This moving and unforgettable novel, ‘Journey to Jaffna’, is a powerful exploration of the conflicting ties of family and of the heart. Set in London, Russia and Sri Lanka, this book will find its way into your own heart.
Param grew up in a strict Tamil family in Sri Lanka, but broke away from them to study in London. Even the violence facing Tamils back home could not affect the new life he built for himself with his English wife, Mary and their daughter. Now though, it is 1979, his father is dying and it is Param’s duty to make the journey back to Jaffna.
As Param learns of the horrors his family and his ex-girlfriend Karthiga have endured, he faces his own struggle. Does he owe it to them to come back to Sri Lanka, or should his loyalties now lie with his English family? Or does Liz, the English/American woman he met on his long, disrupted journey, offer a way out?
This moving and unforgettable novel, ‘Journey to Jaffna’, is a powerful exploration of the conflicting ties of family and of the heart. Set in London, Russia and Sri Lanka, this book will find its way into your own heart.
Param grew up in a strict Tamil family in Sri Lanka, but broke away from them to study in London. Even the violence facing Tamils back home could not affect the new life he built for himself with his English wife, Mary and their daughter. Now though, it is 1979, his father is dying and it is Param’s duty to make the journey back to Jaffna.
As Param learns of the horrors his family and his ex-girlfriend Karthiga have endured, he faces his own struggle. Does he owe it to them to come back to Sri Lanka, or should his loyalties now lie with his English family? Or does Liz, the English/American woman he met on his long, disrupted journey, offer a way out?
Chapter 1.
(Christmas eve December 1979-London)
Param felt anxious and couldn’t sleep. He turned from left to right often and tried to doze off again, but he was too restless to settle and relax. He visit his family in Sri Lanka whom he hadn’t seen nearly twelve years. The reason for this eventuality was sleeping on the bed next him. Param had married Mary without his father’s approval, not the done thing for a young Tamil man from a very traditional Hindu family from Jaffna.
Mary instinctively stretched her hand across his chest, as if trying to calm him out of his irritability and anxiety, as she had done since the day she met him at university in London. Param was just over twenty three year old postgraduate student at that time. He was away in a strange place far from home, trying to figure out the people and the atmosphere. When they met at the student canteen she looked as nervous as him, sitting at the next table. Param wanted to tell her, ’I was like you, too, when I was just twenty years old on my first- day at Colombo University’ as he thought she was a first year student.
Mary was a beautiful young girl with a long blond hair and a loving sincere smile and her expression was courteous. He thought she was just twenty years old or less, a new student, nervous as he was at the university in a foreign place. He said, ‘hello’ to her in a soft low tone. He knew she noticed his nervousness, too.
She said, ‘hello’, and after a pause she asked where he was from.
He said, ‘far away from London, I am from Ceylon.’’’ He could tell when she raised her eyebrows with an understanding expression that she felt a bit sorry for him to far away from home.
‘I am from Dorset, like you I am new to London.’
They were quiet for a minute or so. She wanted to continue the conversation and be welcoming to him in this new place, ‘Oh I read the island of Sri Lanka is
beautiful, and the people are friendly’’she said in a jolly rhythm. He smiled and
nodded and wanted to tell her ‘Yes, it is’.
Suddenly he felt so far away from the scenery of Ceylon and stared through the canteen window on that dull September afternoon in London.
‘‘You can go to Dorset for the weekend from London, but I cannot go home for
another few years.’’ His voice reflected the pain of the separation from home and
his people. How much he wanted to complete his studies and run back to his family
and…. …He could not think further than that, as his heart was aching to see
someone. He had no idea in that moment how his past life was going to come to a stop for ever.Mary wanted to say that they both were in a new place, starting a new journey. He nodded in agreement.
‘‘I am Paramanathan, please call me Param’’ he said in his usual gentle tone.
‘‘I am Mary Vallace, nice to meet you, welcome to London.’’ That was their first
day.
She spoke of that day, after they had become good friends. ‘‘The first day
I thought you were an Indian,’’ she said, as there were a few Indian students around. He smiled and said, ‘‘A few other people have asked me about that, we look
the same I suppose.’’
