The moment Carter Barella saw Brooke Anderson forever changed him. He wanted to be a better husband for her, but his obligation to the mob didnât allow any place for love. He gave his best to protect her from the bloodshed. She was all he needed, and he was dedicated to leaving it all behind for her. And then rival mobsters murdered him.
Carter, quietly observes the woman he cherishes as she lives a second life without his memory. Only when her gaze meets his within the flames of her burning home, Carter sees recognition in her eyes. And when Brooke talks to him, he canât be silent any longer.
As emotions run deep and their past plunges into the present, Brooke falls in love with him all over again. But when the chance at another life with Brooke becomes a possibility, Carter learns forever comes at a price. And he knows, this time, he is going to choose her the way she has always deserved. Whatever the cost may be.
The moment Carter Barella saw Brooke Anderson forever changed him. He wanted to be a better husband for her, but his obligation to the mob didnât allow any place for love. He gave his best to protect her from the bloodshed. She was all he needed, and he was dedicated to leaving it all behind for her. And then rival mobsters murdered him.
Carter, quietly observes the woman he cherishes as she lives a second life without his memory. Only when her gaze meets his within the flames of her burning home, Carter sees recognition in her eyes. And when Brooke talks to him, he canât be silent any longer.
As emotions run deep and their past plunges into the present, Brooke falls in love with him all over again. But when the chance at another life with Brooke becomes a possibility, Carter learns forever comes at a price. And he knows, this time, he is going to choose her the way she has always deserved. Whatever the cost may be.
Carter
There she is. Sitting in her overstuffed chair with her arms resting on her knees. Oblivious to me watching her, she lets out a heavy sigh and leans back into the cushions. She doesnât let anyone see this side of her. The forlorn, what- is- missing side. But I get to see it, whether I want to or not.
In the quiet moments after her day have wound down and she is sitting where she is now or lying in bed, she lets this side free. After a night out with friends, or a quiet meal at home, or after a long day at work, she finally allows herself to remove the mask she puts on daily.
She doesnât know why she feels this way sometimes. Iâve seen her throw things, and yell, scream, cry. All because she doesnât understand why she isnât fully happy. She has a career, friends, and over all a good life. Everything is going well for her. So, why does she feel like something is missing? She whispers that question to herself a lot.
Sometimes I wish she wouldnât hide. That she would tell her friends, or her parents just how she has been feeling the past three years. Then maybe they could help her somehow. Or she would be convinced to see a therapist. She deserves happiness. She deserves not only the moon, but the stars too.
Looking at her, I want to brush back that rogue strand of hair that likes to fall away from her bun. But my touch seems to make things worse. So, I donât allow myself to. There are times I know she feels me. Though I have been around all her life, over these past couple years, something inside her has awoken to my presence. A knowing, a sense that I am near.
She sits forward again and places her face in her hands. Shaking her head lightly she lets out a heavy sigh and stands before going to her dresser and looking in the mirror.
I know she doesnât see herself the same way I do. Iâve heard her complaints about how her long blond hair seems too dull to her, and how she wishes her eyes were blue instead of the dark green they are. She hates the dark circles under her eyes from her lack of sleep, and the way that right eyebrow doesnât arch the same as her left. But if she could see herself through my eyes, she would see the beautiful halo of gold that shines around her when the sunlight reflects off her hair. She could see the way her green eyes sparkle with tiny stars in the morning light. She would see just how breath taking she is.
She grabs the bridge of her nose and squeezes it, while closing her eyes. She must be getting another headache. I back away from her and move to the other side of her room. She releases her nose and with one final glance she looks away from her reflection and walks out. I stay where I am as I hear her rummage through the cabinets of the kitchen. A small smile touches my lips as I hear her cuss because she is out of cookies again. She will make a mental note to grab more, then forget about them twice before going to the store in the middle of the night because she just has to have them.
She comes back into her room and walks to the curtains to pull them closed. Itâs already past midnight and she has work in the morning. She needs to sleep so she isnât struggling to stay awake tomorrow. She struggles more often than not.
I watch as she flings back the blue comforter and crawls into bed. I can tell that she is tired by the way she hums in happiness as she settles in. Her lamp goes off and she lets out another sigh before snuggling her way deep into the mattress. I sit down on her chair and wait for her to find sleep. After an hour, she does. Walking up, I stand beside the bed for a moment. Her face softens as the muscles between her eyebrows release their grip. Her mouth opens slightly and her breaths become steady. I brush back that strand of hair from her face that I have wanted to move for the past two hours and grin at the small smile she gives at my touch. She is so peaceful- looking at this moment. So young and care free.
