Rue Brennanâs name means âregretâ and âsorrow.â And sheâs determined to live up to it. Living in a tiny studio apartment in the Lower East Side of Manhattan and piecing together odd jobs as a freelance journalist and figure model, her boyfriend, Spencer, thinks she can do better. Spencer Hargrove is all about appearances and is about to unveil a new product created by his startup, SpencerTech. He convinces Rue to take a job as an administrative assistant working for Cyber Forensic Consultant and Private Investigator Darwin Fennec, thinking it a job fitting for a "woman her age."
Meanwhile, her hyperactive upstairs neighbor Midge, prone to day drinking and saying whatever comes into her head, would rather see Rue ditch Spencer and spend her time with Darwin instead. Midge may get her wish. In an unexpected twist of fate, Darwin and Rue find themselves attending the theater on the same night, witnessing the murder of a stage actress. The problem is, they both have become suspects, and each otherâs alibis â ensuring theyâll have to spend more time together, after all, trying to clear each otherâs names. All that, of course, is assuming that one of them isnât guilty.
Rue Brennanâs name means âregretâ and âsorrow.â And sheâs determined to live up to it. Living in a tiny studio apartment in the Lower East Side of Manhattan and piecing together odd jobs as a freelance journalist and figure model, her boyfriend, Spencer, thinks she can do better. Spencer Hargrove is all about appearances and is about to unveil a new product created by his startup, SpencerTech. He convinces Rue to take a job as an administrative assistant working for Cyber Forensic Consultant and Private Investigator Darwin Fennec, thinking it a job fitting for a "woman her age."
Meanwhile, her hyperactive upstairs neighbor Midge, prone to day drinking and saying whatever comes into her head, would rather see Rue ditch Spencer and spend her time with Darwin instead. Midge may get her wish. In an unexpected twist of fate, Darwin and Rue find themselves attending the theater on the same night, witnessing the murder of a stage actress. The problem is, they both have become suspects, and each otherâs alibis â ensuring theyâll have to spend more time together, after all, trying to clear each otherâs names. All that, of course, is assuming that one of them isnât guilty.
Prologue: The year is 1997 and at the height of the Tech Boom.
Startups are all the rage, and a select few have access to
inventions that wonât be readily available to the public
for another decade or more. The Internet is still considered a
passing fad, and only a small percentage of people carry cell
phones. For those of us who were there to bear witness to how
quickly technology has evolved over the past few decades, we
might laugh. What we once considered in 1997 the âTech Boomâ
might now be referred to as the âStone Age.â
A Thursday Evening in 1997: Rueâs Apartment
Rue Brennan was used to him forgetting. In some ways, she blamed herself. Or at least, she blamed her parentsâŚthat was easier. You see, âRueâ meant âregretâ and âBrennanâ meant âsorrow.â So, her parents had, by choice, given her a name that meant âregretâ and âsorrowâ and, by golly, she was determined to live up to it.
Rue lived in a one-bedroom walk-up apartment in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. It was one of those âopenâ designs where there was no door separating the bedroom from the kitchen and dining area, just a cut-out space where a door and a kitchen hatch should be, giving the illusion that the place was larger than it truly was. The bathroom was, unfortunately, just beyond the kitchen. It had a large built-in bookshelf. Rue never understood why you would want to keep books on the shelf in a room that got humid when you ran the shower.
Of course, if it were Spencer, it would be one non-fiction book at a time that heâd conveniently leave on the top of the toilet bowl so it was there the next time he needed it. Heâd often disappear into her bathroom with a book, most likely about the French Revolution or some time in history that wasnât the present, and she wouldnât hear from him for a good half hour.
It should be noted here that no one else thought this was a bookshelf at all, but a place to hold towels and linens and such. But since Rue only had two towels and as many washcloths to her name, but hundreds of books that she refused to part with, she had to settle on the bathroom to house her collectionâfor now.
She caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror just as sheâd settled on pulling her slightly worn copy of The Alchemist from the shelf. From what she could tell, she didnât look all that much different from yesterday. Her hair was still a murky dark brown, framing her round face in a bob. The bags under her hazel eyes didnât seem any baggier, though the crow's feet that extended from the edges did look just a little deeper and more pronounced. Rue was under weight and waif-like, not that youâd know it from her face. No matter how much weight I lose, I still look like a chipmunk with cheeks full of nuts. She decided to blame this on her parents as well as her unfortunate name.Â
There was a knock on the window. The only actual windows in her little hovel were in the bedroom. She set the book back on the shelf and made her way, barefoot, across the hardwood floor.
Peering through the window, with hair as curly and red as a Raggedy Ann doll, was her neighbor, Midge. She was standing on the fire escape, holding up a bottle of wine and what looked like a semi-wrapped block of cheese. Rue struggled to open the rather stubborn window. FinallyâŚsuccess. Â
âHappy birthday, Rue!â Midge thrust the bottle of wine through the window by way of presentation. âItâs not super fancy, but eco-friendly and organic, so at least we wonât be drinking pesticides and additives.â
Midge remembered my birthday, Rue thought. But Spencer didn.t.
âAww, thanks Mensa. You are the sweetest,â Rue smiled sadly in spite of herself. âWhy donât I join you on the ledge? Give me a second to throw something on other than pajamas. I have a red dress that I had planned to wear this evening for a date I no longer appear to be going on. Let me put that on.â
Midge set the bottle down on the windowsill. âAnd donât worry,â Rue wrenched the knit dress free from the tiny closet where hangers werenât really needed to hold the clothes up. They all supported each other as if they feared sudden abandonment. âIâll wear leggings, so I donât accidentally flash any pedestrians on the ground level.â Rue darted behind the wall separating the kitchen from the bedroom to change.
âDonât forget the wine glasses,â Midge called. âAnd a blanket if you have one. I still have ass prints from sitting on the metal rails last time.â Midge hailed from the Tri-State area, having lived in New York, New Jersey and Philadelphia. Her blended accent reflected that.
Rue pulled on her thick black leggings that came down to her ankles, pulled the dress over her head, and then dutifully grabbed two stemless red wine glasses from the kitchen and a single towel from the bathroom. âHere,â she handed Midge the towel, âthe other one is drying over the shower bar. But donât worry, I donât mind ass prints.â She laughed. âYou can use this one, and I can sit on the rails.â
âWant me to go back upstairs and grab one of mine?â Midge offered.Â
âNah, donât bother,â After offering Midge the glasses, she climbed through the window and onto the fire escape. Midge had set the cloth-wrapped cheese on a checkered red kitchen towel with the bottle of wine and glasses next to it. Rue shimmied to one corner of the re escape, sitting carefully with her feet dangling over the ladder. Midge did the same, on the opposite side, facing her friend.Â
âThis was awfully nice of you, Mensa.â
âMensaâ was Rueâs pet-name for Midge, even though Midge pretended to hate it. They became friends a year ago when they both learned they had a penchant for people-watching from the re escape, Rue on the third floor, Midge on the fifth. They didnât know who lived on the fourth. Drapes covered the windows, and no one ever seemed to go in or come out of the place.
Rue had just moved to the Big Apple from a little town in Pennsylvania. Manhattan seemed like the best place to go if you wanted to escape from your past and get swallowed up and lost in a big city. No one would think to look for her here, would they? For the first month, she didnât know anyone.
Then, one night, when Midge had gone through a nasty breakup, Rue invited her neighbor down to her apartment, and consoled her with margaritas and nachos. This is the time when they both learned that tequila was not their friend.
In a semi-drunken state, Midge proclaimed, âThe problem is that Iâm just too smart for them.â She had waved her plastic margarita cup in the air, threatening to spill it from the fifth floor of the escape.Â
Her words were ever-so-slightlyâŚslushy. âI told Darius that he was as big a troglodyte as the lot of âem. He couldnât appreciate the fact that I have a 146 IQ and am very smart. Thatâs why men donât like me for very long. Iâm too much of a challenge. They donât like to be challenged.â She blinked and swayed slowly in the breeze.
