the conversation to me.
“Seattle. Now southern California is home, though.” I missed Gram, but I could picture myself staying in San Diego for the rest of my life. If I could take care of her somehow. Would she be open to coming here eventually?
“Nothing beats the weather, right?”
“Yeah, it’s a treat to live here.” I hoped it would lift her mood about whatever she was going through. “I’ll be back in a moment with your log in info.” I rushed out to find Greg from our helpdesk team, while I checked my phone again to update Julian on my delay.
Work with me and you’ll never be late for lunch with the boss, he’d already texted.
I felt relieved that he wasn’t upset with me.
I am so sorry. I am unexpectedly helping a new hire here. I’ll see you in twenty minutes. I was almost at Greg’s desk, so I shoved my phone in my pocket. I hoped that Julian wouldn’t feel hurt that I’d almost stood him up, but I’d promised Amanda no leniencies. And everyone else would have postponed their lunch in this situation, so I really had no choice…
‘Hi Greg.” I slid into the chair next to his desk. “Can you help me with a username set up?”
Per the items on his table, he’d just finished a lunch of Pad Thai, and was now washing it down with a mega sized orange soda. His nursing schoolbooks took up all the rest of the space, leading me to believe that he’d been studying on his lunch break. Or maybe around it too.
“Sure, Lucie. What’s her name?” He rotated his chair toward me, then grinned at me like I’d become a welcome distraction.
“Kali,” I frowned at the lack of info I’d given him. “Will we be able to find her in the system based on just that?”
He gave me a smug smile. “Sure, let me check. We should be able to figure this out.” He loaded our CRM, while I sat and waited. Greg was always willing to help me because I’d saved him from Amanda’s rage on several occasions. I finally relaxed, but not for too long.
My phone vibrated, so I pulled it out of my pocket to check the call, expecting to see Julian’s caller ID. But it wasn’t him this time around.
Bradley? I hadn’t heard from him since he’d left for Hawaii. Last year, we’d almost gotten into a relationship, but then both of us recognized that our hearts belonged to other unavailable people. I’d wanted to give him space to figure things out with his ex-wife, that’s why I hadn’t reached out for months. His mechanic shop had remained closed, and he’d prolonged his trip, so things were possibly going well there.
And there was also another reason — a more selfish one — I didn’t want Julian to feel hurt. We’d been trying to rebuild something that had taken a lot of badgering, and I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. So, I let the call go to voicemail; this wasn’t the right moment for such a personal conversation. I’d call him as soon as I could. Bradley and I shared such a deep connection that we could easily pick up where we left off.
“Here, Lucie.” Greg scribbled Kali’s log in info and shot me a victorious glance.
“I owe you.” I beamed.
“Not that you have to, but if you can get me into one of Sophie’s parties…” He flushed crimson.
I laughed. “Yeah, I know. I miss her too. I think if you’re fine schmoozing with a bunch of top producing agents, I may be able to. She’s only partying in bougie circles these days, so be prepared for a different crowd.”
He made a sour face. “My girlfriend loves her parties, but I don’t know about that. May be too pompous of a gathering for my taste.”
“Hey, you’re going to be a nurse. That’s way more impressive than selling properties,” I encouraged him because he needed to hear that. Taking night classes with our job had to be insane.
Someone cleared their throat behind us. I didn’t need to turn around to know who it was—our connection made it unmistakable. His scent drifted to me, intoxicating as always, a blend of his unique aroma and a rich, woodsy cologne with a subtle hint of spice. It was the same cologne I’d noticed that morning, lingering in the air after the embrace I’d held onto as long as I could without risking being late for work.
“Hope I am not interrupting,” Julian alerted us of his presence by clearing his throat. He had probably given up on waiting at the restaurant, and I couldn’t blame him for it.
A bit embarrassed that I’d been so late, I flashed him a warm smile. Even after three months of us newly together, I still felt the need to rub my eyes each time he reappeared. It all felt like a dream. Like I’d gotten drunk, passed out in my apartment, and had dreamt it all up. But if this were the case and I was still dreaming, I’d make the most of its vividness.
He looked salacious without making any effort in his tailored dark suit that hugged his tall frame. It seemed that he’d just gotten his haircut before our date, brushing his thick brown hair to spike up in the middle, shorter on the sides, his usual signature look. “Hi Greg, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on your conversation.” My boyfriend’s lips curled into a smile that oozed the kind of sex appeal you'd expect from a movie star.