A few days later she asked him about the English weather and what he felt about the
wind, the cold breeze. Her voice was soft and kind, and while she was talking his
mind went back to Jaffna and its music, as Mary’s voice reflected the beautiful
tone of the,’Veena’ instrument, which he loved so much.
That memory hit his heart like a sharp arrow from nowhere. When he came to London he was in a hurry to finish his studies and go back to Ceylon.How did that all change? The name of Ceylon had changed too, as ‘Republic of Sri Lanka’ to remove the colonial identity.
His father had tried hard to bring up his son as a traditional Hindu boy and
arranged his life accordingly. But new social awaking was happening every where
after the second world war and many countries were freed from colonialism.
Ceylon politics, ideologies, were changing too. young generation and their thinking
was faced with complete turning from their father’s generation.
Falling in love with a girl not from their traditional expectations brought unavoidable complexity brought into Param’s life.
The things that were important to him gradually faded away and unstoppable changes took place beyond his control. Thoughts of people and places from Sri Lanka had gone within a few years.
Now Mary was the most important person in his life. She took care of him and their
beautiful over ten years daughter Meera, who was forever asking him about his
family in Sri Lanka. She had seen plenty of photos of his family in Sri Lanka. His parents, three sisters, a niece and a nephew. That’s all he could tell them. But the most
important and beautiful image that was in his heart at the time had to be put away as an unwanted item.
So now, early morning, he was going to leave his loving family in London and face
the people whom he had not seen for a long time. His family had obeyed his
father’s order to isolate him and punish him for and marrying a Christian white girl in London.
Param was in love with a girl in Ceylon before he came to London who
was not from a suitable caste according to his father’s aspirations. Param’s feelings were not a priority. Duty to family, tradition and rituals controlled everyone’s
lives.
Did anyone including his close family in Sri Lanka know what he wanted for himself
in his life? When he was a young man of sixteen and beginning to understand his
own identity, he was told by his father, ‘’You have to be the man of the
house sooner or later, as I have only one son, and you to take care of your three sisters and your mother if anything were to happen to me.’’
How many young men in the West are told when they are sixteen that they have to
take responsibility for the family? At that time his father said that he was
worried about the political situation in Ceylon and he was preparing his son to plan for the future for the whole family. Now after many years of separation from his family, their way of life and the girl who loved him more than anything in the world, he was suddenly flying back into their world.
Who were the people likely to be waiting for him there in two days? He hadn’t
seen them for a long time, and his life and family in London made him feel that the family in Sri Lanka were all strangers to him. He knew their names and faces, but he had no idea of their real feelings towards him.
Param turned back to his wife, Mary. She was fast asleep. He watched her in the dim
light through the window for a minute. He loved his family dearly. His loving wife
Mary, and their clever, beautiful, chatty daughter Meera were his family in England.
But upcoming journey had brought up many memories that hurt him, like a bundle of thorns in his heart.
His steadfast life partner Mary had always kept him from his internal pain, with her true love and their busy life in London.
He smiled at Mary’s angelic sleeping face. She looked so peaceful and beautiful,
her blonde hair spread all over the pillow, her soft face resting on her hand. He wanted to kiss her, but he didn’t want to wake her up. He was going to miss her and Meera.
The thoughts of separation from his family created an uneasiness in his mind.
He had been so busy for the last few days getting things organised for his trip that
there had not been much time to talk about his feelings, and his anxiety about
meeting his family in Sri Lanka.
Mary had been working hard to get his things ready for his flight, too. She knew he
had been asked to come as soon as possible. Param was the only son, and they were expecting him to perform the last rituals for his dying father and be with the mother and family as soon as possible.
Param closed his eyes. He didn’t want to feel guilty about not going to Sri Lanka
for so many years; but he did. His subconscious mind wanted to stir up things that he
didn’t want to remember. Sometimes in London he thought about his childhood
there, when he saw children playing; there were some nice things for him to remember, but there were also some memories which he’’d rather not think back to at all.
Mary had done the spring cleaning last week. She put away lots of toys belonging to
Meera. “She doesn't play with them any more,” She said.
Some things you can throw away as soon as you don’t need them any more, but
some things you can never throw away because it gives pleasure to have them around.
