"Insights into the Australian Mind - Telling Quotes from Everyday Aussies" is a satirical exploration of the collective psyche of Australians, drawing on fictional quotes from fictional telephone conversations with five thousand fictional individuals across all states and territories. Conducted by the fictional Australian Institute for the Collective Remnants of a Society Founded as a Penal Colony (AICRSFPC), the fictional study aimed to examine the enduring impact of Australia's colonial convict past on its people.
As a work of satire, the book playfully skewers certain types and groups, including speedboat owners, bogans, Christians, motorbike riders, and most other sections of Australian society for comedic effect. The author acknowledges the potential for triggering content and hopes that, beyond providing entertainment, the book may shed light on any maladaptive aspects of the culture. Ultimately, the author extends an apology to those who may feel singled out or slighted and encourages readers to embrace their individuality.
"Insights into the Australian Mind - Telling Quotes from Everyday Aussies" is a satirical exploration of the collective psyche of Australians, drawing on fictional quotes from fictional telephone conversations with five thousand fictional individuals across all states and territories. Conducted by the fictional Australian Institute for the Collective Remnants of a Society Founded as a Penal Colony (AICRSFPC), the fictional study aimed to examine the enduring impact of Australia's colonial convict past on its people.
As a work of satire, the book playfully skewers certain types and groups, including speedboat owners, bogans, Christians, motorbike riders, and most other sections of Australian society for comedic effect. The author acknowledges the potential for triggering content and hopes that, beyond providing entertainment, the book may shed light on any maladaptive aspects of the culture. Ultimately, the author extends an apology to those who may feel singled out or slighted and encourages readers to embrace their individuality.
Several people in my life feel Iād be better off taking the medication my psychiatrist prescribed. Seems the lizard people have gotten to them too.
ā Phil (unemployed schizophrenic)
I wanted a kid, but I donāt respect men. So I got some rando to cum in me, then I moved away. Men are stupid. Kids donāt need dads.
ā Karen (angry woman)
I was introduced to a group of nice people, and I thought, this is great. But I always felt uneasy. They didnāt slag each other off, and they were encouraging toward each other. It felt unnatural to me. I wasnāt used to it. So I started chipping away at their confidence and respect for each other. They told me I couldnāt hang out anymore. What a bunch of cunts.
ā Keenan (plasterer)
I want to befriend someone with tatts. They are so brave to go through all that. Especially if the person who done it did a shitty job.
ā Charlotte (nail technician)
To live your best life you have to take away, not just add. I used to add more stuff, but I never got anything done, then I started taking stuff away, my PlayStation, and my Netflix subscription. Now I have more time for the important things. Iām now a level 64 wizard in my DND group. My characterās name is Dermot after my dadās favourite football player.
ā Pauly (unemployed)
I imagine I have special powers. Thatās how I cope with my illness.
ā Greg (mental)
Imagine marrying a dishonest cunt and thinking life gonna be rosy.
ā Elisia (speech therapist)
Thereās always some young punk trying to make a name for himself by having a go at a strong bloke like me, while wearing womenās clothes. For me, itās really more about comfort than feeling sexy.
ā Brian (chartered accountant)
Itās a dog-eat-dog world and Iām a chihuahua. Thatās what this guy on Twitter said to me who Iām actively trying to get cancelled.
ā Luca (angry young man)
How can teachers expect to show love and respect to all students? How can they be expected to give them all a little push in the right direction? I struggle with my own kids. If I donāt really like them that much, how am I supposed to act appropriately around other peopleās kids?
ā Violet (teacher, mother of four)
Remember when seatbelts were considered uncool? People are idiots.
ā Emily (between jobs)
People say I walk everywhere because Iām an alcoholic who keeps getting caught drunk driving. But the truth is walking is good for you. And carrying a carton of beer home is pretty much the same as me going to the gym. Itās all about healthy choices.
ā Tim (fit alcoholic)
My brotherās too honest. It makes me feel bad about myself. But he donāt get the perks of having two identities.