“We weren’t just talking about the people in real estate,” Greg attempted to save the situation. “More like the type of people that Sophie hangs out with now.”
I tried not to laugh at how he was suddenly embarrassed, while Julian’s attention darted to me. I’d worn a tightfitting black dress to work and while it was tasteful, it showed off my curves in all the right places. He gave it a predatory glimmer, then kissed me hello. “I didn’t think you’d make lunch, so I grabbed you some takeout.” He handed me a paper bag from the restaurant. His mouth split in a wicked grin of delight at my surprised look.
“You know what Lucie, I’ll go give the info to Kali.” Greg grabbed the piece of paper he’d provided to me earlier and left us to it. I didn’t even have time to thank him with how fast he’d disappeared to give us a moment.
But we were still in open space, so I’d become painfully aware of the attention that this visit had gotten me. The staff looked unnaturally glued to their screens, and the office seemed too quiet for a day when Amanda was not around.
“Really sorry,” I accepted the food with gratitude. My mouth suddenly felt dry because of the buzz that my boyfriend had created. A part of me was surprised there wasn't a line of office staff waiting outside the door just to get his signature.
“Just meant to come by and say I love you,” his hand slid to my upper thigh, fingers curving in. It made me feel hot and heavy, as every thought eddied from my head except one. “I love you too.”
“Are you okay after yesterday?”
I examined his signature luxurious Breitling, an item that had now become nostalgic to me, then lifted my eyes to meet his. When we were exiting his office, a frantic fan had pushed me into a barrier.
“Yeah, not a single bruise,” I assured him. “I am tougher than you think I am.”
He still looked concerned. “Lucie, after everything that happened last year, I want to make sure that you are safe. I know passion is pushing you to work here, but it’s risky regardless of metal detectors and cameras.”
He still carried the guilt of my suffering, but he didn’t need to. While one of Julian’s business deals had made me a target for a contract killer, it had never been his fault.
My throat tightened. “Amanda knows what she’s doing.”
He kept his lethal focus on me. If we walked a dangerous line together, so be it. I wouldn’t surrender all my freedom. Yes, I’d made concessions, but I refused to live in total isolation. At my age, I had to have some independence.
“While Tarnakis and Niccolo are both in jail, there’s always going to be the possibility that someone will want to get at me through you.” He half-whispered so nobody could hear him.
“Julian, I am not afraid,” I squeezed his hand gently. The sun glinted through the windows, and I wasn’t willing to let anything ruin my inner peace. I’d just barely found my balance. “I am happy here.” In the corporate world he despised.
He nodded. “I have to go back to the office for a board meeting, but I’ll see you for dinner?”
Lately the two of us had gotten more into home-cooking, and I loved these cozy nights of staying in. “Definitely. Let’s make something French. From my Gram’s cookbook,” I suggested. This was the normalcy of our relationship that I craved the most. “Again, I am sorry for being so late today.”
“No big deal, I just wanted to see you.” He squeezed my hand.
“I am glad you came to find me.”
Visibly content with my answer, he pecked me on the cheek for a goodbye. I never liked seeing Julian walk away, not after he had almost died in a shooting, and not after I’d believed that I’d never see him again. But just like I had to work, he had to keep growing his business. Not because of money, but because of purpose. Entrepreneurial success for him was a fuel to his existence, just like writing at Apogee was a fuel of mine.
Since Greg had volunteered to help Kali, I’d gained some time. Pensive, I carried my lunch into the meeting room and decided to eat it there in solitude. It was the only place where I could avoid the hard stares that would come after such a visit. It had convenient blinds that I could pull down. After a long day of stop and go, this was the silence that I needed.
I locked the door behind me, knowing from the reservation sheet that nobody would need the room anytime soon. Famished, I opened the paper bag, and alongside my usual lunch order and fresh squeezed lemonade, I found a note written on a napkin.
I can’t wait to take off that dress and cherish what’s underneath. Love you. Julian.
There wasn’t anybody more perfect than him, not for me. I’d never been in a place in my life when everything was this harmonious. So, I ate some of my food and browsed my phone for mindless media. I wanted to relish the sweet moment of doing nothing.
Bored with my newsfeed, I suddenly recalled Bradley’s call and realized this quiet moment might be the ideal time to return it. I didn’t want to wait too long, especially since I cared about him so much. With that thought, I dialed his number, hoping to hear good news. He answered on the second ring.
“Hey, Lucie.”
