A collection of poetry exploring my life as a Queer American male.
A collection of poetry exploring my life as a Queer American male.
The world in a book of matches
This is the start of your life,
and the end. Nothing is just
as it appears, though you have come
to understand that face value, the apparent
world, amounts to everything.
You are waiting for your taxi, a storm
fermenting in the cluster of black clouds
to the north. You reach into the pocket
of a white dinner jacket, you haven’t worn
since the previous Spring, and find yourself
holding a red book of forgotten matches.
They are a clue to your lost dreams.
There is a name written jauntily
on the front. The name of a club.
Cicero’s. Some corny joint
a friend from out of town dragged
you to. Yeah. Now it’s coming back.
Where the waiters wear souvenir ties
from Des Moines and ear studs.
The singer is an androgynous albino
with a crew cut, who knows the words
to Skylark in bad French. You despise
these bohemian dives in the arts district.
You never believed you deserved
the scrumptious boy across the table,
enjoying a shot of good bourbon
with you, and smiling
without pretense. And eventually
he will come to agree.
But on this one cool evening
in early Spring, he lets you
light his Winston, invites you
to join him while he visits
the Men’s Room. In the way
men sometimes will. His question
makes your ears tingle.
He cannot ask you to dance
because the book of matches
was painted and printed and folded
and cut and stapled by guys
in a factory, in a town, in a state,
in a country, in a nation,
on a water planet, in a galaxy,
in the universe, in the reckoning
of God. Where they don’t strike
that sort of flame, and it’s not
that kind of club. But none
of this matters. Because
when you have the boy
and the bourbon, and the Winstons
and the music and the question,
and when you say,
yes, oh yes Then you take
your life in your own hands,
even if it lasts only
a few moments.
Gusher by Christopher Soden explores the poet's lived experience as a Queer American male through stunning storytelling relayed in narrative, long-form poetry. Soden's voice is honest yet reflective of a poet who has matured into their craft; he knows exactly what to cut and what to elaborate for the reader as they are indulged in experience. Soden has created a moving recollection to provide a simple yet impactful insight into being Queer, American and male, grounded in life lived and survived.Â
Soden's style is very enjoyable to read; the narrative poetry allows time for the reader pause, to collect their thoughts and experiences around the poet's, and thus find themselves within the speaker even if the lived experience differs, because while Soden offers a glimpse into his life, he captures the facets of humanity too. 'Drive-in movie' is immediately evocative of youth, first love and sex, with its rhythm and eroticism, while 'Jockstrap' is almost the older sibling to this piece as the speaker embraces sexuality and sensuality through the richness of our sensory response to the world and people.Â
"The music of their raucous play was a symphony of light,
as if sun, moon, stars, comets, had broken and drenched me
with their liquid blaze." [Jockstrap]
Beyond this, Soden portrays what it is to reminisce and to be human in how we cling to nostalgia; 'Because they are not eight' tells the story of Ronnie and is a masterful example of the poet's storytelling. And finally, the juxtaposition between poems like 'Eulogy' and 'That Day', both about the speaker's late father, explore the kaleidoscope that is father and son relationships, grief and love.Â
"I cannot believe it
has taken me fifty-two years
to stumble upon this epiphany.
I cannot believe I'm tellingÂ
you that I love him." [That Day]
Subsequently, any lover of poetry will appreciate Gusher for Soden's mature and well-constructed craft. If anything it is a masterclass in narrative, long-form poetry! And, of course, anyone within the LGBTQIA+ community who may be looking for a place to land and belong will enjoy Gusher. As a bisexual woman I found comfort in the presentation of sexuality as Soden acknowledges both its vast expanses and hidden corners.Â