‘I wanted to look at all the unwanted things and put them away, as I wanted to get rid
of a lot in my past too,’ he wanted to say. But he watched his wife in silence.
Did she know how many painful memories he had put away in order to be a dutiful good husband and a responsible father? And was it important to think about that now?
He could hear the cars pass by in the Street. It must be four o’clock in the
morning now. He was tired due to lack of sleep, but he had leave
early for the airport.
A few days ago, his elder sister Geetha had phoned him from Colombo’‘If Param wanted to do his DUTY to his dying father as an elder son he should come immediately,’’ she had told him. Would this be his last duty for his family in Jaffna?
Those words from his sister hurt him. Does she think he has no feeling for his father
other than doing his duty, not only for him but his sisters, too? Whatever the friction
had been between them, he never stopped loving his family Long
before this telephone call he had been told by his baby sister Banu in Jaffna that their
father had a stroke, and Param had immediately planned the trip to Sri
Lanka. But as it was Christmas getting a ticket was not that easy.
Now he’d got a ticket for a Russian flight and had to change in Moscow for to
another flight to Sri Lanka. All seemed so unreal. For a long
time he had been wanting to sort out his relationship with his father. But the time was never easy, as there were political problems in Sri
Lanka and also his or Mary’s work schedules had not allowed them to
organise a visit before now.
Now, early morning in Islington, North London, he didn't want to think further; if
he thought about his mother he would think about his first love Karthiga too. Father
was angry that he married a white woman. Would his parents have been happier if he had gone back to Jaffna and married a low caste girl like Karthiga? No they would not have allowed him to do that.
He didn't have to look at the empty wall to imagine his beloved Karthiga’s ’s face.
Her face was often there. When he was upset, when he was happy, when he was sad.
Whatever he did she always came into his mind. It didn't matter how hard he tried
to forget her. It hadn't been easy for a long time, it wouldn't've be easy now,
either, especially not knowing anything about her current life. His life now was very different from the life he’d led when he was in Sri Lanka. His Sri Lankan family had no influence over him any more.
He couldn't've sleep any more now. He felt his wife’s movements close to him.
Her breathing was orderly and systematic, as Mary was a sensible, stable and well
organised woman.
He pulled his wife towards him tenderly as he wanted to get away from memories of
Karthiga.
Mary and Meera were the only close family to him now. He was
proud of Mary and adores her administrative skill managing her part time work and
married life, and he was often away from home due to his work.
His loving touch woke her up. Mary turned to him, and he kissed her. She opened her eyes sleepily and looked at him. ‘‘Will you miss me?”’ he asked softly while he was pressing his lips on hers.
She pressed her body close to him. She didn't have to answer that question. Her
naked body coiled around him passionately.
“‘What’s the time?” she whispered.
“‘Sometimes it’s better if there is no time at all,” he said softly.
‘‘Make love to me, darling,’ ’ she whispered.
The anticipation of a month’s separation made them close and loving. They both
felt something extraordinary when they made love. He was going to miss her warm body next to his and her kisses which always enticed him to end up making love to her. He was going to miss her smell, her loving smile, most of all her passion.
“Oh God, you don't know how much I am going to miss you,” she said. Her
nipple was hard and tender, her lips were soft and juicy; he didn't want to leave her and go by himself. Many times they had talked about making love under the moonlight on the golden sandy beach in Sri Lanka.
She said. “I’ll miss you very much, my darling.”Her voice was soft and loving.
“So will I” he told her while he was completely inside her.
“Will you remember me when you are walking on the sandy golden beach and
feeling lonely for love?” She moaned with pleasure when he replied in tune with his
movement.
They lay there for a long time without saying much. He wished he could take her and
their daughter Meera with him, but he’d made the decision to go home so suddenly
that they weren't able to arrange to go together. Especially as the political situation
in Sri Lanka was not good. In 1977 there were major atrocities against the Tamils by the majority racist Sinhala mobs in Sri Lanka. Many had died, many thousands were
internally displaced.
Jaffna town had recently been burned by the Sri Lankan army, Tamil youths were
arrested, tortured, some even killed. He didn't want to take his family from
London to his home in Jaffna yet.