I’d missed his deep pleasant voice. It felt striking to hear it again.
“How is everything in Hawaii?” First, I felt the urge to explain my recent distance. “I didn’t want to bother you while there. I felt that you needed some time for yourself.” I half-apologized.
He’d gone silent, but an answer came eventually.
“No, don’t be a stranger. I miss you like hell, especially when I go out to eat sushi.” He effortlessly shifted the conversation into a lighthearted one.
Way to tease me. The two of us could crush pounds of sashimi together.
“Overnight me some Zippy’s,” I joked, my craving for the homestyle restaurant's mac salad still strong from my visit to Honolulu. “And those butter cheese sandwiches they make; they are still in my vivid memory.”
I heard a laugh, then the phone connection started to get spotty. He spoke, but I couldn’t understand it.
“Bradley, you’re cutting off. Maybe try another part of your house?”
There was a fleeting moment of silence like he was walking to a new area.
“No, it’s not that. I am in Kauai.” Bradley’s deep, husky voice rumbled through the phone.
“Wait, you’re visiting?” I still had the expectation that he’d be back in San Diego at some point.
“I’ve decided to move here.”
I couldn’t help but feel a punch in my gut. I’d wanted him to be closer than that. Kauai, it was beautiful, known to be the Garden Isle and the greenest of all Hawaiian Islands, but it was also rural and remote. But what led to this decision? He built custom cars for a living and now it seemed like he had no interest in that anymore. It wasn’t something he could do on a large scale there.
“What about you and your ex-wife?” I couldn’t hold back the question any longer.
He went silent for a moment, his voice dropping lower when he finally responded. It was rich and gravelly, like he was carefully weighing his words. “She’s moved on, and I realized that I have too.” The words felt final, but his tone carried an undercurrent of something more—a quiet, unresolved pain.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he replied, his voice steady but still tinged with a trace of exhaustion, “my godfather lives here. He invited me to help with his construction project. He’s a retired owner of a successful IT business in California. And I liked it enough to stay. It’s home now.”
I wanted to say something encouraging, but it still came as a huge disappointment. After so many changes, this was just another one to get used to. But I couldn’t be selfish. If this was right for him, it was right for me.
“I hope you visit me in time. What about your shop? Are you selling it then?”
“I’ll have a couple guys run it for now, then we’ll see.” He left it open-ended.
I guessed there was always a chance he’d reconsider.
“You know, Valentina keeps asking me when the hot Hawaiian guy will come back,” I teased him with a half-truth. She’d used a way raunchier term to inquire about Bradley. My best girlfriend from college, a former model, had relocated to California to start a now successful clothing brand called Poshbabe Boutique, and never looked back.
“Tell her she can come here and keep me company anytime,” he responded, his voice low and inviting, a familiar warmth in the way he said it. His tone made it sound like he was grinning, even though I couldn’t see him.
It seemed like a serious offer, especially since Bradley wasn’t one to joke around. Hardly anyone ever turned down Valentina, unless she wasn’t their type. At least he wasn’t so heartsick as to dwell on it—thankfully, that was a relief. His casual response gave me the sense that he was finding a way to move forward, not weighed down by the past, and that was something I hadn’t expected.
“How are you and Julian?” He switched subjects.
It had to be hard for him to even ask this. The two of them never got along—or, better said, they'd been subtle enemies, each avoiding the other whenever possible, never comfortable in the same space. Aside from their conflicting lifestyle values, they often had opposing opinions about what was best for me. “I am happy,” I assured him. Certain that he hadn’t been reading any tabloids, this seemed like enough to share.
“But?” He prodded, his tone light but insistent, as if he knew there was more to the story.
I didn’t know if this was something I wanted to get into with him. He still didn’t trust that Julian’s intentions had been sincere, and even if he did, he certainly didn’t believe the relationship was good for me. But now that I’d mentioned it, I knew I’d have to explain myself.
“Well, you’ll laugh,” I started, trying to keep it light. “We’ve had the best three months of our lives, so I’m trying hard not to look for something negative in a great situation. Not after everything I’ve been through. But this happiness just feels unfamiliar compared to what I remember of us.”
I hesitated, realizing how much of it came down to trusting this new sense of peace, a feeling I hadn’t been able to connect with before. Would it last? Was I overanalyzing again?
“Dark thinking?” he asked, but I couldn’t miss the hint of sarcasm in his tone.
“Julian used to be depressed about his family much of the time, but now it’s changed. I haven’t seen him down at all. He seems more confident, and his mood has been great too.”