ā Lisa (dishonest)
The best thing about being a therapist is triggering a client when they are at their most vulnerable. But you have to be subtle or they will catch on that youāre doing it on purpose.
ā Abi (provisional psychologist)
There is no respect these days. I saw a kid give his mum the finger; she gave the finger back. Maybe itās a form of love, but itās a rough and unruly kind.
ā Blanche (frequents Vinnies)
People turn to religion to absolve themselves of their sins. I choose to own mine, thatās why I have crippling shame that stops me from fully participating in society.
ā David (atheist, porn addict)
A great man once said a lot of stuff that I didnāt bother to listen to. I hate my life.
ā Oliver (depressed)
A family that plays together stays together. Thatās why my wife left me and then moved away with the kids. Iām a very serious man.
ā Kevin (actuary)
Iām a big fan of cruelty. Thatās why my family is so fucked up, which gives me even more reason to be cruel.
ā Glen (psychopath)
Lady Cavanaugh has asked me to sing in this yearās Snotty Boysā Parade. Well, itās about time!
ā Alexander (private school student)
Haters are people who are unaware you can fix yourself and your situation through a process of personal growth. Thatās why my cousin is still wearing the same types of clothing he wore as a teenager.
ā Sofia (a seeker)
Iām a very loving husband who treats his wife well and we have a great life together. We donāt have any issues. I donāt know anything about any missing watermelons.
ā Jack (knows about the watermelons)
I have lots of hobbies but Iām still empty inside. So Grandma was wrong.
ā David (empty inside)
There is no such thing as the perfect person because there is no such thing as a perfect world. Thatās why if you try to be perfect, you come off looking like a twat. I tried, but people really took offence to perfect Darren. I was just trying to do and say the right thing, but the world got the better of me and exposed my hypocrisy.
ā Darren (a freegan)
I used to put a lot of people off by asking them if they smoked pot. And then responding if I smoked, based on their response. Who was I kidding?
ā Daniel (former drug user)
My mum has always owned cats and dogs despite my allergy to animal hair. Itās very hard not to take that as a slight.
ā Bill (the black sheep)
Get down in the dirt. Youāll see things clearer. Thatās what my support worker said. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
ā Henry (has issues)
They call people who canāt get their shit together āhopelessā. They probably do have hope, theyāre just āuselessā. Or maybe they are useful but theyāre not willing to do the work. So maybe theyāre more ālazyā, but still have hope which was my main point. Iām going to be a psychologist.
ā Kenneth (high schooler)
Iāve always been very encourageable. I can go into any situation being anxious, reserved, and avoidant, but my heart can be stirred. Thatās when I slip into fun mode, which I canāt always get to on my own.
ā Sam (encourageable)
My son wanted to join the army, so I had to explain to him that as a recruit thereāll be times when you wake up with a dick on your forehead, with a heap of your fellow recruits standing around laughing because you have a dick on your forehead. I said he can join up if he likes, but thatās what to expect. I also said donāt be the guy that puts his dick on other peopleās forehead.
ā Des (retired army vet)
Peopleās reasoning is filtered through their beliefs. Thatās why my sister thinks she is right about everything and blames others for her shitty behaviour, even though she canāt even run as fast as me.
ā Mick (the fastest in his family)
Jesus is the one true king and saviour. You have to say that a lot as a Christian, for Jesusā sake. Youāve got to let him know youāre on his side just in case heās not all-knowing and doesnāt know what lies in your heart.
ā Anthony (a Christian)
In my group of friends, before I decided I was better than them, I was like the ref or a judge. Iād be the one telling them they were doing something wrong or stupid. It got tiring, and they never listened anyway.
ā Roger (overly sensible)
As a doctor, I decide whether someone lives or dies. And that gives me strength.
ā Max (surgeon, sociopath)
We are all one good famine away from eating each other. Donāt forget that.