Rue had felt the need to gently call Midge out on her bullshit. âWell, Mensa, are you sure itâs not that theyâre put o by you calling them troglodytes?â
Midge eyed her slowly, before laughing so hard she spit a little. âMaybe,â she acknowledged. âAnd donât call me âMensaâ when I have a perfectly good nameâŚMidge. Iâm named after a blood-sucking y.â She laughed again. The âPhillyâ in her accent getting stronger the more she drank.
âHere, open the bottle. Itâs a twist-top.â Midge brought Rue out of her daydream. Todayâs Midge was not drunk and after sending Darius packing, followed by Ben, and then Dave, she decided she had sworn o men for a while.
Rue dutifully opened the bottle. Midge leaned forward and carefully held the glasses out in front of her for Rue to pour them each some wine. She handed one to Rue.
A fresh breeze blew through the street and Rue shivered a little. Perhaps, this was the last day where she could get away with wearing only a dress and leggings as the Fall weather was becoming progressively colder.
âA toast.â Midge raised her glass, the sun shining on her face, making her complexion look even paler in contrast to her crayon red wavy hair. "To the birthday gal! May the next year be full of adventure and fun surprises!â
âIâll drink to that,â Rue smiled, clinking her glass against Midgeâs. The wine was earthier than she expected.
âItâs a Rioja,â Midge said. âI figured it would go with the Manchego I bought.â She broke of a chunk of the cheese with her fingers and handed it, open-palmed, to Rue. Rue took it without complaining. Whatâs a few germs between friends?. she thought. âIâm probably dying of something right now and don't even know it.
Midge watched as Rue took a nibble of the cheese. âTake another sip of wine, quick,â Midge commanded. âThey go well together, right?â
Rue nodded. She wasnât really sure how to tell, but she was all about free food and beverage, and she sure as hell wouldnât be spending her meager savings on fancy wine and cheeses anytime soon.
âSo, whereâs Spencer taking you this evening?â Midge wanted to know.
âNot sure heâs taking me anywhere,â Rue confessed. âI donât think he even remembered it was my birthday.â Midge let out a huff. âAnd how long have you been together?â
âMidge, donât start. Iâm already bummed.â
âSorry,â Midge offered, taking a sip of her wine and sheepishly averting her eyes.
In truth, Spencer and Rue had only been dating a little over a year. Therefore, she reasoned, heâd only been through one birthday previously. And sheâs pretty sure he missed that one, too.
It never used to be like this, Rue thought to herself. In the beginning, Spencer seemed sweet and kind and understanding.
After all, she had led a rather sheltered life before moving to New York. He didnât mind her naivete and seemed excited to introduce the world to her. But lately, the more hob-nobbing he did with the upper echelon of society, the less patient he became with her, as if she suddenly didnât t in with the new world he was creating for himself.
As if he were somewhere, hearing her thoughts, Midgeâs cell phone rang. She set down the wine and cheese and shed it out of her back pocket.
âHullo?â She raised her eyebrow and waved her hand in confusion. âSpencer? Why are you callinâ me? Oh, yeah, sheâs right here.â Midge thrust the phone toward Rue. âHe says heâs been trying to call you on the phone all afternoon.â
âHello?â Rue answered. âWeâre out on the re escape,â she yelled over the roar of an ambulance that went barreling down the street.
She covered her left ear and leaned into the phone as if that would make a difference. âWhere are you?â
âDown here.â From the street, Spencer waved his arm wildly, phone still against his ear. Rue saw him and waved back. There, stood Spencer. Good old practical Spencer, dressed in a suit and tie with overpriced cu links and shoes that he had professionally shined.
âCâmon up. Iâll let you in,â Rue answered. She could see him nod before hanging up.
âWell, thatâs my cue.â Midge stood.
âNo, you donât have to go so soon. Come inside and chat for a bit.â
âNo thanks. Spencer isâŚâ she paused to find the right words, âso perfectly coiffed, Iâm afraid his head might explode just being in the same room with me.â
âSuit yourself, Mensa. But hey,â she called as her friend started her climb back up to her apartment, âthanks for the wine and cheese. Much appreciated.â
âNo prob, friend,â Midge saluted her. âYuz guys enjoy.â With that, a flash of red hair and bell bottoms that went out of style more than two decades ago ascended to her at above Rueâs.