Mary knew he married her without their approval but as time went by she thought
they would accept her. Especially when they had a daughter. She also wanted to
meet them; his mother, father and his sisters. Particularly his youngest sister
Banu, as Param often said that’Meera’s beautiful smile often reminds him of
Banu. Mary wanted to see the place he was born, the fields he played in, the
college where he studied. Even though she had never been to SriLanka, she had heard about the island’s beauty from others and from him. “Of course, we will go one day’’ he told her many times. But not now.
They both stayed in bed silently, and they made love again with much emotion and
passion. For him that was his language, his way of expressing his love, and his way
of telling his wife how much he wanted her and was going to miss her. Mary often
said to him that she preferred his ‘particular language’ this way of reflecting his
love rather than hearing a speech about love and all that.
He wasn't a person of many words, but a man with honesty and a sense of duty to
his family and his profession. They lay there coiled like snakes in each other ’s arms.
His mind wandered immediately to Sri Lanka, thoughts about his father. According to
his elder sister Geetha his mother had stopped eating and sleeping, staying at her
husband’s bedside waiting for him to die peacefully.
Param’s breath was so slow while about the scenario. Mary stared at him.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, kissing her eyes, which were filling up with tears.
“I don't know.” She just stared at him, like a stranger she had just met.
He preferred not to talk about what he was thinking just then.
They had known each other for many years. They were close and intimate. This was
the first time he was going away from her for so long a period.
“Look after yourself”. She stroked his hair lovingly, like a mother.
He laughed. “Yes mum” he replied. They both laughed, now.
“Mary, I’m going to see my mother, remember?” he said.
“I bet you are going to get spoilt by your family in no time, and you will think very
little about us while you are there.”
“Do you think so?”
“Daddy.” Meera walked into the room. “I thought you’d left.” Meera jumped on the bed. Mary put on her dressing gown and went to the kitchen.
“Daddy will you bring me a big white elephant?” Meera’s large brown eyes sparkled.
“Yes, darling, the biggest plastic elephant I can find.” He hugged her and laughed.
Just over ten years old, but still behaved like a small child at times. Meera looked at
him crossly and said, “I wish you could take me with you too”
“Some other time, darling”. He kissed her. Meera was a copy of Mary in many
ways, but now and then he could see his baby sister Banu’s naughty smile in Meera. He cuddled his daughter lovingly. Kissed her softly. Leaving her for a long time made him very sad and restless. ‘‘I am going to miss you tomorrow for Christmas Ddaddy.’’
Meera was looking into his eyes. He felt the sadness in her look.’’Me too my
darling,I am going to miss you and mummy so much.’’ His life in London was changed because of Meera.
He looked at his daughter and told him self, ‘for the first time in my life I am
going to miss them two for a long period’. He took a deep breath as if to keep the
loving feeling.
“Will you two get ready?” Mary ordered from the kitchen.
oOoOo
December was coming to an end, but the awful dull weather seemed to have persisted
for two months. He cleaned the heavy layers of snow from the car. Mary filled the car
boot with his suitcase and parcels, while Meera waited in the car. “I think the traffic
is going to be heavy,” Mary said as he got in.
‘’What else would you expect on Christmas eve, all the last minute shopping and all,
Good Lord, how are we going to make it to the airport in time?” he
muttered. His voice reflected his anxious mind. He had hoped to travel with no problem.
“We’ll manage,” Mary assured him as she brought him back from his thoughts.
None of them knew that it was not only traffic that he would have to struggle
through from now on.
He had already been planning to go home for the summer vacation this year before
Meera started her secondary school, but Banu’s letter and Geetha ’s phone call had put a rush on his plans.
As he started the car his thoughts went back home. ‘All these years he had never
bothered to come, the only time he comes is when his father is dying’ He knew
that is relatives were going to say that. They would be armed with questions for him
when he arrived.
He would arrive in Colombo this time tomorrow. Then he would have to take a train
to Jaffna in the north. He was flying by Aeroflot,as he hadn't
managed get a ticket anywhere else at short notice. That meant he would have to
change in Moscow.
The traffic on Euston Road was terrible, moving at snail’s pace, but the plane
wasn't due to depart until twelve noon and it was eight o’clock, so they still had four hours.