ā Milley (doomsday prepper)
Gersbach, Gersbachā¦ Gersbach, Gersbachā¦
ā Ian (retired NRL footballer)
Ever seen a scrag fight? Those girls must have had terrible parents. What I mean by that is that their parents must have suffered terrible trauma as children, but were too stupid to seek help.
ā Beth (nurse)
You canāt be friends with everyone. Iāve tried.
ā Angie (a people pleaser)
Sometimes you have to take things seriously and get the work done. It canāt all be fun and hookers.
ā Jack (works hard, plays hard)
I need for nothing in life. Life improves immensely when you are happy with what you have, and really you donāt need that much. The only thing Iām really in need of in my life at the moment is more rhino horn. It helps me to get a good solid boner.
ā Lyn (Asian dude)
Iād like to say Iāve changed. But I still get violent when Iām drunk. Maybe if I start drinking scotch instead of bourbon. That bourbon shit angries up the blood.
ā Brian (violent alcoholic)
Every now and again, I have to move from town to town. I get involved with someone. I think I love them. But then the urge to drain their bank account and run off becomes too strong.
ā Gina (opportunist, criminal)
I often think Iām there, that Iāve levelled up. But then someone says something negative and I start thinking about what Iād do if I had magical powers.
ā Aiden (daydreamer)
I grew up around a few people who every time they got drunk would always be āfuck the worldā and āfuck everything.ā I donāt imagine anyone with that attitude fares too well in life, let alone how theyād ever be able to afford their motorbike repayments.
ā Benjamin (doing better these days)
People are so stupid they believe anything you tell them. Thatās why Iām a liar, and Iām also rich. Fuck values, fuck ethics. I can afford to sleep with a different woman every night, who needs love. Thatās for chumps. I buy my love through dishonesty and dodgy dealing. Iām the king of the world.
ā Gabriel (rich douchebag)
As a woman in a wheelchair, Iām always smiling and bubbly and happy. No one likes a Debbie downer, especially when Debbie canāt walk.
ā Deb (former downer)
Ever see someone do something stupid and think Iām gonna talk about this like it was cool to encourage the person to do something stupid again?
ā Kev (prick)
Iām an old man now, but Iām still young at heart. The young chicky babes at the nightclub arenāt responding as well as Iād like. Itās hardly worth the motorbike repayments.
ā Sam (motorcyclist)
I was paranoid everyone was talking shit about me. The bugs I planted proved my suspicions. Now Iām paranoid that they know about the bugs and theyāre just trying to rile me up.
ā Pene (suspicious)
Itās hard to be happy when Iām surrounded by morons.
ā Logan (hangs with morons)
You spend your life sacrificing for your kids and just because you never talked to them or showed them enough love, they donāt come to the hospital to visit.
ā Reg (silly old fool)
Imagine being good at base jumping and finding out most people donāt care that you base jump.
ā Damo (extreme sports guy)
What about these kids that torture animals? If they donāt get help, theyāre going to grow up and get a job in finance.
ā Bevan (good at needlework)
I used to make jokes about fat people. Now Iām 150kg. I know how it feels to be picked on or treated like a second-class citizen because of my weight. But I must admit Iām not as heavy as my brother though, heās a real fatty.
ā Ryan (fatty)
Normal people are so lame, āOh, I think Iāll do my taxes, donāt do drugs, piss in the toilet and not in the sinkā.
ā Ken-O (lout)
I know Jesus personally. Iāve never seen him, but any good, small, quiet voice in my head, I Imagine is him pushing me in the direction Iāve already decided to go.
ā Julia (knows God personally)
I used to say āI canāt tell whether Iām Arthur or Martha.ā That saying doesnāt mean what I thought it meant.
ā Byron (confused, not āconfusedā)
I need to get some passion back into my life. The doctor asked me, āWhat made you happy when you were younger?ā. I remembered I used to be keen on play-dough, but you canāt do that for a living.
ā Dennis (play-dough enthusiast)
The bikie gang is like a family to me. I have to share my wife with them. I donāt like that bit, but I get my cut of the drug money, so swings and roundabouts.