Simultaneously, there was a knock at the door. Rue grabbed the leftover food and wine and struggled through the window.
âHang on!â she called. âAlmost there!â
She plopped the leftovers on the kitchen counter and sprang to the door, flinging it open with all the enthusiasm of someone who was secretly hoping her boyfriend held a wonderful birthday present in his arms for her. He didnât.
âHi, Rue, sorry Iâm later than planned,â he apologized, giving her a quick peck on the lips. âWork was beastly today. You have no idea. But thatâs all over now and I have a surprise for you.â He took her by the shoulders and smiled. Midge was right, his wavy brown hair was quite perfectly placed. His skin equally radiant. Rue suspected it was an experimental age-remedy called âBotox,â but Spencer never offered that info, so she never asked since she wasnât sure it was even legally on the market yet. She just noticed over in the past year that one day he had worry lines and the next, they seemed to magically disappear.
Rueâs eyes grew wide with hope. âWhatâs the surprise?â With that, Spenser reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, handing it to her as if it were the key to the city. âWhatâs this?â She wrinkled her nose at it, confused.
âA business card,â he answered, eyeing the wine on the table. He tilted the bottle back with one hand, eyeing it distastefully.
âDarwin Fennec,â she read. âContract Cyber Forensic Consultant and Private Investigator.â She lowered the card.
âWhatâs this about?â
âWell, you were complaining last week that you were, and I quote, âon the fast track to middle age with nothing to show for itâ and wanted a career beyond u journalism and posing nude.â
âThat last part was not at all what I said,â she corrected. âAnd being a figure model for one of the most prestigious art universities in the country is a bit different from the way you describe it. There is some skill to it, and yet, you make me sound like a prostitute posing for a trash magazine on weekends.â
Spencer cleared his throat, uncomfortably. âYou know that I support all of your endeavors, darling. But you have to admit, it is a little embarrassing for the founder and CEO of an up-and-coming tech company to have to explain your particularâŚskill setâŚto investors.â
âSorry my career is so embarrassing for you, Spencer.â Rue flopped into a kitchen chair.
âOh, come on. Be reasonable.â He ran his hand over the top of her head. âThatâs not a career, thatâs something you do to work your way through college. Not something an older woman does as aââ He stopped when he saw her face and took a moment to glance between his girlfriend and the wine and cheese on the table.
âWhat am I missing?â he finally asked.
âMy birthday, Spencer,â Rue answered flatly. âYouâre missing my birthday.â
âOh, my darling,â He stroked her head again. âIâm so sorry. How unthoughtful of me.â He paused a moment. âSo, who left the wine?â He cringed at the label.
âMy upstairs neighbor, Midge.â
âOh, is that the small unpleasant gal with the bright red hair.â
âYes, but I donât find her unpleasant at all. She's my friend and I like herâŚand,â Rue added, âshe remembered my birthday.â
âI said I was sorry, and from the looks of the wine she bought, sheâs not that good of a friend. I donât know what that is, but I wouldnât qualify that dime-store swill as wine.â
âSnob,â Rue wrinkled her nose at him and attempted a smile. Rue rarely got to celebrate birthdays in the past, which made his forgetting sting all the more. Maybe she was making too much of it?
âTell you what,â he finally said, âget dressed, and Iâll take you someplace really nice for your birthday to celebrate.â
Rue looked down at her dress. âI kinda thought I already was dressed.â
Spencer paused, awkwardly. âOh, right.â
âYou know what, Spencer? Turns out, Iâm really tired after a long day. Maybe we can take a raincheck on my birthday dinner?â
âOf course, my darling. Whatever you say.â Spencer seemed somewhat relieved. âJust do me one favor?â
âWhatâs that?â Spencer pointed toward the business card still clenched tightly between Rueâs fingers. âCall Darwin in the morning.â
âWho is he?â
âHeâs a guy I hired to do a little contract investigative work for my company. Remember how I told you I suspect B. A. Ellis industries, SpencerTechâs competitorâŚmy competitorâŚis stealing proprietary info from us?â
Rueâs blank expression indicated that she did not. Spencer dismissed it. âAnyway, I got into a conversation with him waiting in line at the coffee shop and learned heâs looking for an administrative assistant.â He fanned his hands open in the air as if placing something in the lights over Broadway. âAdministrative assistantâŚdoesnât that sound nice? Thereâs real potential there.â
Rue bit back several expletives. âThanks for looking out for me, Spencer.â She clenched her jaw.