“We should have gone by train” Mary mumbled. “I hope you won't miss your
plane.”
she said anxiously, looking at her watch. “I hope your father is all right, Param.”
She tried to smile at him.
“I hope so, too,’’ he told her, although he knew that his father was not going to be
alright at all.
Meera was looking out the window. It was still early enough for the streets to be dark.
The snow started to fall heavily. The traffic was becoming more congested.
‘I hope I put all the presents in the suitcase.” Mary’s voice was deep and
thoughtful.
Param turned to his wife, and she smiled. She was always so careful about
everything.
“Why are you smiling?”
“I love you” she said.
“Do you?” He raised his eyebrows naughtily.
She hit him softly.
“Come home quickly”.
“I am going to do my duty for my father, but I have no intention of settling in Sri
Lanka without you” he said.
How little did he know that he would be saying the complete opposite when he was
there.
‘‘Daddy, shall we go on our summer vacation to see grandma and grandpa?” Meera
asked from the back of the car.
‘‘Yes we will go and see all my family and lots of elephants, Meera darling.”
“Tell him I want to see them all, please,” she said sadly.
“‘Of course, my sweetie, I will tell grandfather that.’’ He smiled at his daughter in
the mirror.
‘‘Will it be too hot there now?’’ Meera’s question made him laugh.
‘‘Yes, darling like the summer time in London’’ he said.
‘‘Have a summer vacation there, then,’’ Meera giggled.
Mary looked at her husband.
There was a bit of silence in the car.
“I will be in Colombo and having a spicy breakfast with my sister Geetha’s ’s
family this time tomorrow.” He he told her in an assuring tone.
‘Give me a call as soon as you get there, will you?’
“Certainly, but remember Sri Lanka is not England, things are very different,
making a phone call to England may take time but I will try, my darling.”
As they reached Heathrow airport, the weather suddenly turned brighter, the sky
cleared, and the snow seemed to have disappeared.
“I hope the weather will stay clear until you get home.’’ he said, looking up at the
sky.
“Don't worry about us,” Mary replied. “I hope your plane will take off on
time,’ she added.
“I hope so, too.”
“See you, Daddy, have a lovely summer there,’’Meera shouted behind him as he
left. If his mother had been there, she would have said that calling someone
behind their back brings them bad luck. He turned back, waved goodbye to his wife and daughter and then disappeared.
Happily married Tamil immigrant Param is travelling to see his family in Sri Lanka, after a 12-year absence. He is the eldest son, and as such will be required to perform the last rites for his dying father. Param is estranged from his father, who refused to accept his marriage to Englishwoman Mary.
But there is ‘someone else’ in Sri Lanka whom Param dreads meeting, his former girlfriend Karthiga, whom his father forbade him to marry because she was from a lower class. He had promised to return to her after graduating from a London university until Mary found out she was pregnant with their daughter Meera.
Param’s struggle will be familiar to many immigrants. While still holding onto the values of the home world, his new world faces him with different challenges and possibilities.
He meets on the plane the modern-minded Liz, and a forced landing in Tbilisi throws them together, opening new worlds for Param. He struggles to reconcile his newly changed life with his duty to his family.
The feared reunion with Karthiga brings home to Param just how much his people suffered during the persecution of the Tamils in the 1970s. He feels guilty for breaking his promise to her, guilty for doing nothing to save her.
After his father’s funeral, Param is determined to do his duty by his sisters but finds that his attitudes toward their marriage prospects are different from his parents’ more traditional Hindu ones. In post-pogrom Sri Lanka, the sisters’ attitudes are different, too.
The three women—Mary, Karthiga and Liz—represent different things to Param, and he is emotionally pulled to and fro. Each of these world-views affects him differently, and Bala paints his psychological journey beautifully.
For me, Param is kind of an Everyman, and his summer vacation provides a cautionary tale. He is no philanderer—a thoroughly good guy—but he coasts through life, not making any decisions, not having any opinions, just letting things happen, until a remarkable experience changes him.
Will his indecision mean he misses his chance at life?
This book is a must-read for Diaspora Tamils and will be enjoyed by non-Tamils. Immigrants from all cultures will identify with Param’s journey.
I disclose a personal interest in this novel, as I was the editor.