ā Big Ross (bikie)
I tried to get in with this crowd of guys who seemed cool but they said I canāt hang out with them anymore. I think itās because of the way I treat women as human beings and not just objects. I think that made them uncomfortable.
ā Chris (gentleman)
You can believe what you like, but it will affect your potential. Take me, I think learning is stupid because I didnāt get high marks in school. That belief has stopped me from earning enough money to own a speedboat but has kept me stupid enough to think I need one.
ā Jason (speedboat enthusiast)
Kids are dumb. They donāt know shit, but they think they do. Little dumb-asses.
ā Meg (kindergarten teacher)
A bit of kindness can go a long way. Thatās why I hand out lollies in the park.
ā Gene (pervert)
I demonstrate my kindness by avoiding people. They donāt need to see this.
ā Ruth (overly anxious, has a lump on her back)
If you want to be a standout believer, when praying publicly, you must reiterate to God what heās about, like he doesnāt know already. Youāve got to really suck up to him like he doesnāt know whatās already in your heart. That way, the other Christians know youāre the best Christian and theyāre just wannabe, followers of Christ.
ā Lisa (competitive Christian)
I spend my time banging on about this and that, but all I really want is a cuddle and a Maserati.
ā Shane (needs love, loves money)
Jesus doesnāt like poor people because they donāt try hard enough, thatās why I vote Liberal.
ā Unus (Conservative voter)
The art of being a good fortune teller is to give everyone good news. Except for those who question your powers. Those people need to know how horrible their lives will be.
ā Kelly (psychic medium)
People take me the wrong way. They donāt get that Iām just being funny when Iām abusing them.
ā Dane (arsehole)
One of my biggest problems is my lack of self-awareness. Thatās what Mum says, but I donāt see it.
ā Zoe (lacks self-awareness)
Donāt marry the most attractive woman. Marry a good woman with ample breasts.
ā Jez (unmarried)
The worst thing that can happen to a young man is that he gets a decent win on the pokies. It happened to me and I started gambling all the time. Then I started stealing from my work. Then I started listening to rap music. Itās a slippery slope.
ā Harriet (mother of two boys)
Gersbach, Gersbachā¦ Gersbach, Gersbachā¦
ā Tyler (son of a retired NRL player)
Iām tribal. I base all new information on what I think my tribe would approve of. I do not base anything on its merits because my tribalism has inhibited that cognitive function.
ā Wez (go team!)
Iām passionate about my work, but I always get derailed by the fun people in the office. I want to get my work done. But I also want to tease Darryl with the rest of the guys.
ā Vanessa (office worker)
Life is a paradox. One day, youāre walking down a street to buy fish and chips. The next day you go to a different shop cause you feel like a burger. How does that even work?
ā Wayne (life observer, unemployable)
Sometimes we have to lose a leg to find out we needed that leg.
ā Garreth (arm-chair philosopher)
My husband cheats, he canāt help it. Itās my fault for not being filthy enough in the bedroom.
ā Olivia (doormat, modest)
One of these days Iām gonna get a trifecta up and prove to everyone I donāt have a problem.
ā Jeremy (compulsive gambler)
Imagine being so broke that you have to suck a guy off for twenty dollars. Then you have to go home and tell your parents youāre gay.
ā Anto (gay)
We have to be honest with ourselves. None of us are perfect. I pissed in a pot plant in a girlās bedroom and it all started flowing out the bottom of the pot.
ā Jim (imperfect)
When life kicks you in the guts, you have to get up, straighten your tie, and prepare for the next kick in the guts.
ā Jenny (pessimist)
The thing about looking like youāre a good gambler is you only ever talk about your wins. That way, people wonāt realise that sometimes the kids donāt get fed.
ā Gab (wife of a gambler)
Being a manly man, Iām constantly finding ways to look more manly and avoiding things that make me look less manly. I cried once, so I stabbed myself in the leg and showed everyone the scar where I stabbed myself.