âDonât look at me like that,â Spencer chastised. âI told him all about you and heâs eager to interview you.â
âIâm a gure model and journalist. Not sure if there are transferable skills there that lend themselves to administrative work.â
âCome on, now,â Spencer reasoned, âhow hard can it be? Answer a few phone calls, schedule a few meetingsâŚâ
âWhile Iâm sure thereâs more to it than that, how is this better for me than being a journalist?â Rue wanted to know.
âBecause you wouldnât be scrounging for freelance work, day in and day out. Itâs a steady, respectable job with growth potential. You would get to work with a detective, which has to be more exciting thanâŚwhat was your last gig? Covering Drag Queen Bingo at a local diner in Tribeca.â
âI had no idea you thought so highly of my work,â Rue pursed her lips.
Spencer took her shoulders. âSweetheart, I just see more potential in you. And think of your career move as an investment inâŚus.â
âHow is this an investment in âusâ?â Rue wanted to know. âThis sounds more like an investment in âyou,â meaning you require a girlfriend whose work and friends donât embarrass you.â
âYouâre being overly emotionalâŚis it that time of the month again?â Rueâs face turned crimson and it appeared as if she were ready to, literally, let o steam through her nostrils and ears. âIâm sorry. I know youâre still cross with me because I forgot your birthday. I promise Iâll make it up to you. Just do me one teensy favor and call him in the morning? Iâve got a good feeling about him.â Spencer pulled Rue into his chest for a hug. After a minute of her arms awkwardly hanging by her side, she relented, hugging him back and settling into his embrace for a moment.
âFine,â she conceded, breaking from his hug. "Iâll be certain to reach out to thisâŚâ she read the card again, âDarwin Fennec in the morning.â
As a freelance journalist and figure model, Rue is barely getting by in life. But her life is unexpectedly upended in more ways than one when her tech boyfriend, Spencer, convinces her to take a job as an administrative assistant for Darwin Fennec. Rue not only knows nothing about the world of forensic consulting and private investigations, but also is unaware of Spencerâs ulterior motives for setting her up with the job in the first place.Â
Midge, Rueâs nosey neighbor and self-proclaimed best friend, isnât a fan of Spencer. So when she has an opportunity to help Rue and Darwin become more than co-workers, she tricks them into a âdateâ at the theater. But thanks to Midgeâs scheming, Rue and Darwin find themselves as witnesses to a murder and therefore main suspects.Â
The events that unfold from that unfortunate night lead Rue and Darwin to the uncover secrets, affairs, and another murder.  But throughout the investigation, Rue starts to find herself and maybe someone she didnât even know she was looking for.Â
I read this after reading Pennies from Heaven, not realizing that If I Didnât Care is the first book in the series. I do wish I would have realized that sooner so that I had the full backstory and the connection with the characters that make appearances in the second book. But I can still appreciate Rueâs story with Pennies from Heaven still being fresh in my mind.Â
I loved that the book series is based in the 90âs, where the internet and cell phones are becoming increasingly popular. I enjoyed the âlessonâ that Rue received from Darwin on navigating the internet. It brought up some feelings of nostalgia remembering the early days of the internet.Â
Rue and Darwin clearly had an attraction towards each other, but fought hard to resist it. While it was frustrating at times, it was also somewhat endearing and made their connection seem stronger in a way. I also loved Darwinâs faith in Rue. He allowed her to speak her mind and showed patience with her both professionally and personally throughout the investigation.Â
I was a little disappointed in having read Pennies from Heaven first, as it kind of spoiled the ending of If I Didnât Care for me. Nonetheless, I still loved the plot twist and despite knowing it was coming, the details of how it all unfolds still added an element of shock to it.Â
Overall, this was a great read. Despite the circumstances that led to the ending, I think Rue ended up exactly where she needed to be and she was able to find herself along the way.Â