âGood night ,â I say to her. And I hope it is. I hope her dreams arenât haunted by me tonight. That she wakes up refreshed and doesnât wake up with the loss she always feels when she dreams of me. She doesnât know why she dreams of me or who I am. All she knows is the happiness and longing she feels when she does, and the sadness that comes when she wakes.
I keep telling myself that I need to leave her. That someone else will take my place if I do. She will still be protected and guarded daily. And maybe, just maybe she wonât dream of me anymore. There is a possibility that she will get better, happier even, if I just leave her.
I made a promise to her all those years ago. I would watch over her, protect her, and love her. She was chosen for a second life, and I wasnât. I remain almost the same as the moment I took my last breath. But she has changed in this life. She is stronger, more beautiful than I remember, and hard headed. I thought she was hard headed then, but now, sometimes she gives me a headache. And I shouldnât be able to get headaches.
With one more look, I walk out of her room and give her space. If I am somewhere else within the house, there is a better chance that she wonât dream of me. That she wonât dream at all. So, I make my way down the hall, past the kitchen, and into the living room.
The moment she transitioned from one life to the next almost broke me. I had wanted just one moment with her after all that time. One embrace, one kiss. But as she took her last breath, a first breath was given. I didnât leave her before, and I didnât leave her then. But now I wonder at what cost did my choice come?
There are times I swear she is staring at me, and moments she stops moving when I walk by her. She has even stopped and looked around after I have whispered to her or spoken out loud. The more she becomes in tune with me, the more I find myself wanting to be seen by her. Our past is what ties us. Our love is what is wreaking havoc on her soul.
A yell rings out and I am back in her bedroom instantly. She thrashes in her sleep and I know that my leaving the room was useless. She groans and flips onto her stomach. Her fingers curl around the pillow as she squeezes it. I must be leaving her again. In her dreams I always leave her. Part of me wishes I could change the course of her dream to show her how much I wanted to stay. I never wanted to leave her. I still donât want to.
I go to her. Sitting on the side of the bed, I try to rub her back as she begins to sob in her sleep. A sadness fills me as I realize that there is only one way to save her. I donât know how to exist without her. I am not even sure if I can exist without her. Looking at her now though, I realize as long as she exists, that she lives, it wonât matter if I do. I must leave her soon. I donât know what will become of me without her, without my purpose. But this is not fair to her. She misses me, though she doesnât know it, and she loves me, though she doesnât feel it. Her subconscious does. With every dream, every moment of peace it gets, it tries in vain to remind her of who I am.
So, I will leave her. I will walk away and let her live. Let her find love in this life. Let her live the way she is meant to. Soon I will walk away from her. Maybe one day when the time comes, many years from now, I will get the embrace I have been longing for. I will get the love of my life back. But for now, I do the one thing I know that may help her.
âIâm right here,â I whisper to her, and her thrashing slows. Then, her muscles relax and she calms.
Do you know those books that creep up on you when you least expect it? The ones that make you feel bone-deep sadness but also hope? The ones that make you wonder, "Have I ever truly been loved?" In Another Life by Amanda Hale is one such book and I am not ashamed to admit I ugly cried at the end.
I adored the spin of soulmates and the inclusion of past lives. This book asks us the question, have we existed before?
"Our past is what ties us. Our love is what is wreaking havoc on her soul. Make the ultimate sacrifice and leave his heart behind knowing that she will."Â
Carter has moved on to the afterlife but instead of walking towards the light, he stays on to watch the love of his life. Just when he thinks they are going to have their happily ever after, she is reborn and he reconnects with her from a distance. Carter knows that his presence affects Brooke, but his love and sense of duty to protect her keep him grounded. He wants so badly to touch, kiss, and love her, but as a ghost, all he can do is be a voyager as Brooke navigates her life.
I made a promise to her all those years ago. I would watch over her, protect her, and love her. She was chosen for a second life, and I wasnât. I remain almost the same as the moment I took my last breath. But she has changed in this life. She is stronger, more beautiful than I remember...
Amanda Hale absolutely shattered me with her writing and I am hungry for more destruction. The simplistic way she pens such evocative emotions were truly compelling and I felt both empty and full after reading this. The paranormal elements were perfectly balanced with the story so I never once felt overwhelmed or thought it was excessive.
I adored the secondary characters and felt highly emotionally invested in this storyline. This isn't just a love story, but one of sacrifice, hope, and belief. I thought I knew what was happening but I was honestly shocked to my core at the ending.
I would highly recommend this for persons who want to feel something and enjoy romance with a tinge or paranormal.
Thank you to Reedsy Discovery for providing me with an arc in exchange for an honest reviewÂ