ā Geoff (tough guy)
All you need in life is a good, solid partner. You donāt really need many friends. But itās good to have a couple so you can get out of the house from time to time. Blow off a little steam, and have a laugh. Possibly do some blow.
ā Andrew (cocaine sniffer)
I want to be famous but have no discernable talents. Iām thinking of becoming the next poo jogger.
ā Stan (likes puns)
Some people would rather eat the head off a live chicken than work on themselves through the process of learning new things that help them grow.
ā Elena (lifelong learner)
Everyoneās always picking on everyone for this or that. People need to get the plank out of their own eye. Who cares what my Belinda does down at the park?
ā Hazel (Belindaās mother)
My school friends used to treat me terribly, and I was not much better. Then I met someone nice who didnāt shave my eyebrows when I passed out and I thought, āWoah, this is what genuine friendships are likeā.
ā Carter (has better friends now)
When youāre comfortable in yourself, you donāt have to show off all the time. Iām rarely comfortable. Did I mention I own my own speedboat? Twin turbo, no word of a lie.
ā Bruce (owns a twin-turbo)
The conspiracy theorists are all nut jobs. I actually understand whatās going on with the aliens.
ā Kai (conspiracy theorist)
I love manipulating people for my own ends. Mum reckons I should stop it if I want a good life. But rich people do it all the time and theyāre rich.
ā Chloe (little bitch)
Iām a level 9 bogan, the highest level in Boganism. I can smoke a push-bike through a bong in under eight seconds.
ā Liam (level 9 bogan)
āMy life is a puzzle that needs to be solved.ā At least thatās the vibe I get from some of the people in my life. Apparently, that is easier than asking me what Iām about and what Iām up to.
ā Ava (surrounded by busybodies)
Gersbach, Gersbachā¦Gerbach, Gersbach.
ā Nathan (NRL football enthusiast)
Twenty-somethings think they understand the world, but the truth is they are stupid little morons who need a good flogging. All of them.
ā Lincoln (was once a twenty-something)
Iād like to help my sister more, but Iām a bit weird around amputees.
ā Theo (sister of an amputee)
Iāve always avoided things that were important. Like seeing Grandma before she died. I could do a lot with my life if I wasnāt constantly trying to avoid human interaction.
ā Richard (avoidant personality type, chronic masturbator)
I own a speedboat.
ā Paul (another bloody speedboat owner)
Ā
This book is full of āquotesā from a range of different people all over Australia, revealing the āsecretā side of human nature in a wonderfully humorous and crazy way. And although the book is fictional, it is easy to imagine some people do think these things!
Ā
From your manipulative therapists, to tired parents, those are depressed, and everything else in between, no matter where you come from, I believe you will still find this book a refreshing read.
I was only on the first page, and I was already laughing and nodding my head. The āquotesā are followed by a short description of the person that said it, adding to the hilarity of it all.
The author hits the nail-on-the-head with using only a few sentences to provide insights to the kind of person that said it, slowly revealing the psyche of humanity ā from laughter to cringe, shock, surprise, and pity.
In the first few pages, I could not help but laugh, perhaps sometimes inappropriately at times. A well-written satire that covers all sorts of people, and the author does a great job of displaying unique characteristics in just a few sentences.
Perhaps one of the funniest things about this book, is that everyone can relate to the narrative in some way.
And then there are the different Australian territories, once again the author does a realistic job of illustrating where they live or come from by the way they talk, and how they think and react ā and just how crazy humans really are!
Considering the theme of the book, there is a bit of swearing, nothing over-the-top, but once again even that subtle aspect illustrates the kind of person talking.
Admittedly, it does read like a comedianās script. You have the lead-up, then the punch-line every time. However, the innovativeness of each āquoteā combines realism with a certain amount of full-on satire!
It is just the kind of read that if you want to laugh for a bit, get lost in the absurdity of human psychology, and get a few good sayings you might have heard before.
If you really analyze the significance about what is said, it reflects a lot about what is happening in society.
Although it may appear satirical, under the surface, it holds some surprising revelations about where society is heading.