I didn’t know if he heard me because my words echoed back at me. Confident. Confident resonated in my ear; then the high pitch noise in the speaker became unbearable. Shoot, they really didn’t have much reception in Kauai; not where he was.
But Bradley was still there. “Lucie?” I heard him say my name. “I am calling on Wi-Fi, sorry if it’s cutting out.”
“I went off on a tangent anyway. Once a good friend in college told me that I was the type of person that would create a problem if there wasn’t one. Maybe that’s what I am doing here.” I talked myself out of any worries.
As I sipped on my lemonade, I felt a sudden burn at the corner of my lips. It was that familiar sting, the one I’d been battling for months now. I’d been dealing with a minor case of angular cheilitis ever since February, and it was starting to wear on me. My dentist had brushed off the tiny cracks at the corners of my mouth, blaming the dry climate or possibly a vitamin deficiency. I’d been trying to fix it by ordering more vitamins, but nothing seemed to work. The irritation was still there, stubbornly clinging on despite my efforts.
“I think you have a remarkable intuition.” He retorted. “I am driving now to Princeville, and I’ll lose signal. But Lucie, don’t be a stranger, as I said before.”
He cared. And I was so glad it was still the case.
“I’ll be in touch more often.” I promised.
The call dropped unexpectedly, and I wasn’t sure if he’d hung up or if he’d simply lost connection. Still, our conversation lingered in my mind, like a promise of friendship, and I liked that.
The burning now became so uncomfortable that I postponed eating the rest of my lunch and went to look for the lip balm instead. As I walked back toward Kali, I felt tense for no reason. I dismissed it as occasional anxiety and decided to focus on helping her with the set up.
She’d already been waiting for me, with a huge grin on her face. “Lucie, who is the gorgeous businessman who’d just came to see you? Boyfriend?”
I felt a sudden flash of heat in my cheeks because this was a loaded question. “I consider myself lucky to call him that,” I smiled.
Kali searched my face for clues, then she decided not to question me more. The curious crowd around us would eventually bring her all the answers she needed, I was certain.
I eagerly awaited the end of a hectic day at the office. As one of the last to leave, I gathered my belongings and headed towards the parking garage elevator. The sense of accomplishment from wrapping up a productive day and looking forward to an evening with Julian filled me with joy. My dark mood had vanished, now clearly stemming from past experiences, not from actual events.
Following my usual routine, I descended to the lowest underground level where a security guard had been waiting for me. After exchanging greetings, I assured him all was well and began walking towards my car. Once inside my Land Rover, I promptly locked the doors and scrolled through my phone to choose music for the short drive home. My new car felt like a tank, in comparison to my Miata, but I’d long since admitted that there was no other way for me to get on the road safely without a more substantial vehicle. After Niccolo’s attempt to kill me, I could appreciate being surrounded by this much steel, and sheltered from a stranger’s aim by bulletproof windows.
I’d exit the building through a maintenance exit as per usual—a tactic yet undiscovered by the paparazzi—As soon as I backed out of my parking spot, my new bodyguard Will Flenigan followed me in an Audi A8.
I lost myself in the lyrics of The Weeknd, still my most-played artist, but was quickly pulled back to reality by an incoming call.
“Hey, Sophie,” I answered it with a sense of warm anticipation.
“Lu, I figured by now you’d be off work,” she subtly reminded me that I took corporate life to an extreme.
“Trying to make a living, you know how it goes,” I reminded her that I still had pride. “My new car purchase is draining my bank account.” I was determined never to become a kept woman, even if it meant struggling with an unhealthy work-life balance.
“Julian must be going crazy, when you’re at the office 70 hours a week,” she nudged. “Amanda won’t give you a break, will she?”
“Ever since the launch of the app, I’ve been buried in assignments,” I shared with her “It’s rare for anyone to top Julian’s workaholism but I am managing.”
I could hear her sigh on the other side of the line. “Lucie, keep in mind that taking regular time off is good for the soul. Amanda is also taking advantage of your situation, I hope you realize that.”
In that sense she was probably right. Why wouldn’t she, though? She was a savvy businesswoman. She didn’t build an empire by not pursuing every avenue of growth.
“Sometimes it feels like work is my only escape.” I justified my decisions.
“Has the press been hounding you?”
Their attention had been relentless, like a thorn in the glossy rose Julian had gifted me as a symbol of our love.
