ENOUGH represents different seasons of life. My girlhood when I felt I wasn't Enough. My early adulthood when I had Enough. And my womanhood when I realized I AM Enough - Lloiden
In her girlhood, Lloiden discovers her mother kept a secret about her father. Lloiden is shaken by this discovery and life as she knew it fell to pieces, putting her on a path of self-discovery that would shape her sense of self and stretch far into adulthood.
Lloiden struggles to find her place in a world that handed her blow by blow. She was a wounded girl, feeling lost and not good enough.
She wrestles with questions both complex and profound: Who is my real father? Why is mom lying to me? Why is this happening to me? Who am I?
A deep yearning to find the answers, Lloiden embarks on an unbelievable journey exploring the deeper mysteries of identity, belonging and worth. It is a heartfelt story about the power of resilience, of embracing oneself and finding the courage to follow one’s dream.
ENOUGH represents different seasons of life. My girlhood when I felt I wasn't Enough. My early adulthood when I had Enough. And my womanhood when I realized I AM Enough - Lloiden
In her girlhood, Lloiden discovers her mother kept a secret about her father. Lloiden is shaken by this discovery and life as she knew it fell to pieces, putting her on a path of self-discovery that would shape her sense of self and stretch far into adulthood.
Lloiden struggles to find her place in a world that handed her blow by blow. She was a wounded girl, feeling lost and not good enough.
She wrestles with questions both complex and profound: Who is my real father? Why is mom lying to me? Why is this happening to me? Who am I?
A deep yearning to find the answers, Lloiden embarks on an unbelievable journey exploring the deeper mysteries of identity, belonging and worth. It is a heartfelt story about the power of resilience, of embracing oneself and finding the courage to follow one’s dream.
Chapter One: Hush Hush
Seaside Beach
“Do you know who your father is?”
My cousin Sally’s question blew up my world like the fireworks my family had come to the beach to see. It was the Fourth of July, 1991, and I would be turning thirteen in a few months. I quickly answered her puzzling question.
“Ed, of course. Why do you ask?”
A chilly wind blew across my shoulders. The white sand, seagulls, and barking seals of Seaside Beach seemed to fade away. My family had driven down the iconic Highway 1 from our San Jose home to spend the holiday with my aunt. We’d already polished off the traditional Filipino meal, or meryenda, as Aunt Perla called it in our native Tagalog dialect. My maternal family is from the province of Bataan in the Philippines, and my mother immigrated to the United States in 1983.
Sally’s soft voice pulled me back to the moment. “I heard my mom talking about you.” The serious look on her face made me even more uneasy. “I heard Ed is not your dad.”
“Huh? What did you say?” I was completely stunned by her words. Maybe I’d heard her wrong, I decided.
Then she said it again, slowly. “I heard Ed is not your dad. Why do you think you have two different last names?”
She was right. My name tag at church read “Lloiden Eje.” That’s the name I had always used at church and in the Philippines. It was the only last name I’d had, up until our move to California. It was only after I started school in San Jose that I was given a new last name and referred to as Lloiden Gaza.
Sally went on, “I heard that your real dad is not Ed. I heard that your real dad is Jack, Jack Gaza.” Then she looked at me straight in the eye and made me promise not to say anything. She said she did not want to get into trouble for telling me.
I felt a sudden rush of emotions. I tried to look normal and hold back my tears. I wanted to scream, but instead I stood there with a blank look on my face. Could this really be happening? I had never heard of Jack Gaza before. I wanted to run to mom and ask her about this, but I feared Sally would be mad.
I spent the rest of the day in silence, trying to act normal. I’d waited so long for this day, for time to play on the beach, watch the fireworks, and hang out with Sally. But all that was ruined. Physically, I was there. But mentally and emotionally, I was somewhere else. I wanted to go home and hide. I thought about Ed. I was very close to him. Even though I only got to see him a few months of out the year, he was kind and affectionate and always happy to see me.
Just a few hours earlier, I had been watching 90210 with Sally at her house without a care in the world, excited to head to the beach. Now I replayed Sally’s words over and over in my head in disbelief. Had mom lied to me? Had Sally? Had she wanted to hurt me? If so, why? What had I done to her?
Then my thoughts drifted in another direction. How would I ask mom? How could I bring this up without saying Sally told me? Should I wait until everyone was in the room? Ask my mom alone?
And what if it was true? Then what? What if it was a lie? I would get in trouble for bringing it up. What if I asked and they punished Sally for telling me and she hates me?
Many thoughts and faces of fear met me that night. But I had to wait, and so I did.
Ancestry, identity, and faith are notions humanity has long investigated to comprehend our origins and lineage. Lloiden Garza's book, Enough: Journey of Ancestry, Identity, and Faith, explores these ideas. The author constantly researches her biological father's identity and reveals her own emotions and spiritual growth.
Locating a loved one can be difficult and time-consuming due to emotional rollercoasters and unforeseen self-exploration.
Lloiden confronts her mother after discovering her biological father is not who she thought he was, jeopardizing their relationship and threatening the connections she has with other people. She tirelessly pursues her mother and anyone who might know her biological father's whereabouts. Lloiden's strong concentration prevents her from enjoying life with her children and friends.
Lloiden traverses the world researching information. Lloiden encounters multiple roadblocks as she investigates each option. She is continually disappointed and enraged when individuals who offer her knowledge deceive her. She hires private investigators, undergoes DNA testing, and spends hours tracing her family history hoping to identify her biological father and, ultimately, her own identity.
Lloiden offers her thoughts on faith and Christianity. She discusses how she had to rely on her faith when unsure where her journey would lead. Lloiden emphasizes her Christian faith, yet at times of great sorrow, she doubts God, wondering why He is putting her through these difficulties.
The story follows Lloiden’s journey to discover her identity. People frequently tie identity to ancestry, which helps us understand more about ourselves and the world. Our ancestors are significant historical figures who give insight into our past. A missing component of that framework may cause someone feel as though a piece of their identity is gone.
Some people identify their identity with their ancestors, while others find purpose and meaning in their faith. Lloiden discovers the power of connection and faith while investigating her ancestry. Lloiden depicts the complexities of familial connections and how connecting with ancestors and finding purpose may be influential contributors to our identities.
Lloiden Garza writes with honesty and sincerity. Her story reminds us that our roots are intricately linked to our ancestors. The book provides readers with a sense of meaning and purpose. Enough: Journey of Ancestry, Identity & Faith is a story that will resonate with anyone who has ever felt uncertain about their place in the world or who has searched for a lost loved one.