Awakening
"Awakening is not changing who you are but discarding who you are not."
—Deepak Chopra
On the eve of her milestone birthday, as Lilac sat in her studio admiring the abstract composition of her landscape painting, she could not help but reflect on her life’s journey over the past years. The textures and vibrant colours of the acrylic paint had provided her tranquillity and were quite therapeutic, especially during the moments she felt emotionally vulnerable. Lately, she had felt the anxiety of her youth that emanated from the post-traumatic stress of her upbringing take a stranglehold of her heart. The acrylic painting had helped her find temporary relief as she expressed her emotions creatively through her art while processing her complicated feelings.
Turning to look out her window, Lilac considered the reality of years gone by as her own reflection mirrored her authenticity. She was approaching her sunset years, as evidenced by deep lines on her forehead and dark circles around her eyes. Lilac pondered the meaning of life and her soul purpose in this world. She realized that she had not been alone in these reflections; these were questions that have mystified humans from the beginning of time. Lilac could not ascertain if she were having a mid-life crisis or a spiritual awakening.
She was standing at a crossroads in her life as unresolved issues from her past had recently resurfaced. Lilac intrinsically knew that she was about to be catapulted into an unknown event; however, she could not rationalize this instinct with her analytical mind. She was feeling discombobulated and confused, stuck between levels of consciousness and her perceived dimensional reality. Before she could move forward, Lilac found herself at a critical junction—she had to face the truth of her childhood and relinquish her victim mentality to truly ascend into a higher spiritual being.
Lilac had been blessed with a keen sense of intuition. Her ability to feel and be in touch with energetic vibrations around her had been uncanny; however, she had spent most of her life trying to ignore these precious gifts. In an effort to keep the darkness at a safe distance, she had been afraid to explore her instincts and their spiritual significance. But lately, the power of her senses had been robust, projecting shards of light in her mind’s eye as she practised her daily meditation.
Lilac had been sensing imminent, foreboding energy about to be revealed and realized that she could not hide from her spiritual ascension any longer. She knew that she needed to face her painful truth once and for all. The universe had been sending her signs for a reason—a call to action to fulfill her soul mission.
Her life journey had not been an easy one, but Lilac strongly believed in good and evil, the existence of a higher power, a divine energy source that surrounded all beings—a form of radiant light emanating from the goodness of human souls. She often thought about creation and had an inner knowing from a very young age that there were two very distinct scientific forces in this world—gravity and love. Lilac had never questioned the power of unconditional love, human kindness, and the sheer force of positive spiritual existence. She believed in karma, in putting out good energy into the vast universe and manifesting it back into her daily life.
Spirituality, for Lilac, had nothing to do with organized religion. She thought that these convictions had been created by humans to exert control and dominance over the masses. This was done by the exploitation of specific doctrines that propagated fear to foster division in the name of a deity. In her mind, religious dogma had caused war and genocide throughout history, all elements of darkness. Lilac, therefore, had never affiliated herself with any organized belief system, but she did respect traditions, values, and the fundamental laws of humanity. She felt that tradition was vital for family unity, and Lilac had done her best to continue the customs that were taught to her by her grandmother.
She wondered why she valued this heritage so much and questioned whether it was hypocritical, given her principles. Lilac knew she needed to unravel her past to fully comprehend her life path before she could discover any type of enlightenment. She needed to face the veracity of her childhood to discard the chains of her past—not gloss over her experiences—no matter how painful and complicated the process.
This quest would require her to tear down the dark curtains around her heart. She needed to unlock her suppressed memories to bravely face her fears and discover the depth of generational violence and cruelty of her upbringing. After all, she had been assured that the vicious cycle of abuse stemming from her paternal grandfather’s bloodline had been broken. However, her genetic history of darkness and heritage had shaped her identity, fuelled her instinct for survival and inspired her burning desire to illuminate messages of hope, kindness, and forgiveness.
Lilac stretched out on her warm and comfortable bed, snuggling her hot mug of tea as the weariness of her past covered her like a wool blanket. She felt the fatigue of the last forty-nine years within each muscle fibre, deeply etched into her bones. She gazed lovingly at the beautiful portrait of her daughters—her pride and joy, her heart and soul—and wondered how they would react to her past. Would they admire her strength and bravery to persevere for the love of her family, or would they view her with pity and shame once they realized their bloodline’s real history?
Lilac had lived her life with pureness and honesty, but she had always refrained from talking about her childhood memories, as she had not seen the value of dredging up past hurt, betrayal, and heartache. But now that the girls were older, they had begun asking questions about their heritage and ancestry. Lilac realized that the truth would have to surface eventually, and she hoped that her girls would now be better equipped to understand and process the reality of her past.
Lilac shook her head, aware of the negative thoughts percolating in her analytical mind before she dismissed and released them. As she marvelled at the glowing faces of her gorgeous daughters, Elizabeth and Josephine, she could not help but feel warmth springing from her heart, the sensation of pure love and joy. What remarkable young women they had become. Even at the tender ages of nineteen and sixteen, the goodness of their souls radiated with brilliance.
Everything Lilac had gone through, the culmination of her suffering and determination to fight for her family’s survival, had been to contribute these two extraordinary souls to the universe. Liz and Jo were her driving force, her beacon of light and hope. There was nothing she would not do to protect them from the harsh realities of the outside world and the lurking darkness that had surrounded her family for generations.
Taking deep cleansing breaths, she began practising her ritual to tap into her inner source, where she experienced the connection to her higher self. She observed the rhythm of her heartbeat, fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus to elevate her state of consciousness, allowing herself to feel calm and at peace.
Lilac prepared herself to travel back in time, into the darkest reaches of her mind, to expose the menacing secrets that have been buried in the tangled cobweb of her subconscious mind. As she closed her eyes to reflect back on her history, Lilac thought about her mother, Mira; she had been the same age as Jo when she became a mother at the tender age of sixteen. Mira had been such an innocent, naïve young girl when she was thrown into adulthood before her time. It had robbed her of her wholesomeness and propelled her onto a path of hardship and heartache.
Even though her family had left the old country of Georgia long ago, Lilac still felt the dark presence of her ancestral bloodline around them, ready to expose its vicious bitterness and destruction. She summoned the strength, courage, and determination to travel back in time to continue her fight for unconditional love, inner peace, eternal light, and the family legacy she would leave behind for Liz and Jo.