“Yeah, we’re dealing with it the best we can. But maybe I wish that it wasn’t this intense. The other day a photographer rented the apartment across the street from us, then tried to climb on the roof of the building to get a better shot.”
“But he didn’t succeed at getting good pics?” She tried to cheer me up. “I’ve seen nothing of that sort online.”
It still felt surreal that when checking on me, my friends could just google my name.
“Yeah. With the way the place is designed, there’s no way to see anything through the windows.” Julian and I had just moved in together a month ago. It seemed like a natural progression of our relationship, given that we couldn’t imagine most evenings apart anymore, but it also felt that he’d had another practical motive. He still felt guilty over everything that happened and vowed to ensure my safety, so this arrangement gave him a lot more control over it.
After we had talked about where we wanted to live, Julian chose to invest in an apartment building on Cortez Hill. We had both fallen in love with the neighborhood the year before when I’d rented a nearby studio.
Nestled just north of the Gaslamp Quarter, Cortez Hill rose as one of the highest points in downtown San Diego, offering a tranquil, almost secretive charm, yet still within reach of the city’s pulse. My favorite corner of it was the historic Cortez Hill building, which I often likened to a white castle perched on a hill. The red flickering sign atop the Cortez Hill Hotel, with its nostalgic hum, became an iconic presence in the neighborhood—and now, from our three-story haven, I gazed directly at it. Our apartment was spacious, yet intimate, a reflection of our lives together. We had adorned it with treasures discovered at Goodwill, each piece a quiet, cherished reminder of who we were—simple, grounded, and in love. I never saw the need for luxury shops or extravagant spending, and to my relief, Julian understood.
“Anyway, I am calling you to invite you to a dinner this Saturday at our new place with Mark.” Sophie unexpectedly announced that they’d just moved in together.
“What? You moved out of your parents’ place?”
“Yeah, we’re taking that next step.” She sounded so happy that it spread to me. I couldn’t believe how much our life had changed in a year. I’d moved to San Diego, heartbroken, recovering from the nightmare of James. She’d been nursing her own heartbreak because of Mark’s presumed infidelity. Now we’d both found what we presumed to be the loves of our lives.
“Can’t wait to see it,” I stepped on the break to wait for the metal gate to open. One more security guard had been waiting at the maintenance exit to scan my vehicle and ensure I was ready to go. He peeked into the vehicle while I gestured our secret code.
I pondered whether I should tell her about Jess, then decided not to bring it up yet. I saw no use in reminding her of past hurts.
“How is your dad handling the move?” Mr. Dickens was protective of Sophie especially because she had a heart condition. Coincidentally, he was also Julian’s financial advisor, a fact that made us even more interconnected as girlfriends.
“He’s crushed. But Mark’s really made an impression on him.” She boasted.
“I bet.” Mark epitomized the ideal man, seemingly without any flaws. He had a close-knit family, had graduated from Stanford, earned enough to support a large family, and even shared membership at the same golf club as Mr. Dickens. He was also good-looking, but not overly good-looking, so it was easier on Sophie who loved him. She truly couldn’t have found anyone whom her parents would adore more.
In stark contrast to Mark, my alpha male boyfriend was a positively different story. Julian skipped expensive education that he didn’t find necessary for success. He was living proof that degrees weren’t a prerequisite to becoming a successful real estate investor. He’d never had a traditional upbringing, both of his parents being societal outcasts. His childhood had been filled with grief and hardship, with little relief from the abuse of his foster parents. Perhaps to make up for the struggle, nature blessed him with wicked good looks and charisma.
“Lucie, I gotta go because I need to run comps for an anxious client. It’s always nice catching up, though, and I hope to see you both at my place!” She sounded apologetic, but I could understand the hectic schedule.
“Text me the details of your new address,” I reminded her as I approached home.
“I will. Most importantly, be safe out there,” she sounded as serious as death and taxes.
“Always,” I tried to sound confident because I didn’t want to worry her. Truth was – it felt like I had little control over any safety at all. And I still needed to build my mental resilience after the prior year which had really shaken up any sense of stability. “Good luck, Sophie,” I ended the call. Determined not to let fear cripple me, I cranked up the music. Music had always been my refuge, a force that sharpened my focus and gave me the strength to face whatever came next.
I arrived home to an unforgettable image. Julian seemed deeply engrossed in preparing our elaborate dinner. He’d been trying to make things right between us, so a fresh bouquet of colorful sunflowers awaited me.
“Baby!” he exclaimed as he heard me turn the corner to the second floor of our apartment. “How was the rest of your day at work?” He asked caringly.
I greeted him with a soft affection, my voice warm as I made my way toward the kitchen. His signature scent wrapped around me, filling my nostrils and immediately reviving the dull senses left worn out from a long day at work. I couldn’t help but sneak a glance at him through my eyelashes, still in awe of the fact that he was here, with me. It was almost impossible to comprehend how I’d gotten so damn lucky. I would never be able to say it enough.
But despite my amazement, there was a part of me that understood it perfectly. Julian’s mind often felt like an extension of mine, how similar we were in our thinking. Yet, someone like him would normally be so far out of my reach had there not been for his decision to create an anonymous dating profile. He was a billionaire who’d chosen an unconventional path to get to know a woman—through being pen-pals first. His reason? To escape a life filled with scandals and heartbreak. Without the weight of his name or wealth, he could finally find something real in a world that often felt lonely and calculated. In my opinion, he’d executed on it perfectly.
“Eventful, but I couldn’t wait to be home,” I murmured into his ear, then planted a kiss on his scruffy cheek, enough to leave me craving more.
At the same moment, we both blurted out Missed you, then shared a smile over the serendipity of saying the same words. It happened to us way too often, a reassurance that we truly had a powerful mind connection. The magic had always been there, even when we first exchanged hellos online. From that, I realized that love, to some extent, had to be an energetic connection. There was likely much in this world we had yet to grasp about the spiritual realm.
He pulled me closer to his body, his hands now salaciously traveling down my derriere.
“Hmm,” Julian licked his soft perfectly shaped lips. “This dress looks hot on you.”
As much as I appreciate the compliment, I needed food first. “What are you making?” I queried, still looking at him with adoration. “Sorry again I am late for the second time today.” I frowned in the direction of a large clock mounted on the wall. Julian collected clocks, a quirky fact I’d learned about him as soon as we moved in. Each clock in the house seemed like a miniature masterpiece, adorned with intricate designs and elaborate details.
He let go of our passionate embrace to tend to the stove. “The recipe is called Boeuf Bourguignon,” he butchered the French term, then poured me a glass of red from the open bottle on the counter while giving the pot a final stir. “If you want to correct my clumsy pronunciation, I may have to take you on this table,” he flirted heavily, referring to my ability to speak French in a native accent.
My cheeks flushed. Being bilingual in French had never served a better purpose than now. Well, maybe except for my work trip to Paris. I’d enjoyed going back to the city representing Apogee.
“Well, I’ll spare you the torture,” I responded with playfulness. “Per the aroma in here, it’s going to be amazing, and it would be a shame if the food ended on the ground,” I teased him with images of us getting naughty.
“Later,” he kissed my forehead, then proceeded to serve us each a bowl.
My stomach growled as I sat down with Julian to enjoy the homemade meal. Although he had only recently taken up cooking, Julian had become a remarkably fast learner. I couldn't help but feel proud—he was quickly becoming a better chef than I was, despite me only having shown him the basics. Though he was also a workaholic, it wasn’t unusual for him to be done with work sooner than I was these days, and he was most certainly doing this out of care for me. We said a brief gratitude prayer and then eagerly dug into the food. I had introduced us to this ritual not because I felt a higher power was holding me accountable, but because it was a meaningful reminder to appreciate all that we had.
“Did you have a busy day at the office?” I queried, as my mouth exploded with flavor. “Julian this is delicious. I knew Gram had great things in her cookbook, but you outdid the way I remember it.” It had been a while since Gram made the recipe, not since Grandpa’s passing.
“Thanks, Lucie,” he looked pleased. “By the way, the Dubai project is almost finished, I couldn’t wait to tell you,” his eyes gleamed as he finally answered my question. For many months now, Julian’s investment company had been working on an expansive resort, complete with branded hotel apartments, luxury penthouses, a premium yacht club, and several villas near the marina.
“You remember Adrianna?” His tone made the question feel heavier than usual.
I cleared my throat, a subconscious reaction that revealed my discomfort. I hadn’t expected him to bring up her, someone who had made me jealous in the past. “I do.” I tried to ignore the fact that the food now tasted suddenly bland. The newspapers had once speculated about a relationship between Julian and her, while he had kept me as his secret. Although we had dismissed those rumors as mere tabloid fodder, they had still caused me considerable pain.
“I’d like you to come with me and meet her.” He proposed. “We’ll be flying out Tuesday if you’re up for a trip.”
With each sip of wine, I felt my tension ease, the warmth spreading through me. “Julian, Amanda wouldn’t want me to leave, not with the release of our new issue just around the corner. She’s also been at the office less and less lately.” Amanda Hart, my boss and a formidable publishing icon, had been prioritizing her personal time more and more. Did this mean she was confident having me run things? I had a hunch there was more to it, but would need to be patient to find out.
“I don’t want the tabloids to make you nervous,” Julian threaded lightly. “I think if you and Adrianna could become friends, it would put you at ease. She’s been instrumental in promoting the project, and I can’t avoid being seen with her, Lucie.”
The two of them seemed like close friends.
Now, I felt a pang of guilt. I never wanted him to feel he couldn’t interact professionally with women just because it might hurt my feelings. “I trust you, Julian,” I brushed off his concerns. “And honestly, you can’t win with the press. If they take pictures of all of us, they might just write that we’ve had a threesome. Imagine the scandal that would create.”
He chuckled hard. “Would you ever consider a threesome?”
I tossed my napkin his way, feeling a bit silly. Instead of bringing the mood down, it only sparked his playful side. He rose from his seat, and suddenly, food was the furthest thing from our minds. Julian was easy on the eyes, and the proximity to him filled me with lust. I was already a bit tipsy, with an insatiable appetite now focused entirely on my tall, dark, and dangerously charming boyfriend. I had no intention of sharing him with anyone else. I was too loyal and too egoistic, and I expected the same from him.
“I want you right here on this table.” He used an authoritative tone.
I could appreciate it, but only in the context of sex. I got up, pressing my derriere against his groin.
Briskly, he turned me around and lifted me on the tablecloth area that wasn’t covered with plates. His lips sank into my neck until his teeth would most certainly leave a hickey. As if he needed to mark me when the whole world already knew I was his anyway.
“I want all the dishes to break to remind you of the first time you came,” he breathed till it sent a pleasant tingle down my spine.
I recalled the moment clearly. We were aboard his yacht, Trading Yesterday, when a delicate vase—one he'd collected from Italy—suddenly cracked. Our connection had been intense, consuming us entirely, until it all came to a halt in the chaos of a bathroom. There, amidst the wild urgency of our kiss, Julian gave me an experience I’d never known before—one that left me breathless, forever altering the way I saw intimacy. Those days… I was still so innocent, not yet the woman who delighted in buying provocative outfits from sex shops to cater to Julian’s more lustful desires.
“I’ll always remember,” I brushed my fingers through his thick brown hair.
“My goal is to remind you every day,” he gazed into my eyes with a look that made me melt.
I gulped some more wine. The more drunk I’d become, the more I would let myself go. Sex with him always felt like a freefall, the thrill never wore off, and I’d explore all the animalistic desires we had without a sense of decorum.
“God, I love you,” he groaned, admiring every inch of me. His hand slid up my dress, his fingers teasing me in my most delicate areas. I moaned and bent my back, then spread my legs wider so he could feel me deeper. I panted, my mind only focused on the intense pleasure, as he continued to press at my lips in a steady rhythm. We stayed in these motions for a minute, but I still felt unfulfilled and mad with need. Recognizing this, he leaned me fully on the table, while skillfully removing the measly underwear fabric that covered almost nothing anyway.
“Baby girl,” he whispered as his tongue circled my lips, my legs now resting on his shoulders. The mix of my sky-high heels and nudity on a table made me feel like I’d taken things too far in a private dance at a club—except I was in Louboutins, and this was definitely not a transactional relationship. I wanted Julian to enjoy every part of me, to get lost in my curves, to feel like he owned me. Except he didn’t, I’d always be an independent soul, and he’d gravitate toward me because of it. But I wanted him to live out all his fantasies, to never feel dissatisfied.
I reached for the zipper of his dress pants; while he rammed his hard cock into me. All the dishes fell to the floor as he slid me further on the table, my body undulating in rapture, the familiar tickle building up. I didn’t want it to be over yet. “Slowly,” I whispered.
He immediately adjusted his pace. We reached a sweet moment of a hug. He filled me with soft thrusts, while I cherished each and every single one of them. In his arms, I felt an energy that was both exhilarating and comforting, a sense of being fully present and alive in a way I’d never experienced with anyone.
“Sit,” I encouraged him as I loosened up his tie and climbed into his lap. I wanted to ride him until my breasts ached and my body was out of breath. Until he had enough of bouncing my undoubtedly large butt with his hands. Until we’ve both given what we had to each other. And it was never enough, so we’d need to do it over and over again. ‘Til death would us part. The only question really was –given our track record–what kind of death.
I woke up and immediately glanced at my phone to check the time. 2:23 AM. The blue light felt harsh against my eyes in the surrounding darkness. Noticing that Julian wasn’t beside me, I went to the kitchen to fetch some water and simultaneously search for him. It was an easy feat, even in our three-story apartment. As soon as I reached the top floor, I spotted his tall silhouette on the balcony. He seemed deep in thought while he observed the now empty pool that we could never visit because it was a public space. Still, it added a nice ambiance to the place to have a view of something as ordinary as a community facility.
I slid the glass door open, peeking outside. The summer air felt balmy, gently wrapping around me with a warm and soothing embrace. “Can’t sleep?”
He glanced up at me, surprised that was even there. We’d had quite a few drinks so I myself wasn’t sure why I’d gotten up so easily.
“Sleeping has not been the same since Niccolo. I don’t think I’ll find peace until he and Tarnakis are not in this world, Lucie.” He growled.
Jail was good enough for me. “Don’t worry.” I retorted. His gentle soul had to be so afraid to wish for someone’s passing.
I leaned into him, feeling the weight of the past year settle between us. It had taken its toll on both of us, while the shadows of our shared experiences loomed large.
Julian’s business partner, Tarnakis had owned a yacht-building company teetering on the brink of bankruptcy. Julian saw a promising investment, bought the company, and sold it off in pieces, including some shares to his Arab partners. But, Tarnakis’ wife couldn’t cope with the loss of their fortune and took her own life in the final days of the deal. With little left to lose, he’d directed his fury at Julian, vowing revenge. So, for a while, I had been an unwitting target of a contract killer, the thought still sending chills down my spine. I had survived a serious car crash by sheer miracle—probably thanks to the roll bar my ex-boyfriend had installed in my old Miata, my beloved car that I now had to retire in a parking garage. It felt like the end of an era, a symbol of everything I had endured and lost.
“We can’t give him the pleasure of scaring us forever, Julian.” I declared resolutely. “Don’t let fear grow larger than your faith.” Sometimes I liked clichés.
The quiet of the night continued to surround us, except for the occasional barking of a few dogs who were just as common on Cortez Hill as people. Oliver had ensured that the apartments facing the inner circle of the apartment complex remained vacant. Except, for the ones where our security guards lived. There was no other way to keep us from the prying eyes of someone who could exploit us for money.
“Come here.” He extended his arm to make space for me.
I ambled toward him, then sat on one side of his lap. “I appreciate all you do to protect our life here.” Moving downtown to Cortez Hill had been our dream, and despite the organization that it took, it had been worth it. I knew it was ultimately just a matter of time until we’d end up in an isolated mansion in the suburbs, but we both loved the city so much that plans were postponed.
“What do you ultimately want to do with your career, Lucie?” He raised a pertinent question.
It was now even more clear to me why he couldn’t sleep. He was in constant worry about me balancing my public presence and my ordinary corporate job. I was trying to cling to an oxymoron for as long as possible, holding onto the illusion that my life with him hadn’t completely dismantled my identity.
“Maybe someday I want to run my own publishing business,” I said, opening my heart to him. It had been a secret dream of mine. While Apogee was quite influential in the fashion world—not as much as magazines like Vogue, but still significant— our specialty remained content that empowered women. I liked the subject matter enough to excel at my job, but I had other interests. Sorting through manuscripts to discover the occasional gem that would truly resonate with readers seemed like a fulfilling way to spend my life. A fulfilling way to put my English major to its best use.
“Why not start on that dream now?” He encouraged me.
How could I explain to him that I felt a certain loyalty to Amanda? I didn’t feel like this was the time to leave her yet. I’d promised her to stay at my job, and I wasn’t about to break it. Julian would not understand this type of commitment because he answered to no one.
“A year, give me a year to decide.” But I understood his reasons for being so protective of me. It was within reason too. What I was doing was perhaps risky. Every day I put myself in front of people that we knew little about.
His hand caressed my thigh, then slipped back into my nightie. I rested my back against his hard chest as we both watched the lights of Cortez flicker in front of us. I was glad that he’d managed to let me stay in their proximity, my one sense of normalcy amidst the absolute lack of privacy descending on us everywhere.
